A speaker delivers a comedic roast of someone called Suspect, mocking their mission to cure the world through bedtime enforcement, their dead houseplants, and their pride in lentils. The piece ends with a hyperbolic declaration that the speaker must kill them.
Suspect thinks he can cure the world by telling them to go to bed on time. That's true. Go to bed. Suspect loves houseplants, but does he even know how to water them? No. Suspect thinks his lentils and veggies are so good, they're delicious. Suspect is either a vampire or a robot you have identified. I must kill you, O.
