Ep 619 | Winning Over Extraverts and Introverts

Thank you for joining me today. It's Brian Gubernick, and welcome to the No Days Off podcast, where we believe that every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. Some people walk into a meeting and they absolutely light up the room. Others seem to be thinking 3 steps ahead but say very little until they're actually ready. Now, one is not better than the other, but the way that you connect with them has to be different if in fact you want to influence, if you want to lead. If you don't adjust, then frankly, you're rolling the dice on whether your message lands. Today, we're going to break down how to spot whether you're dealing with an extrovert or you're dealing with an introvert within the very first few minutes of interaction. And then we're also going to discuss how to tailor your conversations so you win over their support and you influence their thinking and you get them into action. This is leadership. Now, today is not about labels. In my opinion, it's really about strategy. So I want you to forget stereotypes, okay? Because we're going to talk about spotting the differences quickly between the two. Forget the stereotypes. Not every extrovert is a loud talker and not every introvert is shy. The reality is, you know, you're thinking about the extreme extroverts and the extreme introverts, but usually like most of the population hovers more in the middle between the two. I think the real question we need to be asking in order, as we look at introverts and extroverts, is number one, where do they get their energy? See, extroverts gain it from interaction and introverts from solitude or smaller controlled groups. Number 2, how do they process informa— information? Extroverts like to think out loud. Introverts, on the other hand, think internally before they speak. Number 3, how do they engage in a meeting? Well, extroverts tend to jump in quickly, and introverts may pause before they actually contribute. So, within the first few minutes of any sort of group scenario or meeting, they walk in, they start chatting with who's ever there, it's probably an extrovert. They arrive and take in the scene quietly before speaking, likely an introvert. Do they light up when the conversation gets going or they seem to be more thoughtful and deliberate? That's, that's kind of your read here. Now, once you've been able to identify, am I working with an extrovert in this scenario or an introvert, you can figure out how to approach each of those part— each of those types of individuals. Let's talk about approaching the extrovert. If you want an extrovert support, there's a handful of things that you can do. The first, and it's— I'm sure if you're an extrovert listening right now, you're probably nodding your head as I go through this list. The first thing you got to do is make sure you match their energy early in the conversation because extroverts have a tendency to feed off of enthusiasm. So if you don't show energy and they're showing energy, it's going to make for a challenging sort of conversation. You may not be able to dial it up as high as them, but you've got to exude some degree of energy early in the conversation, and that keeps the extrovert a bit more, uh, aligned with you and more enthusiastic. They feed off that enthusiasm. Number 2, let the extrovert talk first. See, extroverts, well, oftentimes they reveal priorities and motivators in their very opening, in their opening words. Number 3, when working with an extrovert, make sure you— I'm sorry, that you frame your ideas socially. What do I mean when I say that? When you're framing your ideas, make sure you explain who all is gonna be involved, how it all connects people, what the collaboration looks like, and what the benefit of collaboration truly is. And then lastly, number 4, when you're approaching an extrovert, make sure you make it interactive. Be sure to ask for their input, ask good questions instead of ever delivering a monologue. Extroverts will struggle with the delivery of a monologue. Now, when you're influencing their thinking, my experience being an extrovert myself, although I'm somewhat in the middle, I have extroverted tendencies as well, but specifically in business, I dial it up. When you're trying to influence my thinking as an extrovert, use stories, use examples, use conversation and dialogue. Extroverts tend to be a bit more moved by vivid scenarios. Also, you probably don't want to bury an extrovert in a spreadsheet, especially on first contact. You got to get their emotional buy-in before you drop the data. If you want to get an extrovert into action, give them a clear, visible role. Set them up where others will see their contribution. Because visibility fuels momentum for a lot of extroverts. Now, let's go to the other side of the coin, the introvert. When you're approaching an introvert, if you want an introvert's support, first you've got to slow the entry. Give them a moment to acclimate before you start to dive in. Next, you got to send information. Ideally, you send information ahead of time. If it's possible. Introverts like to process before responding. Number 3, and this is critical, if you've ever met with an introvert or you're an introvert yourself, again, you'd be nodding your head, be sure to ask open-ended questions that let them lead the depth of discussion. Closed-ended questions, yes or no questions, it's gonna be a tough conversation. Ask open-ended questions, questions that let the introvert lead the conversation, specifically the depth of that discussion. And then number 4, and this is so hard for extroverts as they're approaching introverts, but you gotta work at it, respect pauses. What do I mean? Silence for introverts oftentimes just means thinking. It does not mean resistance. So for my extroverts out there, if you're talking to an introvert and they go silent on you, It doesn't mean they disagree or they resist all the time. It means oftentimes they're just thinking. Now, when influencing the thinking of an introvert, be sure to provide data and clarity and a logical flow. Give them space to reflect and follow up. Oftentimes introverts will commit more deeply after private consideration. Now, when you want to get them into action, let them work without excessive check-ins or without public pressure. Frame the action in terms of quality and precision and impact, not around speed. It doesn't mean they can't operate with speed, but you want to lean more into the quality and precision and the impact. Now, regardless of type, if you want to win support, there are some like shared principles here. Regardless of type, show respect for how the individual, the extrovert or the introvert, Show respect for how they process the world. If you can ever, you know, if you get— if you could signal to either type, hey, I see you and I get how you operate, you gain trust. You gain trust much faster if you can align your ask, you know, whatever you're asking for, requesting, with their natural energy source. It's easier to win. For extroverts, that's people and activity, and for introverts It's thoughtfulness and control over their environment. Lastly, in terms of winning support for both introverts and extroverts, adapt your style instead of expecting them to adapt to yours. And that's a mistake I think so many of us make and we could get so much better at. So, let me give you an example. If you're making a business pitch to each of these different types, I'll give you the same idea but maybe two different deliveries. If I'm talking to an extrovert, I might say something like, hey, this project is going to get you in front of some key players. It's going to make you the go-to person for the rollout. Imagine the buzz and the energy when they see your work in action. Now, introvert, same idea, but here's my— here's what I might say to an introvert. Hey, I've mapped out the scope so you can run it independently. Now, your attention to detail is going to make this thing airtight, and you'll have the final say on the deliverables. Now, both of these scenarios are— these scripts are true, but each one speaks directly to the hardwiring of the individual I'm talking to. So this week, here's what I want to challenge you to do. In every meeting or conversation Try this, okay? Number 1, identify within the first couple minutes, am I dealing with an extrovert or an introvert? And then number 2, adapt. Adjust your delivery, your pacing, your framing based on what you read, whether it's an extrovert or introvert. And then lastly, number 3, observe. Watch the bo— watch the body language and the engagement shift when you start to meet them on their terms instead of yours. I think if you do this consistently, you're going to start winning people over faster, not by changing your message, but by changing how you deliver it. That's all I have for you today, the No Days Off Podcast. Thank you so much for listening. And remember, every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. So let's get after it.