Bruce Dougherty breaks down four adult attachment styles: anxious, avoidant, fearful, and secure. He explains the thoughts and behaviors tied to each pattern and argues that secure attachment is the goal to work toward.
So which operating system do you have? Are you the anxious? Do you crave reassurance and constantly fear abandonment? Does it feel as if you're always chasing your relationship? Are you the avoidant? Are you confident and independent? Do you value work and accomplishment? Do you protect yourself by depending only on yourself? Or maybe you're the fearful. You want closeness, but you fear it too. You swing between anxious and avoidant patterns, and you don't trust yourself or others. Now, the one we're all looking for and would normally want to grow towards is the secure attachment style— comfortable with both closeness and space, the ability to say, I need you, without fear, and being able to hear, I need space, without panic. Here's the most important part and what you need to understand:
