Ep 454 | The 7 "Must Do's" to Earn, Maintain, and Honor Amazing Relationships"

Thank you for joining me today. It's Brian Gubernick, and welcome to the No Days Off podcast, where we believe that every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. Relationships. We're going to talk about relationships today. Why? Because, well, as we've talked about here at the No Days Off podcast, Those that have the greatest amount of happiness in life, it's not their financial success, it's not even their charitable contribution, it's not their impact on society at large. Those that have the greatest amount of happiness in life have important relationships that they build, nurture, maintain, and grow. There's a Harvard study we've talked about here before that studies happiness over the past 75 years of, of a specific group. And they did this analysis of this, this particular group. And again, what they discovered, probably their biggest takeaway, was the happiest of the bunch had the, had the strongest social connection, the strongest relationships. So that being said, I want to spend some time today on relationships because we have a lot of hard-charging individuals here, entrepreneurs building in build mode, building big businesses. And sometimes we have a tendency to neglect, you know, other, other relationships outside of the office. And, uh, I know I've been guilty of that in the past. So I want to talk about the things that we can be doing to, to really maintain and earn and honor our amazing relationships. As a matter of fact, I'm going to give you 7 principles, 7 must-dos. And, uh, much of this is derived from Farnam Street and Shane Parrish. I've been talking about them a little bit. Uh, that's, that's the framework for today. So let's go through the 7 principles for having great relationships. Number 1, great relationships, you got to make it a win-win. Make relationships win-win. Relationships thrive when both parties feel they're gaining something meaningful. So instead of approaching relationships with a, what I would call a transactional mindset, think about how both you and the other person can benefit from the relationship. This doesn't mean everything's got to be perfect. It doesn't mean it has to be perfectly equal for that matter, but it's got to be mutually fulfilling. So ask yourself, how can I add value to this person's life? And what am I hoping to gain from this connection? Great relationships build through shared goals, through a mutual respect, and they build through aligned values. And ultimately, great relationships leave both sides better off. So number 1, make it win-win. Make relationships win-win. Number 2, Opt for the most charitable interpretation of someone's words and actions. Opt for the most charitable interpretation of someone's words and actions. Bottom line, we all make mistakes. People make mistakes. We all have bad days. We all communicate poorly from time to time. So instead of jumping to negative conclusions, give the other person the benefit of the doubt. This is super hard. I get it. But again, you want to have great relationships, opt for the most charitable interpretation of someone's words. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Assume good intentions unless proven otherwise. This sort of approach creates trust. It reduces unnecessary conflict. Number 3, pay attention and be present. You want great relationships, you got to pay attention, you got to be present. Again, you're probably laughing if you're listening to this because we all know what it feels like to have someone who's not paying attention and being present. We've also probably been the individual not paying attention and being present. So, you want great relationships? Be attentive, so pay attention and be present. Being fully present is a gift in a world that is full of distractions. So, when someone's, you know, talking to you, pay attention, put away your phone. Make eye contact. Don't glance at your watch. Focus entirely on them. True presence shows the other person in the relationship that they're valued and, and that they're heard. So it's just not about, you know, it's not only about being physically there, but you got to be mentally there. Ideally, you're emotionally there, and you're, and you're engaging in the moment. You got to practice this. 'Cause practicing presence will strengthen that bond between you and the other individual, and it builds a foundation, again, of trust and of mutual respect. Number 4, use active, generous listening. So, this is a little bit different than number 3. Number 3 was pay attention and be present. Number 4 is use active, generous listening. What does that mean? Listening is not just waiting for your turn to speak. It's about truly, you know, genuinely understanding what the other person is saying. So it's what I would call active listening. And I say what I would call it because months back when we interviewed Matthew Dicks, the great storyteller, uh, he actually said there's no such thing as active listening. You might want to go back and listen to that interview I did with him. It was freaking awesome. But I believe, you know, I'm calling it active listening. Active listening. You got to practice active listening by asking clarifying questions, by restating or paraphrasing what it is you heard, by showing empathy. Generous listening goes even one step further. You're listening not just to respond, but to support and to uplift the other person. Again, when someone really feels heard, they're more likely to open up, and that deepens the connection, makes for an amazing relationship. Number 5, you get what you give and what you expect. You get what you give and what you expect. The energy and expectations that you bring into a relationship usually mirror what you're going to receive. So if you approach relationships with kindness, with positivity, with generosity, there's a really good chance you're likely to see those qualities reflected back. At the same time, what you expect from others can influence, you know, outcomes. If you expect the best in people, they often rise to meet those expectations. So if you want amazing relationships, remember, you get what you give and what you expect. Number 6, stop always— stop trying to always be right. It's probably the one I gotta, I gotta highlight for myself because I'm definitely guilty. Stop trying to always be right. Being right often comes at the expense of harmony. Constantly needing to prove your point can damage relationships, as, as I know I've experienced. It can make others feel undervalued. It can make them feel disrespected. So instead of that, we need to focus on understanding different perspectives. And for finding, you know, focus on finding common ground. So I think the best way, or one of the best ways to do this, is to ask yourself before you say something, before you, you know, uh, maybe get frustrated, ask yourself, what's more important here, being right or preserving this relationship? Letting go of the need to win can lead to deeper connection. Can lead to more meaningful conversations. Number 7, last one of these, of these 7 principles for having amazing relationships. Number 7 is accept human nature as it is. People are flawed. You are flawed. I am flawed. Accepting others for who they are rather than who you wish they would be creates space for genuine relationship. Now, I don't believe that this means we have to tolerate harmful behavior, but I do believe it's about understanding that everyone has limitations and struggles. So embrace that imperfection, both in yourself and in others, and focus on building relationships that are kind of framed around understanding, empathy, grace. Right? So accept human nature as it is because people are flawed and we have to accept others how they are. And ideally they're accepting us for how we are. And this creates more genuine relationships. So there's the 7 principles for having absolutely amazing relationships. 7 must-dos, 7 things that you need to consider. If you want to have amazing relationships, if you want to develop, nurture, grow amazing relationships. My guess is that one or two or three of those seven probably need a little bit of work for you in certain relationships. Bottom line, great relationships, in my opinion, they never happen by accident. They're cultivated. They're cultivated through intentionality, and they're cultivated through effort. So if you practice these seven principles you'll not only strengthen your connections, but you'll also create, I think, maybe a richer, more fulfilling life because it'll be surrounded by stronger, you know, more meaningful relationships. Relationships are going to be one of the greatest investments you make. You've already lived it, you know this. So you have to treat them with care, you have to treat them with the attention they deserve. So my focusing question for you today Based on the 7 I just provided, where's there an opportunity for you to do some work? Where's there an opportunity for you to do some work? And what steps can you take today to improve the relationships or build new relationships in your world? That's all I have for you today. The No Days Off Podcast. Thank you so much for listening. And remember, every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. So let's get after it. [MUSIC] [MUSIC]