Ep 61 | Addicted to Chaos - A Conversation Around Mental Well-Being with Brian Gubernick

Thank you for joining me today. It's Brian Gubernick, and welcome to the No Days Off podcast, where we believe that every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. Today we're going to get better at mindset, at mental health, and and we're gonna do that by talking about chaos, or I should say our potential addiction to chaos. Today's discussion is actually not content of my own. I'm borrowing it from my business partner and good friend Ben Kinney. For many of you listening today, this may be a review of something Ben taught about 5 weeks ago or so, but I was, I was thinking about Ben's lessons around addiction to chaos and just felt it would be very, very prudent to share that information with our No Days Off audience. So let's get into this conversation around addiction to chaos. First, let's talk around negative and positive addiction. Okay, workaholism, procrastination, perfectionism, social media, gossip, seeking approval of those around you— these are all forms of chaos. They're all negative addictions. Being a workaholic, while it's a point of pride, especially in the US, Recognize that that addiction, the addiction to work, workaholism, while it may push a project forward, it could potentially push your life backwards. Now, positive addictions, as long as they're not overly extreme, would be things like exercise, learning, uh, healthy eating, meditation, personal development, maybe a positive addiction to productivity. These are great, dare I say, addictions. These are positive addictions. These are not the chaos type. But I wanna focus on this addiction to chaos. Ben said, Ben shared, don't mistake chaos for passion. True passion thrives in stability and purpose. So before I move forward, Maury's gonna ask you the first focusing question. Are there places in your life right now where you're mistaking chaos for passion? You think you're passionate, you think it's the passion that's fueling you, but maybe it's an addiction to chaos. Recognize that true passion thrives in stability and purpose. Being addicted to chaos actually refers to a psychological pattern where an individual becomes habituated to or seeks out situations that are filled with turmoil, conflict, and unpredictability. It's a pretty powerful description of chaos addiction, a psychological pattern where an individual becomes habituated to or seeks out situations that are tumultuous, that bring about conflict, that are unpredictable? Focusing question number 2, have you ever sought out an environment or a situation filled with turmoil or conflict? Have you found yourself gravitate towards environments like that? If you haven't, can you think of somebody in your life right now that seems to always find their way into turmoil and unpredictability. An addiction to chaos is characterized by a craving for drama, for intensity, and the adrenaline rush that comes from living in a state of constant chaos. This constant chaos is really thrill-seeking. Like, that's what we're really talking about here, seeking thrills. And thrill-seeking, those addicted to chaos often have a strong desire for excitement and stimulation. They may actively seek out or create situations that generate intense emotions or intense drama or intense conflict. The unpredictability and the adrenaline rush that, that accompany this type of chaos, they can be very, very, very addictive. For some individuals. And it leads to— call it what it is— it leads to a life, a world of dysfunction. Those addicted to chaos get trapped in cycles of drama and instability. And again, as I stated at the very start, may often mistake their intensity for a passion or for passion. They may think the fuel is, is their passion, but the fuel is often just this instability, just this drama-seeking, just this intensity. It can go on long enough to where chaos becomes familiar and in some cases even comforting, despite all the negative side effects, the byproducts of, of this addiction to chaos. So here's what I want you thinking about. I want you asking yourself, are you seeking chaos more than you're seeking stability? Do you get energy from these things? Do you believe that maybe that, uh, is a place that you're naturally gravitating to? And if so, do you have to do something about it? Do you have to make any changes? There's an emotional dependency that Ben talks about. We can become emotionally dependent on the ups and downs of chaotic situations. And anytime we use a word like dependence, I can't speak for you, but it scares me a bit, right? Like if I'm dependent Like my behavior in this particular case, my emotions are dependent on a situation. Doesn't sound very healthy to me. We may become addicted to the emotional roller coaster and find it difficult to detach ourselves from the drama. And this emotional dependency can make it challenging to break free from the cycle of chaos. So how do you overcome this addiction? The quote Ben incorporated into his presentation, "True power lies not in chaos, but in the ability to find order amidst the chaos." So how do you counteract or overcome this addiction to chaos? Well, first you gotta recognize the pattern. That's always the case. The first step is to become aware. You gotta know that you're actually addicted. And given what I just defined as an addiction to chaos or what that entails, You should be really clear at this very moment around whether in fact you are addicted to chaos. And you've got to acknowledge that there's a negative impact on your life by being addicted. That negative impact could be relationships, it could be family, it could be your business, it could be your health. Odds are, if you're addicted to chaos, there are some negative things going in your world right now. There's been a negative impact. And you have to reflect on these patterns. That contribute to this chaos addiction and acknowledge the consequences they're having on your well-being. Now, once you're aware, you got to identify the motivations. What's motivated you to be addicted to chaos? Is it rooted in a fear of boredom, maybe in thrill-seeking or a need for excitement, maybe a desire to control, maybe it's unresolved emotional issues, from your past. But you gotta identify the motivations and then cultivate a sense of self-awareness. You gotta pay attention to your thoughts. You gotta pay attention to your emotions and your behaviors. Things like mindfulness practice, which could be meditation, or maybe it's going on a long run without headphones in and just thinking. These can help you observe your reactions. But this awareness will enable you to make very conscious choices and break from the addiction. In addition to overcome this addiction, we got to set up some healthy boundaries. We got to set clear boundaries in our relationships and our interactions and protect ourselves from unnecessary chaos. Maybe we have to incorporate some, some degree of accountability or an accountability buddy of sorts that can be aware, a person in our world that can, you know, elbow us if in fact they see us gravitating towards chaos so that we can protect ourselves, so we could stop ourselves, so we could curb our behavior. We've got to learn how to say no when necessary and prioritize our own well-being. And of course, on the journey to doing that, as we talk about quite often at No Days Off, we've got to surround ourselves with people who support stability and positivity, rather than those that bring chaos and drama into their own worlds, and a byproduct of that is bringing chaos and drama into your world. So in conclusion, I think that this awareness around a potential addiction to chaos, we've got to take action, because the truth of the matter is there's a domino effect in that once it starts, if we do not curb it, the momentum is created and it could put us down a potentially dark path, one that we didn't choose or never wanted to go down. So bringing accountability into our world, being aware of our surroundings, creating more awareness, embracing more calmness, you know, learning how to take different steps or steps in order to stay away from the chaos and drama. Building a team, bringing the right people around us, and practicing self-care. Some really, really key things to be doing so that if in fact you're finding yourself go down that path, well, you could channel it differently, go a different direction. That's all we have for today, the No Days Off Podcast. Thank you so much for listening. And remember, every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. So let's get after it.