Ep 614 | A Simple Back-to-School Tradition Every Parent Should Start

Thank you for joining me today. It's Brian Gubernick, and welcome to the No Days Off Podcast, where we believe that every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. If you're a parent, or even an aunt or uncle, then you know this feeling. It's the, the feeling that, that you have the night before a new, a new school year starts. Maybe, maybe your kid has new shoes in the hallway, or the backpack is now packed. And, you know, you're working on lunch prep. And your kid or your kids, who just yesterday, it felt like they were starting kindergarten, are now going into 7th grade, or 9th grade or their senior year. And in that moment, it kind of hits you. Damn, time is moving fast. It is just moving so fast. It's because of this, or frankly, I think somebody telling me about this years ago. It's why I started doing this rather simple and fun for me at least exercise with my kids, with my daughters, Katie and Avery. This is something that I now consider one of the most meaningful traditions we've built as a family. And I'm so grateful that it was introduced to me a handful of years ago. And I want to introduce it to you. Maybe you're already doing something like this, but maybe not. And if you don't have, uh, your own kids to maybe do this with, uh, I'm sure there's some important young people in your world maybe you should consider starting. This, this ritual is sitting down and interviewing the kids the night before school, the night before school starts. So every year on the night before the start of school, I, I have each of my daughters sit down individually and I ask them a few questions and I record their answers. I use my phone and I record. It takes like 5, 6, 7 minutes, nothing fancy, and I try to make it really no pressure. Obviously, camera in their face, maybe they feel a little bit of pressure, but once they get rolling, they're fine. What I'm really trying to do here is just capture this snapshot in time, kind of like a time capsule of who they are. I try to learn, you know, what are you thinking about? What do you care about? What scares you? What makes you nervous? What excites you? And I do it before the year gets going and everything starts to move too fast. And frankly, they start to become different little people. I think these recordings, they're gold. Last night, after I had recorded with my daughters, I watched a few of the previous years going all the way back to kindergarten. Now, mind you, Avery, who's my oldest, is starting high school, just started high school, uh, this week. And, um, I went back to her kindergarten or first grade, actually it was her first grade tape. And it's, you know, it's hilarious, the awkward pauses, the trying to process what I'm saying, not fully understanding my question. And then I went over to Katie, who's my seventh grader, I was watching her video from kindergarten or pre-K, and she's twirling her hair and She's confused, but she's answering to the best of her ability. And it was, it was just so awesome. And I think years from now, I'm not going to remember what color shoes they were wearing when they went to school, but I'll, but I'll be able to pull these videos up and I'll hear their voices and I'll hear their laughter and their quirky answers, and I'll see their personalities, and I'll remember those hopes and those fears. And I I think so, so will they. So, here's the questions that I asked just recently. But naturally, as the kids got a little older, the questions began to mature. But here's the exact questions I used this year, and you could borrow or adapt them for your own kids. And I think that variations of this work. I know that variations of this work, whether the kid's in first grade or 11th grade, this will work for you. You'll get some funny answers, maybe some things you didn't expect, even some serious and some heartfelt ones. You might even be surprised a bit. So question number 1, I ask them after I first say, hey, what's the date? What's the time? What are we about to do? And they say, I'm going into such and such grade. I then ask them, how are you feeling about starting school tomorrow? How do you feel about starting school tomorrow? You nervous? You excited? Both? What's going on? That's question 1. Question 2: What are you most looking forward to this year? What are you most looking forward to this year? Maybe it's a class or a friend, a sport, anything. Question 3: Is there anything you're a little worried about? Is there anything you're a little worried about, like school stress or social stuff or Even if it's like not finding your classroom, anything worry you? Number 4, if you could only keep one class and skip all of the others, what would it be? Number 5, what do the— what do you think kids your age are thinking about right now? Now this one's always kind of interesting. What do you think kids your age are thinking about right now? Now, I usually every year, if I'm using a variation of that question, because I have two daughters, I will say something goofy like, "What do you think the boys are thinking about right now?" And that answer, as it's morphed over time, has been interesting. I'll even go so far as to say, "What do you think of the boys?" And again, when they're little, I love those answers. As they get a little older, I maybe love those answers less, but they're still answers. Number 6, this is one I asked for my kids last night because they're a little bit more mature. I don't think this works so much for the younger kids, but if your school life was a movie, what would the title be? Both kids gave me great answers on that. Sat— they sat there for a moment, thought about it, but they gave me great answers. Number 7, what's something you really hope doesn't happen this year? Number 8, what's something you want to get better at this year? Not just in school, but in life. What's something you want to get better at this year? Number 9, if you were principal for one day, what rule would you make or, or delete? And then number 10, imagine it's the last day of school. So picture it's the last day of school. What do you want the future you to say about how this year went? So imagine last day of school, you take a time machine, You're standing there, you're looking back over the course of your year. What do you want the future you to say about how the year went? So, those are the 10 questions I used this year. Now, honestly, when they were younger, I was asking simpler questions like, "What are your friends' names?" You know, "How do you like your teacher?" "What's your favorite part of the school day?" "What do you do outside of school for fun?" You know, I ask things like that. And again, I'm recording it. So, you're seeing not just, you're not just hearing the words, but you're seeing the body language and the fidgeting. And probably the hardest thing for me has always just been to sit there and let them, you know, be goofy like that. But I'm so grateful I did because the response is so solid. Like, it's so great to see that. Now, here's what I recommend in terms of doing this. Make sure you find a quiet moment the night before school starts, just you and them. Now, if If for some reason you don't get it in the night before, that's fine. Do it the next week, you're fine. The answers aren't gonna dramatically change all that much. I'm trying to catch them before they see school the next day. So if you go about a week, maybe they're a little bit more comfortable, which is, you know, earlier I was mentioning the question when I ask them, what do you like about school? Or how do you like your teacher? When they were little, I wait a little bit past that first day because I found that they were a little bit more knowledgeable. So, find a moment, pull out the phone, and just hit record, and let it be casual. Like, there's obviously no script, there's clearly no right or wrong answers. You just ask the questions and let them talk and let them laugh, let them be goofy, let them be, let them ramble, just let it, just let it roll. And then, save the recording somewhere. For me, I drop it in my Google Drive. And then, listen to it the next year, and then 5 years from now, And then 5 years after that, I really think it's priceless. Now, the real value here— this isn't just fun Q&A. I think it's about connection. It's about giving your child some space to reflect. It's about showing them that, you know, I want to hear from you. You matter. Your feelings matter. Your thoughts matter. I want to know, you know, more about you right now. But truth is, it's also about fighting back against time. Time is finite, right? We take pictures every year before school starts, but we don't always capture their voice and their mindset and their outlook. That's what I'm trying to do here. This gives you a way to get, you know, hold on to that, like, and make a difference there. It gives them a way to look back too and see how much they've grown, not just physically, but mentally, emotionally. I've let the girls watch and they laugh. So parents, If you do one thing this back-to-school season, make it this. Hit record and ask a few good questions. Go on Chat— if you don't like my questions, go on ChatGPT and find 5 to 10 questions of your own. Make sure you capture who your child is right now before the year shapes them and changes them, before they outgrow the version of themselves that you get to see right now, you get to see today. It takes 5, 10 minutes. But what you'll get back, that lasts a really long time. That's all I have for you today, the No Days Off Podcast. Thank you so much for listening. And remember, every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. So let's get after it.