Real Goals vs Stated Goals | How to Set Goals that Set You Up for Success

Thank you for joining me today. It's Brian Gubernick, and welcome to the No Days Off podcast, where we believe that every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. Let's, let's get into today's topic. Today I'm going to be discussing real goals versus stated goals. Your real goal versus your stated goal. What am I talking about? I'm gonna explain a little bit about this concept by starting with a story. Okay, so I've got this individual I work with, let's call him Justin, okay? And Justin, who's in the real estate business, said to me recently, he said, "You know, I don't own a home right now, yet I'm a real estate salesperson. Not only do I want to own a home because I want to build wealth, I want to own a home because, well, hey, I sell real estate. It would make a lot of sense for me to invest in a home. It would make a lot of sense for me to own a home if in fact I'm going to be coaching and consulting my clients on homeownership. So Justin says to me, he says, I'm shopping for a home and I've been working really hard and I've set this goal. I've set this goal to buy a $700,000 home. In North Scottsdale. And I said, that's great. And he goes, yeah, I'm gonna buy a $700,000 home in North Scottsdale. I said, Justin, that's amazing. Let me ask you a question. What if a great home showed up for $550,000, but instead of it being in North Scottsdale, it's actually in South Scottsdale? How would you feel about that? And Justin said, Well, I really want that home in North Scottsdale for $700,000, and I said, well, what if the home was great though? What if it was a steal? What if it was a steal? What if it, you know, you picked it up for $550,000 and it was everything you could have imagined in a home, it's just located in South Scottsdale? How would you feel? And he said, I'd probably take it. I'd probably feel really good. I said, that's good to know. I said, Justin, let me ask you a question. If that same home, if I picked it up and transplanted that home to North Phoenix, but instead of it being $550,000, it's now $450,000. What do you think? He goes, ah, it's out of Scottsdale though. I don't know. I'm like, well, Justin, it's just North Phoenix. It's just around the corner and it's the perfect home and it's $450,000, which mind you is $250,000 less than that $700K home you talked about. And he thought about it, he thought about it, he said, you know what? $450,000 in North Phoenix, I'd probably do that deal. I'd probably move into that house. I said, great, let me ask you, same house, you pick it up and you put it in Glendale for $350,000. Now Glendale's about 20 miles away from there. Would you move on that? He said, absolutely not. Too far away, not an area I know, that's where I draw the line. I said, great. What did that prove to me? What does that story mean? What should your takeaway be? I'll tell you. See, Justin stated to me that his goal was to buy a $700,000 home in North Scottsdale. But Justin's real goal was a $450,000 home in North Phoenix. Now, if you need to earn the income to buy a home, it is much more likely in Justin's scenario that he's going to earn money and do activities to earn that money that align with the $450,000 home, which is his real goal, versus the $700,000 home that's his stated goal. So I want to talk about this topic today, and I tell you that story because I want you to be thinking around where have you set these goals in your life, and are they stated goals, things that you think you should be saying, things that others are maybe saying so you want to be on an equal playing field. Are they stated goals or are they real goals? See, the stated goal is the goal that we think we can hit. It's the goal we say we need or we say we want to accomplish. And yet the real goal is the level of action we're actually willing to take to achieve that desired goal. So stated goal is what we're saying we want to do, Real goal is the level of action we're actually willing to take. So the subconscious mind is only going to drive you to achieve your real goal. The level of activity that you do to achieve your goal will only ever rise to meet your real goal. As you can see, there's a significant gap in this, in this story I told, but for many of us, between what we're stating and what we really want. And yet we judge ourselves on whether or not we accomplish or we hit our stated goal and not our real goal, and I think that's really, really unhealthy. What I'm asking you to do is look in the mirror and be honest with yourself. How bad do you want it? When you state a goal, is that really the goal, or deep down inside, you know, is the bar a little lower? And by the way, this is okay, because again, when you state goals, You're gonna have these, you know, less than great feelings. Like this practice of stating a goal but really having a different goal internally, it causes you to not have great feelings, it causes you to have, you know, negative self-talk, um, it'll cause maybe some self-defeating thoughts or lead to self-defeating behaviors. It's dangerous. It's dangerous to set a really high goal, yet your activity supports something much lower. It really is, it's not healthy. And I share that because if you're thinking about yourself, that's great. But if you're leading a business, or you're coaching a team, or you're leading a family, and you influence or coach to state a goal, and you encourage a person to state a really high goal, but it— but deep down inside, like inherently, they don't have— they don't, they don't feel that. They don't feel that goal is their real goal, and they're kind of lying to themselves. Well, you're playing a role in maybe making them, you know, a little disappointed, making them feel less than. Now they have to own their goals. It's on them. So this is not like— as I'm saying, if you're leading a business, it's not on you, but I just want you to be aware especially those that are running businesses and coaching others, that it is a little unfair for us sometimes to push on a stated goal. We should be digging a little deeper to figure out, is it your real goal? Do you really, really want to get there? There are 2 things that drive a real goal. The why behind it, you know, so the purpose, number 1, and then number 2, the total commitment to the how. How am I going to do it? So what's the purpose behind it? Will drive the real goal, and what commitment am I willing to make, what's the how behind it that'll drive a real goal. You've got to know your why to have a strong desire to go achieve this goal. You've got to have a purpose, and if your purpose doesn't align with the stated goal but it does in fact align with the real goal, then let's just make sure we're all acknowledging the real goal and that's what we're shooting for. So let's get clear Let's commit to the level of activity necessary to achieve the clear goal, the real goal, and let's be happy and enjoy the journey along the way. So the focusing question for you today, where have you set goals in your world? And are those goals, ask yourself, are those goals stated goals? Goals that you think you should be stating? Goals that you think you should be setting? Maybe not your goals, but aspirational goals driven by maybe an environment or a peer group, or whatever it may be? Or are those goals real goals? And if there's a disconnect between what you've stated as your goal and what you really believe is your goal, I would take a step back and assess, and ask yourself, do I need to adjust? Now this is not an episode about lowering the bar. Please don't mistake what I'm saying. It's an episode about determining if what you're stating as your goal is truly what you deeply feel is what you're committed to. I could tell the same sort of story that I told from the start about the guy that says he wants to buy a $700,000 home in North Scottsdale, and when I give him options, he says, "Absolutely not. I am married to getting that $700,000 home in North Scottsdale." Anybody that says something like that to me, what I hear is the stated goal aligns with the real goal. So the purpose, the focusing question for you today Where might there be a disconnect between what you really want, what you're saying you want, and how do you adjust accordingly so that you can strive to hit that goal that means the most to you? That's all I have for you today. No Days Off Podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Remember, every single day brings a new opportunity to get better. So let's get after it. [MUSIC] [MUSIC]