Equality Keynote: A Conversation with Gabrielle Union | Salesforce

Please welcome actress, entrepreneur and activist Gabrielle Union. Moderated by Molly Ford, Senior director, Global Equality Programs, Salesforce. Hello.

Hello, hello, Hello.

Trailblazing women. How are you? We are about to have an amazing conversation. We just discussed. We have themes today. Our themes, Activism, accountability. What were the other two?

It was accountability, allyship. And what exactly is the correct tone to deliver facts and figures and ask for accountability?

And receipts.

And receipts. Receipts. And black girl magic.

And then last but not least, black girl magic. Those are the themes. You got it. Everyone ready? Thank you for being here.

Thank you for having me.

We are celebrating women of Salesforce and our allies and in our greater community. And it's super important for us to have these conversations and we've had a great day and now we're closing out with you. So I want to talk about your journey. So when did you first get your activism spark? Like I've got to speak up, I'm itching. When did that start for you?

You know, my parents always said you have to speak up for the underdog. You are your brother, sister's keeper. If you think it's not your business, that's precisely when you know it is your business. You see something, say something. And then I got to high school and then I heard about snitches getting stitches and I reevaluated some of my parents advice. And then at 19, I was raped. And I very quickly learned I needed to advocate for myself if I wanted to get on the path to healing and recovery and wholeness and justice. No one was going to do it for me but me. So my activism started with myself and my own healing.

Thank you for sharing your journey. Tell us why it's important for you to talk about your journey and including a rape and an assault. Talk about why that's important.

To mention that when I first, first time anyone ever said, oh, I want to put you on a cover of a magazine. And it just so happened to coincide with a show I was on called A City of Angels. And there was a storyline about a serial rapist raping all the women at the hospital. And every week I'd get the script and I would pray that my character wasn't going to get raped. And it was just, it was so. It was so much. By week six, I was, you know, the anxiety was on 10 and I finally went to the executive producer and I said, I just told them the truth. And I said, you know, a few years ago I was raped. I don't actually think I can emotionally survive. Replaying this for your entertainment I, I, I don't think I have that. And he was like, oh, thank you for telling us. No, like, I got you. And I, I was like, so I can ask for something and someone will listen to me and there will be action taken. Later that same week, I get a cover of a magazine. And during the article they were like, so who's a better kisser? Will Smith or Jamie Foxx? And I was like, that's a trick question.

Both.

But I don't want to use this time and my first cover, my first cover story to talk about kissing dudes. I mean, that's fun. But I want to talk about what happened to me. And I think I was, gosh, late, late 20s or so, and I told my story and the magazine came out and there was all this press around it and people were like, what, you rape? You don't seem like, Seem like the what? Well, you know what I mean. No, no, I actually don't know what you mean. What is a, what does someone look like that gets raped? But what I realized that the second I told my story, I felt a little lighter emotionally. And then what I immediately started noticing, no matter if I was in a, you know, Chili's bathroom or at Target or, you know, or wherever I got, it happened to me, too. And then I thought back to that question. Well, you don't look like the. And all the different me toos that I was getting. Every kind of person that you can imagine, gender notwithstanding, like, any kind of person on this planet has come up to me and said, it happened to me. Thank you for making me feel a little less alone. And since then, when I realized the world wasn't going to end by me telling my story, all it did was shrink it a little bit and throw out some proverbial life jackets to people who felt like they were drowning. And I've just been talking and grabbing as many people as I can and trying to be an advocate, trying to let people know there's no one kind of person that gets raped. There's no one right way to heal. There's no one right way to seek justice. They all don't have to match for them to be valid and real. But I'm going to be talking about it till the day I die. And I have zero, zero regrets. And I've made a lot of connections, soul connections. You just move through this world so often where you just feel like no one understands what I'm going through right now. And you just, you literally feel like you're drowning in your own Stuff, and you're just, like, pleading with people. Sometimes it's like, person at the grocery store, and you just lock eyes and you're like, girl. You're like. And that's all you needed, like, somebody to see you and acknowledge that. It's a rough one, but we got this. Hand me the eggplant. But if I can provide that, whether that be on my social media, in person at Target, I'm actually. Can we curse? I'm a jerk if I don't, so I do.

Speaking of that. Well, first of all, thank you for sharing that. That's really powerful, and I know somebody needed to hear that. Right. But backstage, we were having therapy, and I was sharing with you that one of our employees said something really profound, and I identified with it, and it was one simple sentence around, like, it's hard to be a black woman in tech. And I'm sure whatever your identity is, you're probably thinking, it's hard to be my intersectional identity. And then we're talking about it's hard for you and your journey, and we think Hollywood is glamorous and it's so beautiful. And then you're going through struggles on your day job. Right. Can you share that with us? What you want to share?

It's interesting because I'm listening to the stories and everyone's sharing and, like, on some. Ooh, girl. And it's not really that much different. At what tone can you speak, facts, deliver?

Don't be an angry black woman.

Ask for accountability and not be the angry black woman that people have to tiptoe around? What exactly is this magical tone you speak of that I need to watch? And you realize it's same ish, different day. You realize every day you have to ask yourself, how much can I watch? How much can I stay silent about? How much can I participate in and still sleep at night? And at the ripe age of the seasoned age seasoned like Lowry's 47. I'm at a place where I literally can't sleep. If I. I let some ish go down on my watch. I can't. I can't call myself. I can't put activists in my bio and then be like, ooh, sucks for you. I'm gonna go ahead and protect my privilege and my comfort. But I'm gonna retweet you later, though, about your pain. I'll get right back to you. I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'm gonna get at this seat, at this table, but I'm really just taking up space to Protect my privilege. I'm really not actually interested in centering the most marginalized of us. I'm really actually kind of geek that I'm the only one here. I'm not really prepared to do the work to make sure I'm not the only one here. But those are challenges we face every day, whether that be in tech or Hollywood or at Mommy and Me. It goes down everywhere, guys. It does. You have to do you go to sleep. What did you say? Go to sleep with your morals, values. You know, I can't turn it on and turn it off. I can create boundaries and say the other day someone said, well, who are you voting for President? I said, I'm voting for President, but I'm not going to tell you. I said, well, I'll tell you, but I'm not going to tweet it. And they're like, that is the most like, cowardly thing. And I said, I'm fighting a few battles right now and the cavalry hasn't shown up yet. And I just watched my girl Ava Dvornay get death threats for talking about who she's voting for. I can't do death threats today. Gotta get my kid to gym class and then run a company and try to create work. And I can't do death threats today. And I haven't been able to sleep because I felt like a coward because I didn't want to say who I was voting for for president. Cause I was too chicken ish to deal with death threats for claiming my choice. Then day after the election and there's these dejected long faces and feelings of hopelessness and I could have done something maybe in a tiny way. And I have to live with that. And we all have to live with that. We have to live with whatever it is that we're going to be quiet about. And I just, you know, we all have to own our stuff and I have to own that. I was too afraid to say I was voting for. I wish President Warren and know they were like, well, can't you? And I said, well, I donated. Well, can't you? And I'm like, I. I'm afraid.

And that's what it turn self care into cowardice. Right? That literally came from a place of protection. You had to protect your spirit, your family, your energy, and these Twitter thugs. I mean, seriously, we can't live this life where we're. We're like, okay, you made a decision on self care, but we were talking about allyship and how important it is to stand up and I love that you do. Women crush Wednesday, and you honor women and you celebrate women. So let's talk about showing up for one another and how do we make that happen?

You have to do gut checks every day. You know, some people feel like my job is at stake if I stand beside you, I will lose everything if I co sign for you. So I'm not.

And.

No cap, you might. Those are. These are the times we're living in. I'm not gonna lie to you and say you might not lose your job for standing in solidarity. That is absolutely on the table. And, you know, me and my husband, we debate often, like, and he's like, if not us, then who? I was like, all right, but it's. You have to do gut checks. How hard is it really to say that actually is a thing? Half the time, that's all it is. Just co signing someone saying, I'm getting. My tone is getting policed. No one's. I'm being discredited. I could literally have the cure for a number of things, but if I say it in the wrong tone, I'm dismissed. All you have to say is, that's actually true. But there's that thing that says, go along, get along. Keep your head down. It's not your business. It's not your problem. Protect your comfort. Protect your privilege. You got a gut check every single day. I mean, how many times a day do you feel like something happens where you're like, I absolutely saw you take the last of the coffee and not, you know, refill it. I saw it. You know, we make these little decisions every day about what we're going to involve ourselves in. And we would rather go to the wall about coffee or who took the last yogurt or whatever than to co sign facts that no one's disputing because I want them to think of me as the good one. You want to tell them what happens if you're the good one at the end?

I don't know how this story ends.

Newsflash. Nothing. You sold us all out for nothing. For nothing. There's no bonus. There's no prize. There's no spiritual awakening for doing the bidding of patriarchy or white supremacy. There's. You're just the one that gets to always be in those awkward moments of, well, she'll tell you. She's our black. She'll tell you. She's. She's a woman. She. You know what? Do those things have wings? You know about that? Yeah, she's. She's. That's all you get. So there Comes a point where you have to say, if that's all that it is at the end of the day. Or they might give me two extra pennies to rub together for a second. Because God forbid you open your mouth or you need an ally. Guess who else is out the door.

Yeah.

So they can't take everybody out if you stick together. That's why we always. I always, you know. Hashtag StrongerTogether. One voice. You can dismiss a room full of voices. They have to at least hear you. Don't let somebody get dismissed over something you know is real. You will. It'll eat at you. Complacency, I think, is actually a disease. I have to check with the cdc, but I'm pretty sure. Yeah, pretty sure. It'll eat at you. It'll eat at your soul. I mean, I'm going to live with this, not tweeting who I'm voting for in the rest of. Like, it's going to eat at me because I know better. And sometimes we disguise self care as. We describes complacency as self care. We describe. Selfishness as despair as self care. Because guess what? Ava Dvornay. I'm pretty sure she's back at work today. But in the moment, I was like, I can't. I can't. I'm trying to be a great ally over here. I'm trying to fight this battle over here. I'm trying to create change and work over here, y'. All. Somebody help, man. Like, I can't do everything. And they're like, we didn't ask for everything, ma'. Am. Just this thing. How hard is it? And it felt insurmountable. So I'm not going to lie and say I've not been there and I've not been the one who's just like, I kind of need my mentions to be chill right now. I'd like to live, tweet the warriors game and Steph's return. I don't really can't do all of this at the same time. Yeah, Yeah, I could have. And now you're left with a coulda, woulda, shoulda. And how many people didn't want to deal with noise on their timelines for speaking out? And that. That could be a campaign. That could be about sexual assault. That could be about LGBTQ children. I'm gonna sit this one out. Every time you sit something out, somebody suffers. Just think of it that way. And I don't want anybody to suffer. And every time I feel like I've sat out for my own comfort, it tortures me. And I could have done something about.

It, but you have taken on so much. I don't know. I feel like. No, you're being too hard on yourself. I mean, seriously, there are just so many issues impacting us right now. It's just like we're getting it from all sides.

Yeah, yeah, everyone. And. But if not me, who, How. How much is enough to speak up? What's the dollar amount, how much stuff? Until I'm like. And I've reached the appropriate amount of sneakers that I could. What? That's really. If you're. If you're in a position of power and you say nothing, if you're in a position of privilege and you say nothing, at some point it kind of circles back to, you're just kind of a bad person. And then just the facts, right?

To whom much is given, much is required. Right. You know, you feel your responsibility for that.

That's what vacation's for.

You know, let's change the tone. Look at. I'm changing the tone now. Best book title ever. I think we're gonna need more wine.

I might need some after this, right?

Where is the wine? That's the title.

We shot to Tequila. We shot right to Tequila.

Yes. I love in your book though, when you talk about that. But tell us the inspiration for the book and that amazing title.

You know, when you tell the truth, sometimes it's hard. Sometimes you might need a beverage. I don't want to say I rely on it, but perhaps I rely on it.

I call wine medicine. So there's no judgment. Mama's elixir.

It's just kind of a, you know, a phrase where it's like, when you're about to dig into a good, juicy conversation with your best girlfriends, it's like, I think we're gonna need more wine. And that's what I wanted the book to feel like. When you read it, you're just having fun, perhaps alcohol filled conversation with your girlfriend.

Awesome. Tell us about motherhood.

You know, I attached so much to the title and the journey to. And the feelings of failure on that job, you know, getting to motherhood, that I think I'm just now allowing myself to enjoy it. I think in the beginning of Kav's life, I felt like a fraud. I got nervous around moms, you know, talking about their birth journeys and, you know, their stories of childbirth and pregnancies and, you know, all of that. And I was like, they're gonna look at. There's going to be the moment where they're going to be, like, get ride surrogate. She's in Hollywood. You know, that's what. It was all in my mind. No one actually ever said that. I mean, I'm pretty sure it's in a few comment sections.

Perhaps again, we're ignoring Internet thugs. Come on.

But I didn't. I didn't allow myself to enjoy it. I just kind of felt like somebody was gonna come take it and, like, pull the sheet off. It's like the end of Scooby Doo. I'm like, oh, I would have been able to be a mother if it wasn't for you pesky kids and Twitter thugs. So now I'm like, I'm a mom, and this child is like, my child. Oh, goodness. This is kind of awesome and terrifying and scary and pretty cool and.

Yeah. What's the most amazing part?

A motherhood for you, Watching the kids together. Zaya is Cobb's favorite person in the world. And just watching them light up around each other and just knowing she makes it, really somewhere around 6:15, when it's bath time, I feel like I've, you know, won the Olympic gold medal. I'm like, she's alive. I'm about to bathe her, which feels like a. Like a war. She wins a lot. If you see my kid, and she stinks, you know what happened? I lost a couple nights in a.

Row.

But it just feels like I made it, and I just never thought I was gonna make it, and I'm doing all right, you know? Yeah. I mean, Zaya is on a Friends or Friends and Frasier binge, so that feels like something. I'm not exactly sure how I'm supposed to take that as a mom, really, the Frasier of it all. More than anything, I've been trying to push living single, and I don't know. So these are the challenges of my mom week and going up to school and printing out articles for teachers and, you know, and it doesn't stop. But that's kind of the fun. It's a different adventure. You know, I didn't think there was going to be anything like that topped, like, you know, table dancing in, you know, Miami. But it turns out getting those pajamas on and all those snaps close, it's very, very close.

Pretty acrobatic. Tell us what's next. What are you working on now? What's next for you?

Oh, I just wrapped season two of LA's finest, so. Yeah. Thank you. So we're really excited about that. And because, you know, nobody gave us a chance, they're like, you Want a black woman and a Latina to have your own thing pass. And we're like, okay. Catherine Pope, one of the only female heads of any network, was like, oh, I want you guys to launch our whole streaming platform. We're like, yes, we are prepared. High five. Great. We're back in the game. And now we're on season two. And it's been an amazing journey and it's awesome. I think everyone's been in that space of where you're doubting yourself, and then it's like, I can do it. You stay ready. You ain't got to get ready. And I'm ready. You know, luck is when opportunity and preparedness come together. And dammit, I'm lucky. And here we go. And we wanted, you know, we created the, you know, this world that we always wanted to see and, you know, true diversity and inclusion and empowered people in front of and behind the cameras, and it's dope. So we're really excited about that. And I have our production company called I'll have another. I like to stay on theme. And we're developing a number of TV shows and podcasts and films. So I'm. I'm just trying to create jobs and. And I. I don't want to say I gave up looking for a seat at the table, but I went to Ikea and I got my own table. And I'm just. It may be leading to the side a little, but it's mine. And pulling up chairs, futons, whatever you got. Beanbags.

LA's finest. And then being Mary Jane.

Yeah.

At Salesforce, we have this thing we like to talk about called representation matters and how important it is that we ourselves reflecting back. And sure, there have been many shows, but being Mary Jane just, like, spoke to me on so many levels. Tell me why it's important to tell stories like that.

Every year as actors, you get an employee. I'm sorry, unemployed actors, you get. You get scripts for pilot season. And every year I would see these scripts and it's like, you know, nothing I could. I never saw myself in any of the. On any of those pages until I got the. The pilot script for Being Mary Jane. And I was like, this is a black woman that is allowed to be complex, not always likable, makes terrible decisions, has a lot of sex. I'm in. And she gets to, you know, go on rants. I'm here for it. I love a read. And Mary Jane, like, read everyone for filth. And that's really what appealed to me.

Reading everyone for filth.

Yes.

So appealing. What's one of your favorite characters you've played? Like, stories you've told?

Oh, gosh. I mean, one of my favorite stories probably would have been delivers from Eva. But it's, it's because of the experience. We back, back then, we called it FUBU filmmaking for us, by us. And it was fun. It was just fun. I worked with, you know, some of my best friends, women who are still my best friends today. You know, Dwayne Martin, who is, you know, in Deliver smiva is on LA's finest. We just had a great time and it was one of the first times I wasn't called upon to be the alpha and the omega of, you know, the black Google. Let's ask Gab. Do black people like the color green? I don't. What? It was just. I got to just be. I got to just be and go to work and have a great time. And, you know, you see all these people on the talk shows and they're like, oh, what's a funny story from set? And I'm like, I just play Words with Friends. I don't. What do you mean? What's happening on other sets? They're talking, they're hanging. Oh. Oh my God. This is what work looks like without isolation. This is amazing. I'm having so much fun and it was a blast. And after that, I was like, there has to be more of this. And when I got the opportunity to, you know, create being married or, you know, be a part of me being Mary Jane and create LA's finest, I was like, I want to create these FUBU film, these FUBU film experiences and these FUBU Hollywood experiences where there's real connectedness, where we really look at each other in the eye and see our value, where we're not trying to constantly flex on each other, where it's just like, okay, this job's ending, but how are we all gonna work together to get the next job? And not just for us, but the crew too? When our season ends, the crew is out of work. So how are we gonna network to make sure everybody gets the next thing? It can be different, you know, Like, I remember when we were trying to get Jessica, she was like, I'm breastfeeding. And I was like, uh huh. She's like, I'm gonna have to stop when we're filming to breastfeed. You don't want me. And I was like, that's precisely why we want you, because you're gonna bring your fullness and all of you to work. And it's gonna make us better. It's going to make us more efficient. A breastfeeding mom is precisely what Hollywood needs. And she was like, yes. I was like, yes. And we were like, yes. And then we would come in, you know, our days would be done early, and we would be ahead of schedule and under budget. All the reasons why they give you not to give maternity leave and not to hire, you know, breastfeeding women or not to, you know, allow women into the workforce and their fullness. Our kids are on set. People stop by. Shit happens. Doctor's appointments happen. Emergencies happen. And we did. We handled all of it, and we're still under budget. And I'm like, you guys with the shows with all dues that look exactly the same like, that are like, the budgets have inflated, and you still underperform, but you still get a thousand more opportunities. Come on over here, and we'll show you that there's another way of doing things. You know, like the first season of LA's Finest, there was this crew, and they were hooping and hollering, laughing, and we're like, what? What? What?

What?

They're like, we realized this was the first job that we weren't the only Asians. And we were like, oh, my God. This is what everyone experiences in Hollywood, where that, like, you, like. But it was like, no, y', all, it's Wakanda. We're here. We've got all the vibranium. It's gonna be amazing. But we can recreate a world in Hollywood that actually looks like the world we live in. And it looks like those global communities that we're all trying to pander to. You can actually create better products if the work environment reflects the consumer. Oh, my God. Dollars and cents.

Yes.

It works.

This is so much fun. I'm gonna call out Gino on my team because he did the whole bring it on routine. I mean, the whole thing. That's Gino. The whole.

I said, mm, mm, it's cold in here. I said, there must be some clovers in the app, you know? You know, I wasn't about to say no. Toros in here. Clovers.

Gino, a clover. He did the whole routine for us yesterday. Yes, he did. Proudly. Yes, he did. I appreciate him.

Here for it.

Yeah, yeah.

Here for it.

We were talking about, like, iconic movies that kind of defined us, and you can watch and let it come on on a Saturday, and you watch it over and over, and we all were like, yep. Bring it on. That's it. Bring it on.

Oh, my God. I would have said Grease. No. Am I alone?

No. That's a little too old. We're younger than that, Gabby. Yeah, no, Greece is good. I did that when I was younger. We watched Greece.

But you still watch Grease. Nobody. I'm alone in this. Grease one and two. First of all, let's not. Let's make sure we give Grease2 all of its props. Give Greece2 its flowers while it's. You know.

I'm so old, I saw Grease at the Dollar movies. I don't recall.

I wanted to be Chacha de Gregorio, the best dancer at St Bernadette's with the worst reputation. She looked like she had the most fun.

Obviously. The worst reputation that you had the most fun.

Yeah.

Yeah. What do they say? Like, the nice women don't make history.

Yeah, That's.

What do you want to be known for?

Chacha de Gri or.

Yeah.

The best answer is safer to death with the worst reputation. What I want to be known for, I want to be known as a truth teller and a freedom fighter and as a part of the resistance and as somebody who wasn't trying to take it all with her and who's trying to create more for all of us and was honest and transparent and owned up to her shortcomings. Wow. That's all we got. I mean, you do reach a certain age where you're like. You kind of make that sound when you get out of bed.

Yeah. Mine is more like pain. I'm like, oh.

And the ankle cracks. It's a good time. It's a good time.

Let's talk about black girl magic.

Yeah.

Sorry, we're getting the snaps now. You are powerful. You're amazing. You're a voice. My friend Leah calls it bonus moment. You're a bonus mom, and you really stand up for people. How do we get people to stand up for us? Like, come along.

You lead. You show them how. You show them when it's the most difficult. This is how you do it. I'm shaking. I have. My arm has gone numb. My heart is racing. I'm sweating, but I'm doing it. And this is what it looks like, you know? And then you hit him with the, you know, Jerry Maguire, who's coming with me? And you hold your hand out and hope somebody grabs it, but you just stand in it, in your strength, knowing that you're going to be on the right side of history, knowing that you'll be able to sleep at night. And eventually, people join you. You know, some causes, people join you faster than others. But eventually people will come, but they need to see what it looks like. They need to see on the other side that there is someone who's willing to grab hold of you. And they. You also need to show in that leadership that when people step forward, you know, like. Like doing a trust fall, and then people are like, once that's happened, you got to be the first to pick that person up off the ground and restore trust. That that's not always what allyship looks like. And then you have to help prop them up. And if it's provide a job, provide an ear, provide support, rub a back, make a call. Because part of being an ally, part of being the first one to show somebody, it means you might be. Your head might be the first one to roll. And you have to hope and rely on other people to have your back and prop you up and get you back in the game. So anytime we. We see somebody who's willing to step out on faith and. And talk that talk and be really about that life, and you see them get pushed out. I gotta go. I gotta. I gotta go. I gotta go get you, try to put you back in. I need you back in the game. Your voice is too important. I cannot let you be silenced. I'm gonna try at least.

You know, we talk about kind of that, the loneliness of being the only, right, and why it's so important to have squad, right? And I think that's one of the things that keeps me sane, that I have a team. I have a squad. I have a. Hey, girl, can you please. You know, I have that and I need that. That is my version of self care plus wine. So talk about, like, how you, you know, insulate yourself with the right people.

Oh, well, I've made terrible choices. I mean, obviously we've all made terrible choices. Like, ooh, bad apple.

Dang it.

How much did she hear? You follow your gut, you know, I mean, especially as you get older, people. People aren't that complex, you know, unless you watch don't mess with cats and then you're like, maybe. But most people kind of reveal themselves to be exactly who they are. They are who you think they are. You know, when people show you who they are, believe them. I'm one of those people like, but you just don't understand them like I do. And they're like, they're psychotic. There's nothing you can do to turn this around, Gab, like, let them.

I like that positivity, though.

I like to see the good in people.

I'm the first one to Be like, I told you she was crazy. I'm that person. So thank you for trying to see the positivity of try and, you know.

And when it's time, it's like, and you're done, and that's a wrap on you.

But why is it important for you to keep a good squad? Insulate yourself with good friends.

I need people, other truth tellers, to tell me the truth about myself, to call me out in a loving way, to offer solutions. And I need people to laugh with, I need people to cry with. I need people to watch Grease 2 with. It's important because, like I said, people literally will feel like they're drowning in a crowded room. You literally feel like you're in a crowded room screaming for help, and you're screaming into a hurricane and no one can hear you. And your friends, your. Your crew, your. Your. Your girls. For us, you know, my girl's in here somewhere. We have a group chat called Shenanigans. It's exactly that. Dirty memes, funny jokes, coronavirus updates. But it's how we check in. And when somebody hasn't checked in, it's like, we have not heard from such and such since, you know, we go get you, we go knock on your door. We physically have to, you know, talk to your apartment manager and make up a story about your mother. We will. We'll do that to come get you. But it's accountability, really. Emotional accountability, physical accountability, spiritual accountability. We need it to survive. We're not meant to be on this earth just, you know, willy nilly by ourselves and suffering. Suffering or succeeding or, you know, smiling like it's nice to have somebody to smile back at, even if it's just an emoji smile. My favorite emoji face. But sometimes you need that and just to know you're not alone. You're not out here just floating, you know. I say, there's that feeling sometimes where I feel like I'm a balloon at a kid's party that's been let go, and somebody's chasing after me and grabs the string and ties it around their arm. And I feel like, okay, I'm not disappearing. Like those times where you feel like you're literally vanishing to yourself. You're like, I don't know what's happening. Like, I'm. I don't feel like I'm here. I don't feel tethered to anything. And then that's where your crew comes in, you know, and some of those people, I took a chance on that I got burned by at one point in time, they were there, you know, so even the mistakes come with upsides.

You know, how do you replenish? How do you fill your tank? Don't say, what, why?

It was too easy.

After I said it, I was like.

Oh, yeah, no, sleep. Honestly, that is the biggest. You know, some people say sleep is a luxury. You'll sleep when you're dead. Cut to, then you're dead and you're like, wait, no, I. Bullshit. I didn't mean it that way. No, I sleep. And my friends know. I do not play about my eight hours. I need it. My life is planned around sleep and functioning because I'm trying to fight on a bunch of different fronts. And I need sleep. Yeah. And laughter, you know, like, please send me your funniest of memes. You know, your most. You know, the funny stories. I just need to know I'm alive and not alone. And I can't always make it to a spa. I can't always get eight hours. But there's. Sometimes I check the group chat and I'm like, I got it now. I'm refilled. But a lot of times it's just like. And that's all I needed. And sometimes I literally get it at the grocery store from a stranger, just, Okay, I'm not. I'm not disappearing. I'm all right. That was all you need, you know, but, you know, it's day to day. I wish I had the magic formula of exactly what is needed, you know? And there's some weekends where I'm like, I don't think I'm going to brush my teeth at all. Gonna binge, watch harlots, and that's all I got. Hope you're okay. And that's it, you know, it's. I gotta just be like, I'm not. I shouldn't be out there among the others, not feeling this way. You know, somebody's about to get a Mary Jane, like, read for filth, and they're not gonna deserve it. And I gotta take myself out of the population, you know, it can look different to everyone, you know, But I also have to make sure I'm checking in with myself to make sure I'm not checking out. And it's not depression creeping in or my PTSD or my anxiety taking me out the game. And I'm talking to a therapist, you know, talking. Surrounding myself with people who are not just gonna dump that they're gonna help. Refill. But it all goes. It all goes hand in hand. And we take it day by Day.

Talk about why you're an advocate for therapy, especially for people of color. Traditionally have just been like, you know, I got the blood of Jesus and some ginger ale. I'm good, right?

And some tussin.

Tussin?

Yeah, some tussin. No, I mean, I started in therapy like a week after I was raped and luckily for me, it was paid for by workman's comp. It also kind of was a big shock to the system when that workman's comp ran out and I was like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. How much? That's quite expensive to heal myself. But I found people in my parents providers that were, you know, that were covered and then look for low and, you know, low cost therapists. Now there's. Back in our day when we were young, there was no Internet, so you had to just ask people or you went through the yellow pages, but now there's the Internets and you can literally look up the exact kind of therapist that you want or need or looking for that meets your, you know, your budget or your proximity or what have you. But it's literally saved me, you know, group therapy at UCLA saved me. Getting to just check in with a trained professional is incredibly helpful and healing. And I honestly can say I legit would not be here without therapy. I wouldn't be who I am. I would be suffering. And we don't have to suffer. We really don't. A lot of people think that that's what makes you a real one is suffering. You don't have to be an emotional mule for somebody or a trauma, you know, like a trauma mule or you don't have to be broken to be seen as valid or real. You can, you can be a real one in therapy.

I have therapy envy. I'm getting myself a therapist in 2020, I promise. Last question. Our time has come to an end. I'm so.

Oh, no.

Welcome to the party.

Yes.

Welcome to the Party is the name of her new children's book. Yes, tell us about that.

I wrote it for all the people who, who didn't have a traditional using my finger quotes route to, to family. You know, my mom got divorced after almost 30 years of marriage and, and you know, in her 60s, adopted three children. So welcome to the party for my brothers and sisters. You know, I went through multiple round IVF and miscarriages and ultimately got Kaavia James through surrogacy and our amazing surrogate adoption. Just how a lot of families do it. It's not a formal thing. There's no paperwork. Nobody comes to the house. It's just somebody just lives there.

Now.

Welcome to the party. But just a celebration of all kinds of families. And just letting you know that no matter how your family was created, whether it's family by choice, family by blood, family by work, that you're celebrated and that. Welcome to the party. There's room for all of us.

Awesome trailblazing. Woman. Women. Welcome to the party. Thank you, Gabrielle.

Oh, thank you. Thank you, guys.