Ep 543 | Three Steps to a Better Relationship (Inspired by Mack Newton)

Thank you for joining me today. It's Brian Gubernick, and welcome to the No Days Off podcast, where we believe that every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. Well, it's time for some more Mac Newton. I haven't talked about Mac in a little while, uh, as many of you know, as many of our No Days Off Nation members know, Mac Newton is a mentor of mine who unfortunately passed not too long ago. But I learned so much from Mac Newton and I've shared many of those lessons here at No Days Off. And today is gonna be another Mac Newton-inspired episode because we're gonna talk about the 3 steps to a better relationship. And this is straight out of my notebook, having sat in front of Mac in his, in his studio for 17 or so years. This is something he talked about one day and followed up a few more times. Mac asked our group multiple times, but in one specific day, he said, why do we keep having the same argument over and over and over again with the people we love the most? He said, the faces change, the setting changes, but somehow we fall into the same patterns. Max shared 3 powerful ideas, 3 shifts I think that could change your relationship forever, starting with the next conversation you have. Max said, step 1, we've got to break the pattern. Max said, if you want a different outcome, you have to risk doing something different. Relationships get stuck in loops. We say the same things and they respond the same way and nothing changes. So, Mack actually suggested, and I found this funny the first time I heard it, he suggested that the very first thing we do is change our posture. Literally lean in or soften your body. Don't brace for impact, be open up, open up to connection. Don't interrupt, don't jump in with your opinion. Pause. Ask questions. Then, and he emphasized this, this is the key, repeat back what you heard in your own words. Not to be clever, but to check if you actually understand. So step 1 was break this pattern. The moment of clarity might be the first time your partner truly feels heard. When you don't interrupt, when you don't jump in with your opinion, when you pause, when you ask questions, that moment, that clarity gained might be the first time your partner feels truly heard, at least in a long time. Lastly, around breaking the pattern, Max said, "Be sure to always say what you're really thinking. Don't assume they could read your mind. And never ever use weapons or use words as weapons." because that damage is really hard to undo. So your move, next time it starts to feel like a familiar fight, do one, one unfamiliar thing. Pause, breathe, try to understand before you try to win. Now, step 1 is breaking the pattern. Step 2 was love yourself more. Love yourself more. Remember, these are 3 steps to a better relationship. Step 2 is love yourself more. Max's insight was you can't give away what you don't have, and you can't accept love any more than you already love yourself. So if you don't feel lovable, even someone else's love might not land the way they intended. Oftentimes we're not suffering from a lack of love, we're suffering from a lack of receiving love. Max said, just because your spouse doesn't love you the way you want doesn't mean they're not loving you with everything they've got. Say that one more time. Just because your spouse or your significant other doesn't love you the way you want doesn't mean they're not loving you with everything they've got. The better you feel about yourself, the less you demand from someone else was his point. Lastly, Mac would remind us, stop trying to change your spouse. It doesn't work. Start— stop trying to change your significant other. It doesn't work. It's not your job. The real work, the real work is you. You've got to grow. You've got to heal and forgive. Learn to like yourself more. Step 2, love yourself more. Now, Step 3, commit fully. Mac was a 9th-degree black belt in taekwondo. And he would say, if you don't fully commit in Taekwondo, if you don't commit to the movement, you might not survive the fight. Well, the same, according to Mack, is true in love. See, most people hold back. They're afraid to commit unless they're sure the other person will too. So what happens? Both parties only kind of give halfway. And the relationship suffers as a result. It might even dry up. The playfulness fades, the laughter disappears. And once the laughter is gone, according to Mack, the relationship's almost always gone as well. Relationships die not from a lack of love, but from a lack of bravery. So be the one who goes first. Take the leap, make the move, not because they've earned it, but because you have decided to love boldly. So Mack would say, your move, stop waiting for equal effort, be the one who commits first. Love isn't about keeping score, it's about showing up. So many relationships fail not because they're broken, but because we're afraid to do something different. We're afraid to pause, we're afraid to understand, we stop, you know, we're afraid to stop trying to fix someone else. We, we, we don't commit fully without knowing if it'll be returned. That's why these things break. But if you're going to be, you know, if you're going to bet on anything, bet on love according to Mack Newton. Bet on the version of you that listens, softens, and grows. So my favorite guy, Mack Newton, coming to us today with some thoughts on relationships and love. Not a typical conversation we have here. But we all strive to have better relationships, and I, I really do not know of a better person to turn to than, than Mack Newton for this sort of lesson. So hopefully there's something here for you today. At the very least, at the very least, take one or two of these, these lessons today and apply them to your relationship immediately and see if it changes things up a little bit. It's worth a shot. That's all I have for you today, the No Days Off Podcast. Thank you so much for listening, and remember, every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. So let's get after it.