Ep 272 | How to Handle Natural Chapter Breaks

Thank you for joining me today. It's Brian Gubernick and welcome to the No Days Off podcast, where we believe that every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. Today's going to be a fun topic because it is actually something that I have been talking about quite a bit. I don't know what it is. I don't know what's in the air, what's going on in the economy, what's going on in the world. But for whatever reason, over the past month or two, I have had more conversations around this topic than most any other topic in my life. Here's what I want to talk about today, and stick with me because I'm going to announce it and you're going to say, what the heck is he talking about? I want to talk about midlife crisis, midlife crisis. Now, why am I having this conversation so frequently today? Why is this a topic? Here's the reality of the situation. I am 45 years old. Uh, I am, I guess what you would call probably around midlife. I'd like to think I'm not midlife. I'm going to live a lot longer than that, but I think the math right now would indicate that at 45, I'm probably in that midlife bucket, right? A lot of people I'm talking to, a lot of people I spend time with, be it personally or in business, they are within, you know, my age range. So a lot of the conversations I'm having are with individuals in that 35, 40, 45, 50-year-old age range, and they are prime time for this midlife crisis period. I don't like to use this. I don't like, I don't like the word crisis, right? I don't want to talk about, you know, someone going out and buying a new Porsche or, or spending money extravagantly or leaving their job tomorrow because they totally want to change their life. That's not what I'm talking about in terms of extreme version of crisis or extreme version of a midlife crisis. What I'm really talking about is, is, is the chapter break, the chapter break that I saw so many go through in March, April, May, June of 2020, that the world changing prompted many people to take a step back and reflect on what was next in their future. I think that I'm seeing a lot of people doing that same sort of thing right now, again, because they're at a certain stage of their career. And they're asking themselves, what's next? So a midlife crisis, let's just get super clear on the definition, right? Midlife crisis is just a period of emotional or, or even psychological change. Maybe it's turmoil, but maybe it's just change or questioning of, you know, where you're at today. A lot of individuals experience this sometime in their 40s or maybe in their 50s, though it could be earlier, it could be later, just depending on you. It's really characterized by this sense of, I don't know, unhappiness or dissatisfaction in one's life at that moment. It's a questioning of goals, a questioning of achievements. It's maybe a desire for significant change or a desire for new experience. I think it's totally normal. I know it's totally normal, and I know that I have gone through this at various moments throughout my career. So I'm talking midlife, but I want to talk broader sense so it's applicable to everybody. What do you do when you're experiencing, when you're feeling a chapter break, when you're experiencing a, maybe a desire to pivot or explore something new? First, how do you know when this is happening? What are some of the common symptoms? Maybe you're a little restless. Maybe you've got a little bit more anxiety than you typically have. Maybe you're finding yourself reassessing your personal goals and your values. Maybe you catch yourself being a little bit more impulsive or dare I say even reckless. People that are experiencing chapter breaks or even this midlife version of a chapter break, Sometimes they feel trapped by their current circumstances and they're seeking to regain some sort of sense of purpose or maybe just sense of energy or passion. And so as a result, they're taking a step back and they're looking at life changes, career shifts, changes in their environment, maybe pursuing new interests. Bottom line is everyone has a different experience. Some have a more pronounced crisis. Some are just contemplating the meaning of life more frequently, frequently than they typically do. So what do you do? What do you do when you're feeling like you're a little dissatisfied and you're considering a pivot? Here's what I've written down. Here's what I have actually done when I've had this experience, and I did have it Had it a couple of times in the past 10 years alone where I've taken a step back, reassessed what was going on, and had to chart a new course based on my energy or lack of energy that I had in that moment. I needed to get into something new. So number 1, if you're feeling this way, give yourself a break. We all go through this. Everybody listening to the No Days Off podcast is a high achiever. Who pushes and pushes and pushes, strives to be the best that they could possibly be, and at some point will ask themselves, is it still worth it? That is a totally normal thing of a high achiever. It is a totally normal thing. So give yourself a break. I want to give you permission to acknowledge or recognize that you're not the only person going through this. Stop being so damn hard on yourself. Number 2, Allow yourself some thinking time. What does that mean? To me, that means getting in front of a whiteboard so I could jot down what's on my mind. Maybe it's journaling. Maybe it's going for some longer walks and just thinking, allowing your mind to relax and tap into some wisdom. Maybe ask yourself some powerful questions that get you thinking a bit more. I'll give you an example. For example, for example, um, Ask yourself, what am I great at? What's my superpower? What am I most passionate about? What am I hungry to learn right now? What do I value most? Lastly, what do I have a lot of right now? Is it time? Is it capital? Or is it influence? What is it that's at my disposal? Again, these questions are getting you thinking about your life, your world, the direction you may or may not go. Number 3, express yourself to others. Obviously, especially to those that you trust, maybe to a mentor or a coach, express how you're feeling. Yes, I know a lot of our listeners go internal. You like to process things on your own. And I want you to do that, especially during thinking time. But I also want you to express what's on your mind. I want you to talk through You know, what you're feeling, what you're experiencing, what you're thinking about, and let someone else give them, give their feedback if you're asking for it. Number 4 might sound strange, but be even more active, get more exercise. Why? Well, because these, for some of us, these challenges of contemplation or trying to figure out direction, it's hard. It also takes up a lot of energy. It impacts our mood. Exercise increases energy. Exercise improves mood and increases energy, right? So it improves mood, increases energy, gets us more enthused, gets us moving. So I want you to be more active during, during bouts of contemplation or considering different routes. Number 5, Challenge what you think you know. This Mark Twain quote says it best. Mark Twain says, "It ain't what you know that will get— that gets you in trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so." Challenge what you think you know. Ask yourself, is that really right? Do I still really believe that? Challenge your assumptions. Challenge what you know. Lastly, be patient. And by be patient, I want you to first, any decision you make with respect to a different path or a different course of action, I want you to take 72 hours before you do anything about it. I want you to sit on it for a minimum of 72 hours before you do anything and see if you are just as enthused 3 days from today as you are at the moment. So number 1, be patient and sit on your decisions for at least 3 days, if not longer. Number 2, use a crawl, walk, run strategy with whatever it is you are deciding you now want to do or direction you now want to go. What does that mean? That means put a toe in the water and test, test things. See how it's going before you put your whole foot in. See how that's going before you go in up to your knee. Assess how you're doing and then go into your waist and on and on and on. Crawl before you walk and walk before you run. There is no need to be urgent in most cases. Allow yourself space to assess. So why am I sharing this again? It just seems like it's a topic of conversation for many right now. Many people that I know are looking at, you know, what they've accomplished, assessing how they feel about that, deciding what they're passionate about. Are they still passionate about what they're doing or they want to change? And I'm not talking about career necessarily. I'm just saying in general, do they want to add something new? Do they want to spice up their world? Do they, do they want a new hobby? They want a new activity. Whatever it may be, if you're feeling like you're hitting this chapter break, know it's natural. Go through these steps, really be patient, give yourself some time to think, and then allow whatever decision you make to slowly take shape. If this is you, please go back and listen to this podcast again, this episode again. And give yourself, give yourself a little bit of a break and work yourself through this process. Hopefully this resonated with some of you. I think it did. Actually, I know it did because I've been talking to many of you about this. There's probably a lot more to it, but I'm just giving you my own personal thoughts or experiences with this as I've had probably 2, 3, 4 different chapter breaks over the course of my career, and I know I'm gonna have another 3, 4, 5 in my future. That's all I have for you today, the No Days Off Podcast. Thank you so much for listening, and remember, every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. So let's get after it.