How to Find Peace Through Progress

A lot of overwhelm happens when we're doing things that we don't feel fulfilled by, that are pushed upon us versus things that we have chosen towards and march towards consciously. Today I'm going to take on a topic that I know I get asked about all the time. And I can't do enough YouTube videos about this. I can't do enough teaching about it in my courses. There's nothing I can ever do to solve this problem for everybody. It's overwhelm. This topic of overwhelm, oh my goodness. It's because you know what? No matter how amazing you are, no matter how perfect you've got your life set up, overwhelm is just going to strike once in a while. It happens for people. It's like an emotional flooding of stress, of overuse, of too many things. And when it hits, it is not a good feeling. So let's talk about overwhelm. I really think that most overwhelm happens for five reasons. Number one, and this doesn't sound good if you're in it, so just hang out with me for a minute. Okay, let's keep big picture. Number one is a lot of people don't have horizon goals and weekly or daily plans. What do I mean by that? It means that they're always just reacting. They're stuck in a reaction loop of life. And the more you're stuck reacting, reacting, reacting kind of firefighting to every emergency that's thrown at you or every obligation or task or request that's thrown at you, the more that's your daily reality, the more that you tend to feel overwhelmed. And so we always start with the big picture, the vision. What are we after? What do we really want for our lives? I think it's important that we learn to set longer term goals and then set our weeks up to achieve them and set up our daily work rhythms to move towards them. When we feel like we are on path towards something on a consistent basis, it's less likely that a will take on things that interfere with that that would cause us overwhelm. And it's also more likely be that we will stay on track and feel motivated and fulfilled on our path. A lot of overwhelm happens when we're doing things that we don't feel fulfilled by that are pushed upon us versus things that we have chosen towards and marched towards consciously. Another thing that I see as issue is boundaries. No boundaries leads to more overwhelm. When you don't say no and you knew you should have said no, that bites you on later, doesn't it? No boundaries means you don't share with others what your true needs are, what your true goals are. You let everybody just come in and take of your time, your energy, your efforts, your day. And at some point, you gotta set some boundaries. You gotta give yourself some space. You got to let other people know that you're not always completely available at every single hour for every single emergency or whim that they have. You can't enable them to constantly pull from you. Now, I know people always say, but I got toddlers, Brendan. And listen, there are times in life, no doubt, that that becomes a major challenge or Brendan, I'm in a startup mode and I'm just, you know, I'm in that rocket phase where it'. Crazy. I get it. I'm not here to say life needs to be perfect. I'm not here to say that there's not time windows of time where we're not compromised. But guess what? You had a horizon goal of those children. You had a horizon goal of that business. And so if you're dedicated to them, you've got to create some boundaries that support them and support you. And if you burn out by not setting any boundaries, you're not supporting the kids or the business or the life or the career or the team. And so setting boundaries is something that you do for yourself, but also so you don't overwhelm other people. Because what I found is people who don't set boundaries tend to also overwhelm others because they're always late, they're always attending to everyone they're pleasing and placating. And what happens along that way is they end up ruining everybody else's schedules as well. And so getting organized, setting boundaries and goals. I know, again, I take it seriously. It doesn't sound good when you hear this, but that's part of personal development. Sometimes we hear things that challenge us and go, gosh, maybe. Maybe I could get more clear about my quarterly, my monthly and my weekly goals. And maybe if I did that, I'd set some blocks of time up to make sure I'm working towards those things. Maybe I'd make sure I set up some boundaries so that people knew when I was working or people knew what was important to me. Maybe I set some boundaries where I say no more often and start setting my foot down about what's important to me. These things help. They're not easy, but they're required. Another thing I see with overwhelm is people just have no support. It's that entrepreneur who Goes years and years and years and doesn't get an assistant. I'm guilty of that. At some point in my career, it's that person who doesn't ask for help on a regular basis. I always tell people, you should be asking for help every Friday. Like just reach out to people every Friday, every Monday, just choose a day. When's there going to be an hour of time that you just reach out to people for help, for assistance, for mentorship, for advice? I think that that's important. I think people don't set up support in their household or on their teams that are sufficient for them to be focused, effective, happy. Not always easy when you're a single parent. Not always easy when you're the solopreneur. Not always easy when you feel like you're alone. But that's exactly why you need to get support, because we don't have to strive alone. There are friends, there are families, there are support groups, there's people at your church, people at your ymca. There is mentors in the community, there are friends of friends. There are people online, everywhere that can offer some support in something. But you got to ask and you got to ask more often. And I always tell people, start at home. I think about the way that Denise supported me at the beginning of my career. Denise is my wife for those who are new. She supported me at the very beginning of my career and when she was advancing and building her own business and career, I supported her. To this day, we're constantly thinking about how we can support one another. And we had to teach each other what that meant. It means different things for her than it does to me. We had to overly communicate, be candid, set those boundaries. It's not something you're going to achieve overnight. These are things you work on. Your goals, your plans, your boundaries, the support that you need. I always say self improvement is a way of life. You got to do these things regularly if you want real level ups and breakthroughs in life. Last big idea on overwhelm Today is, especially this time of year. I just feel like people aren't taking pit stops, they're just burning out all day. And even if they have energy and they think they can do it, they're like, oh, Brent, I'm fine. I got so much energy. I'm so motivated. I'm crushing it, man. Don't worry about me. And then what happens is the weeks stack onto the weeks and the months stack onto the months. And then one day they're debilitated in their exhaustion. And the more you open the gate to exhaustion. The the more overwhelm runs right through baby. You've got to recognize that the more you exhaust yourself, the more of course you'll feel overwhelmed because your emotional wherewithal is depleted, your willpower is depleted, your conscientiousness and discipline is depleted. When you are physically depleted or mentally depleted, depleted. So you got to recharge. So I'm always telling you, make sure you take a break every hour. Make sure you get up, you move, you stretch, you close your eyes for a few minutes. Do your release meditation technique, go for a walk. Have many pit stops throughout the day to recharge. And not only will you be more effective on that day, you'll be more effective over your lifetime. Not only will you be more effective that day, you'll be more energized that day. And usually the more energy that you have, the more you're able to deal with life's stressors and obstacles. I hope this session served you today. I know it's easy to be overwhelmed, and like I said, everyone fights with it. I fight with it. I've never heard someone in personal development with any credibility say that they got it all figured out. I struggle through it just like anyone else does, but I've always felt like if I'm overwhelmed, was I clear on my goals and my plan? What should I be doing this week? Do I have block time of which I was protecting? So I feel like I'm advancing. Because you know what? When I feel like I'm advancing and someone asks for something but I feel like I'm advancing, I don't feel bad if I do have to help them. But I also set up those boundaries and those support mechanisms and people to enable me to stay focused and to not take on too much. And then of course, those regular pit stops throughout the day to recharge my mind, my body, my spirit, that stuff just helps.

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Let'S talk about why everyone said, Brennan, you're really into goals and you're really into writing this down. And you know, I just, I'm more free willing. I just like to go through it. You know, I got a note card here or a post it note there and you know, I write a little here and there. But geez, it seems like you really do do what you're talking about. You really write all this stuff down and you really do manage the calendar and you really do do this goal planning stuff. How did you develop that discipline? I go, oh, that wasn't discipline. That was called being tired of being miserable. See, we always think that freedom comes with this joy of not having to be scheduled, not having to write down our ideas or go after our goals and just kind of like TRA la la through life. But the truth is that that ends up being a recipe for a lot of time wasted to do the things that freedom would give you the chance to do. See, I've always learned that if I could plan my days better, I tend to have more weekends. If I can plan my weeks and my months better, I can have longer vacations. If I can make sure that I'm more diligent and disciplined with my schedule and time management, I actually have way more time for family, for working out, for meditation, for choosing better foods, for going on vacations and adventures, for having so much more time with those who I love or lead or serve. But I got to be diligent about my time. And that is why I came up with the concept all those years ago of the Friday finishers that at the beginning of the week, I write down the tasks, projects, or activities that must be complete by end of day Friday. But why is that important? Well, let me share a couple philosophies, if I can, behind the Friday finisher. The first philosophy is this. I'm somebody who's a completionist. I'm a completer, if you will. Why? Because with completion, we strengthen character. What do I mean? Well, isn't it true that when you honor your word, you end up feeling more mentally strong? When you honor your word, you give your word to somebody else. As an example, let's say you make a promise to somebody and then you deliver that promise. Don't you feel better for having followed through? And don't they respect you in a different way because you delivered what you promised? See, completion, following through is a signal of Virtue, it's a signal that you have character, that your word is your bond. So when I write those goals, those tasks, those to dos those projects down, or I say or state a goal to another person, that's my word. Now, I come from Montana and I also am the son of a United States Marine Corps veteran. My father, who has now passed away, he spent over 20 years in the Marine Corps. And I tell you what, if he said it was going to happen, if he said he was going to do it, you better believe he was going to do it. And you better believe he made sure the kids did that too. That completing your word, man, that's your bond. So what happens every time you write down a goal or a to do list or a project, you capture it. You set up your reminders and you just, you see the notifications that you set up and you don't do it. What you're telling your brain is you're not true to your own word, that you don't respect your own requests, and it ends up degrading your own character. You start to not trust yourself anymore. And over a period of time, that can become a poisonous feeling that you don't trust yourself to follow through. So why do I follow through? I want to trust myself. Why do I complete my tasks that I wrote down? I want to trust myself. I want to be a person of character to myself and, and to other people. I want to know that if I say it and if I give my word to it, I will work diligently to make it happen. I want to be a person of character so I complete things. The second philosophy is the idea that I know ultimately, follow through is mental health. Follow through is mental health. Because to follow through, often you got to do things you don't want to do. And that requires you to self regulate. It requires you to go, okay, I don't want to do it, but I'm going to usher up the energy, the focus, the time, the attention to get this thing done. And even if you just struggle through and you hate the process, but you get it done, your brain goes, hey, good job. You showed up through difficulty here, you got it done. You know what that's called? Persistence. You know what that's called? Resilience. You know what that's called? Progress, baby. Good job. And you give yourself a little mental pat on the back. And the more that you follow through on your word, not only do you develop character, but you teach your brain that you satisfy the goals that you have. You teach your brain that you will persist even in difficulty. And the more that you're able to persist in difficulty and overcome the negativity, the difficulty, the challenges, the other obligations, the conflicts of time to do something that you promised yourself, the more you respect yourself. And again, that comes back to character, but also mental health. I know that the more that I follow through, the more you know what it's like a congratulations. And that's why Friday finisher is a habit I started because I was just like, you know what? I do a lot during the week, but some of the things I never really celebrate, but if I had a list of them that I definitely was gonna finish this week, I could celebrate that. That would feel good. Cause sometimes mental health is also celebration. I think we live in a culture where we've made mental health this, I would say, overly soft idea of just mental health is being okay with everything. Mental health is just loving myself no matter what. And mental health is just being vulnerable. And by the way, those things are true, but they are also insufficient without the respect that we have for each other or we have for ourselves. I should say, when we follow through, when we are proud of ourselves for moving forward, even when it was inconvenient, difficult, or outside of our comfort zones, we develop mental strength. Not just a good vibe, but mental strength to complete hard things. Most of my Friday finishers, they're hard. And I won't lie to you, on most Fridays, I'm scrambling to get them done. It's not like I got them all. My Friday finishers don't finish on Thursday. People. I appreciate all the accolades, and everyone think I'm the world's greatest productivity guy. Nope. A lot of times I come in, crashing in at that last minute. That's the whole point of a Friday finisher. It's hard to get those in, but I try to get them in. You gotta give yourself grace as well. That's part of mental health. Realizing other obstacles came up, you weren't able to do it, so you punt it, you move it, you reschedule it. But you don't give up. You don't get down on yourself. You just give yourself some grace, move it, do it again, you can achieve it. That's the stuff of mental health and mental strength. Third idea is that I know that completion gives me what's called momentum, motivation. A lot of times I'll complete something just because I know it's going to give me a little bit more burst of energy. It's going to fill up those gas reserves to keep going. It's almost like a pit stop that refuels me, makes me feel good, and I'm ready to go again. That it can be a small task, just something simple. This week as an example, I just had something I had to review. I didn't want to review. There's not a hard, difficult, brutal deadline on it. It's just this inconvenient thing that I'm keeping. I'm always constantly asked, would you look at this? Would you look at it for months on end, Would you look at this? Would you look at this? And look at this. It's like, ugh, okay, I'll do it. I got it done. I didn't enjoy the process at all. But guess what? It's a relief knowing that thing's not gonna show up on Monday. Cause I got done with my Friday finisher and I felt a little motivation afterwards. I was like, you know what? I got that thing done. I wanna do something I like now. And I ended up writing almost half a chapter of something I did want to do. Now, I know it's easy to say all these things. Well, sure, you can complete things because you have this or you have that, or you're like this. But I'm like that. That's your style. Not my style. No, don't do that. People do that all the time. They hear an idea in personal development and they dismiss it based on their context. And they miss the pretext or the philosophy that is behind the very idea they just heard. I know this to be true. When I was in my 20s and an angry, unproductive, and hurt young man, I would hear these tapes. I'd listen to all these motivational tapes and CDs. I listen to them over and over and over again. So many times I found myself rolling my eyes. Sure, that person can do it. They're a millionaire now listen them talk about their money. Or, yeah, that person could do it. They already have a family and security. Or, sure, that person could do it. Look, they've been successful their whole life. But, you know, when we do that, what that's really doing is honoring the victim inside of us that says, I can't. What that's really doing is giving ourselves convenient excuses to avoid simple truths of life. It's a simple truth that the more you follow through on your word, the better you feel. The more you complete the goals you wrote down, the more likely you're to be motivated. These are simple truths, scientific findings.