Drew Barrymore on Maintaining Positivity, Home Schooling & More | B-Well Together | Salesforce

Okay. I'm so excited. We have this woman, this amazing woman who has been a constant source of just sunshine and joy in my life. Welcome to the fabulously talented Drew Barrymore. Yay.

Thanks. Gosh, the crowd goes wild.

Crowd goes wild. For those of you who.

Awesome introduction.

Well, I do.

And my cameras too low. We feel like.

There we go.

To teach a little bit of a tutorial on angles to everyone.

Well, and it's a lot of zooming. Like, we're really, you know.

Yeah.

A lot of close ups. A lot of close ups. So for those of you who don't know, Drew, I don't know where you've been, but let me just throw out a few things so that you, like, kind of understand the magnitude of this genius we have with us. Golden Globe winners, Screw Screen Actors Globe, MTV Music Awards, People's Choice. But my favorite, of course, is the Guinness Book of World Record for the largest wig. I mean, that's. That's talent, Drew.

That's really. Yeah, that is a good one. That's the good stuff right there. Yeah. That is one of the proudest awards anyone could ever have.

I can imagine. I mean, you know, you've done all these movies. You've made all this. Grossing over 2.3 billion. I mean, director authority, lifestyle and beauty, brand goddess. I can go on and on and on, but I just want to welcome you, welcome you to the show.

Thank you.

I think that the world needs to.

Hear more from Drew right now.

More of that happy, positive, and, oh, my God, are we really doing this.

Kind of energy about how long do I have? We have funny enough to discuss that in our pre discussion.

We're going to go for.

I can crush 10 minutes. I can edit myself down to two.

I want you to go, go, go, let go for like 10 or 15 minutes, and then we'll take some questions at the end from our audience.

Well, I think, you know, in general, this just is an unprecedented time, obviously. So for me personally, it shook me to my core like everybody else. And I thought about all the things, basically, how would I handle them? How am I handling them? And the amazing thing is it forced me into an incredibly humble, obviously, space, but a quiet one. And we in business, we as doers, quiet is scary and tricky and doesn't feel very proactive, and it certainly doesn't feel prolific, and it's really not great for business. But I didn't want to sell anything in that. In these moments, why would I be telling anyone to please go buy stuff? It didn't feel Sensitive, honestly. And although I make everything I do with so much love and interest in it reaching other people, because I try to make things that I think will, in Marie Kondo's terms, spark joy. So I'm certainly not pushing anything that's going to do anybody harm. But I thought, why am I asking people to spend money right now? This is not the time for that. So I started doing things one at a time. I tried to think about how I could support the businesses I was in. That was going to be, you know, a process of salaries and making sure everyone was still afloat and just. I'm always betting on myself in business anyway, so why would this be any different? We're going to be okay. Every woman, I don't know how it is for men because I don't understand men, is that we need to be told. And by the way, a tip for men, like this is the tip for men. All women just want to be told this sentence. Everything is going to be okay. And we. We know sometimes it may not be, or that person may not have every bit of certainty to the degree that we need it, but it is the comfort in that moment that someone recognizes your fears and your pain and is enveloping you with some. Not just optimism, but calmness. There's something clearly, you're either dead inside and freaking out, or you're hyper and freaking out. But there's a calmness that comes with that sentiment of, everything is going to be okay. Okay? I need it to be. I want it to be. Now. Here's the real question. How am I going to make it be okay? Because much like in business, I've never waited for that phone to ring. It didn't ring. Honestly, I was like, I'm going to make a telephone and it will be magic, and I will dial other people with it. And so I tried to think about business first as a band aid, like everybody's salaries, and then a real board vision for the near and distant future. Here's how we're going to stay afloat economically. Here's where we're going to lean in and sort of pick up in figuring out social media and sales and this and that. But we're going to do it in a really thoughtful, slow build and weigh the. That just feels like we're watching the news and we're watching everything that is happening. And we're human beings. And although the message really is how do we support businesses right now, we have to figure out ours in order to also go and support those other businesses. It's not always the me, it's the us. It's not the I and the me, it's the we and the hours. And that's how I really tried to focus on everything in business. And I tried to kind of close that out and figure that out on a daily basis. And I thought, why am I trying to do this? Because I wanted to hide, honestly. And I'm not a hider. I can cry in the corner, but I'm not going to allow it to happen that long. Honestly, I just get sick of it. Like, I can't be depressed. If I am, I can be dark and go all the way down the rabbit hole and stay there for a while, but I can't stay there long. I just. I'm too like, let's put one foot in front of the other and before you know it, you're actually moving. I don't care if you're ugly crying while you're moving, but there has to be this type of momentum that you are able to pick yourself up. It's funny, we need to hear everything is going to be okay because we're the ones who are going to make it okay or not, ultimately. And that was me recognizing and understanding that I really was wanting to be quiet. And how do I honor that? This didn't feel like the time to post things about things. I was trying to figure out how to talk to this about my children. And I lean more on the reality of things and not the Goo Goo Gaga baby. I mean, I'm in their face, smothering them with goat kisses and dancing around and being the goofiest person they've ever seen in their life. I mean, I am like Jim Carrey Zucker Brothers movie 24 7. But I think there are just constant life skills we're trying to sharpen with kids. So the more BS and I don't know if I'm allowed to swear here, but the more BS you're pushing, you're not doing them any favors. It's the same as when you tell your girlfriends, like, something must have happened. It's just that he's just not that into you. Look at your own patterns. If the same thing keeps happening, it's probably you. The more honest we are with people, the faster we'll get there. So I tried to figure out in this new normal as it was happening, how was I going to talk to children and my children, knowing how our dialogues usually go. But again, this is unprecedented. This was all in spring break, so I was hoping a lot better than.

It was only going to be right. It was only going to be a week. It was going to be okay.

And we really didn't know. I mean, that was the thing. And that's why I. And then I realized I don't know how much to tell them. Maybe I'm going to scare them and it won't be necessary. Maybe I will underplay it. And they won't grasp the concept of the gravity. It was a very minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day. So I thought, this is just the time to be quiet, listen, be thoughtful. And I found, because I can't really sit still. And the idle hands, I don't know if they're the devil. I don't even know what the devil is. But I know that I am not an idle person. I am extremely prolific and itchy. And I can't really sit still. And I have to do. And I have to put out. I'm gonna have on my headstone death by inspo or death by inspiration. Because I'm just so inspired by everything and everywhere. And it's weird because my parents are both. You know, my dad was like shoeless homeless. He looked like a derelict. He was. I hope that's a politically correct word. That's what he looked like back in the 70s. And that's what we called him. I don't know if that has changed in the times. Please don't be mad at me if I didn't know that. But he really was. I mean, he was a bohemian, hippie, druggie, weird, you know, that poetic guy. And my mom was a waitress and put me to work at 11 months old. And I've worked ever since. And then she became my manager. And I think you can all assume how that went. And she used to love to go to nightclubs. And I was like, school or nightclubs. I mean, if you had the option, trust me, you would take Studio 54 too. And I'm glad I did. But it's, you know, it's the opposite of how I am as a parent and how I am as a business person and a human being and a woman is the exact opposite of my parents. And your story and their story, your story growing up and their story does not have to remain a constant. But I'm just a doer. So I started writing and I wrote a book and a couple years ago, and this is it. It was like the most proud thing I've ever done. It was always a bucket list dream of mine since I was a kid. And I just. I started A blog. I was like, I loved Julie and Julia. I love that movie. I love the whole notion of it. And the thing that was interesting to me is we are so afraid to like ungrip that we think if we'll let go, we won't be doers. And actually what I remembered is that when you let go, like, something else crops up over here. I hadn't written honestly in the last five years because as soon as this came out, I got divorced and I felt like my whole life fell apart and I just couldn't write. I didn't know what to say. And again, it was much like coronavirus. I just didn't really know how to process it. And it took a long time and it was a new normal. And I found that once I stopped and quieted things and just became extremely respectful, this situation, that other sides of me started to come back to life. And being in this season that the coronavirus is in is so interesting because it is such a time of transition. This did not happen over a summer or a winter where everything remains the same. This really happened when you saw like the death of nature in its hibernation start to bloom. And we saw the canals in Venice start to clear and we saw the air quality get better and we saw the flowers and the leaves coming on the tree and there's just. I don't believe that there is any accident to any of this. And we have all been forced to become quiet. So, okay, when you stop talking, how do you start listening? What do you. When you take the horse blinders off of everyday life, what do you start seeing in your periphery? Or if you're always this way, what happens when your focus gets narrowed, which might even sharpen it and heighten it. I have looked at this time so much like a giant metaphorical yellow legal pad. And it's just pros and cons. And we know what the cons are. If you are a person who is paying attention, we're all well aware of what they are. But the pros are something we need to focus on and be reminded of. And there are a lot of pros in this time. And one of them, of course, is opportunity to do things differently, to live a more well balanced life. We've been on the run for a really long time and I think it is time to reestablish a lot of patterns. Much like that girl who keeps screwing up relationships I was mentioning earlier. I think we have to start living life differently. We have to start working differently, we have to start our interactions differently. Our plans differently, but it is micro and macro. And what I do love about this time is things that you would have thought just would have been so pooh poohed and never even considered. They would have been taboo. And what are you even trying to pitch and talk about right now? It is as beautifully open and ripe for new ideas, new approaches and new concepts there. I cannot think of a time where people might not have been this open to a new idea, a new way to do things and a new concept. So as much as we have to get quiet, I think it is time to attack on the newness. And what are people thinking and creating right now that will bloom in this world and in this life and that is just so exciting. The endless, endless, endless opportunity that we have and what you can make of it. And then a lot of also emotionally and behaviorally what I've been thinking about constantly and I just happen to have come across this revelation in my life. I'm really lucky that this happened because I don't think I would have dealt with any of this in any way that I have is that I am profoundly now falling on the sword in life for that. Everything and the only thing that we can control is our reaction. Everything in life will get thrown at you. That's life. That's the journey. There will be good, there will be bad, there will be. Are you kidding me? I can't go on another day. There will be. This is the best day ever with the Acme piano like a cartoon falling from the sky. This is too good to be true. There's just going to be so much. But our reaction is the only thing we control. And that process and that funneling is scarily up to us. I guess it goes back to the everything is going to be okay. We are looking outward. We need to hear that. But again, how do we make it okay for ourselves and ultimately really others? Again, I don't like the me and I. I like the we and ours. And you can call me codependent or screwed up all you want because if these things are, then I am and I claim it. But I am just really happy when other people are happy, when my kids are doing well and when I'm taking care of business and the people I work with are happy. When I'm like putting on the cape and being the best girlfriend I can be, I would rather be depleted and have my batteries on low. I'll know when to recharge them. I'm a smart, well like adjusted, self aware person enough to know when I have to do something in order to put gas in my tank to keep going. I'm not an idiot, and I'm not going to get myself in trouble that way. But that gas in my tank is there for others. And this is also an amazing time. And you've just seen it in society. Human beings, they don't stay idle, and they do care about community. And yes, there is insane political unrest. And really, this is a scientific health issue. And it is hard to watch that war continue to be waged right now, because this really is fundamentally about health and humanity, and those are the only two things that matter. And that's not what we put first in society. So the fact that this is fighting to come into the forefront, that will make us quiet, that will make us humble, and that hopefully will make us listen and not be afraid of the new things that will come up and bloom all around us.

God, I love what you're saying. Before we started, we were talking about how words matter. And so many of these words are just so poignant right now. The calm, the humble, the quiet. And, you know, I think that when this all first started happening, we were just so used to being so busy, you know, and every minute was packed, whether it was, you know, getting your kid to a soccer practice or the test or the job or the big meeting.

You thought that was challenging, right?

And I was like, oh, my God, life can't get any harder. And it's fascinating how when you take all of that away and you're left with that calm and that quiet, how you realize how much of the work you have just been missing and that you haven't been doing it all because you're so busy that you weren't really.

Turning inward and you weren't really seeing.

What are we doing to this planet and what is an actual thriving community? What does that actually look like? You know, not my microcosm of work, but. But the bigger picture.

Yes.

And it just seems like you're doing such a great job getting in touch with that and letting that. Yeah, well, letting that kind of guide the journey.

Right. There have been hours where I have just ugly cried. There have been hours where I'm just like. And it's weird. A good day doesn't always last the whole day, but a bad day doesn't seem to last the whole day either, when the glass is half full. And I definitely have moments where I cry. I'm angry, I'm frustrated, I'm overwhelmed. And I hate that word, overwhelmed. It seems so weak. And, like, don't be overwhelmed. Get out from under it, you crazy person. But man, when like the weight is constantly being thrown on you, it's challenging to not feel overwhelmed. And because this is an unprecedented time, I'm going to allow myself and not beat up on myself, say beat up on myself about everything there, you know, it hasn't all been really pretty. And then I have to funnel that again into the reaction process. And if I'm not liking my reaction, how am I going to shift it into something that's more productive? And I said it on a post I did yesterday. I have been such an all in mom since my kids were born. And this is revelatory because there is a connectivity happening. And I happen to have worked really hard in the last five years after I got divorced and my life changed. And divorce is the death of a dream. It is so hard. And when there are kids involved and you swore, oh my God, this is it. This is my life's plan. I'm gonna raise my kids so different than any experience I had. It's gonna be to parents and mother and father and togetherness. And we're on this journey for life and there's gonna be stability. And these promises that I made to myself and it didn't work out that way. And honestly, that took me like five years to reconcile with. It was so difficult. I was so devastated by not keeping a promise I made to my kids. And not that I had everything to do with it. It wasn't like I was reconciling with that. It was just, you know, it's. I take this so seriously with my kids that it was just the biggest thing I had ever gone through in my life and how to transition and how to have that perfect togetherness and that perfect co parenting and how to do everything as right as I could, putting the pointer on my compass and my North Star constantly at my children and no matter what I had to do, if I was pointing it in their direction, it would all be okay in the end. And I'm actually really proud of the process we've had in the last five years. And I do think it's been really stabilizing, beneficial, affectionate, humorous and all of those things.

And have you now found your footing like you were talking in the beginning about how you didn't know know, like how are you going to talk to them about this and what, you're going to overshare? Were you going to scare them? And where do you feel like you're at now in that journey?

Oh, I mean, I'VE learned everything. I believe I could write a book on what that process is. And it's. You just always rely on respect and what is going to be best for that child. You don't lie, but you don't need to tell them anything like that, you know, in fact, you talk about the love and the stability. When you tell children about difficult stuff that isn't like they're doing or their problem, you're invalidating their reality. You have to promote the love and stability that is the truth and help them not have a confused journey by showing the functionality of it. And you don't need words for that. You need action. And your tone is everything. And they see that and they live it and they experience it.

I feel like they're getting it so much richer in this experience because there's none of the busy right? And there is like what is left is what is most important is the relationship.

Well, I definitely got to bring it full circle. Got to have an understanding that my reaction is the thing I control in life. And when I was ready to share that, I became free. And it took five years. It takes time. I don't believe things have a universal clock or a timer or anyone tells you it takes half the time or it's this or do it then or don't do it then. It's. There just isn't. There's a gut instinct and a heart that human beings possess. And when those two connect, you are ready to move and have movements and have growth stuff and have those realizations and have action come into like, you know, functionality. And I started working with this new therapist and I loved, I love him so much. He's so scarily smart. When I walked in to his office a year ago, and I've been in therapy my whole life, I love it. It's like if you go to the gym, you shouldn't judge therapy. It's a workout for your mind and you should speak to someone who calls you out on your shit, isn't a yes man, and who gives you incredible tools of an evolved discussion. That will be the workout you need to come to the conclusions you need to. You know your behavior, you know your patterns. This person is not there to fix it to you, fix you and fix it. You are there to take a designated amount of time to focus on the tasks at hand so you can keep growing and evolving as a person. And the unexamined life is not worth living, I believe. And when I walked into his office, he said, my first question to you is, do you Know your place in the universe. And I was like, we are going to get along just fine.

Yes, I do. I do know my place in the universe.

Let's just make some bad choices or I just need to break free of some things or. Yes, yes, I do. Okay, great. So we're gonna work from that bigger picture place and not the like myopic bullshit of me, one another ant crawling around in this universe. Yes, yes. And we talk about history, which is also an amazing thing to have in your arsenal at this time. What have we gone through as human beings throughout history? This is very ground for times like this, because when we've never seen anything in our lifetime, we have to look to what people have seen in their lifetime. And what was that? That in itself is illuminating in a way that sometimes our own personal experiences can't be. And it gets us out of ourselves and looks at history and can be scary or informative, but it's something you have to face in order to have the life skills to comprehend how to.

Do this, how to do any of this.

And so history, knowing your place in the universe, your reaction to things. But one of those things have been key and crucial for me. But another thing he said recently, and I haven't talked to him in weeks and months, but I just decided to Skype him when school started because I really just wasn't. I was like, I'm not gonna make it. Two different kids in two different schools, and I'm by myself. And I just was like, I. And I'm a Luddite too, so the learning, the portals, I was just. I didn't have the systems. I have never. I was so far down the rabbit hole that I was like, I'll do a Skype with you. And he said, what your children are going to learn in this time is something they could never learn in school. School. And it just was the thing I needed to hear to stop in order to restart, because the path I was on was destructive, dysfunctional, and depressing. And I just went, okay. I mean, I want them to go to school. That's the thing. I'm. Again, I'm. You know, I try to fight my bohemian ways as a parent, but the truth is I am very bohemian. But the other truth is I've seen what a bohemian upbringing is like for a child to way too of an extreme, I might add. Mine is an atypical extreme. But I'm so into the pillars of decorum and stability and love and consistency and all these things that I lear that I do really Value. So when school stops, that is a structure and an investment you have as a parent with your children. You've decided where they're gonna go, you've made these commitments. There is structure, by the way, any relationship, I don't care if it's a husband, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a brother, a sister, like you name it. No one gets along when they're like this. I can't even do it because, again, I don't know where the camera is. Hi, how are you? Am I annoying you? No one should be in each other's face to this degree. I mean, it's. Holy cow, could this test any relationship? So, yes, we are having the connectivity we never dreamed of, even though we thought we were having it. But everybody needs to seek outside adventures because that's what you come back to the relationship and bring to it, to discuss, to talk about. If people are staring at each other all day, you're not going to have that statement, hey, guess what I found. I have a new conversation to bring to the table. I've made a discovery. I have a new point of view. I have things to bring to this beautiful pot we fill. So, you know, it's a challenge. It's a really interesting time. I'm not in a relationship with someone, only that with my children. And that is my modern love. And it is enough. It is my cup run. It's over. It's perfect.

And that is. I mean, they're going to. I really do believe that these kids are going to with enough love and honesty and, you know, respecting the calm. They're gonna come through this stronger and amazing, better than they would have in school. They'll learn important things in life.

I thank everyone for their time and listening to this. I don't think, oh, yeah, listen to my wisdom. I have really got it going on. I have nothing but humility and connectivity. And I wanted to take this opportunity because I think this is what we're all questioning and grappling with is human beings also work really well in a deadline. Like, we not only know that there's a finite period of time, but we kind of tend to get it done. And we don't have that luxury right now. So this continues and we don't. Don't know what's gonna happen, but the opportunities are there and that go inward.

We can't go out. We can go in a fact. Yeah.

So I'm very excited for this time and I've, you know, it's a great time to be a giver. The more you have the more you need to give right now and put your focuses on things bigger than you if you're. If you're lucky enough. Because I know how lucky I am. I've never. I never took it for granted, and I never will. And I think this is like taking. Dropping acid level of seeing my life and how lucky I am. And it's making me all the more prolific to give and think bigger and know my place in the universe. So I do, and I thank you for your time and I feel honored to be a part of your luminaries, as Jodi said, which is just so nice to associate me with such a beautiful word and. God. Yeah, that's a good word. Luminary. I hope anything I said was illuminating. And by the way, like, if you have kids, I just showed mine dumb and Dumber and Austin Powers and you gotta, like, not take everything so seriously because the schoolwork and the life and the job and how we're gonna make this happen, I mean, literally, I probably have this expression to my children, like Frankie said in her class, like, her class the other day, they were like, identifying the emotion grumpy. And she's like, oh, I know someone who's grumpy. And I was like, is it me? And she was like. And I was like, yeah, because I'm your teacher and your cleaner and your wiper and your. I'm everything right now, God damn it. And I was like, okay, it's I. On the weekend. I was like, I made a pact with my kids. I was like, if you're nice, kind, and calm, I'm literally not going to be a taskmaster about anything. And you're gonna know the difference between me Monday through Friday, which I'm very voracious about, teaching them the calendar. And then you get this, and we have fun and we don't take it so seriously. This cannot be this high stakes. All that time we will give out. That will not be gas in the tank. That will be the ultimate fuse that gets blown. Like, let's play and have fun and know that there is good stuff. And seek the light, seek the comedy. Seek the not so serious. If you are lucky enough to do so, absorb like a sponge in it. And God, laughter really cures a lot.

It does. Girl, I love you. I've always had mad love for you.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so, so much for being with us today. And you keep doing you and you're doing great.

You're doing great, and it's a joy to have you here.

Thank you so much for your time today.

I think we all are. And that's the point. So, again, thank you for your time. I really appreciate being a part of this. Thank you.

Okay, bye. Bye, everyone. Take care. Be well.