Ep 606 | Be the One Who Goes First

Thank you for joining me today. It's Brian Gubernick, and welcome to the No Days Off Podcast, where we believe that every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. I recently went on vacation with my family, and as I was walking out the door, I of course looked at my bookshelf and said, to myself, gosh, what book should I read or reread during this trip? And I've been meaning to pick up Tim Ferriss's Tools of Titans book again. It's one of my all-time favorites. If you haven't read it, get that one, as well as his Tribe of Mentors book. It is— they're huge. They're not necessarily the bit— the best books to, uh, put in your backpack for a long trip, but, uh, they are just jam-packed with so much great information. And I brought that book with me, and on the plane, I'm flipping through the book Tools of Titans. And it's not one that you read straight through. You kind of skip around and, and learn new things. And, and I had read it before, but I never— at least I don't remember stopping on page 94. On page 94, there's an interview or discussion with Gabrielle Reece, who's a volleyball legend. And she says on page 94, her quote is, "I always say that I'll go first. That means if I'm checking out at the store, I'll say hello first. If I'm coming across someone and make eye contact, I'll smile first." Be the first to smile, be the first to compliment, be the first to say hello. Now, when I first read that, I'm like, well, that's polite. Like maybe something you tell your kids about, about manners. And I'm always trying to teach my kids something about manners. But the more I sat with that concept and with that quote, the more it kind of expanded for me. Because I realized that this idea of going first, it's, it's not just about etiquette. It's actually about leadership. And it's about courage. I think it's about emotional intelligence. And I think it's actually a pretty killer strategy for life and for business that most people miss because it seems too simple to matter. So, I started reflecting on how often I actually don't go first. You know, when I've been in rooms where I waited for someone else to say hi, or I've thought about complimenting someone but I let the moment pass, or I've scrolled past names of old friends in my phones and my phone or old connections. And I, and I wanted to reach out, but I didn't for no, for no good reason. There was just a little hesitation or maybe even a little ego. Maybe there's a little, little fear of, of, of seeming too eager or too vulnerable or too whatever. So I waited and, and I waited and then nothing happened. But I think Gabriel Reese really kind of changed my entire mindset with 4 words, and those 4 words were, "I will go first." It got me thinking about how often we all might hold back because we're waiting for permission. We're waiting for permission, maybe socially or professionally or emotionally. We're waiting for the other person maybe to validate us before we validate them. We want proof that it's safe before we take, take the leap. But I think the people who build connection and who really build momentum, who build businesses, they have a tendency to go first. I think in life this shows up in some of the smallest of ways. You smile at a stranger and they smile back, or maybe they don't, but it doesn't really matter because you led. You know, as I was on vacation, I was thinking around this concept and I was running, you know, like I'd go for a run and I'm passing all these people as I ran. And because of this concept, I started saying hello or hi or smiling first every time. And it was actually pretty interesting. You know, another example, you tell your partner they're appreciated even if they haven't said it to you first, or you compliment someone's effort before they show you results, or you call a friend you haven't heard from in a while not because they reached out, but because you thought of them and, and that was enough. So I think in life, like, just as I described as I was running, this idea of going first, it feels good and it could lead to something that you didn't expect. Now in business, arguably it's even more powerful because the leaders who go first are the ones who build trust for fast. I think they're the ones who praise before they're asked. I think they're the ones that admit mistakes before they're caught. You know, they share their thinking before it's popular. The best salespeople that I know, I don't think they wait for rapport to magically show up. I think they build that rapport, they create it. And they do that by leading with transparency and they give value before value's actually requested. In other words, they go first. So, I think it's easy to say, "I'll go first," when things are going well. I think the challenge is to do it when when you're uncertain, maybe when you feel like you've already gone first too many times, or when you're tired, or when you're unsure that it'll be reciprocated. But I think that's where the magic actually lies. I think that's where the trust is, is built. I think that's where relationships start to deepen. It's where reputations are, are formed. So I think about this or at least when I was reading it, as I was on my trip, I was thinking about it a lot as a leader, as a father, as a husband, as someone that's, you know, aspiring to build things that matter. I think every day gives us dozens of opportunities to go first, dozens of opportunities to be the one who initiates or who breaks the silence or who makes it easier for others to follow. But I think most people, myself sometimes included, We're just so busy waiting that, that we miss the chance. I think the truth is most people don't go first because they're afraid of rejection. But the fear of rejection is oftentimes just a projection of our own hesitation. Ironically, when you go first, you're less likely to be rejected. That's the funny thing because you're the one that created the very space that makes the connection possible. So, if you're listening to this, if you like what I'm saying and you're wondering where to apply it, don't overthink it. Start with what's in front of you right now. That person you've been meaning to check in on, go first. Go check on them. The coworker, the partner, the peer who looks disengaged, go first. That new business relationship that maybe you've been trying to build, Take a step, go first. The next time you're in a room full of strangers, be the first one to say hello, be the first one to smile, be the first one to shake hands. Let the rest of the world play it safe, I think. Let them wait and watch and maybe wonder. And, you know, I think you do the opposite. You're not here to blend in. I think you're here to lead. That's why I think in a lot of ways you're listening to the No Days Off Podcast. And I think that leading oftentimes begins with this one small courageous decision, and that's to go first. On that note, that's all we have for you today, the No Days Off Podcast. Thank you so much for listening. And remember, every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. So let's get after it.