Ep 44 | The Trust Triangle - How I Learned to Build Deep Trust with Others

Thank you for joining me today. It's Brian Gubernick, and welcome to the No Days Off podcast, where we believe that every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. Let's get into today's topic. Today I want to talk about trust. I want to talk about trust specifically the foundations, the elements of trust, and how you in fact increase your likelihood of receiving trust or being trusted by an opposing party or the other side of a conversation. I want you to stop and think about a recent transaction. If you are a salesperson, think about a a sales transaction, or if you're just in business, think about any customer relationship that specifically did not go the direction you wanted it to go. Let's say the sale fell apart or the business relationship or the project just, just did not go in the direction you thought it would. Odds are that this outcome, or I should say lack of outcome, had something to do with a lack of trust. There was some degree of trust that was missing. My guess is, again, if you assess something that fell apart, trust probably played a role. In an article I read, it was a handful— it was years ago in the Harvard Business Review, and honestly, I just can't find it, but I know that trust was outlined as, as 3 different points. There was 3 different components to trust. Number 1, logic. Number 2, empathy. And number 3, authenticity. These 3 characteristics essentially were the foundational building blocks of trust. And by understanding how you operate in, in these areas, you can actually excel in, in your world, in your role, in your field, in your industry, as well as at home and in your social world, so outside of the office. By gaining awareness around the areas where you may in fact lack, or I think what the article had called where you wobbled, you actually have the ability to improve and in some cases overcompensate when, when necessary. So let me explain. Let's talk through these three components. There's these three, these three elements of trust. So I said authenticity. Authenticity, what's that mean? It means that you show, you display the real you, or that others can feel or see the real you. So when you're speaking to others, you show up as genuine. That would be authenticity. Logic. Logic actually shows that you know what you're talking about, and others know or trust that you could actually get the job done. So if you're super analytical or you're really results-driven, then logic is probably one of your strengths. On the other hand, if logic is where your wobble lies, you know, where you— what you lack, you can probably strengthen it by becoming a bit more educated. Sometimes you may actually be educated on the subject at hand, however, the way you're coming across with your delivery, it may result in people thinking you're uneducated. So for example, if you're a good storyteller and you use stories to get the answer, some may think you're beating around the bush or that you don't actually know what you're talking about because you're telling a story. Now empathy. Empathy shows that you truly care and that you are genuinely listening. So if you see your personal and professional relationships as one of your most valuable assets and you're holding them to— you're holding them higher than just closing the sale, you're probably— your strength is probably in this, this world of empathy. If you wobble, like the opposite, if you wobble in empathy, this does not mean that you don't care, but that you may hold logic or you may hold authenticity to a higher level. Furthermore, you may be so results-driven or have such an analytical driver mentality that you may show up in certain situations as lacking empathy. Um, I know that this is me, if I'm being transparent with the audience. You can strengthen your empathy by listening more, by asking more questions. No surprise that That's why a lot of our topics of the past have been around asking better questions and listening more. These again, two topics, but we have a bunch of others to improve empathy because, well, I kind of live through this, through this podcast. So authenticity, logic, and empathy. Now, one unique challenge, or I should say opportunity rather, as it pertains to trust, especially in sales, is in mirroring and matching. So say that you typically wobble in the area of empathy, but your strength lies in logic. If you're talking to a client who's results-driven, which is logic, and just wants the facts, your strength in logic will actually be very well received and your lack of empathy may be overlooked. But if the opposite happened, if you're speaking with a prospect who wants to know you care about them, You may have to really exaggerate your empathy and go above and beyond to show them that you care because you don't want the logical you to take over. So this feeling may be somewhat unnatural for you, it may even be a bit uncomfortable, but it may be the deciding factor in this client or prospect choosing to work with you. So you've got to become pretty skilled in mirroring and matching and be able to use all 3 of these different areas of trust to your advantage. So if you think about relationships or transactions where trust fell out, you take a moment to really kind of think about, you know, that situation. Where were you wobbling? Was it your logic that was flawed? Did you lack empathy? Were you showing up inauthentically? In different situations, you or your wobble that may show up differently in home environments, in business environments, it may, it may vary. But you kind of see where I'm going here. If you know that the foundational components of trust are authenticity, logic, and empathy, what are you strong in? And maybe more importantly, what are you a bit weaker in? And as it pertains to building relationships, especially in a sales environment, are there areas in one of those three, one of those three areas, do you have to up your game? Do you have to improve your game? Do you have to place more focus? So that you are more trustworthy? Again, it's not to say you don't have all 3 of these things, but how they show up are very much driven by your natural behavior. So the next time you go into a presentation, I want you to ask yourself, what are my cues for remembering to be authentic? What are my cues to remember to hear and listen to the other party? Or what are my cues in presentation of my logic? This type of thinking will actually set you apart from everybody else, and it's gonna help you to win more business because it's going to display a person that is easier to trust, easier to believe in. That's all I have for you today. Focusing question, of course, is where's that wobble and how can you up your game in that specific area, especially in those environments where displaying that wobble at a higher level would serve you well in deepening and building a better relationship. So that's all I have. No Days Off podcast, thank you so much for listening. Remember, every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. So let's get after it.