Brian Gubernick explains cognitive dissonance, the tension between what you believe and what you do. Leaders often rationalize the gap, eroding trust and credibility. But that discomfort can be a signal to change, if you notice it and act.
Thank you for joining me today. It's Brian Gubernick, and welcome to the No Days Off podcast, where we believe that every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. You know that, that little voice in your head that sometimes shows up when, when your actions don't line up with what you believe? We all, we all have been there. Some of us maybe more than others, but we've been there where our actions, they don't line up with what we say that we believe. It's that feeling that you have in the pit of your stomach when you say, when you maybe preach discipline, for example, but hit the snooze button a couple of times. Or it's the tension that you feel when you, when you tell your team that transparency matters, but you're holding something back. That's not actually guilt. That's not anxiety. That's known as cognitive dissonance. It's the psychological discomfort that happens when your beliefs and your behavior are out of sync. And here's the truth. I think that that feeling can destroy you as a leader, or if channeled, channeled properly, it can become one of the most powerful tools that you have. So, let's talk a little bit more about this cognitive dissonance. Dissonance. What is it? Why does it matter? Cognitive dissonance was first studied by a psychologist named Leon Festinger. Leon discovered that human beings have this deep need for internal consistency. See, we want our, our words and our beliefs and our actions all to match. When they don't all match, our brains go into a state of conflict. And then to fix that conflict, we do one of two things. We either, number one, we change our behavior to match our beliefs, or number two, we change our beliefs to justify our behavior. That's why this concept matters so much in leadership, because every time we feel some degree of dissonance, we're probably standing at a crossroads. Are we, are we going for growth, or are we maybe going for self-deception? See, there's a dark side of this dissonance. Here's how, here's how it goes wrong. Let's say you're a business owner, and as a business owner, you tell your people, we value accountability. That's one of our core values here. We value accountability. But then you keep a low-performing employee because it's, it's easier to keep that person than to have a hard conversation. So you'll feel that, that, that internal tension, but instead of acting on it, you'll start to rationalize. You'll say things like, oh, well, you know, he's been loyal, or, or, hey, she, she just needs more time. See, that's cognitive dissonance resolving itself in the wrong way. You protect your, your ego in a scenario like this instead of your integrity. And I think it happens everywhere. You know, the CEO that defends a bad investment because admitting the mistake hurts his or her pride, or the salesperson that exaggerates performance data because they're trying to protect their own self-image, or the parent that yells at the kid and then says, "Well, they needed to learn," instead of maybe apologizing. See, when we choose justification over honesty, dissonance, dissonance erodes, quietly erodes our credibility, and it also erodes our self-trust. Now, that would be the bad side of dissonance, but there is a good side of dissonance. Let's, let's flip this a bit. That same discomfort can be incredibly productive if you use it the right way. It can be your internal truth detector. It's the mind's way of saying, "Hey, something doesn't fit. It's time to align." Think about when you've had a realization like, "I say I care about my health, but I haven't broken a sweat in a month," or, "I tell my team that culture matters, but I'm the one showing up late," or, "I preach family first, but I'm always on the phone at dinner." That tension, that, that voice is the very thing that can push you towards change. So, the best leaders I know, they don't avoid that feeling. And this is, this is a really important point. The best leaders, they don't avoid that feeling. Instead, they chase it. They see dissonance kind of as a mirror, you know, one that reflects the next thing that maybe they need to improve. Like, they sense misalignment. And it triggers them into action. Now, cognitive dissonance, it goes without saying, given all that we've just discussed, plays a significant role in leadership and, and in communication. As a leader, your credibility depends on alignment between what you say and what you do. When there's a gap, people feel it long before they ever call it out. But here's the other side. As a communicator, you can also use cognitive dissonance to inspire others. People rarely change because they're told to change. They change when they feel a gap between who they are and who they say they are. So, you could help people see that gap gently. So, you'd say things like, "Hey, you've told me that growth is important to you, but the way you're leading right now is holding that back." See, that's not confrontation. To me, that's alignment. Work. It's truth, but delivered with an element of empathy. Great communicators don't create conflict. What they do is create clarity, and they help people see their own dissonance and step into integrity. But it's really important to say that if you're not recognizing your own dissonance and taking action around it, then it's tough to lead others and model that sort of behavior or not model it in a scenario like this. So how do you use it to your advantage? I think you could turn this concept into a real kind of leadership and communication advantage. I think number one, you gotta pay attention to the tension. Next time you feel that internal discomfort, pause. Don't numb it or justify it, just pause. And then number 2, name it. Like, literally ask yourself, what belief is in conflict with my action right now? And then number 3, once you've had that awareness, you can align. Either change the action to fit the belief, or if the belief no longer serves you, update it with integrity. Like, just update it. And then number 4, invite others into alignment. Help your team see the same gaps in a way that builds trust within that team and not shame. So, this week or the coming days, I want you to do a simple audit. You know, I love just bringing awareness to things. Well, this is one of those. Do an audit. Pick one area of your life, your business, your health, your relationships, and then ask yourself, "Hey, where am I saying one thing but doing another? Where am I saying one thing but doing another?" That's your signal. Okay, don't ignore that. Don't defend it. Just go fix it. Just go correct that. Close that gap or eliminate that gap altogether. Because every time you resolve that dissonance, honestly, you grow your integrity, your influence, and really your peace of mind. So, as we close out today, recognize that cognitive dissonance isn't your enemy. It can actually be your teacher. It's the quiet voice that says, you you're better than this. Ignore it and you're going to drift towards delusion, but face it and you step closer to the truth. And as a leader and as a communicator, as a human, as a human being, there's no greater power than that kind of alignment. That's all we have for you today, the No Days Off Podcast. Thank you so much for listening. And remember, every single day brings a new, new opportunity to get better. So let's get after it. [MUSIC] [MUSIC]
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