In this video Luke Murray, a former physician turned entrepreneur who has built over $100 million in businesses, recounts the full arc of his relationship with a woman he calls “Susie.” He describes how she moved from being a stranger to an employee at his incubator, to COO of his COVID‑testing startup, to his girlfriend, and eventually to an ex‑girlfriend, while the business thrived without drama. Murray attributes their success to three core relational practices—aligned priorities, radical transactional transparency, and making each other feel safe and loved—plus two operational dynamics unique to romantic co‑founders: the sheer volume of time spent together and the intense focus required by a joint venture. He argues that the most critical commitment for couples building a business together is to prioritize personal growth before emotional closeness, because growth equips them with the communication and conflict‑resolution skills needed for the high‑stakes, 10‑hour‑a‑day “ropes course” of co‑founder life. Throughout, he interweaves personal anecdotes, business metrics, and actionable advice, inviting viewers to share their own experiences of working closely with a romantic partner.
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I'm going to tell the story of how and why my ex went from a stranger to an employee to a girlfriend to an ex-girlfriend, and what I think we did particularly well that made all of that successful without drama of any kind. And I do mean no drama. We actually just finished hanging out for the past couple hours working on this script. And yes, I consider both the relationship a success And the business a success. If you don't know who I am, my name is Luke Murray. I'm a former physician. I've been an entrepreneur for about 20 years. I've done over $100 million during that time. I'd say 90 of it was with her help. My current portfolio does about $3 million a year, and I make these videos because I want to have ambition without the bullshit, and I'm guessing you would too. I'm going to call her Susie in this thing. I didn't ask her, she just went to bed. If I could use her name, so we'll call her Susie. She applied to work at one of my companies called Awesome Inc. It's this business incubator in downtown Lexington, and this is around the time I was starting a COVID testing company, and of course that was blowing up in 2020. And so I needed help and essentially stole her from Awesome Inc. Besides being cute, the first thing I noticed about her was that she truly listened to what I had to say and was just really really fun. Like, there was just a positive energy around her. And then as she started working for me, I was like, she's a super quick learner, incredibly hard worker, as in like one of the most dedicated people in the company in terms of work ethic. So that's how she went from stranger to employee, and how she went from employee to basically my COO. Eventually she did reach that, that level. I was just becoming super attracted— obviously I thought she was cute— but to her character. And obviously I was scared to admit that I had feelings. I didn't want to get MeToo'd or put her in an awkward situation. But anyway, eventually I got the courage up to, to ask her if she was interested, and she was down. And so I'm obviously leaving details out here because the point of this isn't a, like, how to ask out your coworker video. Anyway, the relationship just worked incredibly well from beginning to end. And even since, and the company did really well. We didn't get into— she and I did not get into unproductive disagreements. They always brought us closer together and into a deeper understanding of each other. And the relationship ended, changed with respect and love that continues to this day. Again, we just hung out for like 2 or 3 hours. So that's the what happened. at least in as much detail as I think is worth this video. I now want to share why it was successful. So the first is we had the same priorities, so I didn't have to choose and neither did she have to choose. Like, if— I guess it could work if you had different priorities and each side was just cool with the other person prioritizing things differently. I'm guessing that's the most common thing. But because I didn't live that way, I don't want to speak about that. So at the very least, I think it's important that we were at least crystal clear about our priorities. Lucky for us, we both, you know, work was, was first, and we're working towards the same goal. Resentment obviously builds up when you're sacrificing your priorities for the other person's, or vice versa. It's again ideally best if neither of you has to make that trade, but if you're going to make it, at least be honest about the trade-off, what it's costing. And that brings me to my My second point and the second thing that I think helped this work, the relationship was extremely transparent to the point of being transactional, or at least I framed it that way. I think we're all being honest, we're in relationships to get things from each other, and if we stopped getting those things, we would no longer desire to be in a relationship with that person. And while that sounds super unsexy and probably makes me at least a little bit autistic, It also created clarity about what I wanted, and I pushed for clarity about what she wanted. And because we did that, guess what? We maximized the likelihood that both of us got what we wanted. And of course, this clarity about the transactional nature of our relationship only worked if you had the third thing. Susie— so funny, her name's not Susie— but she, she said she felt Super safe in the relationship and knew how much I loved and cared for her. I was extremely direct and I wasn't always diplomatic, but in doing so, she knew I was not hiding anything from her so she could trust me, even if I wasn't saying what she wanted to hear. And no, I don't have a 7-step plan of how to make a woman feel loved in a relationship or safe in a relationship. I just knew that I truly did love her and would sacrifice my life for her. And honestly, I still would, and she must have felt that. So sure, be clear about your priorities, risk being transparent to the point of being transactional, and make the other person feel safe and loved. Those 3 things, they did definitely help, but they don't really sound unique to any other relationship advice. And I kind of agree, but I want to point out what is different about working with someone you're dating And it's something I've come to realize, like this distinction, as I've started to date casually by comparison. And then I'll get to the last thing that I think we truly did differently and that you actually have to have if you're going to make it work while you're co-creating a business together. So the 2 things are the volume of time and the focus. So as I've started to date casually, like I'm realizing I'm going out with these girls like once or twice a week for an Couple hours. And but let's say I started dating exclusively and, and consistently. Like, let's say you hung out 5 days a week for a couple of hours and then for 5 hours on the weekends. Well, that's like 2 days of work. That's if you don't hang out at all outside of work. And in that amount of time, there's more likelihood for shit to come up that you'll have to work through. Even if you were just going on 8-hour or 10-hour-long dates every day, but you had nothing important or stressful to do. And but again, you're not moseying down the beach. So that brings me to my second point, which is focus. Do you notice when couples travel together, like, I just imagine the, uh, the airport, they're walking along and they're dragging their bags and they're like yapping at each other? Well, like, the reason they're doing that is because they both are trying to accomplish a goal and they probably don't do that that often, and so they have different ways of going about it, and conflict arises. I mean, how often do people get in arguments about their kids, or their relationship that's bad gets worse with kids? Well, a business is the thing you're doing with the majority of your waking hours. Again, think about volume. And it has a specific outcome or goal you're trying to achieve, like going through the airport. And the stakes are high, like it's your livelihood, maybe both of your livelihoods. And as I've dated casually, I've realized like I'm just going on dates again once or twice a week for a few hours. So there's not that much time spent and we're not forced into any kind of friction. I mean, like I'm going salsa dancing and I'm going on walks in parks, I'm having ice cream. Think of team building exercises. They have you walk across a bridge or go on a ropes course. Business is a 10 hours a day ropes course. Yeah, it obviously can bring you together, but it also provides an extremely fertile ground for conflict. So this brings me to my last point, and I think the most important one in this video. And no, it's not that you need communication skills or conflict management skills, although you definitely do, but I don't think that's the meta point. I think that committing to growth and to closeness, in that order, by the way, I guess growth and closeness are the most important commitments you can make and the most important ones to make if you're going to be successful as a couple in business. Because if you're not committed to growing first, you won't learn the skills you need to communicate better in the relationship, whether it's conflict management or sharing your emotions or whatever. And you're not going to grow the business or step into the life that's truly aligned for you So that you can be the type of person that is successful in this endeavor or knows when to walk from the business or the relationship. And if you're not committed to closeness, then you're not on the same page that that's the goal. So you might choose, for example, safety, and there's nothing wrong with that. But if you both aren't committed to being close, then yeah, you're probably not going to get there. I do not know anyone who has spent a higher percentage of their disposable income on coaches and courses to grow herself than Susie. And she came across many of those resources from me and watched me in the same pursuit. It is my highest, uh, my highest value— growth. Authenticity is number 2. So yeah, if you're not running a business together, you don't have to be committed to growth because there's not going to be, by design, a catalyst for that growth. You can just coast and let the relationship limp along to whatever degree you both settle for, and it's not going to destroy you. You also don't need to be committed to closeness either. You can be as involved or not in each other's lives because you don't have to be in each other's spaces. But if you're in the trenches for 10 hours a day, every day, you don't have time for distance or bullshit. And the only way to avoid those things is committing to developing the skills as you recognize a need for them and making sure that those skills are prioritized towards the goal of closeness. Have you worked closely with someone you were already in a romantic relationship with or a family relationship with? I genuinely love to know how the relationship changed the business or how the business changed the relationship. Let me know in the comments below.
