67. Overcome Worry, Negative Talk and Self Doubt In 5 Minutes By Doing This

The little exercise that just rewires and makes you rethink about everything because you can get stuck on your own, you overthink things, you get in this sort of negative rut. It's like you just picked out, pull yourself out of this like little dark little hole and you just reframe everything and you go, what am I doing? Like why am I worrying about all this shit? What a waste of time and energy.

And for me it'll be to stop, I guess in a way punishing myself with those thoughts. Instead put that to something positive. Start living and start building towards it instead of giving that side too much attention. Welcome back to Ben and Bergs with your favorite NBA and high school dropout. And I'm doing the intro this time because I've just had a conversation with Ben and it's blown me away. It involves Ben, it involves a chair and it involves changing his entire life. And it's no bullshit because it's going to change mine as well. So Ben, you had a revelation and it involves a chair. I want you to talk us through this because this is going to be a very short episode that could potentially change this, your life.

So I saw my psychologist yesterday do sort of frequent check ins off frequent like you know, every month or two sort of check in. She's amazing. She works a lot of businesses, entrepreneurs, sort of CEOs, people in high stress jobs and she's got a great business knowledge and she's like just amazing at rewiring your thoughts. And I have a tendency to get very negative on myself and negative on, you know, perspective of things. And we all have that, you know, inner in a person that speaks negatively towards our experiences, our life, something you're doing, you know, and I struggle with that sometimes because I get really negative. And she, she walked me through the empty chair test and she's like, this is gonna be a bit weird but trust me, it's gonna be a great exercise. So you sit there in your chair and you have an empty chair across the room, like you're talking to someone and you have to go and sit in that chair, the opposite chair. So you go in the opposite chair and the way to think about this is one chair is your negative talk, your, your, that person in your brain that gives you that negative talk. And the other one which you're sitting on initially is your, is the other side of your brain, right? The positive side. So you go and sit in the negative chair and tell the other person on the empty chair, right? So you're switching Spots sitting in a negative chair until the positive chair, what that negative person wants to say. For example, for me it was like, you don't know what you're talking about. You know, you suck. Like, you know, you were awkward in that, you know, social setting the other day. You said that people think you're, you're funny, like you look weird, you know you suck, you're not going to succeed. And then you go and sit in your positive chair and you talk back to that negative person like you're debating him right or her. No, you know, you're wrong. I'm learning, I'm growing, I'm still, yes, I might have made a few mistakes, but I'm on a great journey. Look at what I've been through, look at all the challenges I've overcome. I'm an amazing trajectory, surrounded by people that I love and I know I'm doing a great job. And then go sit in the negative chair again and tell and talk back to that positive. What would you say next? Yeah, la la la. Yeah, you still suck. You still said that thing. You still look like shit. You say the positive change, you go, mate, I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit what you say. I'm on this trajectory. I'm loving life, you know, traveling, building this business, doing amazing things. Fuck you, basically. And he goes to the native chair and then slowly what you find is that that negative talk starts to dwindle. That because there's nothing else to say, you know, and you debating that person, right, you're debating that negative talk in your head. And that was a revolutionary sort of conversation I had. It was kind of weird and awkward at first, but the point of this is, is inside your head. Yes, you're going to have that self doubt, that self talk. But you take all those positive lens, take that positive thoughts in your head and talk back and tell that to that negative talk to fuck off. Tell that negative talk all the reasons why there's amazing things happening in your life and focus on the positive and you'll find that the negative talk starts to dwindle out and it's not always going to be perfect. You know, when you're tired and you stress that negative talks and come back, but just remember that that's not all your brain, there's another side of your brain and just talk to it and it'll start to dwindle out. And that was a game changer. So yeah, I recommend checking it out.

I loved this story when you told me and about 50 cogs went off in my head and everything just clicked. All right, listeners, strapping. So this is what went off in my head. This is akin to meditation where you got so many thoughts in your head and then you do your meditation practice and at the end you let go and you let your mind go crazy and your mind just does nothing. And this really, this technique allows you to mediate the thoughts in your head. And not only doing it in your head, you're speaking it out loud. And there's something with the speech centers in our brains and neuro linguistic programming where you're saying the thing out loud and you've got a steelman argument and then you have to beat that down and you're forced to go in and think of all the positive things, not just the negative things. That is critical for me because I'm the harshest self critic on the planet. No one can say something worse than I will say to myself. I'm either a God or a piece of shit. And it's either one or the other. And it's. I place too much attention on the negative things, not the positive things. I don't even allow positive feedback to land. I'm like, yeah, that standard, great, let's keep moving. Or what about that thing that happened? I focus on the 1% of things that went wrong, not the fucking 99% of things that went right. And yeah, I can tell myself, you know, you're doing well, you're progressing. Things are never as good or bad as they seem, but, but you still have those thoughts and this process is the perfect way to mediate that. Say it out loud, actually create those arguments and realize the situation you're in. Frame it up and reframe it to the point that after you've done that for five minutes, you walk away and you're golden because those positive thoughts are reaffirmed in your head and you've beat down those arguments. I love this, Ben.

It's rewiring at its best. Honestly it's. And as I sort of said, like I come off that conversation yesterday when psychologists, I'm like, holy shit. Like this is the power of bringing in people that know their shit that can help you, right? There is absolutely no harm, no downside risk to asking for help. And like I've been saying Katarina now for one or two years and we've been through some shit, right? Like there's been some ups and downs the last couple, couple of years. Every time, like just that little bit of value, that little, like that little tactic A little exercise that just rewires and makes you rethink about everything because you can get stuck on your own. You overthink things. You get in this sort of negative rut, and it's like you just get to get picked out. Pull yourself out of this, like, little dark, little hole, and you just reframe everything. You go, fuck. Like, what am I doing? Like, why am I worrying about all this shit? You know? Like, what a waste of time and energy.

Yeah. And for me, it'll be to stop, I guess, in a way, punishing myself with those thoughts and instead put that to something positive. Start living and start building towards it instead of giving that side too much attention. I'm doing this today, mate. It's going to be revolutionary. I can tell already. Like, I've already started doing it in my brain and just with people. Like, I've heard about this before, and people will say it's like talking to your inner child or talking to your shadow. And I was saying to Ben earlier, the classic example is the person that was overweight and got bullied or got beat up when they were a child that you are still that person that's still with you, that's inside you, and you need to acknowledge it and talk to it and let it know that it's okay and give it that attention. Even though today you're not that person, it still exists with you. And I've done that over time and it's kind of worked. But this is like, properly working, like, giving it the arguments and like, them talking back and you getting in that mind frame. It's just the perfect practical application to all the theoretical stuff that I've read.

Yeah. And I think it's the physical nature of getting out of your chair and sitting in the other chair and being that negative talk and then talking back to it like, you know, it's. It's. It's a whole new way of think, doing it.

I love it. Ben, thank you so much for this. This has been an absolute game changer. I hope everyone listening out there actually gives this a go. Just for five minutes. Guarantee this will change your life. And as always, if you think this is going to help someone or has helped you share it around, around with some folks. It's a very short episode. And, mate, these are the tips we need to be putting out into the world. Thank you so much for sharing this, mate.

Thank you. And thank you. Thank you for my psychologist for passing it on. It's amazing.

Absolutely. All right, everyone out there in podcast land, thank you so much for listening. And this is another episode of Ben and Bergs. Thank you, Ben.

Thanks, guys.