Ep 421 | Living the PERMA Life

Thank you for joining me today. It's Brian Gubernick, and welcome to the No Days Off podcast, where we believe that every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. I want to talk today about the work of Martin Seligman, uh, who— he's actually done a ton of work. We're going to talk about one of his models, but Martin's a psychologist you may have heard of before. He's one of the founders of what's called positive psychology. And there's a model that Martin came up with. It's called PERMA, P-E-R-M-A, and it's a framework for understanding and enhancing wellbeing. Now, funny thing about this model, I don't know how I missed this, but I had never heard of it until just recently. When I got a report from my daughter's school about what she had learned that particular day. And my daughter, my older daughter Avery, she has this, uh, one of the classes she attends is actually a life skills class. It's a pretty cool class. They do everything from yoga to goal setting and vision boarding, and it's just a really interesting alternative sort of class. And the teacher had sent a message over the other day saying, we just started talking about the PERMA model. So of course, I had to look it up because I, I wasn't familiar with it, or if I had learned it, I certainly didn't retain it. And I found it really interesting and worth discussing here at No Days Off, and then talking about, of course, the action steps, what we could do with this knowledge. So PERMA, as I mentioned, P-E-R-M-A, is this model. It's a framework for understanding and enhancing our happiness, enhancing our well-being. So the P— P stands for positive emotion. So this is about experiencing and cultivating positive emotions like joy, like gratitude, hope, contentment. It doesn't necessarily mean avoiding negative emotions entirely, but rather about— it's about building a foundation of positive feelings. So P stands for positive emotion. The E E stands for engagement. Engagement refers to being fully absorbed, fully immersed in activities that create this kind of flow state. You know, that time when, or that moment where you kind of lose track of time and you become so deeply focused. So, it's flow. And that occurs when skills align with challenges and maybe it's sometimes you see it in sports or creative work or problem solving, but engagement. Being fully absorbed. So, P is positive emotion, E is engagement, R relationships. Positive, supportive relationships are essential for happiness. Seligman actually talks quite a bit around the, the need for meaningful connection with others— friends, family, communities, colleagues. They're all crucial, crucial for emotional support, crucial to have shared experiences, the sense of belonging. This is a component of being happy, of creating happiness. So R is for relationships. M is for meaning. Finding purpose and meaning in life involves connecting with something, something larger than yourself, than oneself. Maybe that's family, maybe it's work, community, religion, some personal mission. Meaning provides direction. Meaning helps people understand how their actions contribute to a greater good. And then lastly, the A stands for accomplishment. Bottom line, it's about setting and achieving goals, no matter how small. These sorts of things build a sense of accomplishment and self-worth. So it could be about pursuing personal growth or just skill development or goals that provide a sense of achievement and competence. So each component of the PERMA model contributes to this overall well-being, and it can be developed individually, or it can be developed collectively. So I learned this model, and so then I got to ask myself, okay, great, how do I put this knowledge to work? Like, what does this do for me? What steps should I take today now that I know about this model? If I believe PERMA, if I believe positive emotion engagement relationships meaning and accomplishment. Hitting each of these respective areas in combination or individually makes for greater happiness. What do I do? What are the action steps I could take around these areas? So let's talk about positive emotion. Here's what's going through my head, uh, if I want to invoke positive emotion, I have to figure out a way to savor moments, to take time to enjoy positive experiences, even the small ones throughout the day. Maybe it's as trivial as savoring a cup of coffee, or maybe it's the moments you get to spend with your kids. It's 30 seconds or 60 seconds, but you savor that moment. Or maybe it's completing a task during your day at work. Positive emotion, uh, can come from savoring moments. It may mean having some degree of gratitude practice or gratitude journaling. Maybe it's, I know a lot of our listeners write down maybe 3 things they're grateful for each day. This, that sort of simple practice increases positivity and it shifts focus towards what's going well. So if I wanna increase positive emotion, I've gotta get better at savoring moments. And maybe I do that by, actually documenting it in some fashion. That's what's going through my head. So, uh, that's the P. Now the E, engagement. If you remember, engagement was about being fully absorbed and, and immersed in activities that may create flow. So what action steps can I take around engagement? I think first we've got to identify our flow activities. What are the— what are the tasks are the hobbies where I lose track of time, where I just feel deeply involved. Once I know those things, I can try to incorporate them into my routine more frequently. Maybe it's exercising, or maybe it's working on a project, or maybe just some sort of creative pursuit. But if I identify those flow activities, I can incorporate more of them into my world. I also think that in terms of engagement, We should focus on our strengths. So if you take some sort of like strengths assessment, for example, and you identify maybe your natural talents, how do we try to engage in these strengths in our daily tasks and challenges? Again, the idea here is that by nailing this component of PERMA engagement, we are upping the likelihood or the possibility of just general happiness. So positive emotion, coupled with engagement. Next was relationships. If you remember, what are the action steps here? I think for me personally, it's just making time for connection, like actually scheduling time with people I care about, even if it's a brief chat or a phone call or maybe a quick dinner or coffee. Just these quality interactions, not so much the quantity, but the quality, can boost happiness. I also think that in terms of relationships, action steps we could take, knowing that relationships play a significant role in our happiness? I think we have to become better listeners. We talked quite a bit around that here at No Days Off. But how do we better focus on the other person? How do we show more genuine interest and empathy? This deepens connections, this deepens trust. So relationships are a key cog in the happiness equation. That's why we go P for positive emotion, E for engagement, R for relationships. How about meaning? What are the action steps we could take to, to create more meaning? Well, to me, I think this is getting more purposeful around it, getting more purposeful around defining your purpose. Reflect on what gives you a sense of purpose. Ask yourself questions like, you know, what contribution do I want to make in the lives of others or in the lives of people in my community or whatever it may be. Just look for ways to engage with these sorts of sources of meaning. Whether that's through work or volunteering or just some personal project, define your purpose, understand your meaning, and then act on it. Which kind of leads to the second action step. I think we've got to engage in maybe— well, I guess I'd call them altruistic acts. Just doing things, you know, kind things for others, helping a colleague, donating to a cause, volunteering. What these things do is foster a greater sense of purpose, a greater sense of meaning. And then lastly, the A in PERMA was accomplishment. What are the action steps? To me, this might be the easiest one for many of us here at No Days Off, because accomplishment in my mind is about establishing a scoreboard, establishing goals, you know, selecting goals, and then completing these goals. Achieving these goals create momentum, boost confidence. So maybe I've got to set smaller goals so that I can win Right? Because I want to stack wins. I want to create more momentum. So, I've got to review what I've accomplished maybe each day, recognize the progress I'm making. These sorts of things give a sense of achievement. So, I think that incorporating these steps regularly, it could lead to significant gains in your wellbeing and my wellbeing over time. I'm really glad the teacher introduced this model or reintroduced this model to me. Because I could tell you, I think starting today, I'm gonna pick maybe one step from each category, and I'm gonna integrate it into my routine and see what kind of impact it has on my overall, overall well-being. And then over time, I'll add more steps, or I'll adjust to make sure that I'm balanced across these kind of— these 5 pillars of PERMA— and see what kind of impact it makes on me. So the focusing question for you Of these, these 5 PERMA— positive emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning, and accomplishment— what action can you take, can take in, in one of those pillars today? What can you do today to increase your performance in that pillar and thereby improve your general well-being and happiness? I think it's a pretty cool model, something for us all to think about and take action around. That's all I have for you today. The No Days Off podcast. Thank you so much for listening. And remember, every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. So let's get after it.