Ep 674 | When Your Standards Become a Ceiling

Thank you for joining me today. It's Brian Gubernick, and welcome to the No Days Off podcast. We believe that every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. Every great leader sets the bar pretty high. You got to where you are because you likely refused to settle. You worked harder, maybe you stayed later, maybe you learned faster, you had a better environment, whatever it may be. But there's this, this silent trap that I think catches many high performers once they step into leadership. This trap is this belief that if I can do it, so can you. If I can do it, so can you. It sounds noble. It sounds motivating. But in reality, it's one of the most dangerous leadership assumptions I think that we can make. Because the moment you lead with your standards as the only valid reference point, you actually stop leading others and start projecting yourself. I was just reading this article in the Harvard Business Review, and it was talking around this particular subject. And it told this story, the story of Robin. Robin was the individual's name. And the author tells the story of Robin, who was this high-performing chief revenue officer who was being considered for the CEO role. She was, she was absolutely brilliant. She was driven. She was articulate. She was the model executive. There was a problem though with Robin. Her people actually dreaded working for her. Robin expected everyone to operate with her same level of intensity. She expected everyone to have the same degree of precision and to operate with the same sort of speed. And then when they didn't operate in that way, she criticized or she micromanaged. She grew pretty frustrated. See, to her, she viewed that as accountability, but to them it was more demoralizing than anything else. She thought she was motivating her people or her team to reach greatness, but in truth, she was actually crushing their confidence. She was stalling her own advancement as a result of that, because leadership, I think Robin was soon to learn, wasn't about or isn't about replication. It's about translation. This mindset, this, this idea that if I can do it, so can you, it comes from something that psychologists call naive realism. Naive realism is the belief that we see the world as it truly is and others should see it the same way. But of course, people, you and me, we don't all share the same wiring. We don't have the same experiences. We don't have the same timing or the same bandwidth. So, what's easy for you might be intimidating for me. And what's obvious to you might be brand new to me. And when you start to impose your lens on everyone else, you don't raise their standard, you create this invisible friction. And that invisible friction stops growth. I think the best leaders understand that it's not about my way, it's about their way, their way towards achieving our goal. I think that if you're wondering whether this hidden blocker might be holding you back, I think you could actually check yourself. I'm going to give you 5 things, and I want you to think around these, these 5 statements. Number 1, you get frustrated or impatient when others don't meet your standards. Number 2, people tell you your feedback can be overly detailed or critical. Number 3, you find yourself constantly correcting others' work. Number 4, you believe your way is the right way. And number 5, you tell yourself you're just pushing them to be their best. If that, that list stings a little bit, good, because as you know, we're, you know, what we're fond of doing here at No Days Off is bringing awareness. That's awareness. Because awareness is going to be that first step to change. So I think you've got to reframe maybe your belief. Here's how to flip this blocker into a growth accelerant. So instead of assuming, if I can do it, so can you, start believing, if I understand you, I can help you do it your way. I'll say that one more time. Instead of assuming, if I can do it, so can you, start believing, If I understand you, I can help you do it your way. I think that that small reframe transforms your leadership from this projection I was talking about earlier, more so to empowerment. The author of the article, Wilkins was, was the name of the author, lays out this, this series of powerful ways that I think you can live this out. So first, when setting expectations, don't define easy or hard by your own abilities. Instead, let's ask the question, hey, what does a great outcome look like to you? What does a great outcome look like to you? Then tailor your support around their skill and their readiness. Number 2, when you're developing people, stop prescribing and start maybe doing a little bit more discovery. Ask, what does growth look like to you for, look like for you right now? See, maybe their next step isn't what you think. Number 3, when managing conflict, don't rush in to fix it. Instead, ask, hey, what's your read on what's going on? In other words, let them process before you prescribe. Number 4, when delegating, Be clear about the what, but maybe be a bit more flexible about the how. So, be clear about the what, but be flexible about the how. Maybe you would ask, "Hey, how would you approach this project?" or "How will you approach this project?" I think their path might actually surprise you, and that's kind of the point. And then lastly, number 5, when they miss the mark, try to lead with more curiosity and not criticism. Maybe you ask, hey, what do you think went off track? Or, hey, what, what support would help you most next time? That's how you begin to develop thinkers and not just followers. Going back to the story of Robin, Robin eventually caught herself. She started inviting her team into decisions. She started creating open forums for input. She shared her own mistakes publicly. And no surprise, some things started to change. Her people stopped fearing her and started trusting her. Now, this certainly took time, but eventually they stopped fearing her and they began to lean into and trust her as a leader. Her team, her team began performing not for her, but they actually performed with her. Now, in the story, Robin eventually did become the CEO. And it wasn't because she demanded excellence, which is what she thought it was going to all be about. It was because she developed it in others. So the lesson here: many top performers secretly believe their success is proof of the formula. But I don't think that leadership is about cloning your journey. I think it's about creating the environment where other journeys can actually thrive. So, when you set standards based on who you are, you limit your impact. When you set standards based on who they can become, you potentially multiply it. So, here's your challenge this week. Here's your action item. I want you to take one team member that you've been frustrated with and instead of correcting them, try to coach them a little bit more. Maybe ask, these 3 questions in your next, your next one-on-one. First, what does success look like to you on this project or whatever it is they're pursuing? What does success look like? Second, what kind of support helps you perform best? And then number 3, how can I help you grow in a way that feels meaningful to you? And then just simply listen. And do so without inserting your story. You might find that your leadership grows the moment you stop trying to make others more like you and you start helping them become the best version of themselves. So, in summary, the best leaders don't say, "Do it my way." The best leaders say, "Hey, let's find your way." And I think that's how standards stop becoming ceilings, or stop being ceilings, and start becoming these launch pads. That's all I have for you today, the No Days Off Podcast. Thank you so much for listening, and remember, every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. So let's get after it.