Imposter Syndrome - #BossTalks FT. Ebony Beckwith

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Hello everyone. And welcome to the very first episode of Boss Talks. This is a new series presented by Salesforce, featuring candid career conversations with people I admire and trust to keep it real. Today we're talking about imposter syndrome. This is a topic I get asked about all the time, and it's likely because everyone, I don't care who you are, has experienced imposter syndrome at one point or another. Imposter syndrome is that little voice inside that creeps in telling you that you can't do something and makes you question your own ability. This is something that can still pop up for me from time to time and sometimes it just creeps in unconsciously. It can show up in a lot of different ways, whether it's feelings of self doubt or that fear of failure, even perfectionism or stress. But what really matters isn't the thought itself, but what you do with it. And that's where we're gonna focus the conversation today. To help me out with that, I've invited my friend, investor and NFL athlete Kelvin Beacham to share his experience and tips for turning negative self talk into a powerful source of motivation. Kelvin, welcome to Boss Talks. Thank you so much for joining us today.

Thanks so much for having me.

I know I already spilled the beans a bit, but I want our audience to get a chance to know you a little bit better. Will you tell everyone a bit about your background and what are you up to today?

So, originally from Ojia, Texas, about an hour and a half south of Dallas, had the ability to go on a full Roth scholarship to go and play football at Southern Methodist University in Dallas, Texas. Then was drafted by the Pittsburgh Steelers in the 2012 draft, played there four years, played a year in Jacksonville, played three years in New York, just finished a year in Arizona, and just signed a two year extension. So the journey continues. And excited to dive into this conversation that we have today.

Excellent. Well, I'm sure there were a few surprise reaction when people learned that you were going to be talking about the topic of imposter syndrome because it's a common misconception that only women can experience imposter syndrome, but quite the contrary. Can you talk about your experience with imposter syndrome and how it's shown up for you both as an athlete and now as you endeavor in some of your other roles?

You know, I think it's a, it's a, it's a huge topic and I think it's a topic and a conversation that every rookie or even newcomer to a team has. You know, just this feeling of, should I be here? Am I, do I belong? You know, when I got to Pittsburgh as a rookie, they were about a year and a half removed from the Super Bowl. In 2010. I had nothing but starters and guys who had played 60 plus games, Super bowl champions that were in front of me that I was competing with. There was a lot of self doubt. Could I actually do this? When I went to Jacksonville, when I went to New York, am I built to go and be now the leader that they've thrust forward in this particular regard?

One of the things I find really detrimental about imposter syndrome is that negative self talk. It really can hold me back from engaging and doing that next right thing. It's that voice in between my ears that causes me to hesitate and to hold back. Do you agree with that or what do you think is the most detrimental part of imposter syndrome?

You know, I just think it's this negative talk and this almost this lack of self esteem. We just allow these small instances to kind of creep in and be able to kind of change our psyche a little bit. And it's for us as individuals, as professionals, as colleagues, to find a way to not only be able to turn that around internally, but if we see it in somebody else, being able to just give them a little push to help them get over the hump if they need to as well.

What do you do to shut down that voice, to quiet that voice that tells you that you can't do something?

I go back to the foundation. And for me, the foundation is faith. That's where everything starts for me. I go back to it to what does my face say? My face says that I'm more than a conqueror. That's where it starts at. And then it kind of bubbles up from there. And then I go back to again. I go back to what can I control? What can I control in this particular situation? I can control my effort, the work that I put in and the preparation that's needed. And I hate to make it seem so simple, but for me, I need to go back to those fundamentals. You know, us on the football field when we're not playing well, we go back to the fundamentals. If the coach doesn't like how practice is going, he'll start the practice over. For us to go back to the fundamentals so for me, it's going back to those fundamentals and kind of back to that foundation, and then starting from there and kind of starting over and starting to prep myself for those next phases. You know, whether it's mentally, whether it's, you know, psychologically, whatever I need to do or whatever it may be to get me back to the point where I know I can do this, I know that I belong, and I know that I can contribute in this particular room that I'm in, in this particular instance that I'm in at the moment.

I really love that you talked about the fundamentals, the foundation, because I really feel like those experiences really shape and mold you. I recently shared on LinkedIn something I heard from Mindy Kalig, which was. Was really reminding myself of all the hard work that I've had to do to get to wherever I am, kind of what you talked about. And when I think about every event I've showed up to earlier, every meeting I've done my research on, it really becomes impossible for imposter syndrome to make me doubt because I've actually done the work. So what have you learned from your own experiences, and how have those experience shaped the man you've become?

Yeah, you know, it's when I'm able to walk into a room and I know that I did it right, and I know that I did all the legwork, all the preparation, all the diligence, all the research, sometimes more than my counterparts and sometimes more than the folks that are in that room. So I know that I've done that. Um, but there are also instances, you know, right now, I'm gonna give you a perfect example. I went golfing with some, some, some folks that are, well, more accomplished than I am and have been golfing for a lot, you know, a lot longer. Imposter syndrome. Prepping during that moment, should I be doing this? Should I be out here playing with these high quality individuals? But have I prepared? I've only started playing three months. I've only been playing for three months. I only been practicing for three months. I have, I haven't put any, any, you know, I'm a big person about bank accounts. I haven't put any, any social deposits into that game to warrant me saying that I'm prepared. But if there are instances where, you know, you're prepared, you've put in the time, you put in the work, you put in the research and the diligence, you can walk in with your chest up, your head, your head up proud, and know that you can Go in there and slay like you need to. I got daughters, so I want them to slay, you know, because they're prepared. You know, my daughter does these spelling tests. We work on them all week. I expect her when I come, when she comes home on Friday. She slayed that spelling test because she came in there, went in there with confidence and prepared all week for it.

You and I, I just want to switch the topic a little bit. You and I, I know we both share a passion for mentoring. For me, it's my way of paying forward what I've been so generously given by so many people. And I know you do the same for so many young people. Can you talk to us about what you're teaching them about imposter syndrome now that they can take with them into adulthood?

Yeah. One of the biggest things that I tell my mentors is be who you are, whatever that is. Be you like, be you. Be confidently you. Be comfortable in your own skin. And I don't think we talk about just that particular topic enough. Be comfortable in the skin that God has given you and the mold and the person that you are right now. And the thing is, in this society, we're pushed in all different types of ways. Social media is, you know, kind of changing the way people, especially young people, see themselves. Be who you are, and that will take you anywhere you want to go. Be authentic, be genuine, and be who you are is what I continue to impart on my mentees.

Do your mentors, the people who mentor you, do you talk to them about imposter syndrome and what to do to get over that?

I talk to them about it a lot because, you know, for me, especially as a ball player, going into the business world, going into boardrooms, spending time with, you know, general partners, founders of firms, founders of companies, you know, top tier CEOs, other billionaires. This is not a world that I came from. I came from, you know, working on cars and feeding cattle. It's a lot different when you're going into a boardroom and I, you know, I talk about that quite a bit. How. How should I be thinking about this? What should I be asking? How do I prepare myself to go into this particular situation? And that's the conversation that I've had with a number of my mentors, both males and females, about how should I be thinking about this particular concept of imposter syndrome as I'm going into this new arena, playing football and being in the boardroom. Yes, there are similarities, but there are two different things. And I want to make sure that I'm prepared as best I can on how to be able to transition into some of those things. Yes, my mentors, we talk about that. You know, I would say at some point in every conversation, if I have more mentors.

That's right. One of the things I really appreciate about you is that I can definitely see your passion and commitment to lifelong learning and self improvement and then just paying that forward to the next generation. So really just well done on that. Okay, we have to pause and talk about these two beautiful daughters. I also know that you grew up surrounded by very strong women. And I'm curious, what is your advice for parents who are building mini bosses at home? This is something we chatted about in our breakout room. So I would love for you to share about building mini bosses. And then what did you take away from growing up around all these really.

Strong women, you know, early on? You know, and people have their own concept of how do you speak to a child in the womb? I used to call my daughter and rub my wife's belly and say, you're a genius. Before she even came out. You know, when she came out, she was a genius. And then I've really. And me and my wife have both been adamant about trying to surround her with as much positive reinforcement and affirmation as possible. That's art that's in her room. She loves, you know, the violin. So we actually got a painting of a violin, a young girl that's. A young black girl that's painting a violin that's in her room. We surrounded her with books by black authors. We expose her to as many just positive reinforcements as possible. And it's special to be, you know, a young black dad and being able to impart that honor. And then I would say, what I got from both my mom and my sisters, you know, they were, you know, they were on the football. In the football world, we call people that are really good. We call them dogs. They were. They were. They were. They was monsters. They was freaks. My sisters, they were some bad mama jammas, you know, on the basketball court, running track, in the classroom, playing volleyball. They had it all. You know, I'm jealous of my younger sister. My younger sister won the state basketball championship in Texas. I never got that close, you know, but I had some amazing. Some amazing women, you know, that I got to grow up with now that are women that I got to grow up with and had a very, very strong mom who instilled these simple principles in us. So to see my mother see My sisters, you know, see, my wife. My wife is actually in the room right now finishing up a post baccular program, getting ready to head into med school. I got many bosses and bosses all around me, so I have no choice but to act right.

That's right.

Act right. What advice do you have for parents who are building these mini bosses?

You know, I think, for one, you know, I think in this society that we're living in right now, we want this microwave type of thing. We want them to be, you know, mini bosses from the day, from day one. I think we have, first and foremost, we have to allow these young people to be kids, allow them to grow up, allow them to mature and to take risk and experience life, but at the same time, find a way to provide affirmations every day. If it's taking the time, you know, I mean, I walk with my daughter, we got, I mean, just the simplest thing is going to. Riding a bike with her on a daily basis, but finding that individual time where you can spend a time to really invest in that child, especially these young girls right now, and taking the time to invest in them, taking the time to walk with them, to talk with them, to understand. I mean, it's time I ask my daughter, hey, is daddy being too hard on you? She's my oldest, so, you know, if you. I was the oldest, my dad was. Mother was super hard on me. I talked to her, you know, especially my oldest, consistently. Hey, is, is daddy, you know, is daddy being a little too hard on you? What can Daddy, what can daddy do better? You know, so I think it's really taking that approach to really find a way to invest and be able to communicate. And I know it sounds simple, but really taking the time to invest, communicate and just impart the knowledge that you have and what. And I'm still growing. I'm still, I'm 30, you know, 31. I'm still growing as a father. So it's still things that I, I'm. I'm final question.

And I'm asking this to everyone, and it's really about what their superpower is. One of mine is risk taking. I'm always pushing myself and those around me to go big. So, Kelvin, what is your superpower?

My superpower is such a hard question, but I feel that my superpower, I get so much joy out of opening doors for other people. I take pride in it, I enjoy it, I look forward to it, I try to find ways to do it. I. Whether they told me to do it or they didn't Tell me to do it. That's what's allowed me to get to where I am, where I am today and where I know I'm going to be going in the future. But it's the willingness and the openness and the eagerness to just open doors.

For other folks that is a wonderful superpower and way to pay it forward. Well, Kelvin, thank you so much for joining us and sharing your experience. I know there are so many people tuning in who are going to benefit from this, including myself. So, again, thank you so much for being here today.

Anytime. Thanks so much for having me.

Wow. What Kelvin said about imposter syndrome was so spot on. And I'm sure we can all relate. In fact, I know you can relate because many of you sent in questions. So let's hear what you have to say.

Hey, Ebony, I hate to admit this, but I have struggled with imposter syndrome throughout my entire career. When I first started, I thought that it was something that was there because naturally, I was new, and I still had a lot to learn and more experience to gain. But I've noticed that as my career has progressed, it's still there. While it's not quite as strong as it used to be, it's still something that I struggle with. And so my question for you is, is this something that you think that we just naturally. It's just a part of our career journey, or do you think at some point, once you get more confident, that it'll just naturally go away? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Well, first of all, hi, Nicole, and thank you so much for your question. First, I want to remind you that you are not alone. Everyone has experienced imposter syndrome at some point in their life. And while I can't promise you that it completely disappears one day, there are ways to quiet it so it becomes less distracting. I truly believe that the reason you're still experiencing imposter syndrome despite. Despite growing in your career is due to just that, that growth and your willingness to take big risk. And there's always a little bit of fear that comes in when you try new things. So let's try reframing it as a good thing. I'll also add that something that really works for me is reminding myself that I'm in my role for a reason. I have a right to be in the room. I have done the work, and people want to hear my point of view, and that really helps me shut down the that imposter syndrome.

Hi, Ebony. Thank you for taking our questions today. I wanted to ask about when you are on a team and you're in a team meeting and you get those butterflies in your stomach because you're getting super excited about the topic. But then you have a lot of questions. Sometimes they're questions that you feel you're probably the only one that has those questions and they might feel a little bit silly, but you need to ask that question in order to do your best work. How do you get over that fear of sounding silly and asking something that everybody else likely knows in the room and just be a boss like you are?

Well, hey bossy, thank you for the question. And honestly, my advice is just to ask the question. Here's what I find Just because everyone in the room is nodding their heads quietly or not raising their hands doesn't mean that they actually understand what's going on. Even when people are familiar with the subject matter, it's never a bad thing to dive deeper or to hear the question from a different perspective. So to get over your butterfly feeling, I suggest maybe writing your question down so that when you get called on, you feel really prepared, confident and grounded in your response. Thank you so much for sending in your questions and please keep them coming. We'll take a few each episode, so be sure to add your questions in the comments on our LinkedIn page or send me a tweetbonybeckwith using Boss Talks I really hope you all enjoyed today's conversation. To continue building valuable skills for your career, head over to Trailhead, Salesforce's fee online learning platform that helps anyone skill up for in demand jobs in the Salesforce Force ecosystem. With that, I'm Ebony Beckwith. Thank you for tuning in to Boss Talks. See you all next time.