Brian Gubernick examines why people chase society's definition of success—fancy cars, titles, big houses—without questioning if it's actually theirs. He uses the "bot status" test: would you buy it if nobody could see it? Gubernick spent years chasing sales numbers and commissions until burnout showed him he was climbing a ladder against the wrong wall.
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Thank you for joining me today. It's Brian Gubernick, and welcome to the No Days Off podcast, where we believe that every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. You must create your own definition of success, otherwise you're just chasing what society creates for you. This is a quote I heard the other day, and it's had me thinking about my own definition of success and where and when in my life I have failed to define it. As a result, I've been chasing what society or others created for me. Most of us are chasing success, and we're chasing this idea of more, this game of more, and we're not oftentimes stopping to ask whose, whose version of success are we, are we actually chasing? We end up in this default success is what I'll call it, or at least society's default definition. And what is the, the default definition? It's the fancy car, it's the job title, it's the followers, it's the appearance that you're living a life of luxury, it's a big house. And I think that this is incredibly dangerous. It's kind of on the heels of a conversation we just had in a previous episode about the bot status exercise, which is really about asking the question, uh, would I buy this thing if I could not show it to anyone or tell anyone about it? Would I buy whatever it is that's in front of me if I cannot show it to anyone or tell anyone about it? That's the bot status test, and we— I think we talked about it, I want to say, um, 5 days ago, episode 516. Check it out. But That's kind of where that big house, fancy car, job title, that default set success definition, that's where it lies. And it's dangerous. Why is it dangerous? It's because it's externally driven, not internally driven, but externally driven. It can lead to burnout, it could lead to comparison, it certainly can lead to emptiness and even some regret. See, I know for me, early in my career, there there is no question that I was after the numbers, the sales volume, the sales unit, the gross, you know, commission or revenue figure, the profit figure. I was very, very, very much driven by the scoreboard. And to be clear, I am still driven by the scoreboard. But my definition, definition of success at that time was purely the scoreboard. It wasn't what the success or the money could do for my family or for charity. It wasn't about influencing people in such a way that it helps them get to where they want to go. It wasn't that grander vision that exists today. It was very much a scorecard or scoreboard item for me. And I learned that chasing that definition of success and then later realizing, you know, wasn't really what I wanted. It was very unfulfilling. The goalposts continued to move. It was— there was never going to be enough. I mean, if I set the target at 100 widgets, I got to 100. I'm like, oh, that's barely moving the needle. We got to get to 200. And I got to 200 and I was like, I got to get to 400. And again, a lot of that just had to do with my definition of success, which was simply a scoreboard or scorecard number. It's very much evolved since then, but so many of us still find ourselves in that externally driven definition. I think we have to shift. I think we have to truly define success for ourselves. What really matters to you? In other words, if no one clapped, if no one applauded, would you still want to live that way? So what really matters to you? I think, you know, for people that I chat with that I believe are clear on their definition of success. Sometimes I'll hear, you know, let's say a parent who wants more time freedom, and with that freedom, they could spend time with their family having experiences. I think that's a pretty clear definition of success. Or an artist who values creative integrity over fame, and they're very clear on that. Not just an excuse, but they're truly clear on their desire for creative integrity. I think that's a fine definition of success. Or the business owner who ultimately values impact over revenue. That's a very clear definition of success, and it's not necessarily externally motivated. Success is personal, as is, as is the case here in these examples. It's personal. It's not universal. And again, society's definition can sometimes appear to be a universal one. I think the risk here that we run, the danger, is that we could climb the wrong ladder. It's like climbing a ladder. Let's hypothetically say we're climbing a ladder and we're climbing that ladder for 30 years only to realize it was leaning against the wrong wall. Wow. How would that feel? Unfortunately, too many people, especially in the United States, learned that lesson all too late. I think people feel stuck sometimes, and they feel disillusioned because they never define what their wall actually was. So they climb the ladder, you know, leaning against whatever wall happens to be there. But again, if you redefine success, if you define your wall, then the climb is very purposeful and fulfilling. Step off of autopilot. Get out of autopilot. And I want you to ask, am I chasing this because I want it? Or am I chasing it because someone told me I should want it? That's a whiteboard question for me. That's when I sit down and write at the top, am I chasing this because I want it or because someone told me I should want it? And I'm just sitting there and I'm thinking about that one. And I'm being honest with myself. I could tell you if I go back in time and I did an exercise like this, I found that I was chasing it because I wanted it for sure. I definitely wanted it. I wanted the feeling, the success, the accolade, the win. But I also was told by others that maybe I should want that. And I had to redefine that success and ultimately get to, you know, a clear definition that was more fulfilling. So, I think the challenge I have for our No Days Off Nation today is redefine your success. What does success look like for you personally? Right now? I think the moment that you define success for yourself, the chase becomes so much more meaningful and the destination actually becomes yours. So, again, take some time today. Maybe it's— maybe this is a journal prompt, maybe it's a whiteboard question where you sit and think around it, maybe you go out on a run or a walk and you ask yourself, what does success look like for me personally right now? And you think around that or you jot down some notes. I'm curious how that might compare to how you were defining success at the very start of this, this episode. That's all I have for you today. The No Days Off Podcast. Thank you so much for listening. And remember, every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. So let's get after it.
