Fear! How to Deal with it and Defeat it.

Welcome everyone, we are live on Instagram and Facebook and YouTube, and we're going to talk about fear today. All right, so my name is Coach Brynn. I am someone who focuses on the mental game. Okay, so what's the mental game and why do we call it the mental game? The mental game is The biggest game we all play is life. Now I have specialized in coaching professional athletes, high-level performing entrepreneurs, you name it, it's there in the gamut, right? And, but the biggest game we all play is life, right? And just being ourselves. And interestingly enough, right, I was just talking to my VA and she's like, you gotta give me your secret for how you keep having intersections with things that you want. And I was like, yeah, of course, let's talk about it. Okay, so really quick, I wanted to come on and talk about fear today. The big F word, right? The biggest F word there is, right? Not the one that your parents told you you can't say. This is the biggest F word that I think we all face, right? And I remember Ayan LaVon Zant many moons ago said something to the effect of There's only two real emotions, right? Love or fear. But technically, fear does not exist, right? We know fear as an acronym. People have broke it down to say false evidence appearing real. Hey Laura, how are you? And the thing about fear is, is that it feels very real, right? That appearing real is probably the most real part about it. Okay, so when you are experiencing fear, it is— it feels like it's happening in real time, right? Um, it— maybe you're afraid of something, you're getting triggered by something in your past. I can't speak for how you experience fear, but fear doesn't really exist. There is no actual fear in the sense of like what you're afraid of probably hasn't happened, right? It's more something in the past that happened. It's something in the future you're worried about happening, but it's never actually happening in the moment, the thing you're afraid of. And then we bring it about, and then we kind of use that as our, yeah, so it happened to me. Okay, so, um, the big thing that we want to recognize about fear is there is— in that fear is going to happen regardless. Fear is going to happen regardless. Your brain has been conditioned by so many things, right? Depending on how long you've been on the planet, you have accumulated hundreds of millions of thoughts, feelings, uh, thoughts and moments that you have used as a way to experience this world we all live on, right? And through those experiences, you've decided that these things are threats to your happiness, to your joy, to your way of being, to who you are. And so that causes us— and I put us because I of course have fear. You know, there's this misconception that because somebody's a coach or because somebody coaches about mindset that they don't have those same challenges. And yes, I am talking about fear is because I was feeling a lot of it this morning. And so one, I wanted to talk about how to deal with fear and defeat fear, okay? Easier and more effortless than you ever have before, okay? And so there's a, uh, uh, what is it, a martial arts, uh, a martial art, right, um, form that is called Aikido. A-I-K-I-D-O, I believe, is it is spelled. And Aikido, in the practice of Aikido, the idea is, is that you would allow allow your opponent to go in the direction that they're already going. For example, if I throw a punch at you in Aikido, obviously there's going to be a certain amount of velocity or momentum in one direction. Your job is to help me go in the direction I'm already going in. You don't let me hit you, but you allow— you maybe put up a block and then use your power to maybe cause me to go completely to the left, get me off balance, whatever the case is. Instead of having to do countermeasures of throwing punches at me, you're more just sort of like, here, you're going in that direction. If you guys— so you're using my energy for your benefit. Okay, so we want to do the same thing with fear. We want to allow fear to come. Now that's the opposite of what some people may have taught you in the past, which is to be afraid of fear, to run away from fear, to block it, to switch it to something more positive. And just to be clear, that is the definition of what we call toxic positivity. Toxic positivity, okay? So what that is is where you are sort of what I call putting grass over a hole. So you're attempting to make it seem like everything's okay, but you're not actually dealing with the underlying situation, okay? And so we don't want to do that. We don't want to pretend everything's okay. We want to allow fear to come and just have its moment, right? Now, not in the sense of we identify with it, that we attach to it, and then we're off to the races. So I don't want you to get on the train, okay? Hey, Javonte, how are you? I don't want you to get on the train. Let me know if you can hear me, Javonte. I'm just checking sound, uh, you know, Instagram just changed some things, so I'm checking. Also, I can highlight your comments now, so I'm super excited about that. There's been some updates to Ecamm. So anyway, if you can stick around for 20 seconds at least to let me know that. Anyway, so back to what I was talking about, about fear, right? We all experience it. It feels very real, right? That's why it's called false evidence appearing real, because the evidence is only in the thought that it happened. The thought happened of, oh my God, what if nobody, uh, what if I can't pay my rent? What if I can't, um, you know, ever get another client? What if my business fails? What if I become a failure? Okay, sound is perfect, perfect. Thank you, great. Thank you, I appreciate that. And I'm going to actually add your comment to the broadcast just to show you that I can put your, your comment on the broadcast. Okay, um, okay, it's like Yeah, there it is. There it is. Ah, I did it. Okay, cool. I just wanted to test those two things. So thank you, Javante, for being my guinea pig. It's super small because the only way for me to get it in the IG frame, if I'm going 16 by 9, which is what I'm doing, then is to make it super small. Obviously on Facebook it would be much bigger and easier to read. So I do have to figure out, um, if I just want to do the frame more for Instagram, if I know I'm going to go live on Instagram and then maybe do a separate live for the other channels. Um, but I want to be able to do all of them at the same time. But because Instagram used to only do 16:9, but now I can go in a 16:9 frame and just make sure I'm centered, and so Instagram still gets it instead of, you know, whatever. Anyway, with all that being said, let's get back to the topic. So we know that FEAR stands for, or according to some, false evidence appearing real. The evidence is simply the thought. There is no actual evidence, right? False evidence means that the evidence is that I had a thought that this might happen. So now I'm using that as the evidence to— and that it appears real to me. So it is, you know, we got false twice and appearing real. So we have false and then appearing real. So it's false twice, and the evidence word is the one that's tricky because it's sometimes a past situation that predicates, like, I know I've seen this before, so now I know what's gonna happen. Or this idea that you've seen other people have these experiences, and so you're now worried about your future. But all we really have is the present. And so in that moment that fear comes up, it grips you. It grips you to a point that it feels like gut, you know, like it feels visceral. Visceral means that you can feel it in your body, like maybe there's a tightness in your chest, maybe there's a pit in your stomach, maybe there's, um, palms sweaty, uh, mom's spaghetti, right? Um, anytime I say palms sweaty, I think of I'm an M. I don't know why, but I mean, I know why, but like It's not like I'm like know all his lyrics, I just know that one, right? Um, but anyway, uh, you have that, you have the palms sweaty, you sometimes like maybe feel tension in your head. So there's all these things that are happening in your body because your body thinks that it's happening right now. The thought itself is not creative. Our attachment to the thought or the feeling is what makes it start to, you know, do these things. Right? Because there's— the body becomes the mind. Joe Dispenza talks about this, right? The mind is, you know, like the body became the mind, and so the body starts to react to things, and then that sort of helps us do what we call spiral. Okay, so if you've ever experienced a fear spiral where you had a thought and then it sort of attached, you started to feel some things in your body, and then it— the fear has a tendency, because we typically don't really haven't learned how to help control it, um, has a tendency to compound, right? So like we've heard of the compound effect in terms of investment, or, you know, sort of putting the same amount of money away or doubling it every day. And the thing about that is, is that there's something to this idea that every time we have a certain thought and then we attach, we allow that thought to, um, become something more than what it is, which is by attaching ourselves to it, like, oh my God, I think that's going to happen. Hey, Jenora, we're talking about fear today, okay? So when we allow ourselves to attach to that fear, that— and so in other words, we give our identity, we bring it to life by saying, oh my God, oh no, no, no, no, no. And we want to resist it. We want to put a block on it. We really become more afraid of it. It starts to compound, and then more thoughts like it, it begets, you know, there's a whole part in the Bible about begatting, right? I always joke that when I attempted to read the Bible from COVID to cover, the thing that got me was the begat section. But what has now, you know, that has helped me recognize, even though I've never gone back and read it again, is that knowing the genealogy, or, you know, sort of like the DNA of like where something came from is— can be beneficial. But if you can't, you at least know that the same begats the same, okay? And so that line of where your fear came from— hey, Yoni Photography, welcome to the live, we're talking about fear— but where that line, where that came from, it's only going to birth more of its same kind, okay? And so when we allow ourselves to attach, to identify with the fear, and it's just a thought. Oh my God, what if this happens? This, this has happened before. What if it happens again? That type of stuff. Because the thing about this has happened before, I want to speak briefly about that, because time is one of the biggest sort of triggers that we have, right? We don't believe that— we believe time goes too fast for the things that we're enjoying, and we believe time goes too slow or is an enemy of us for the things that we desire more, uh, like that we desire that we don't currently believe that we have in, in, in reality, in our physical touches, clutches, and we're experiencing right now. Okay, but the thing about it is fear is a great example of how you're experiencing something in real time that hasn't happened yet or hasn't happened or most likely will never happen.. Okay, now we make it happen, so we're more likely to experience it the more that we identify with it. So the cool thing about fear is fear is teaching us how to also bring in what we do want. Okay, thinking of something, attaching to it, experiencing it in real time, and having our body believe that this is really happening, and knowing that the body doesn't operate in time in the sense of knowing, especially the subconscious, does not know whether it's happening to you in reality or not. So fear is actually a wonderful way to learn how to actually experience the opposite, right? But the— what I was saying prior to you coming in, Jenora, is that Aikido is teaching us to use— so we can use fear like that, but if we haven't learned how to do that yet How do we deal with the fear in the moment when we're not able to just sort of go, oh, this is great that I know how to do that, let me switch it. So let's put that on pause for just a second and go back to— we want to allow ourselves, we want to allow fear to come. And sometimes it's sort of like that, that thread that's on your shirt or your pants that you're just like, let me pull it, and it seems like it's never ending. So we don't want to try to do anything with the fear other than just allow it to come. So my advice is when you have a fearful thought, I want you to go ahead and breathe through the fear, okay, by allowing the fear to sort of pass right through you, okay? And so maybe the thought is, I— what if I can't, um, what if I never work in a, you know, what if my dreams never come true? We'll just go with one of those, right? Sort of a general fear that a lot of us may have experienced at a time or might experience now or whatever. So what if my dreams never come true? And then that fear comes, and maybe you feel, you feel something visceral in your body, a tightness in your chest, a pit in your stomach, a tensing of the shoulders, or sweating of the palms, or anything like that. All I want you to do is just allow the fear and just recognize and observe that it's there. That's it. You're not going to attach to it. You're not going to say, oh yeah, what if that does happen? No, you're not going to go, you're not going to go there. You're just going to allow it to be there. There's a fear here, I recognize it. Give yourself a breath. Do something simple to recognize that the fear is there, and then bring yourself back to what your best state of calm that you can reach for with each breath. So if one breath does it, great. If you need multiple breaths But the key is not to have your breath irregulated, which is dysregulated, which is, oh, you know. And that might be if you're in the midst of what people would label, I believe, a panic attack, which usually has very shortness of breath, a tensing of the body, sort of a real gripping of like, you know, it's— that can be more difficult. One of the things that they mention when you are experiencing somewhat anxiety or a panic attack is to do your best to go ahead and bring yourself to the present moment, because usually it's a fear that has kind of gone rogue and gotten a little liveliness to it. And so we're wanting to bring ourselves back because the only thing that we have is the present. So it's sort of like just narrating things like, I'm sitting in my chair, I feel the chair underneath my body. I can see the computer. I am in a room. Like, saying those things gives it a little bit more life, right? It gives— it takes the life out of the fear and it brings you back to the present where the fear is not actually happening, or whatever you're afraid of is not happening. Okay, so then once you do that and you can calm yourself down, then I want you to then at that point, that's the best time to then decide who you really are. And it's okay. And here's the thing: affirmations, uh, assumptions, uh, imagination— people say you gotta believe in it. Okay, that's an old thing that even I used to peddle, uh, what's the word, champion, um, believe in, whatever. But now I don't care if you believe in it or not. I, I want you to be real in that moment, which is, I am afraid and I know that I am not this fear. Does that make sense? I am experiencing fear right now and I know that this is not my truth. I am really the version of myself who that experiences is. You get it? So it's not about you wanting to immediately do that because you're not at a place to do that. Usually it's just like, yeah, there's fear here and I know who I really am. This is not— this is something I'm experiencing. This is not who I am. This is so— and I choose something different on the menu of life. I choose something different. I choose a different component, reality, situation, whatever you want to call it. I choose to identify with my end, my desired end. Who do I want to be? And I'm going to tell myself that's who I am now, because much like what I said when we could unpause What I was saying earlier about fear is that we conjured up a thought, we then attached to it, and then we started to experience real feelings in our body in real time. So what if we could conjure up a thought that felt better and we experience real feelings in our body in real time? Because the shift is instant. And so if we use fear as a formula where we sort of really believe that this could happen for us and this and that, and we start to kind of get worried or whatever. But if we could use that emotion— hey Irv— if we could use that emotion in an opposite direction after we've brought ourselves back to a state of calm, a state of calm, okay? So I want you to think about how you could reverse engineer your fear. Okay, so one way is to think about fear as like, okay, I'm just gonna let it come and let it pass through me like a wave. It's just a wave, right? Um, I have this video on my TikTok. I think I posted it on my Instagram too, but it's about the— there was a coach that had this great analogy and said, think of you like an ocean. You're so deep, so vast, so much more than anything, any way that could be conceptualized quantified, completely grasped within one. I mean, we can't even grasp the entire ocean, and not even just the width of it, but the depths of it, right? So you're like an ocean, and your thoughts from moment to moment, or even your beingness, is like waves. And so we don't become— yes, the wave is a part of us, but we're not the wave. Does that make sense? You're the ocean. You're the container with which the wave exists, and there are many waves. And there are many different iterations of you, right? The calmness of the ocean in one part, the, the choppiness, the huge wave, the small wave, the tides, the, the, the, the, the life within it, right? There's so much more to you. And so once you recognize that it's just one wave, and, and if we could just ride that wave like a surfer, right, or like a duck on top of the water— I put a video up about that— they just sort of ride the waves to the birds on top of the waves, and recognize that you are so much more than that. And so when a fearful thought comes, it's just a thought. That's it. It's just a thought. And that thought doesn't mean anything more than it's there, it exists, and then it will go. But if you invite it— I talked about this on a live, uh, many moons ago well, not many months ago, I think last week, but we talk about vampires. Everybody's seen a vampire movie, right? And what is the deal with vampires? When can they come in your house? When can they come in your house? Anytime, or what's the rule? Go ahead and type it in the chat for me if you're watching on whatever platform you're watching on. When can a vampire come into your house? Okay. And I'll go ahead and say it because I, you know, the delay is crazy on this, so I don't know. But anyway, uh, it's when you invite them in. Exactly, you have to invite them in. So our inviting in— yes, Genora, thank you so much— our inviting in is when we are attaching to it. Now we're inviting it because remember, in is where the real power is, inside, not outside. There is nothing outside for you. There is no out there there. And so what you're identifying with, what you're calling yourself, what you're labeling yourself, what you're thinking about yourself moment to moment is recreating you in any moment, which is causing the different sort of more of the same kind of waves or less of these other kind of waves. So you have to decide, who am I being in this moment? Right? Why is it that I, you know, so I'm in, why am I, why did I invite this vampire in? And now I'm experiencing a reality where they're sucking my energy, my life force from me and making me believe that I'm about to die. I'm about to no longer be able to experience the joys of living the way that I want to live. And now I'm going to be, you know, as vampires do, right? Make you either the undead forever, or they kill you, right? They drain you completely. And I don't want to be that. So I've decided that I'm going to allow the fear to stand on my porch, to be there, to even ask to be invited in, and recognize and just let it know is that, you know, you're not welcome here. You're— I mean, you're, you're welcome to go and pass through, but you're not welcome inside, right? There will be no inviting inside because my inner environment is where I do my planting of the real me, the who that I want to experience. And so, who am I really? I am the version of myself that is masterful with being able to call in what I want in my life, right? You can say it any way you want. Here's the thing, there's been so many rules. You got to say it in the present tense, you got to say it in the past tense, You got to imagine it. You got to visualize. You got to affirm so many times a day. You got to get up and you got to do that. And then people say, oh God, that sounds so heavy. Now the funny irony of all that is that what they're doing already feels super heavy and super ineffective. But when you give people these techniques, they're like, ah, oh, it sounds terrible. I don't want to have to do that. That sounds hard. Forget it. No, it's easier said than done. I'll just keep I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing, even though it's not giving me the results I want, is because it feels easy because I have mastered that routine. I have mastered this routine. The idea of mastering something else sounds unappealing. And with that being said, I want to say that we were wrong. So many coaches, so many people that are giving you these tips, these, these, these methods, these techniques, they're wrong. Because they're wrong in a sense, in that we can't say what's right for you. You make the rules of your own experience, your own reality. So if you decide saying, 'I'm going to be wealthy,' feels good to you, it's effective. It works because you've attached to it. You've decided that for yourself. I can't tell you what's going to work or not work for you. I can only I speak to my own experience. And when I give you something, you could adopt my belief, my, my, uh, my assurance as your own. You can do that, but it is your own attachment to that that makes it powerful, not the fact that it worked for me. It's actually ineffective to just do what someone else told you to do without having your own belief or roots in it. Right? No tree can stand where it's not rooted. You must be rooted in it enough to say, you know what, I think that's— that makes sense to me. And it just has to be an inkling. It doesn't have to be that you're like totally bought in and you know for sure, but it's just that you're deciding like, that feels good for me, that this is what works for me. Hey Candace Wallace Beauty, hello! So deciding what works for you from moment moment to moment is going to be what is going to work best. That's because you're the technique, you're the method, you're the magic. So whatever you plug yourself into is what's gonna have the juice, okay? So those are the two ways that I wanted to talk about dealing and defeating fear. I do want to say I have a call at 9 o'clock, so I have 8 minutes. And I want to give you an opportunity to know that I have a masterclass that I'm putting on, um, next Tuesday, um, from 3:00 PM Pacific to, um, starting at 6:00 PM Eastern. And you can go to Bryndresher.com/webinar to register. The second thing I want to say is, um, if you have a question or if you want to push back about anything that I shared today, or if you're like, hey, yeah, but what about this? And here's the thing, I've said before, don't be a yeah-butter, but I want my clients, the people that I work with, to be yeah-butters because I don't want you just to take what I say. If it doesn't resonate with you, if you— if your mind is offering something, let's speak to that. Let's get that cleared up so that you are able to move in a more easy way in the direction of where you want to go. There— this is actually much more simple than we allow it to be, uh, because we want it to make sense. We want there to be more evidence first for us to adopt it, to adapt to it, to become. But we are the evidence. Just like you're the magic, you're the method, you're the technique, you're the evidence. So your own just saying that this is the truth, right? I am the truth, the light, and the way. You are the truth. So you decide the truth, you become the truth. So you don't worry about whether it's out there, you just do it, and then eventually you'll have proof. I have so many stories that I could share of things that have happened to me that I decided were true for me, and I just said over and over, and I returned to that identity over and over and over again because that's— this is the thing I said the other day on a live, and I want to say this while you're still here watching. When you got your name, when you were a baby, when your parents made a decision to name you, you didn't know what your name was. And then they just said it over and over and over again, and they said it, and that's how you adopted it. You started to recognize that sound. You started to see that there was something going on. There was a connection in the brain that was made that was like, oh wow, that must be my name. That must be who I am. Because they keep using it and looking at me, using it and then pointing at me, or doing whatever they do. And so you processed it and you picked it up and you like, okay, that's my name. Okay, same thing. Your identity is something that you've decided over and over and over again. I am not this, I am not that, I always get this, I always get that. And you're using outside circumstances to tell you who you are. And now I want you to do the opposite. I want you to take your inside truth, and I want you to— and, and I want you to choose the truth that you want to experience, and I want you just to repeat it over and over until you identify with it, until you recognize that that's who you really are, and you're being the evidence. There's nothing to say, right? Because when you tell me your name, for those of you out there that I've met in real life, when you tell me your name I don't know that that's not your name. I don't— I'm not— I take you at your word. I believe you when you tell me your name is Jenora. Thank you. I'm glad that you like the analogy, Jenora. Um, we'll put that up there again, Jenora's comment. So yeah, it's— it's— it came to me as like, that's where the— that's how we— that's how we pick up language. That's how we pick up our names. And yet when somebody says, oh, go ahead and say that you're rich, you're healthy, you're a successful actress that gets all the parts that you desire. You know, it's like, well, yeah, but I don't have any evidence. Um, you know, you didn't have any evidence other than people telling you that's who you were, and so you use that as your truth. And so now I want you to decide who you are, and you be the parent to this belief, and I want you to give birth to this belief, and I want you to call yourself it over and over and over again until there's an inner recognition that that's your identity now, with no need for anyone else to believe that that's true, with no need to take that out to the world to say, but, but there's— but, but where's the evidence? I don't need any evidence. I just know this to be true. We hold these truths to be self-evident. It's in the Constitution. We hold these truths to be self-evident. I want you to be self-evident. Self-evident, okay, of your own truth until that truth is recognized by all. And, and you're not waiting for them to recognize it, but you will feel more emboldened once you do. But either way, I want you to be convicted in your repetition. I want you to be committed to this new belief. I want you to marry it. I want you to join it in matrimony. I want you to be committed, loyal, and that's it. And then all of a sudden it's like, wow, that's all I had to do. That wasn't that hard because I had fear on certain days and I still said no, but this is who I really am. It's okay that I'm feeling fear, but this is— that's not going to stop anything from being— this might— this is still my truth. It's okay that I'm not sure how it's going to happen. It's still my truth. It's okay that I don't feel it today. It's still my truth. Does that make sense? So now you've got permission to be a complete and hundred percent whole human with. And the only thing I'm telling you is know who you really are, decide, return to it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again until maybe you don't have to say it one day. All of a sudden it's just like, no, that's. That's my name. That's my name, right? Jesus says, who do you say that I am? That's instructions for you to ask yourself. Who do you say that I am? What are you attaching your I am-ness to? What are you knowing yourself as? Okay, so who do you say that I am? And notice how often we'll say, well, I'm not organized, I don't get those kind of jobs, those things don't happen for me. I don't have that kind of luck. Uh, you know, people— the only people that like me are the people that I don't like, or that, you know, these are the type of experiences that I have. Well, that's who you said you were. All of those things were all moments that you got a chance to identify, and that's what you chose. Okay. All right, I gotta go, gotta jump on this other call. Thank you so much for watching, Genora, uh, Javonte, for the brief time you were here, and anyone that watches this on the replay, on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, etc. I'm going live more often. I just like doing this. Anything I have something to share— I had my own battle with fear this morning, or my own moment with fear this morning, and I still am here to talk about it. Okay, so love you guys. Speak soon.