Ep 140 | The Arrival Fallacy

Thank you for joining me today. It's Brian Gubernick, and welcome to the No Days Off podcast, where we believe that every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. Let's get into it. Today I want to discuss a topic that, uh, that's, that's been on my mind recently, and it's been something I've experienced throughout my personal and business career. That topic is the arrival fallacy. Now, what am I talking about when I say arrival fallacy? Again, something that I've had to learn to deal with and cope with. And I think it wasn't until just recently that, that I fully, fully kind of made it over the hump and I've been making some progress. So the arrival fallacy. Career success doesn't always equal happiness. Let's say you finally did it. Let's say you got, you got that promotion. Maybe you hit your, your sales target. Maybe you ran a marathon or you finished a project or you leveled up somehow, some way in your career. And it's, it's a wonderful feeling of accomplishment, right? It's something that, that you were shooting for and you achieved it and you should be really proud. You should feel, you should feel like, man, I did it. But then you come down from that high and reality starts to sink in. And that reality is, okay, I hit it. I made it. Now, now where do I go? Where do I go from here? And you have this, I don't know, hopelessness in a, in a sense, like your, your, your focus was on achieving the goal, hitting the objective. You get there and now you're lost a little bit. That's the arrival fallacy. The idea that that success, that achievement should bring you happiness. And while it does bring you happiness to some extent, It's temporary. Arrival fallacy is an illusion that once we get there, once we make it, once we attain our goal or reach our destination, that we're going to have this lasting happiness. That comes from a gentleman named Tal Ben-Shahar. He's the, he's the Harvard psychologist that is credited with coining the term. The arrival fallacy. And, and what Ben Shahar wants to kind of uncover is the problem is that achievement doesn't equal happiness. At least it doesn't equal happiness over the long term, but it's not a message that most of us are familiar with. In fact, it's almost kind of the opposite of the American dream in a sense, because the American dream As we've all learned is that through hard work and achievement, you could be happy. You could have a happy life. And so we push, we push ourselves, we push our kids to be the best, to become the team captain, to, to, to, to be the first chair in the orchestra, to be the student body president. And it's because we want them to be successful. We want them to be happy. And it's funny, but we have experiences around this. We achieve our goals. We're not necessarily happy yet. We think maybe it'll work for them. So the question then becomes, if you believe in this arrival fallacy, if you've had this experience, and my guess, again, I have a lot of high achievers listening to this podcast that are part of the No Days Off Nation. And my guess is you, you've had this too. So what do we do about it? Me personally, the advice I've always received around this is always something like, well, you've got to, you've got to enjoy the journey. You've got to appreciate the journey. It's not, it's not about the achievement. It's the path. And you know, I've heard that time and time again, but I'm like, what does that even mean? Enjoy the journey. I don't. Yeah, I get, I get conceptually what it means to enjoy the journey, but why is that better than achieving the objective. And it's not, it's not supposed to be that way. And it wasn't until recently I started thinking about this because I've had some things happen in my life over the past year or two, big goals I had set, things that I achieved and didn't feel as fulfilled, or maybe it was great for a moment. And then I was like, okay, now what? So counteracting the effects of the arrival fallacy in my opinion, involve adopting a more balanced and mindful approach specifically to goal setting and to personal satisfaction. So here's a few things, really 5 things that I've done to counteract the survival fallacy. Hopefully maybe one or all of these help you. Number 1, gap versus gain analysis. Gap and Gain, great book that came out. Dan Sullivan is the, uh, the first person that I heard from, uh, sharing Gap and Gain when I was in his mastermind years back. And what that really was about in summary, and we have an episode in the past, uh, one of our, our former podcasts, we'll reference in the show notes, talked around Gap and Gain. But specifically it was the recognition or the realization that we all have a tendency to focus more on what's in front of us, what would be known as the gap. And rarely do we turn around and reflect on how far we've come, the gain. So if you're looking out, you know, you're standing on top of a hill and you're looking out and you're like, I'm going to go hike to that horizon. And you hike and you hike and you hike. And what happens when you get to the other hill and you've headed towards the horizon for say 12 hours? Well, you're never any closer to the horizon. It's not possible to get there. And you, and you feel defeated. But if you turn around and recognize you just traveled dozens of miles over the past 12 hours, that's the gain. So number one, in terms of counteracting the arrival fallacy, for me, it's to do that analysis. It's to turn around every now and again and reflect how far I've come and learn to be proud of that. Kind of cultivate a habit of gratitude by reflecting on You know, the things that, things that have been accomplished. The second thing is figuring out, in my opinion, how to recognize that I am here right now. I am in this moment. In other words, kind of a mindfulness and presence type of, type of approach. In other words, like for me, it's like, stop being so future-focused, pause and reflect. And recognize I am here right now. So for me, I've had to embrace some mindfulness practices to encourage me to be kind of more fully present in the daily experiences, the journey, right? The daily experiences. And so if I engage with the here and now, I get a greater sense of fulfillment. So mindfulness, presence, and just recognizing I am right here. I am standing right here. Right now. Third thing I'm thinking about as it pertains to counteracting the arrival fallacy, setting process-oriented goals versus outcome-based or product-based goals. So instead of fixating on these outcome-based goals, which the arrival fallacy has a lot to do with, set up process-oriented goals. Process-oriented goals are goals, goals focused on habits or actions or efforts that you can control on a daily basis. So for me, a shift in focus or or a shift in perspective allows me to gain greater satisfaction in the daily experience. So I'm focused on actions and habits and efforts and kind of nailing those every single day, knowing that compounded over time, we'll get to the goal, but I'm not waiting for the happiness at the goal. I'm having happiness as I kind of nail those actions and those habits and those efforts throughout the day. Which kind of leads to number 4. I guess they're almost one in the same, but number 4, celebrate small wins. For me, I've got to slow down and acknowledge and celebrate small achievements and milestones. And this is actually really hard for me. It's always been hard for me as far back as I can remember. I'm not really great, or I haven't— let me rephrase that. I am great now, but historically I haven't been great at celebrating or acknowledging small wins, both within myself as well as my team. But if I want to counteract the arrival fallacy, I've got to celebrate the smallest victories, acknowledge them, celebrate them, and just recognize they are milestones along the way to larger goals. That recognition of progress boosts a sense of accomplishment, and that provides for happiness. And then lastly, and arguably the most important thing, as it pertains to the arrival fallacy. I think that the arrival fallacy is stronger for me when I have a, uh, a lesser sense of my broader life plan. When I don't know my broader life plan and where I want to go in not just work, but in life. When I don't know what I want not just my 10 years, but what I, you know, writing my own eulogy and some crazy exercises like that. When I'm not clear on what I want out of life in terms of the impact I have on my daughters, as in, in terms of the legacy I hope to leave or the businesses or people I hope to influence and build. When I lose sight of that broader life plan and I focus on a, on a single goal, which may help in achieving the goal, But in terms of the arrival fallacy, it'll be more pronounced if I'm unaware of how the achievement of this big goal fits into the larger picture. I'll give you an example. If I go run a marathon, yeah, that's a great feeling. But you know, an hour after it's done, I'm like, what's next? If I'm not focused on the fact that that marathon is, is a stepping stone in terms of my broader life goal. Which is my health and my longevity and experiencing life for as long as I can. So incorporating these practices, for me, they've reduced the impact of the arrival fallacy. They've given me greater satisfaction in the present, and they've helped me to, I guess, appreciate the journey that so many people have told me, go out and appreciate the journey. I guess, I guess I have learned how to do that. And I want to encourage you to do this, to do the same. So the focusing question today, If you have experiences with arrival fallacy, this is something, you know, it's near and dear to you. It's something you've, you've had, like so many high achievers happen to have. Maybe one or two or all five of these might work for you, or maybe you've got some other things, but I just want to bring awareness to this because, you know, if we're not purposeful around creating this happiness and we're, we're counting on the achievement of a trophy or a goal to do it for us, we're going to be disappointed. So the focusing question, how can you leverage this list today to counteract your arrival fallacy feelings and, and lead to a happier life? That's all I have for you today. The No Days Off podcast. Thank you so much for listening. And remember, every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. So let's get after it. [MUSIC] [MUSIC]