Brian Gubernick explores the "IDGAF muscle," a concept from Tim Grover's Winning that strengthens when you say no to distractions and relationships that conflict with your core mission. Developing it requires initial discomfort but leads to faster decisions and unapologetic focus on your goals.
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Thank you for joining me today. It's Brian Gubernick, and welcome to the No Days Off podcast, where we believe that every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. Let's get into today's topic. I think it's going to be a fun one. It's also going to be one that I'm going to rate Probably PG, maybe even PG-13, depending on how you parent. Today's topic, which I'm actually serious about, there is some language involved in this one. Today's topic is about the IDGAF muscle. IDGAF muscle. What does IDGAF stand for? Well, some of the younger generation could tell some of us old guys, it's an acronym and it stands for I don't give an F. I don't give an F muscle. This concept I'm borrowing from Tim Grover, who is an author of several great books. This specific concept comes from his book called Winning. Tim is most well known for his work in training Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Scottie Pippen, Charles Barkley, and a handful of other professional athletes. And he had this— he has this no surrender, work your butt off mentality. And I would call it a controversial mentality depending on the topic he's discussing. And this, this I don't give an F muscle, I absolutely love the concept. I love the way Tim described it. And I'm actually going to quote the book, read the book excerpts from it to emphasize what this is all about, because I don't think I could say it in the same way that Tim describes it here. Tim says this, you can't see it, you can't show it off under your clothes. It's internal. The IDGAF muscle. The medically correct term is the I don't give an F muscle. It's stronger in some people than in others. It gets stronger the more you use it. This is the muscle you flex when you need to make critical decisions about your life and your priorities, when others are telling you what to do, judging your decisions, and distracting you from your mission. You could also use it on yourself when your fears and doubts are whispering or screaming that you're not good enough and you don't know what you're doing. The IDGAF muscle— and I'm gonna— I'm no longer reading. I mean, I think that that kind of speaks for itself. But here's what Tim's really saying and what he says throughout this particular book. If you are committed to your mission, if you are committed to your goal, if you're trying to climb to the top of a mountain, it's a heck of a lot easier to climb to the top of that mountain just by yourself without a bunch of baggage and things hanging on to you and weighing you down. Tim believes that the best way to remain focused, to remain committed, to climb that mountain without being held back is to flex the IDGAF muscle. He says the first few times you flex this muscle, it's probably gonna feel weak and it's gonna be sore and it's gonna get easily fatigued like any other muscle you haven't used quite enough. But when you start to use it regularly and when you train it appropriately, it does become strong, it becomes fast, it becomes responsive. And that elevates your ability to separate from the things and the people that you need to move away from. Tim makes no, no apologies for this in his book when he talks about this muscle, because Tim's book, again called Winning, is about exactly that topic— winning unapologetically, taking action, doing the things necessary to win the game, to win the race, to, to hit the goal, to achieve whatever it is you set out to achieve. Tim describes the process of winning, or the, the, the, the chase— he describes it as a selfish one. And I, I got to say, I kind of agree with him, because if you are truly committed, like we talk about with this No Days Off movement, if you are truly committed to being the absolute best version of you, then by definition, you gotta be a little selfish, which means that you've gotta have the ability or you have to develop the power to say no. You've gotta say no to relationships that don't further the cause. You gotta say no to things that land on your calendar that are not in line with the mission. You gotta say no to the distractions and the things that frankly zap your energy versus give you energy. And in order to say no, you've got to develop this IDGAF muscle. What you're really saying is not just, "I don't give an F." What you're saying is, "I am so committed to my cause that nothing's going to stand in my way." I think that this applies to so many different places throughout life. And as many of you know that have been listening for some time, you know, oftentimes it defaults to relationships. And I talk about my daughters, for instance. If I am truly committed to living a certain life with my daughters and developing a certain relationship with them, and I envision, you know, we've talked about it here at No Days Off, you know, the write your own eulogy. If I really am sincere in honoring that plan for my eulogy, I can't give a shit about certain things that are standing in the way if I am committed. If I do care, If I don't flex the IDGAF muscle, well, I mean, hey, you know, maybe be lenient with yourself now and again, but if you are regularly not flexing, if you are regularly not saying no, if you do care, well, I got to be honest with you, maybe it's not a real goal. Maybe it's just one you state. Maybe there's a big gap between your stated goal and your real goal. But if you are committed, as I think everybody listening here is, you can't apologize for saying no. You can't apologize for doing what you need to do, and many will perceive it as selfish, and you just can't care. You just can't. You've got to develop that skin. Now, I'm not saying be a bad guy, be a bad woman, be a bad person. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying not to care. I'm not saying not to have empathy. I'm just saying be very clear on your mission. You know, manage expectations of, of everybody around you to the best of your ability, but not everybody's going to understand the journey that you're on. They really aren't. And that's okay. That's why you outgrow relationships along the way. That is why you will have to get comfortable with outgrowing. Relationships and certain activities and certain hobbies and things of that nature. You are going to outgrow them if you are truly on a journey to be great. So the focusing question for you today, where do you have to start flexing this IDGAF muscle? Where, where does this apply in your world, business and personal? Where have you cared a little bit more than you probably should, to the point where it's jeopardized the, the vision, the mission, the cause? And what steps can you take today to correct for this? That's all I have for you today. The No Days Off Podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Remember, every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. So let's get after it.
