Ben Greenfield presents a short personal anecdote and a practical visualization exercise to deepen empathy and reliably apply the Golden Rule. He describes putting himself into his son’s perspective at the dinner table to observe his own posture, gaze, tone, and presence, then recommends readers practice ‘teleporting’ into others’ shoes during conversations, phone calls, emails, and everyday interactions.
Hey, look, we all know the Golden Rule. Doing to others as you would have them doing to you, or any variant of that is a good rule, right? It makes sense. We all want to do it. We all feel like we do it. But do we really do it? Do we really put ourselves in other people's shoes? I want to give you an example. The other night, I was immersed in a conversation with my sons at the dinner table, and I experimented with this simple thought exercise that I've since done with several people. And it's astounding. I want to tell you how to do it because it allows you to practice more empathy and to put the golden rule systematically in your life in a very powerful way. It's very transformative. So I'm going to share it with you. My boys and I were sitting there talking. I thought, I wonder how they perceive me as their dad. How do they perceive me? And how are they interpreting everything I'm doing in this very moment? How I'm moving my hands, what am I paying attention to or not paying attention to? What am I saying or not saying? Where's my gaze? Where's my presence? And so I pause briefly, I close my eyes and see. We allow each other to do weird things like this at the dinner table or when we're having conversations, using my imagination, my visualization. I put myself in the same chair across the table from one of my boys named River. And like seeing myself on a movie screen, I watched from his perspective exactly what I was doing, how I was carrying my head, what direction my torso was oriented, where my eye contact was setting upon, how I was breathing, the pitch and timbre of my voice, the interest or disinterest in what he was saying, the level of empathy and communication with which I was engaging with him. And suddenly I realized that maybe I wasn't facing his direction the right way, a bit more oriented towards my smartphone on the other end of the table. My feet were a little shuffly on the floor, like I was ready to be done with and disengage with the conversation and dinner in general. My vocals were getting flat and distant. My eye gaze was more focused upon my plate than his eyes. I thought, holy cow, this is how people see me. This is how I'm potentially making people feel. And that's what it feels like to truly put yourself in somebody else's shoes, to literally translocate yourself using the powers of visualization to their body and looking at yourself through their eyes. It's powerful. It's going to make you more engaged, more caring, more connected. You don't have to get all weird and close your eyes when you talk to people but the first few times try it. Just try to put yourself in other people's shoes. Try it when you're talking to them on the phone or when you're writing an email. It's easier when they're not in the same room as you. Then eventually put begin to develop the ability to literally teleport yourself into somebody else's shoes so you're them looking at you. I'm going to say that again. You're them looking at you. Try at the grocery store, the coffee shop with a family member, with a friend, with a loved one, with a co worker. Truly put yourself in their shoes. That's how you follow the golden rule my friends. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you but the only way you can do it to others is to be the other at least temporarily. Try it out.
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