Ep 231 | Ego vs. Confidence

Thank you for joining me today. It's Brian Gubernick, and welcome to the No Days Off podcast, where we believe that every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. Today I want to talk about ego versus confidence. Ego versus confidence. And, and I'll tell you what prompted me to want to discuss this. I caught a, I caught an image the other day, a visual on, on social media that showed really two carrots planted in the ground. On the left-hand side was a carrot that was rather large, and the carrot itself was physically in the ground. But then the stem of the carrot coming out of the ground was, was rather small. And then the visual on the right, another carrot, In this particular case, the stem was rather large and prominent where it was exposed and can be seen. And the carrot itself was actually small. It was in the ground, could not be observed, but it was small within the, within the ground. So the visual showed it. But if you were standing, you know, outside somewhere and you saw these two carrots in the ground, you wouldn't know the size of the carrot. Now the image on the left of the carrot that was large with the small stem, said confidence and the one on the right, large stem, small carrot, said ego. In other words, what this visual was trying to display, that confidence, someone that's confident doesn't necessarily have to showcase it to the whole world, is not trying to appear bigger than they are, but they have this confidence, this understanding that is beneath the surface that may not be seen or may not need to be seen or displayed. To everyone. Whereas the carrot on the right, the smaller carrot, kind of hiding how small it is in the ground. You don't know, but the stem is rather large. That's ego. That's ego. That visual caught my attention and it got me thinking a lot about ego and confidence and that there's a big difference between the two. But many of us are guilty of buying into this common misconception that ego and confidence are pretty darn close to the same thing, that they both equate to an unflappable under pressure type of attitude. It's even been said that having this sort of attitude at, at work gets you ahead in your career. But the reality is these two concepts are really, really different. If you have confidence, Confidence is faith in your own abilities, belief in yourself. Going back to that image, it's a large carrot underground that everybody can't see. That would be faith in your own abilities and belief in yourself. But ego is something else entirely because unlike confidence, ego actually operates out of self-interest. It seeks the approval, from others. It, it wants accolade. It wants validation. And it wants to be seen right at all costs. Ego oftentimes is pretty resistant to feedback. And it oftentimes blames others for things that maybe it created. In, in relationships, in the, in the professional setting or in the personal setting, The difference between confidence and ego can actually make or break that relationship. And that's because when your ego takes over, usually bad behavior follows, right? In the workplace, your ego takes over and suddenly no one can get the job done quite like you can. And all the sense of teamwork goes out the window. It's one thing to have a lot of passion. It's one thing to be dedicated to results, but it's an entirely different thing to take this attitude that you're the only one that could get it done and to judge other people along the way. This closes your mind. This makes you not a person people want to be around. Big ego people are oftentimes very challenging to be around because of these things. Growth will come to a halt when your ego takes over. And your contributions to the team and to the organization, they pretty much stop as well. Now, how do you keep your ego in check? Remember, confidence, confidence is, is, is quite different in that it's just belief in your own abilities, belief in yourself, you know, having, having the confidence right in yourself to go achieve greatness, but not necessarily having to display that. Whereas ego is quite the opposite. How do you keep your ego in check? Because I believe that you gotta keep it in check if you want to excel, if you want to establish yourself, if you want to deepen relationships, if you want to be better, you know, to your friends, to your family, and make a bigger contribution to this world. I think you got to keep your ego in check. How do you go about doing that? Here's some things that come to mind for me. First, stop being so damn defensive. Stop being defensive. Be willing to make a mistake. Take your time as you think through things. Don't always rattle off the first thought. Take a deep breath. Try to get yourself, you know, to a state where you can make a positive, unemotional contribution versus reacting in an emotional manner as those with ego oftentimes do. Be balanced. Make the best decisions you can. So get rid of the defensive mindset. And be accepting of others' opinions. Again, I think the greatest way to do that is to just push pause, right? And don't just rattle off the first thought that pops into your head. Next thing I think about in terms of keeping your ego in check, stop making it all about you. In other words, curb that desire to always be seen as right. And in doing so, proving others that they're wrong. Others don't have to lose in order for you to win. So let's stop trying to prove ourselves to be right. Let's stop always trying to win and making it a zero-sum game. Stop making it all about you. The need for appreciation, the need for credit is oftentimes what's keeping you from providing more value, from contributing to team, team-based goals. Right? So stop making it all about you. Next, let's curb that, that self-righteous action that I was describing earlier and judgment. Curb judgment. Because it's quite easy to sit back and pick apart someone else's strategy or plan and determine ways in which it could potentially fail. But instead of doing that, instead of judging the actions or the decisions of others, Why don't you offer some support, offer expertise, do what you can to help improve it, help mitigate risk rather than making it worse. Don't allow someone to go fail, right? Like I know sometimes it's like, well, he's just going to have to learn the lesson for himself. That's ego talking, right? Confidence would say, yeah, maybe there's risk there. Let me help him mitigate that. Let me consult and at least give, you know, a different perspective. There's no reason ever to withhold information. There's no reason to withhold insight that could make the plan better unless your ego does not allow for it. So giving your time, giving your talent freely without anything in return actually makes you really valuable, valuable to your organization, valuable to your, to your relationships. The last thing that comes to mind for me in terms of keeping your ego in check is the drive for growth, drive for learning, drive for results. If all else fails and things do not go as planned, it doesn't matter who's at fault. Pointing the finger, digging in your heels, it's all counterproductive. It's all ego-based. Instead, let's focus on learning from the experience. Let's just consider what was done well and what efforts still have room to be improved. Taking the, the perspective that we are going to go and get after it, and we're likely going to fail in different ways, and we're just going to seek improvement, shows confidence in you, right? You don't have to say, this is what we did wrong and it's your fault. This is why I said it wasn't going to work. None of those things are constructive. They're all ego-based. So experience serves as a very teachable moment. It allows for you to create a stronger approach. It allows for you getting better results in the future. You have to have confidence, self-confidence, and not ego in order to take advantage of these sorts of things. So in conclusion, and in summary, confidence gets you ahead, but ego holds you back. And recognizing the difference between these two and acting accordingly is actually what separates some of the greatest people, the greatest leaders, the greatest performers, the greatest, you know, friends or relationships. It separates them from everybody else. So the focusing question for you today, where is your ego showing up more than you wish it was? And what steps can you take to shift that ego-based, you know, perspective or ego-based approach into one of confidence, of self-confidence? Where can you start to show up a bit more like that carrot that is massive, that's underground and can't be seen with the smaller stem, versus showing up like the small carrot in the ground, but with the really big stem of which everybody could see? Ego versus confidence. A lot to think about. That's all I have for you today. The No Days Off podcast. Thank you so much for listening. And remember, every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. So let's get after it.