Ep 333 | Upgrading Your Circle of 5

Thank you for joining me today. It's Brian Gubernick, and welcome to the No Days Off podcast, where we believe that every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. Let's get into it. Today I want to talk about a subject we've covered a number of times over the years, uh, your environment. I believe that your environment matters a great deal. If you intend to get better each and every day, which is really what the No Days Off movement is all about, getting a little bit better every single day at your relationships or your health or your business or your money. If your intention is to get better every day, your environment plays a significant role in your ability to up your game. Now, I believe it was Jim Rohn, the motivational speaker that at least I first heard say, "You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with." I believe it, you know, it's more than just you're the average of the 5 people. I think your habits are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. Your income is the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. The way you manage your relationships, the way you parent. I really think that you are the average of the 5 people in so many different ways. And Jim Rohn had first said that. But there's actually data, there's actually research behind that, that quote. It's not make-believe. I think anecdotally we all believe it to be true, but there is research around it. As a matter of fact, Dr. David McClellan, I believe is his name, of Harvard, found that people— the— he found that the people you habitually associate with determine as much as 95% of your success or failure in life. 95%— the people you habitually associate with determine as much as 95% of your success or failure in life. That is huge. That, that means that your environment has important, massive consequences. The dream that you have in your heart, the goal that you intend to achieve may be more dependent on the environment in which you find yourself than your actual abilities or your talent or your intelligence or anything else. That's mind-blowing to me. It's so significant that I think we've got to really be more purposeful around this. We've got to take control and we've got to forge our own bubble. We know that people push us forward. Or pull us back. Some hold us back, some propel us forward. It's just the way it goes. So we should accept it and now learn how to deal with it instead of just wishing things were different. So what I want to spend some time talking about today is how we could potentially go about improving our circle of 5. If we believe— if you believe what I'm saying here, your environment is so significant. And as Dr. McClellan says, 95%, 95% of, of, of the habits and the things you create influence your success. That, that environment is so substantial. If you believe this, we should come up with some tactical steps to gradually bring people into your world that you in fact admire, that you think can have an influence on your career, and ideally you could have an influence on theirs. Now, I think the first step is an awareness exercise. I want you to make a list, or at least think about a list in your head, of the people you admire, the people you look up to in business, in money, in health, in finance. I'm not necessarily saying, you know, well-known people or famous people, just maybe people in your world. Maybe you're not spending time with them yet, but people you, you maybe look up to. Like, I, I could think in my mind of a couple, a couple individuals I know that I think are great dads. Like, I admire the way that they lead their families and the way that they lead their kids specifically. Now, when you think about these people you admire, I want you to jot them down mentally or actually write it down on paper. Now make a list of the people that you are most likely spending the most time with. Like the people that— the 4 or 5 people you're spending the most time with right now. My question for you: do these two lists look similar, or do they look quite a bit different? Odds are they're different in some way. For some of us, it might be— might be entirely different. For others, it might be, you know, part— partly different, partially different. Uh, bottom line, I think we could see that there's room to, to cover, no matter who you are. In other words, we all have more people we need to bring into our world and improve our circle. So, let's get tactical around this. Let's make believe we need to improve our circle of 5. Maybe we've got 1 or 2 people that we think are amazing and absolutely are people we should be associating with and spending time with. And then, there's a few open roles to fill or open seats to fill. How do we do this? Here's what's going through my head. Number one, if we've got a few seats to fill, I want to figure out who those individuals should be. Who do I want to attempt to put into those seats? In other words, who do I want to comprise my circle? I think you've got to research and understand the individuals that you want to bring into your world. Let's get purposeful around this. I know it might sound a little over the top. But if, if environment is as important as we're describing here, yeah, it probably should be over the top. So, I want you to learn about the interests of the individuals that you aspire to be around. What are they passionate about? What are their current projects? What's the professional background look like? Maybe follow them or check them out on social media or on LinkedIn, or, you know, ask about them or, or, or just observe what they're doing. And learn. Just understand and research these individuals. What are their activities? Where are they showing up? What are they interested in? Okay, so number 1, I think we've got to, we've got to research, we've got to understand these individuals. Number 2, I think we've got to then look for common ground. What do we have in common with these individuals? What are, who are our mutual connections? What are our shared interests? It's a great starting point for initiating conversation. If I know that there's 2 or 3 or 4 people I want to, I want to get around and spend more time with, it would be great for me to know what they're interested in and what shared interests we have and who our mutual connections are. Because if and when I am in fact around them, I want to build a stronger relationship rather than a cold start. Again, I know it might sound over the top, but I believe that firmly around environment. I got to have a good starting point. Maybe even I, you know, I should join some groups or forums or clubs or networks or professional associations that they're in. Maybe just find a way to be in the same space so that there's natural opportunities for interaction. So, number 1, I've got to research, I got to understand. Number 2, I've got to look for common ground. Number 3, I've got to actually be purposeful around my meaningful interaction with them. Again, maybe I'm gonna attend events. Maybe I'm going to seek them out, right? Like, yeah, it's one thing to be in the same room, but now I've got to take action. And it may be uncomfortable, it may be awkward, but that's okay. That's the way it goes. And when I do engage, I sure as heck better ask some insightful questions. Can I ask a thoughtful question or two that shows that I'm interested in what they do and who they are. Can I engage? You know, I start thinking about it, sounds a little cliché, but I start thinking about FORD, family, occupation, recreation, dreams. You know, can I have a structured conversation? Can I have something outlined so that when I do in fact engage with these interactions or engage with these individuals and it's time to interact, that I'm more thoughtful in my approach? Number 4, I've got to really figure out a way to offer value. I got to think about how I can contribute to this person's work or their interests or anything. It could be maybe an article I read I'm talking about, or maybe it's some skill or connection I have in my network. Whatever it may be, I've got to offer some sort of value. I can't be coming at these individuals trying to grab value from them but not offer— offering something in, in to reciprocate, right? So I need to again research and understand who I'm talking to. I need to find some common ground. I need to be purposeful in my interactions, structured in my interactions, and I need to show up, number 4, with value. Now the next thing, number 5, now I've got to be patient, right? I've got to build a relationship gradually. Uh, when I— what I— what comes to mind for me is, is there an opportunity for us to go to lunch sometime or dinner sometime? Is there a sporting event we can go to? You know, I gotta follow up with them. Odds are, for me, if it's someone I'm trying to spend more time with, I'm guessing they're pretty busy. They may not be looking for a new relationship. So I've gotta, you know, I've gotta stay in touch with them. Not overbearing, not overwhelming, but I've got to stay in touch with them. I've also got to be genuine. I've got to aim to build a genuine relationship rather than just pushing in this awkward, weird, immediate, you know, closeness I'm desiring. It's got to happen over time. I've got to be patient, and I've got to, I've got to demonstrate my value. I've got to demonstrate my sincerity and actually build a relationship. Lastly, what comes to mind for me I think about how I could create opportunities for us to collaborate. What is something I'm involved with or I'm doing that I could bring them into that creates a win for them and maybe a win for me? But maybe the win for me is just getting in the relationship, but it gives them an opportunity to develop or enhance something they're already working on. I'll give you an example. For the mastermind that I run, Metrics Masterminds. If you follow us at all on social media or you know how we run these quarterly masterminds, Ben, my partner Ben and I invite different presenters in all the time. I'm interviewing authors, I'm having people speak, and part of that is obviously for our audience, our attendees, our mastermind members to learn and, and grow. I mean, no question about it. But part of that is for me and for Ben to get in the relationship with some people we otherwise may not be in relationship with. An individual I'm thinking about right now, Colin O'Brady, who I've talked about before, world record holder in a couple different things, guy hiked across Antarctica, he's written a couple books. I heard him on Ed Mylett's podcast quite some time ago, and I really, really liked his message. And I tracked him down and I had him speak at Metrix. The win for me was having an unbelievable guy present for my people, but he also created a relationship for me. The win for Colin, he got paid to work, and then I invited him to the next event, and then he invited me to participate in one of his events. And while we don't spend a considerable amount of time together, I do now have somebody that I could reach out to and forge a deeper relationship with over time. So, creating opportunities for collaboration is key. So, in wrapping this up, right, I know it may seem a little over the top, but I want you thinking about your environment. I want you thinking about your 5. Once you've identified who those 5 need to be, I want you to get tactical and purposeful around how you engage and how you build deeper relationship. It is that important and I believe the best of the best are purposeful around this subject. So what steps do you need to take starting today to improve your circle of 5? That's the focusing question. That's all I have for you today, the No Days Off Podcast. Thank you so much for listening. And remember, every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. So let's get after it.