Ep 238 | When You Should Quit

Thank you for joining me today. It's Brian Gubernick and welcome to the No Days Off podcast where we believe that every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. Just the other day in our last episode, we talked about the reasons why people quit. That was part 1 of a 2-part series on, of all things, quitting. So we discussed why people quit and we went through a list of 11 or 12 things that are reasons why we oftentimes hear people quit. And a lot of these reasons, truth of the matter is they're more excuses than they are anything. However, I want to dive into part 2 of the quitting conversation. And this might sound strange as a No Days Off topic, but I think it's, it's a real conversation we need to have. It's an honest conversation. We need to have not just with one another, but I want you to have this conversation with yourself. And that conversation is, when is it okay to quit? When should we actually quit? Not something that's oftentimes discussed. But persisting is not always healthy. It's not always beneficial. So there are in fact times where quitting makes sense. How do you know though, when it makes sense to quit. Let's talk about perseverance real quick. Okay. Perseverance, we could all agree when it comes to pursuing a goal is absolutely critical. It's critical to success. You've got to learn how to persevere. You've got to stubbornly pursue a goal. And when you get knocked down, get back up. We've all heard this before, but what I'm challenging you here is recognize— is to recognize that maybe per, you know, pursuing that goal or persevering through failure after failure isn't always the best thing. There are times that we sometimes have to let go of goals. It's actually what I believe to be a really, really important skill. It's something that I've had to work on because, well, hell, I mean, for years and decades even, you're always taught never quit, never quit. And I'm not trying to say it's okay to quit often, But there are times where strategically it just makes sense. Now, why, why is it so hard to quit? Well, number one, it's just kind of social pressure, right? Like we're taught, never quit, never quit, never quit. When you've invested a lot of time in something, when you're fixated on seeing something to the end, it could feel really hard to quit. Quitting can make you feel like a failure. You may feel frustrated at letting go of all that you've invested into the effort. And change is oftentimes really, really, really scary because you, you may not know what's next and you're facing the unknown. But society, I think that might be the greatest pressure. Society, we get this messaging that people who persevere are better than those who quit. But that's only a perspective or one's perspective. And it's not always true. Now, how do you know when, you know, you may want to quit? What are the signs when you may want to quit? Maybe you've been neglecting yourself. Maybe you've neglect— neglecting what I would say is basic care, your sleep or your food. If you're suffering, you know, or you're consistent and prolonged in the, in the neglect of, of these very basic things. I mean, that might be a sign you may want to quit. You may be feeling more negative than positive feelings. Are you consistently experiencing more frustration than you are rewards? This may be a sign that you want to quit. I'm not saying you should just yet. I'm just saying you may want to quit. Maybe another sign you may want to quit, your friends are telling you to do so. What are your friends telling you about, about your effort or this effort or the dilemma? Are they, are they saying, hey, maybe, maybe you ought to quit? I'm not saying they're right, but if you're, if they're your true friends and you value their opinion, are they seeing something more objectively than you are because you're so close to it? When you start imagining that quitting is going to feel great, it's going to feel like a relief, like you're going to breathe a sigh of relief and you feel like your life might instantly feel better. Just by the thought of quitting, you start to feel like your life might be better. That might be an indicator of what you really need to do. Lastly, when there's no solution in sight, truly no solution in sight. If you have difficulty envisioning a possible solution, if you have no confidence that things will change and you're exhausted and you're, again, you're neglecting, you know, yourself in a variety of ways, your personal care and, and, and even others like your relationships and things like that. This might be an important sign. Now we've recognized that, hey, maybe there's times to quit. And we just talked about, you know, when it, when it, when we may feel like, or what the signs may feel like or look like when we want to quit. But here's, here's how I've thought through this. Here's, here's the 3 or 4, actually 4 questions I'd be asking myself, the analysis I'd be doing in determining if maybe tapping out is the best thing to do? Now I want you to pay very closely to these 4, because if you answer these, you know, and answer them as honestly and truthfully as you can, you're going to go one of two directions. I actually think you're going to persevere and continue to pursue the goal, the mission after going through this list. But there is a chance as you go through this, that tapping out actually makes sense. Okay. Number 1, do you still want to achieve this goal as much as you wanted to achieve it when you set out on the journey? This is a really difficult question to address. Why? Because your perspective today is a hell of a lot different than your perspective was when you started on this journey. So I want you to, to really kind of close your eyes and think, or go in a room, you know, quiet room by yourself in front of a whiteboard and really think like, How did I feel when I embarked on this journey? What were, what were the reasons for me to pursue this goal? What was I hoping to achieve? How did I envision my life would turn out? How did I think my relationships or my family would be impacted by the pursuit and achievement of this goal? Really, really do your best to recall, you know, when you set out on this mission, how you felt and where you thought it was going to go. Maybe even if you have some notes or a journal or something of that nature, that can bring you back to the origination of this goal, revisit that, but do everything you possibly can to put yourself back in time and think through, why did I do this? Then ask yourself, do I still want to achieve this goal as much as I wanted to then? Next, I'd ask you, have you given it every possible chance to succeed? Have you explored every single option available to you? To make this goal a reality, right? Perseverance typically means that we may fail, we may fall on our face with one option, but then we get back up and pursue another option and maybe fall on our face again. We get back up and pursue another option and so on and so forth. So my question for you would be, have you given this every single chance? Can you say, I left it all on the field, I truly have turned over every stone? And I've, I've put forth the effort. I put forth a valid effort. Can you look at your family? Can you look at your significant other? Can you look at your peers and, and with a straight face say, I truly gave it my all? A lot of times we can't say yes to that. We can't say we've explored every option. We can't say we put in every ounce of energy. And if that's the case, stay the course. But if you honestly can say, I've exhausted this. It might make sense to, to quit. Next. And I think this is a big one. Are you still willing to become the person that you need to become in order to achieve this goal? I want you to think about that one. You set out on a goal. If you're going to achieve a goal, any goal, you've got to change who you are on the journey to getting there. Like you have to physically and mentally and spiritually become a different person if you've set a big goal and you want to achieve it. Let's take a basic, like just a basic goal. You want to make X number of sales and that number of sales is a significant increase from the year prior, right? You've set that goal. You've been on the journey and maybe things aren't going the right direction. I want you to ask yourself, along with those other questions, am I still willing to become the person I need to be to achieve this? If you're going to double or triple your sales, you got to be different. You got to be different in your habits. You got to be different in your approach, in your focus, in your growth, what you're studying, what you're reading, who you're hanging around. By the end of this journey, you will physically be a different person. Are you still willing to be that? A quick, quick, you know, story on this. I had somebody in my world, that worked with me. And I watched her quit. And I was kind of disappointed when she quit. And I remember having this conversation with her. And I'm like, what happened? Like, you aspire to, you know, to become, you know, this certain type of person in the industry. And it looks like you've gone a very different direction from my perspective, you quit. And her answer was no. I mean, yeah, I did. And I did quit. But I realized in order for me to get to where I said I wanted to go, I had to become a totally different person, which would have taken me away from my family, which would have taken me away from my kids to some extent. And I'm unwilling to do that now. I thought I was willing to do it, but I'm just not. And you want to know something? It's a really good reason to pause or even quit altogether. Lastly, I would ask you the question, what does your mentor think? If you are aspiring to achieve a goal, if you're smart in, in, in, in developing that plan, that develop— that plan is, is developed around not just what you're going to do and how you're going to do it, but who you need to bring in your world in order to achieve it. And one of those whos should in fact be a mentor or multiple mentors, a coach, or somebody that's maybe been there before you that you're consulting with. My question for you would be, what's your mentor think? When you told your mentor, hey, I think it's time I quit on this goal, they have a very unique perspective. Likely they were there at the beginning. They're still here today. What guidance do they have for you? Provided you have a mentor that you believe in and trust in, I bet you could get some pretty good guidance. So to kind of just bring this back and summarize, right? We are taught in life and in our society that you should never quit. And you know what? 99% of the time you never should quit. You should persevere and persevere and persevere. If you study success, it's usually just overcoming failure one time after another until one day it hits. So most of the time you should pursue with reckless abandon. But I think the best business people, I think the best, you know, the most successful people around, they also are smart enough to know when maybe they're going the wrong direction. Maybe when enough is enough. And they're asking themselves questions like, do I still want to achieve this goal as much as I wanted to when I set out on this journey? Have I given it every single chance? Have I explored every single option? Am I still willing to become the person I need to be to achieve this goal? And then lastly, they consult with their mentors and they ask, hey, what do you think? What do you think? So today I'm not trying to give you permission to quit on anything. As a matter of fact, quite the opposite. I think you should still be going hard at the goals you've set out, unless you can show to me that you've underwritten this, uh, this thought of quitting. You've analyzed everything and you've made a strategic and calculated move, not one based on emotion, because oftentimes quitting is an emotional thing. And I want you to do your best to remove the emotion and make it an objective analysis. That's all I have for you today, the No Days Off Podcast. Thank you so much for listening, and remember, every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. So let's get after it.