Ep 424 | The 3 Types of Regret and What You Can Do About Them Today

Thank you for joining me today. It's Brian Gubernick, and welcome to the No Days Off Podcast, where we believe that every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. As a listener to this podcast, you are likely an individual that looks to maximize opportunities. Looks to maximize their life in all aspects of what it is we do, looks to push to get better each and every day. All that being said, though, because you're human, you've likely experienced some regret, maybe some decisions that you made that you're not proud of, maybe times you did not push it to the level that in hindsight you wish you could have. So, while you've succeeded in many ways, you've probably also messed it up a bit too. And as a result, have some regret or some remorse. Well, just recently, I was listening to an interview with Jesse Itzler, guy we've talked about a few times here at No Days Off. We've had him at a couple of our events. A great guy, and he's got a lot of really smart things to say. And, and in this particular interview, Jesse was describing the 3 types of regret and how maybe we can handle each one of these respective types of regret, like what our unique approach may be to countering them. See, there's really 3 types of regret. First, Jesse says there's the regrets that you cannot change. They're regrets you cannot change. These are the regrets over the things in our past that unfortunately are irreversible. In this particular case, they're irreversible. So we're probably looking at ways to find acceptance, maybe focus on ways to gain closure, closure, or just learn to kind of accept what's, what's happened. Because dwelling on these things It's just not really productive. It's not really healthy. So these are the regrets you cannot change. For example, maybe you have some sort of missed opportunity. Maybe it was not spending more time with someone you cared about before they happen to pass away. It's a pretty difficult, um, regret, I would say, to have. This type of regret is especially hard to accept because, well, there's no way to go back. There's no way to alter those moments. Another regret you cannot change might be not pursuing a career opportunity when you were younger. For instance, maybe someone may regret, may regret not going to college. But since the years have passed and they're further down the path of their career or family building or whatever it may be, They think it's maybe too late to return, and it very well may be. These are regrets you cannot change. Now, to go back to the action step, what could you do? Well, there's no trick answer here, right? You have to find acceptance. You got to focus on the lessons learned in order to gain closure. We all screw up. We're all human. So, we cannot change, therefore, we must accept. The next type of regret are the regrets that you can fix. So this type of regret represents situations where, where action is possible to correct or improve the outcome. So regrets that you can fix, some examples, uh, if you said something maybe hurtful to a friend or a family member, you might regret the moment, but you can fix it by reaching back out, by apologizing, by making amends. These are regrets you can fix. Another good example would be if you maybe neglected your health. Up until this point, you've neglected your health and you regret it. You can work to fix this by changing your health habits right now, by consulting with a health professional, by starting a fitness routine, by changing your diet. You may not completely undo the past actions, but you can still work to make improvements that ease, I would say, this type of regret. So regrets you can fix are going to be those regrets that you can take steps towards resolving. And again, maybe that's apologizing, maybe it's making amends, maybe it's taking just action steps. It can alleviate these regrets. Now, the last type of regret that Jesse describes, and it's one I want to especially lean into because I think it's, you know, we all easily understand regrets you cannot change. I mean, we all have them, things we wish we could do over, but we can't. We know there's regrets we can fix, things that are actively, that we actively regret right now, but we can take steps towards changing that. But there's a final type of regret, and again, I think this is the one to most lean into. And this is the regrets. These are the regrets you can prevent. The regrets you can prevent. These type of regrets involve making conscious decisions now to avoid potential regret later. So Jesse emphasizes proactive choices and self-awareness, which can help minimize future regret and foster this mindset focused on long-term Fulfillment. So regrets you can prevent. For example, choosing maybe to spend time with your children or those nearest to you and make memories while, in the kids' case, they're young. And this will aid in avoiding future regrets of missed milestones. This would be an example of taking preventative action. Maybe, um, Proactively saving for retirement. When we save for retirement, this could prevent financial regret later. So you plan, you set goals early, you can prevent the regret of not being financially prepared when the time comes. So regret you can prevent is a really fascinating type of regret to focus on because it's similar to inversion, the mental model we, we discussed here. So so much at No Days Off, where you're thinking or you're forecasting out, hey, if I don't make the right choices, how am I going to feel about this in 5 years or 10 years or 20 years or whatever it may be? And if that feeling, if you could project that that feeling is going to be one of regret, you can take steps today to avoid that. So, of course, for me, you know, I always talk about spending more time with the kids because our time with the kids is finite. Taking action today leads us or helps us to avoid potential regret down the road. Proactively saving for retirement prevents financial regret later. Being healthy today prevents regret down the road as to, I wish I would have taken health steps sooner. We could go on and on and on and on. You could also look at your business. Again, we have so many entrepreneurs here building big business And sometimes you ask yourself, gosh, you know, we've grown and we've had some success and I'm making a couple bucks now. Do I want to take that risk? Do I want to pursue that path? Do I want to continue to grow or am I happy? Am I content? By the way, I don't necessarily think there's anything wrong with being happy and content. But if you think down the road, you're going to be disappointed in taking the easy road, and not challenging or pushing yourself. Be aware of that because that's a regret that you can, starting today, prevent. So Jesse's framework here with respect to the types of regret— remember, you've got regrets you cannot change, you've got regrets you can fix, and then you've got the regrets you can prevent. This framework's a guide to understanding which regrets of ours are actionable and which require acceptance. It encourages us— this model would encourage us to be both proactive and mindful in the way in which we operate. This approach helps turn the experience of regret into a learning opportunity rather than simply a source of distress. So many have distress with respect to regret, and I get it, but I think if we're aware of these types we could start doing things differently about them, either accepting or fixing it, changing the direction. So you're here at No Days Off because you want to live differently than everybody else, which means you've got to think differently than everybody else, which means you've got to analyze how you're, how you're managing regret, both the regret you have today as well as the regret you could potentially have in the future if you don't take action. So the focusing question for you today, I want to focus specifically on that last type of regret, the regret you can prevent. And I want you to ask yourself today, you know, what, what am I doing right now or not doing right now that may cause me to have some sort of regret down the road in the future? Is there a relationship right now in your life that you're not treating as you wish you probably could or should? And will you potentially regret that down the road? If the answer is yes, what can you do about it today? Right? That's a good example. Are there things that you're talking about doing but not doing yet? Maybe you're afraid. Maybe you don't feel ready. You know, maybe you don't have the education, whatever it may be. Are there things you are pausing right now and you may indefinitely pause them? Maybe, you know, completely forget about them. And 10, 20, 30 years down the road, you're going to regret. If so, do something about it. So, the focusing question again is to look in the mirror and ask yourself, are there things I'm doing or not doing today that's going to lead to potential regret in the future? And if the answer is yes, what can I change right now? That's all I have for you today in the No Days Off Podcast. Thank you so much for listening. And remember, every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. So, let's get after it. [MUSIC] [MUSIC]