79: Your House Your Rules

I like to think about marketing as being a magnet, right? So if you're marketing well, you're both attracting people and pushing them away. And if you're not doing those things, you're what we call lukewarm, Meaning people won't necessarily be strongly gravitating to you or leaving you. And so that leaves them kind of indifferent. And that's not where you want your people. You want like lifetime loyal followers. And if you have that, that means that you' also be repelling people. And so at some point in my career, you know, I stopped looking at people who say unsubscribe from my email list because that's part of the process. You attract certain people, which means that you repel other people, and that's what makes you magnetic. Now, when you repel people, sometimes they like to go out with like a little sting, like a little email, or comment on something of yours that just hurts a little bit. But I want you to think, okay, I'm attracting and repelling. That's part of what makes you so magnetic. It's part of what makes marketing so incredibly powerful and beautiful because you bring people to you who are truly your people. I'm Bonnie Christine. And this is where all things creativity, design, business and marketing unite. I'm a mama living in a tiny town tucked right inside the Smoky Mountains, running a multi seven figure business, doing the most creative and impactful work of my life. But when I first set out to become an entrepreneur, I was struggling to make ends meet and wrestling with how to accomplish my biggest dream of becoming a fabric designer. Fast forward to today. I'm not only licensing my artwork, but all over the world, but also teaching others how to design their creative life and experience the same success. I'm here to help you spend your life doing something that lights you up. I'll help you build a creative business that also creates an impact, changes people's lives, gives you all of the freedom you want, and is wildly profitable. Welcome to the Professional Creative Podcast podcast. This is a continuation of the last episode that I did, number 78 with Lisa Jacobs, my integrator, on how to set and enforce boundaries in your business. Now, during that episode, I kept remembering things that I had heard and learned over the years that really, really helped me with what we're talking about. And so I wanted to do a quick episode just to talk to the heart of entrepreneurs. Really what we're talking about is managing and dealing with difficult people, difficult messages and emails and Instagram replies and all of the things like that. That oftentimes we really get, you know, tied up in knots over. I know so many people who are afraid to post and show up on Instagram because they're weary of, I don't know, like, the feedback that they may get. I have people who won't put themselves out there because they're afraid of what others will think of them. I have people who won't have a community to go along with their course or their membership because they're afraid the community will get out of hand. And listen, I hear you. We all hear difficult things that have happened to other people. But if you have ever had your stomach in knots over a Instagram comment that you've gotten, or maybe a nasty email, or maybe a comment from someone on a Facebook ad, or perhaps you've had a refund request. And if you're the type of person who that really affects, I want to talk to you because it really affects me too. And as my business has grown, I've really, really had to learn number how to put boundaries and almost have a buffer in between me and the front lines, if you will, but also just learn how to manage it. And what I know to be true is that showing up and doing the work that you were born to do is way more important. It depends on you learning how to manage this type of stuff. So I thought I would give you a couple of examples because I think the beautiful thing is that most of us don't really have to worry about this too much because we live in a beautiful industry with incredible people in our audiences learning from us and buying from us. But as you grow, there will always be, you know, one person or one thing. And I'm talking about really, really, like outfield nothing that is, you know, typical for day to day business. I'm really talking about, like, what if you get that one person who tries to cancel you or say something really ugly or just ruin your day? Well, I've had, you know, a couple of things. Like this one time I misspelled my name in an email. I left an in out and so my name was Boney instead of Bonnie. And I had just someone really mean write back to me. Like, how could you ever misspell your own name in an email? And I'm like, you know what? You're not wrong. But also, I'm human. We're all humans. Like, can we do business together when we're all humans? I've also had someone comment on a Facebook ad where you could see my tattoos and the I have a little, I Have a small, like, spray of, like, five birds that go up my arm. They're very small. But I had a comment from someone who. Who said, another pretty girl who ruined herself with a tattoo. It's just this type of stuff that you see, and you're like, oh, that was ugly. Like, that was really rude, and it hurts my feelings. And if you're like me, we're feelers. We put our heart and soul into what we do, and we really have to work on being able to receive feedback. And, you know, there's a saying, like, you want to have thick skin, but I. I don't really want to have thick skin. I want to be supple and soft and, you know, heartfelt. But I do think it's important to have a strong back, right? Like, have a strong backbone in what you do. And so I heard something a long time ago that you will never be criticized by someone more successful than you. That really stuck with me, because someone who's more successful than you, they've been in your shoes. They know how difficult it is. They know how much effort goes into really putting yourself out there. And so I want you to remember that if you are criticized, you can bet that you're not being criticized by someone more successful than you. Because as you walk through these trials, you grow in your empathy and sympathy for others who are walking in the same path as you. And it's your job now to turn around and lift those people up and be there for them when they need help, not to criticize them. There's a similar saying, and I'm probably going to get it wrong. I should look it up. I think it's something like, unless you're in the ring getting beat up as well, like, don't. Don't criticize me. And so unless you're on the field playing hard and getting beat up as well, don't criticize me. And I. I kind of like that one as well. Now, you might remember a recent episode that I did with Susie Moore. Susie Moore and I did an episode. I believe it was number 67. And Susie is a phenomenal entrepreneur. And she came and spoke to a mastermind that I was in, pitching your work and getting your name and articles out into the world in publications. And we had the opportunity to ask her questions at the end. And at the time, Susie and I didn't know each other. And so I said, how do you manage people's opinions, like, their feedback about what you're writing about? And basically how. How do you manage it when someone doesn't like what you do. And she said, well, some people won't like what I do, and that's okay. And I was like, wow, what a revelation. Some people won't like what I do, and that's okay. And that also really stuck with me. The next thing she said was that receiving feedback means that you're doing something, means that you're doing something bold. It means that you're showing up and. And getting out there. She said, how can expect to receive all of the blessings and nothing negative along with it? And so how can we get to a place in our business where we expect to receive the blessings, yet nothing else that could possibly be negative that comes along with it? So that leads us to really learning how to manage it. And again, I think feedback means you're doing something worthy. I like to think about marketing as being a magnet, right? So if you're marketing well, you're both attracting people and pushing them away. And if you're not doing those things, you're what we call lukewarm, meaning people won't necessarily be strongly gravitating to you or leaving you. And so that leaves them kind of indifferent. And that's not where you want your people. You want, like, lifetime loyal followers. And if you have that, that means that you'll also be repelling people. And so at some point in my career, you know, I stopped looking at people who say, unsubscribe from my email list because that's part of the process. You attract certain people, which means that you repel other people, and that's what makes you magnetic. Now, when you repel people, sometimes they like to go out with, like, a little sting, like a little email, or comment on something of yours that just hurts a little bit. But I want you to think, okay, I'm attracting and repelling. That's part of what makes you so magnetic. It's part of what makes marketing so incredibly powerful and beautiful, because you bring people to you who are truly your people. They feel like you know them and you like them and they like you, and you really get to know each other. That means that you're going to repel people along the way. And the last thing that I wanted to leave with you, this came from another peer when I was having some questions about some rules I wanted to set up around a program that I had. And he said, you know what? Your house, your rules. You built this house brick by brick, stick by stick, and you get to set the rules. And I think I would love to tell you that Today as well. So rather than being fearful of things, let's decide what rules could we set that would make us feel confident and comfortable? I don't know what that means for you. Maybe it means turning off comments on social media. Maybe it means having very strict guidelines in your community. Maybe it means, you know, having someone who's in your inbox before you are. From a customer service perspective, I don't know. There are a lot of ways to establish rules around what you do and just know that no one gets to write those rules except for you in your home. You get to set the rules. And you know, if someone came in your house and sat at your table and said something to you that would make you kick them out of your house, well, you have to think about that because you're building your online home as well. What rules do you need to set in order to be able to confidently show up and do the work that you were meant to do? Because I'm telling you, there are, you know, there's maybe one person out of a thousand that you're going to have to manage. And the rest of the people, the 999 people, they need you. They need to learn from you. They need to be inspired by you. They need to hear your voice. They need to hear your struggles. They need to understand what it takes to get to a particular place in your life, life and your business. You have to show up for them. You cannot let the one rule your world. You have to show up. So the most perfect ending to this episode is what I always say, create the beauty that you want to see come alive in the world. And remember, there's room for you, Sam.