A Guide to a Happier Life: Stop Holding Grudges

Thank you for joining me today. It's Brian Gubernick, and welcome to the No Days Off podcast, where we believe that every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. Let's get into today's topic. Today I want to talk about grudges, holding grudges, and why we really should stop, why we should knock it off, why holding grudges is just not good for us. It's not healthy for us. And if we're part of this No Days Off movement, if we're honoring the No Days Off movement, we are striving to get better at something every single day. Well, I think this is a great topic because letting go of grudges, letting go of anything that's caused you pain, anything that's caused you an an energy drain. These are really good things. And if you're striving to get better every single day, that's what, that's what we're wanting to do. Do good things and improve the quality of the world in which we're living. So let's talk about grudges. Okay? So holding a grudge, what are we really talking about? It's really about maintaining negative feelings or resentment or even anger towards someone that you perceive did you wrong. It's natural, of course, to feel hurt or to feel upset when, when you've been wronged. But what I'm talking about is allowing that, that feeling, that feeling of hurt, that feeling of being upset, to last far beyond maybe the initial feeling, um, when it was at— okay, now there's several reasons why I'd really advise against holding grudges. And this is coming from somebody that frankly held a lot of grudges for a long time and had to learn as my business and life progressed, which is code for as I've gotten older, man, I had to learn how to let go of certain things and just not even have a grudge to begin with, you know, in many scenarios. And that was a decade process for me, and I'm still working on it every single day. So why shouldn't we hold grudges? Well, probably the biggest reason, uh, I, I mentioned this already, I think it's energy drain. Maintaining a grudge takes an awful lot of mental and emotional energy, and it keeps you focused on not the future but the past. And for me, that really prevents me from being engaged in the present and driving towards where I want to go. So it's an energy drain. Situations, people, they give you energy or they take it away. Grudges take that energy away, so we got to drop it. Other reasons we don't want to hold grudges, um, just your emotional well-being. Just your emotional well-being. Keeping negative emotions alive, what does it lead to? I mean, it certainly doesn't lead to positive stuff. We all know that it leads to stress, it leads to anger, maybe bitterness for some, maybe even pushes you into greater anxiety, maybe even depression, just negative effects on your, on your mental health. So grudges cause emotional instability in all of us. Maybe we don't want to admit it, but it's just true. What else do grudges cause? Well, they can cause relationship damage. They place strain on relationships. They may hinder your ability to communicate with others. I mean, think about it. If you have a grudge or maybe disdain or dislike towards someone that you felt did you wrong, but somebody in your family or your social group doesn't feel that same way, that can create some friction for you. The last couple reasons why you need to let go of your grudges, well, this might sound corny, but personal growth, right? Like, we are striving every day to get a little bit better in our world, in our, in our, in our life, in our health, in our relationships, etc., etc. Letting go of grudges, overcoming that, that, that big challenge that many of us have, that is, that is personal growth. That is taking steps in the No Days Off movement. So it allows you to develop, it frees you from this negative experience. It opens you up to new opportunities. For me personally, it opened me up to new feelings, which is even weird for me to say, but it's just true. Like forgiveness, empathy, understanding, like that just was a different perspective for me, um, years and years back, but it's at least opened it up. And the last thing that comes to mind for me when it comes to grudges, if you're gonna hold one, letting one go immediately or shortly after is just simply moving forward. It's just progress forward. Grudges keep you anchored to the past, which stop you from moving forward. So for me, it's one step. It's one more step. It's constantly moving forward. And as you move forward, you create more momentum. Now, as it pertains to grudges, I want to talk about one gentleman who I've mentioned before. And many of you know this guy, or you've seen him speak. His name's Mack Newton. And if you saw Mack Newton speak, or I interviewed him at an event, you know, about 9 months or so ago, and he told many stories, but probably, you know, my favorite story that he told that day was about the grudge that he held for his father, or with his father. And his father had abandoned him at a very young age. Like just abandoned him literally on the streets. And Mack, naturally, especially as a teenager when it happened, he grew to really dislike and have disdain for his father. That experience created a tremendous amount of stress, probably an awful lot of bitterness, and knowing Mack, I think there was a lot of anger there. And Mack held that grudge. Many would argue rightfully so. But he held that grudge not for days or weeks or months or years, but he held that grudge for decades. And years and years and years later, after Mack had had a tremendous amount of personal success, you may recall when he was telling the story, and for those that haven't heard it, the turning point in the story, Mack actually wins a World Series ring as a coach. He wins his first World Series ring. And to the shock of the crowd that day, Mack explained that he took that ring and he put it in an envelope and he mailed it to his father. He mailed the ring to his father, this man that he's held this grudge against for decades. And he mailed it to him not because he had forgiven him, but he mailed it to him as a form of self-healing. He mailed it to him as a form of moving forward. He mailed it to say, hey, I'm done. I'm not condoning or forgetting the past offense per se, but I'm freeing myself from the negative emotions that were associated with it. And that forgiveness for himself is what he says. He says, I didn't forgive my dad, but I let it go. I forgave myself. I let go of that grudge. What a powerful, powerful tool. What personal growth. And I think that takes, you know, a huge act to do something of that nature. But what, what an outcome that had. How free must he have felt? And still, even to this day, you know, Mac, who's a much older gentleman now, still has not forgiven his father, but he let go of all the feelings associated with it. And I think that that's an amazing thing. So the focusing question for you today is to really reflect and ask yourself, man, do I have any of these grudges in my life? And if I do, how's it impacting me? How do I feel internally? Do I like that feeling? If the answer is, I don't like that feeling, or I'm not moving forward as a result, or it's causing turmoil for me, okay, cool. The question of course is, what are you going to do about it? And I'm not saying run out there and forgive, or just— I'm not saying call that person and say, I'm ready to move on. I'm not even saying that. I'm saying start with you internally, start with you inside, and figure out a path to releasing this grudge. Figure out a path to gaining back your emotional well-being. It's probably taken a lot more energy to hold that grudge than it certainly would be if you just let it go. So the focus for you: where are you holding a grudge, and what steps can you take today to free yourself from that? That's all we have today. The No Days Off Podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Remember, every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. So let's get after it. [MUSIC] [MUSIC]