You keep picking the same kind of partner and wondering why it hurts. Speaker A says you're probably recreating childhood wounds without knowing it, cycling through people-pleasing and conflict avoidance. Recognizing the pattern is where change starts.
Let's really think about this. If your relationships keep ending the same way, if you keep getting hurt the same way, if you keep feeling abandoned or betrayed or not enough, it might be time to face a hard reality. You're not just experiencing a pattern, you are the pattern.
They make you the villain because they cannot take accountability for their own actions and apologize for the shit that they've done. That is emotional immaturity, and we stay the hell away from those type of people.
Now I know that may sound harsh. This isn't about blame, it's about awareness. Because as long as you keep telling yourself you're just unlucky, or that people always disappoint you, or that there just isn't any quality people out there anymore—
That people will really drain the nice out of you and wonder why you've changed.
You'll keep missing the one thing that you actually have some control over. And that's you. Let me ask you something. Do all the problem people in your life seem to have something in common? Are they all needy? Are they all distant? Are they all narcissists? If they all have a pattern, is it possible that you have one too?
I used to be patient. Now you get 2 head nods and a vague Oh, that's crazy, before I spiritually clock out of the conversation.
What version of you is the one that keeps showing up? Is it possible that you're presenting yourself to the world in a way that actually attracts exactly what it is that you don't want? You see, most people are actually trying to fix something in the present that was missing from their past. They may not realize it, but at a subconscious level, they're drawn towards someone who will help them recreate a familiar emotional experience from their past, one that they're still trying to resolve or heal. But without awareness and understanding, it's likely not going to work very well. So do you think you do that? Do you people-please? Do you walk on eggshells? Do you avoid conflict? Do you stay longer than you should? Do you push others away as soon as they get close? All while hoping that things will be different, that something will finally change. But the reality is it will never be different if the foundation of who you're putting out there is built on fear, unworthiness, or unresolved wounds.
I do Everything for everybody in my life, like me, my kids, him. He goes to work and works enough. That's it. He works. Yeah, his job's hard. Yeah, his hours suck, but he works. That is all he does. I did homework. I fed the kids. I took my son to speech. I went to the bank. I paid people to mow my yard because, you know, he He can't mow the yard anymore. I, um, like I said, made sure homework got done. I got them ready for football. I took them to football. I tried taking care of myself and went on a walk. But you know, when I started realizing I hadn't heard from him, I'm calling and calling and calling and begging for the bare minimum of him to watch our fucking daughter.
It won't matter who you're with because you'll keep Recreating what's familiar, not what's healthy. The good news though is that if it's your pattern, then you can change it. It means it's within reach. It means you don't have to keep playing out this old story on a loop. But it's going to take some courage. It's going to take some effort. There are going to be some uncomfortable questions, maybe some you don't even believe at first. Where did I first learn that love had to be earned? Why does chaos feel more familiar than peace? What part of me believes that I'm not worthy of the best kind of love? You see, we can't heal what we don't acknowledge, and we can't grow when we're blaming everyone else for the results of the choices that we keep making. Once again, this isn't about beating yourself up. It's about waking up. You didn't choose your early experiences. You didn't choose your childhood, but you do get to choose how you respond today. Discover You will help you identify the patterns, heal the wounds, and learn the skills that you need to free yourself from the past. You're not broken. You're not cursed. You're just repeating what hasn't been healed. In most cases, what you aren't even aware of. You don't have to keep living in cycles that make you feel powerless. You can learn to pause. You can learn to notice the red flags, to slow down when your old wounds want to speed up, to choose the love that feels safe, not just intense. That's how you break the pattern. That's how you become the version of you who creates the relationship you've always wanted. Not by waiting for it, by becoming someone who naturally attracts it. Your pattern ends where your awareness begins, and awareness begins at Discover You. Today is a great day to start.
