Stop Watching Your Life Happen

Maybe you're in a scene of your life right now that things aren't going well, and you've. You recognize that you've been disengaged. You haven't got out of bed, you haven't been eating. You're really struggling. Maybe you didn't take action. Okay, as a director, I'm going to call it scene. Now, what do I want for this character next? What would the ideal me. What would he do if the best of me was showing up in this chapter?

What would they do?

What are the actual actions that you need to do to change your story? I bet there's times in your life where even though you knew you had all the reasons in the world to be proud of yourself and you had a sense of belief that you just didn't feel worthy. I don't know how many personal Valentine books you know you've read or how many spirituality books you've read, but isn't it true that you can do all that work and still not feel worthy? You know, I was a kid who at one time in my life, when I was a teenager, contemplated taking my life. I had become suicidal after the breakup of the first girl I ever loved. And so I know what it feels like to have no sense of worth. It's like zero. In fact, less than zero. And if you've ever been there, you're just like. When that sense of I don't have any worth is matched with, it doesn't matter. I have no worth. Nothing matters. Those are the darkest places we go. And I know many of you, like me, our mindset, have been stationed there at certain times of our life because our attention was given to the circumstance, not character development, not ownership. See, in those times, what we ended up doing, we kind of release those two things, don't we? In our misery or our pity, we release the reality that we're in charge of the story, that we're in charge of the character development. This is called being the not only the observer of life, but the director asking, what would the ideal me or the story arc that I want for this character, what would he do that we're supposed to say, okay, kid, you got your heart broke. You're laying in filth in your bed. You haven't got out of bed in several weeks. You haven't been eating. You're really struggling. Okay, as a director, I'm gonna call it scene. All right, now I gotta say, what do I want for this character next? Do I want this kid to get out of that bed? Yes. Or no. Yeah, I want this kid to get out of bed. What else do I want for this kid? You know, I want this kid to start going back to class, to start talking to his friends. Okay, what else do I want for this kid to do next in the next scene, right when he wakes up tomorrow morning, the next scene, what should this kid do? You know what? This kid should immediately write a little note of forgiveness to himself and to this person. Do that tomorrow morning. Okay? What else would the kid do if that kid was going to be the character who becomes the hero in the story, becomes happier long term, finds love again. What should that kid do? Is he going to lay there another week? Is that what he should do? See, we have to externalize sometimes and command ourself. And if we've done that before, that's called ownership. That's called responsibility. That's called conscientious direction of our life. If we don't, then what happens? We're just the kid feeling and sensing the misery in bed. Sometimes we have to then what? Break out of our circumstances, out of the circumstance, into character development mode again. And the more you do that and the more you follow through on that, the more a strength comes into you. You're like, whoa. I can actually determine the next causes and consequences in this person's life, in my life. And as I have that authorship or that direction in my life, I'm calling it ownership for everybody. Over a period of time, I promise, everything shifts. If we're trying to shift your mindset here into something that is healthier and more powerful for you, I probably can't fix your worth from years back, but maybe we can start adjusting it. If we teach you, hey, your attention given to the circumstances or the feelings or the scenes in the moment. If we could actually shift it now from that focus on the past into your current reality today, can we shift your attention now to today? Because maybe you didn't do those things in the past. Maybe you let that kid lay there too long. Maybe you let yourself feel bad too long. Maybe you didn't take action. Maybe you're in a scene of your life right now that things aren't going well and you recognize that you've been disengaged because you've been dis. Encouraged. You've been discouraged. You're feeling so discouraged that you haven't had the courage to. To apply yourself. That's normal. Happens to everybody. Everybody. Right. And so if that is the thing that I'm here to tell you that the answer is to get back into a conscious life. The answer is to turn your mindset right now from the past scenes or the past upsets or the past discouragements, and to turn your mindset back into the time zone of the now, back into the moment, back into the presence and asking now, what's my next right action of integrity? Asking now, how should I direct myself? Asking now, how do I want this chapter to end? How do I want the next chapter to begin? If the best of me was showing up in this chapter, what would she do?

What would he do? What would they do?

You would make the decisions each day like, all right, I'm not just going to fly by the seat of my pants. I'm not just going to be discouraged. I'm not just going to react. Instead, what's the character of who I am going to do here? Character development, please recognize I know this sounds basic for some of you and offensive to others because others who walked in this conversation thinking, everybody just deserves to feel happy. I'm like, well, happiness feels different for different people. Worthiness feels different for different people. Confidence feels different. Everybody, it's own your worth. And I'm here to tell you I can't increase your sense of that unless we increase your ownership. And so that comes back into character development. And I know we don't talk a lot about that anymore. Do you remember that used to be a conversation in our education system, character development? And we've lost a lot of that outside of great teachers. So if you're a great teacher out there. Thank you. If you're a great parent out there and you talk about character with your kids, that's great. But we've lost that conversation. We've entered a conversation in most of society about victimhood and why everybody deserves to feel so unfair about society and so unfair about the government. And I'm not here to say there's, you know, no injustices or unfairness. Certainly is. But even in those scenes and in that particular scene of truth, there you are. What are you going to do? Hey, guys, it's Brandon.

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Can be conscientious about your next right action of integrity in the next couple scenes, the next couple weeks of your life, you know what you will sense. I mean, if we could just get four weeks out of you. Four weeks where you wake up and you go, okay, what is my intention for today? If I was operating for the best character of who I was, how I would behave today? How would I react to this conflict? How would I react to what they're saying? How would I respond if I was in the best place of the best of who I possibly could be? How would that character respond? What would they do?

What, what would they build? Would they build into the day or.

Run from the day? Would they engage the scene or be one of the non characters in the background sitting, playing poker? Would you be out front? Would you be in conversation? Would you help engage the scene? And I'm here to say of course you would. Just like you gotta engage life again. This is really important. Avoidance is not going to ever lead to a sense of greater worth. It's about engaging. It's active agency, optimism and engagement in life. It's saying, okay, I can do something here. The situations and circumstances and the scenes of life are actually quite malleable based on what I do over a period of time. Maybe not in that one scene can I win, but. But over a period of time, it's actually quite malleable. I can, I can change the narrative of the story over and over and over again based on my actual actions. What are the actual actions you need to do to change your story? If I was the person to change my story, I would do what. What are the next right actions of integrity that you would take in order to develop yourself, in order to assert yourself, in order to improve your life, in order to build your future home of self? Your future home of self? What would I be doing? Because see, funny enough, our time zones of life really matter. I talked about the past and how we can see the scenes and circumstances of our life and we can gauge our worth today based on those. We shouldn't do that. Instead we should ask that character, did that character develop itself, assert itself? Did I do that over a period of time? If I didn't, that's still okay. But now at least I know why I feel the way I Do. At least now I know why I feel the way I do. Because I did not engage in the past. I didn't have agency. I didn't have autonomy. I didn't assert myself. I did not develop myself. The situations drove me. Now, at least you know, that's why. But it also gives you the roadmap for the future. Oh, okay. I'm in situations now. I'm not going to gauge my life based on my circumstances or situations. I need to realize that this other time zone really matters. The future. The future really matters. See, our worth is also built upon. Am I building the home of the future self I'll be proud of? So am I enacting the next right action of integrity today? Am I building my life today? But specifically, please listen. Am I doing things today that are of integrity? That's directing my character today? Okay, that's the present. But in the future, my brain is also going, hey, am I building myself into the future self I want to be? In other words, am I becoming who I intend to be? Am I on this arc of becoming more? Am I on this arc of becoming the best of who I am? Am I on the arc of becoming the person who lives into their potential? And if the answer is yes, then guess what? That validation, that strength, that vitality is here today. It's just a knowing. Like, you don't even have to worry about the word worth. You feel it. There's value there. There's care there. There's love. See, I'm somebody I haven't, since most of my adult life, even thought about or worried about worth. Because I just felt it. Why did I feel it? Because I feel like I'm on the right path to my potential. I feel like I'm on the right path to my potential. That's that future time zone. I feel like I'm on the right path. It's not like every day is perfect. It just. In general, I feel like I'm on. You know what? I'm on the right path. And today I'm directing myself the best I can. Now, let me tell you this. I know that sounds simplistic, but this is the deep dive into psychology you really need to understand. Notice the self talk. The self talk is, today I am directing myself the best that I can. Today, I am directing myself the best that I can. I. I am conscientious about the person showing up. I'm taking the next right action of integrities that is the best I'm doing every single day. It might not always turn out to guide me perfectly. It might always turn out to be, you know, all the rewards and the outcomes that I want today. But please listen, the outlook of life today is, oh, you know what? I can move the needle. I can change things, situations in life. It's malleable. It's changeable. So let me direct myself with the next right action of integrity today. I don't know the outcome perfectly at the end of the day or the, the end of this deal or the end of this relationship. I can't. I can't know that we are not after certainty in life. When people strive for certainty, they get stuck in perfection. When people strive for certainty, they get stubborn. When people, all they want is certainty, they don't make decisions. You need to make a lot of decisions without certainty. You need to make a lot of decisions without certainty. You need to go in a lot of conversations, open, not certain that you know everything about the other person or even yourself. You need to be in discovery and direction mode. And the truth is, we can have a sense of confidence, but if we think everything has to be certain, then we won't act, we won't ask questions. As soon as you are certain, you stop learning. And so I think it's very important. That's not what you're after. You're not after certainty. You're after. You're after a kind of outlook. And that outlook is you have agency today.