Ep 751 | Stop Arguing With Fools

Thank you for joining me today. It's Brian Gubernick, and welcome to the No Days Off podcast, where we believe that every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. Earlier this week, I was having a conversation with a, with a friend of mine who I actually coach in business. And he was explaining to me that just a couple days prior, he had a rather heated conversation with a business associate. Based on his description of the conversation, it sounds like emotions were pretty high and, and voices elevated. And at the end of the day, no progress was made. He was explaining this whole scenario to me, and he was describing the the person on the other side of the table. And I said something to him when he asked me, hey, what do you think you would have done differently? I said to him, I said, Mike, I think number one, you got to stop arguing with fools. You got to stop arguing with fools. Now, before you react to that word, specifically the fool's word, let's define it carefully because it matters. I don't mean unintelligent. I don't mean evil. I don't mean bad people. Here's the definition I want to use when I, when I say fools. I believe a fool is someone who lacks the desire or the ability to change their position. That's it. Someone who is either unwilling unable to expand their thinking. And if that's true, arguing becomes pointless. Now, I shared this with him because based on his description, I thought that he was having a conversation with that exact person, someone who didn't have the desire or the ability to change their position. I also shared it though, because while I was hesitant to maybe share this publicly, it is a mission of mine in 2026 to stop arguing with fools based on my definition. In other words, I need to stop getting emotional. I need to stop raising my voice and debating with individuals that truly don't have a desire to even reconsider their position. Let's break this down a little bit further. In business and in life, disagreements are usually pretty healthy. Debate tends to sharpen ideas. Healthy tension and healthy discourse produce clarity. But argument only works when both parties are willing to give and take. In other words, both parties are open to movement. However, if someone is really locked in, if their identity is deeply tied to being right, if their ego is driving the conversation, or if they simply don't have the intellectual tools to process a new idea, let's be clear, you are not in a debate. You are not in healthy discourse. You're in this circular argument. You're in this loop, and a loop wastes energy. I think when you're arguing with someone, there's a real cost when you argue with someone who will not move. I think it costs you in terms of your emotional energy. It certainly costs you in terms of your time, and it could cost you in terms of your reputation. Now, emotional energy, why? Because your nervous system spikes when you get into these sorts of Conversations. And time, time costs because time doing something that doesn't produce, in other words, it's not productive. When that happens, time is just wasted. And then when I mentioned reputation, I think it has to do with maybe onlookers that don't distinguish who's right. They just see two adults arguing. And I think there's a hard truth to all of this. Even if you win the argument, and you're arguing with fools, you still lose because the relationship weakens, the progress stalls, and the focus— your focus— shifts from building to maybe more defense or battling. Now let's go a little deeper here because I think there's two types of fools in the definition I gave. There's type 1, which is no desire to change. What do I mean? These are individuals who are emotionally attached to their stance. Their identity is really wrapped up in being correct. They aren't listening to understand. They're listening to instead reload. So, you can present facts. You can present logic. You could show up with all sorts of data. It won't matter because this conversation isn't an intellectual one. It's an emotional one. And emotion rarely yields to logic, especially in the moment. So Type 1 Fool is the one that has no desire to change. Type 2 is the fool that has no ability to change. Now, this one is a little harder to accept. Sometimes a person simply does not have the experience or the self-awareness or the cognitive range to process a broader view. That's not meant to be an insult. I just think it's reality. You cannot argue someone into a capacity that they don't possess. You can't explain, um, complex mathematics or calculus to someone who hasn't learned foundational math or algebra. You can't expect strategic thinking from someone who, who traditionally thinks more transactionally. And if you even try to do any of these things, frustration starts to follow. So given all of this, what should you do instead? First, I think you have to diagnose. What do I mean? Before you engage, ask yourself, is this person capable of movement? Like, are they in an emotional place? Is their identity in such a place? Do they have the experience? Is this person capable of movement? If the answer is yes, then lean in by all means. Debate, sharpen ideas. That's healthy behavior. However, if this person is not capable, then you got to disengage strategically. I don't think disengagement here is, is weakness. I think it's discipline. So, first diagnose. Choose curiosity over combat. Instead of trying to win, maybe ask, "Hey, what would have to be true for them to believe this?" Sometimes that question reveals whether the conversation is even salvageable. If your answer is, "Hey, nothing would change their mind," well, then you have your signal. Third, what else you can do? Protect your energy. You are building something. You are leading people. You're trying to create momentum and forward motion. Energy spent in circular arguments is energy stolen from execution. I think the highest performers are extremely selective about where they invest emotional intensity. In other words, they don't fight every battle. They fight the ones that move the mission forward. So protect that energy. I think the key to all of this though, like so many things we talk about here at No Days Off, is awareness. Not everyone deserves access to your debate mode. Not every disagreement deserves your full engagement. Sometimes the most powerful move is a, is a calm, simple statement of Got it. Yeah, I got it. And then redirecting your effort where it actually will produce results. In other words, you don't need the last word. What you want is forward momentum. Now, there's one more layer to all of this, and you got to be, be careful here. The easiest trap is labeling someone a fool simply because they disagree with you. And I think this is— we have to take this seriously, right? The easiest trap is labeling someone a fool simply because they disagree with you. That's not what this is about. The test isn't disagreement. The test is how flexible or rigid they are with respect to their position. If someone can explain their reasoning, consider yours, and then maybe move incrementally, that's not a fool. That's someone that we want to have the conversation with. That's a thinker. But if someone cannot articulate their position beyond emotion, If they reject every alternative without consideration, if the goal is just simply dominance and not discovery, that in fact is your cue, and that's when you step back. So, here's the bottom line as we wrap this up. Arguing only works when both parties are open to change, you and the opposing party. If movement is impossible, then argument is a total wasted effort. And that wasted effort compounds. So, the next time you find yourself emotional or heated, I want you to ask one simple question. Is this conversation capable of producing change? If the answer is no, then let's get the heck out of there. Let's eject. Let's stop arguing. Let's refocus and rebuild where progress is possible and spend more of our precious time precious time there. That's all I have for you today, the No Days Off podcast. Thank you so much for listening, and remember, every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. So let's get after it.