Becoming More You with Ashley Pardo

You're listening to the PT Profit podcast, episode number 178. Today I'm sitting down with my friend Ashley Pardo to talk all about becoming more you. Are you ready? Let's get started. Hi, I'm Beverly Simpson, former fitness manager turned online personal training business owner. And this podcast is where smart fitness professionals, including trainers and clinicians, discover how to increase client performance in movement, package and position their product, products and services and get out of their own way so that they can increase their revenue to live a life that they love without sleazy sales. Welcome to the PT Profit Podcast. What's up coach? Thank you so much for pushing play on another episode of the PT Profit Podcast. I'm your host, Beverly Sensei, and if this is the first time you're hanging out with me today, welcome. I'm super pumped that you're here today. Today I have a special guest nutrition and business coach, Ashley Pardo, and she is a specialist in all things delicious food, which we talk about how in this episode, how she actually was the one that helped me get my kids to eat really hard vegetables like Brussels sprouts and kales. And she is also an incredible heart. She is a heart centered entrepreneur and specializes in really helping people become more of who they already are and stepping into their own personal power and having that reflect back in their business so that they can actually be more of who they already are. Release any and all of those false scarce urgency types of bro marketing spirit styles that we see a lot in the online and in person space. And she talks a lot about that inside of this episode and she talks about how she has used her journey to help facilitate those types of transformations in her own business as well as her clients business. So I'm super excited to share this episode with you. So without further ado, let's go ahead and roll that interview. What's up? Ashley, thank you so much for hanging out with me today. How are you?

I'm doing amazing and I'm so honored to be here with you today. Beth.

Honestly, I cannot wait to dive into this conversation. It's going to be amazing and I know I'm going to do the intro after we do this. However, I want you all to know right now that this moment is so big because I have known Ashley for what feels like a lifetime and I remember being a guest on her podcast for four years ago. And honestly, I'm just going to share with you all right now that Ashley has been the reason that I've been able to get my kids to eat really hard vegetables because she was the one that taught me about flavors. She was the one that helped me. She was the one that just really helped me with flavors cooking and has been my go to cooking expert since, you know, the dawn of time. So, honestly, it's a pleasure and a privilege to have you on the show and I cannot wait to dive in.

I love that so much. And, like, I'm sure it makes their life easier that they can eat vegetables.

Oh, my gosh, now for sure. So I would love for you to please share with us. So those of you who have never met Ashley before, can you tell us a little bit about who you are, who you serve and how you got there?

Yeah, it for me, it's been. I. Right now I'm full time online, so I'm a nutrition and business coach. I've been full time online for three years now. And I would really say that where I am right now is exactly where I always pictured myself to be. But I didn't get there in a straight line, let's say, which I think, like most of us sometimes expect. Studied psychology in school. I wanted to be a clinical psychologist and I wanted to be a therapist and just like, talk to people and help people. And then I realized how much debt you would have to go into and how much schooling you'd need to have. And I was like, let me just go out into the real world and get a job. So I worked in the corporate world for a while, and after that, I realized that I didn't want to spend my life and in what I considered and what my life was back then in a gray building, just like every day sitting down in the same place. And I knew that I had a lot more gifts to give. At the same time, I was somebody who always struggled with food. I was overweight for a long time. I had eating disorders. And at the same time, I loved eating. I really love active eating and everything that goes around with that, like, mealtime, the sacredness, being together, pleasure. So I decided to leave that job and go to cooking school and get a master's in nutrition and food studies. And then after that, I still had no idea what I would do. I moved back home to. I also went to work on farms in Italy to really familiarize myself with, like, the organic food movement and just like, learning how to cook really simple things. When I was in cooking school, that was not the experience. It was like French culinary technique. Very complicated, very time consuming. Absolutely not techniques for, like, the home cook. So when I went to Italy. It was like, we're cooking in five minutes, and it's amazing. And I was like, this is what people eat. So I moved back home to Miami, and by word of mouth, I ended up starting to cook in people's homes and literally built up a really successful business just cooking for people in their homes and also delivering meals to people. And at the same time, I was still really passionate about my food mindset stuff. And because that's how I healed, I ended up losing the weight that I gained over college and all of that, and just getting to a place in my body where I felt amazing. And I also felt really free. I was never restricted. Like, you've been around. Like, I'm not ever stressed around food. I feel I'm very normal with it. It's very calm. I truly eat whatever I want, and I wanted that for women. So I would give seminars in my off time teaching women how to think about food. And as we know, just from, like, a business lesson, you can't really, like, create a business off of something intangible. I was like, I want to help people's mindsets. And I found that that marketing was not effective when I started to share it online, or not as effective as it could be. And I spent about, let's say, five years cooking for people, maybe four years before I started sharing my work online. And I just crazily took notes during that time around, cooking around what worked. I had really demanding clients. If you can just think of the clientele that I would serve, as somebody who charged a lot of money, it was, you know, people who had a lot of discretionary and luxury income to spend. So they're very demanding. And I had to be quick, I had to be fast. Uh, you. I really learned sales during that time, too. Like, if I, like, left salmon too long in the oven, let's say, by accident, I'd be like, this is a blackened salmon, you know, and people are like, oh, this is delicious, you know? So after all of that, I know it is in the past, that didn't happen that often. Literally, like, can't mess up when you cook for people, right? Like, you get one chance. So I really learned, like, how to be, how to speak, how to communicate, how to sell during that time. And from there, I started sharing my stuff online. I was like, I knew that I wouldn't do this forever. It's tiring. Just like you being in gyms, I knew that I could make a lot more income and a lot more impact with my real message, which was helping Women feel free around food. After that, I just started sharing my content online through the years. I ended up hiring a couple mentors that were instrumental in my growth. That's where I met Bev. Were in a Mastermind together in 2018 and since then I put out programs and I just like, tried stuff. It took me about two or three years to become full time. I moved to Oregon in the middle of 2019 and that's when I really let go of my cooking business. But everything that I did in my cooking business informed my content and informed all the things that I do today. So today I really mostly teach about nutrition and do nutrient one on one and group nutrition coaching with my signature framework called intuitive macros. And I also do business coaching for the introverted and sensitive woman. That's really my target is like a deep feeling woman who feels like they have something inside of them that needs to be unearthed or they need to live their purpose. And food and eating and movement and sharing yourself online and making money are the avenues in which we get there. But it's all about like, you know, sounds cliche, but like becoming your best self.

So I definitely want to dive into that. I want to dive into two things which we. I did share with you before we hit record, but since we're here, I'd love for you to dive a little deeper into the process of becoming you, essentially. And more so than becoming, it's more so stepping into the you that's already there that you don't know about. Because I think we hear so much just be you. But it's, it's what we operate from unconsciously. Our brain can only process or think about a small portion of what's there. So I'd love for you to dive deeper into that. You were starting to, and I was like, listen, record. You're amazing.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. I love this question. And it's not what we're told out there. I think that, like I, sir, I also serve the person who like, doesn't resonate with or doesn't feel like the messaging of just like, you know, be you and just like start right now. That wasn't the case for me. And I think especially as an online business owner, the way of communicating is completely different than in person. So in person, I've always been somebody that's had like really deep relationships even with clients. Like, I create personal bonds with people. I've always had a lot of friends. But that's different. You know, developing and nurturing a relationship with somebody who knows you is different than talking to strangers online who eventually want who you know, you want them to buy from you eventually because you have a service that you know can help them. So when I first started, I am unrecognizable to who I am right now. And I think that if we just like, I don't want to make this whole conversation about, like, negative things and like, potential trauma that somebody might have, but if you have experienced, like, a situation where, like, you don't feel safe being seen, or there is something that, like, you being on the spotlight feels really uncomfortable or talking about yourself feels uncomfortable, that is going to show up when you start sharing yourself online. Every single thing that you think about yourself is going to be magnified when you start sharing yourself online. And when you start sharing even more so about your services and the way that people can pay you. And even more so when you're launching, like, all of your stuff is going to come up, right? So when I first started my example were the people that I had seen who were like, you know, I was talking to Bev before, like, Bev, very high energy, very intense. Like, hey, you know, like, you know, you have that and then you have people who are, like, dancing. You have people who are. Have a lot of movement and very animated in their faces and stuff like that. And like that I'm kind of animated in my face. But, like, that isn't me. My presence is very calm. It's very grounding. So I thought that I had to be like that. So if you look at my early videos, it's me trying to be that way, and it just didn't feel good to me. And if you are doing that, you know that it's not sustainable. Perhaps you can sustain it for, you know, a year, two years. But the type of businesses that we're trying to create are like, forever, right? Like, we want it to last for years and years and years. So you, from the beginning, have to be who you are. So the first thing I would do is like, really think to yourself, who am I? What are the qualities that draw people to me? And what I did was like, ask the people that were closest to me, what do you see? Like, what are the qualities in me that make you drawn to me or make you attracted to my presence? And for me is, for me specifically, it's like I am somebody who's, like, very nurturing, very cozy, very grounded, a good listener. People like coming to me because they like feeling that, like, peaceful, kind of soothing energy, right? I remember that, that, like, just thinking Back. I remember you saying that about, like, my cooking videos or something, that it's almost like a soothing presence. So I started. This is, like, a really long time ago. This is when we first met.

Did I really say that? Because when you said that word, I was. When you said soothing, I was like, yes, that's exactly what I would use.

Yes. Well, it came to me when I remembered in the moment that I just saw your face, and it was like, ding. You know, But. But, yeah. So I started to. I'm like, okay. So my thing is, like, being, like, a very, like, cozy presence and a place where, like, people can change and learn from me and feel comfortable. And I'm also somebody who's very relatable. I try to be relatable. I'm. I am of the belief that, like, yes, you have to be. Have some sort of, like, aspirational quality online. Like, that's why people pay you, because they want to make more money, they want to lose weight, they want something that you have or something that you can teach them. But I also balance that with relatability and sharing of my own past struggles. So people know that I've been through all of these things, so I understand. So I started to really double down on those things and just, like, literally practice over and over and over. That is how it happens. You will not feel ready. Like, ready is not an online space or anything. Ready is not a feeling. It's a decision. So I decided to be ready by just literally practicing and doing the things over and over and over. Starting a podcast when I wasn't ready, going on lives when I wasn't ready. And I urge you, if you're resonating with this, to just start tiny. We think back to just, like, nervous system science. Everybody has what's called a window of tolerance. So this is like, the window of discomfort that you can currently tolerate right now. So you. You know, if we think to where we are right now, doing podcasts, literally showing up on video every day in our stories, selling things, like, we show up in a huge capacity, that would have been way out of my window of tolerance on day one. So on day one, I was like, let me show up on stories for four slides today. Then next week, maybe I'll do eight. Then maybe I'll start a podcast. Then maybe I'll start doing lives where people can interact with me live, and maybe I won't do it every day. So slowly, by taking the action, you're expanding the discomfort that you can tolerate in that moment. And part of that discomfort for some of us is the discomfort of being seen and having people really see us for who we are. So again, if it's. You will burn out and it will be too uncomfortable for your system to do like literally all the things right now, but in the beginning, start putting yourself out there. If video is too much, start by writing. Just like start putting your stuff out there. Start by creating. Now we have to make reels, but her reels are preferred. But like put a text post on your reel, maybe do that for a while, then maybe put your voice on it and then maybe start showing yourself for 10 seconds, then show yourself for 20 seconds. Soon you'll be to your system will learn that it's safe. That like literally the way it works is like, okay, I did that and I didn't die. I survived through this little piece of discomfort. And through that you begin to expand slowly. Where now I feel like I can tolerate a ton of stress and a ton of discomfort. And honestly like that's what it takes to be successful in this space. But not all of us start there. And I really want to let people know that it's okay to feel that way. And your process can be slow. It doesn't have. You don't have to like hit the ground running, right? There's nothing will kill a business like urgency or the feeling of urgency or the feeling of like, I do it now gotta, you know. And sometimes in the, in the pursuit of urgency, we become something different. Instead of just like being who you are from the beginning and slowly sharing yourself, slowly opening that window of discomfort and step by like tolerable bits of discomfort, whatever that looks like for you, so that your system can eventually expand and then you can just do whatever. At this point, I can tolerate a ton. I love selling, I love showing up, I love being on podcasts, I love doing my own podcast. That's how it happens. And I'm sure that you can. Your process was perhaps maybe not as long, but you kind of went through the same thing too where you are expanding the discomfort that you can tolerate in your system by being seen by selling things and all of this.

I love that and I love that you brought up, you know, the, you know, the urgency sense. Because while I tend to fall to the other side of the spectrum, where my urgency come would sometimes read as desperation when, you know, when it gets too urgent.

Right.

Yeah, it's more so just energize instead of living in the energy of, of excitement. It can some. It's a. It's too it's too sides of the same coin. So one of the things I'd love for you to expand upon, at least for you and for your clients that you work with, is I love the concept and idea of expanding the window of tolerance. How do you find the difference and the line between or window of discomfort? I should say, how do you define, decide what is uncomfortable and that we need to expand and push through resistance and versus recognizing this isn't in alignment.

Oh, my gosh. It's such a good question. I honestly think that part of it is first, like, really defining those tolerable steps and what they're going to be for you and then just trying them, like, and then after you try them. I do think that there's like a big, big component of what we do in energetics, and you and I have talked about this before where, like, if you are genuinely excited about something and passionate about something and in your energy and honoring of you are, you become magnetic. And magnetism is not defined by specific qualities. It's defined by the degree to which you honor who you are. Like, how aligned is it to who you are. That's how you become magnetic. So I would begin with the knowledge that every step that you take, you will meet resistance. Right. But again, in your question, it's like, how do I know if it's too much? I would start by just outlining and defining what are tolerable steps that I can take for me today. And like, if we just get practical, build a schedule. Okay, this week I'm going to, you know, show up on video for three days for one minute. Next week, I'm going to try to do it five days for two minutes or whatever it feels like for you with the knowledge that it's going to be uncomfortable and you will have to push yourself to the level that it's tolerable. I feel like for each person, we have to start defining, is this uncomfortable or am I going into fight or flight? Where it's like, I'm in that big, big stress response. I think you have to, to get in touch with your body. I think that most of us, when we are in that fight or flight, we can't operate to the level that we need to or even at all. So really for yourself, get in touch with your body and what those signals feel like. We know what it's. I think we all know what it's like to feel dysregulated and to feel like our nervous system is out of whack. But if we can define, like okay, this is enough for me today. This is tolerable for me right now. And we don't feel that, like, that state where we're, like, short of breath or whatever it is. Go slow and then just build upon that. So I think that the answer is really, like, get to know what it feels like in your body. And also, how do you feel afterwards? Like, if you did something and then you feel excited, like, yeah, I did that. I'm so proud of myself. That is your step. But if you did it and you're like, oh, shit, I feel bad. And now, like, I feel like I have to go lay down or whatever it is. If you did a zillion things, probably too much. And I am also, again, as a highly sensitive person, I think that there's a lot of messaging out there that's just rest and just don't do anything and be gentle with yourself. I think us in particular, we have to have a certain discipline to keep ourselves stable. And that comes from the energy of a masculine energy pushing, continuing to go. So we need both. We need the discipline and the pushing, which I'm a big fan of, because it's actually what will help us regulate in the long term. But we also have to do in a way that feels comfortable to our system. So you will see quickly, once you do the first thing, that you'll be so happy and proud of yourself for doing it, and you will feel so much stronger that you can then just continue expanding that window and really showing who you are and really staying rooted in that position.

I love that. And so you had mentioned, for you and for. I know it's going to be different for every person, but I think that we live in this world of the I'm fine compared coma, where we're actually in a very sympathetic nervous state and our nervous system is in a sympathetic way, and that we can't actually access the parasympathetic because we've. We've forgotten it. We've fallen asleep to ourselves. And I would love for you to share a little bit about, you know, how does one, you know, we get so disconnected. What are some of the ways that you started to step into oh, and realize, oh, this isn't me. This is who I am. This is what feels good? And how did you start to wake up? Essentially?

I think there's a couple things there. I think that part of it is, like, knowing what you need as a person in order to feel like yourself most. For me, that's like, a lot of intense movement and a lot of exercise. So even just like, from a physiological, practical level, I even, like before I did this podcast, I exercised and I took a shower and I. I sweated. You know what I mean? I was. I, like, I did my movement, I did what I needed to do. I know that for me, that's integral to sort of intentionally put myself in situations of physical discomfort that will then allow me again kind of aid in that process of, like, meeting that other discomfort in selling or sharing myself online and being like, it's okay, you're safe, that actually helps you regulate. I think it's also like eating well and breathing. Like, most of us don't breathe. Like, literally as you are sharing. And, like, I even still find myself sometimes. Like, yesterday I was playing paddle ball and I just found myself in the moments that I, like, wasn't doing as well or, like, performing as well. I wasn't breathing, you know, So I think it's like you're just like. Like you're kind of just like in that, you know, in that state where you're like, okay, I'm not actually breathing right now. So really learning how to breathe, really getting comfortable with your own presence, which is like, you know, you could journal, you could have any sort of, like, you could walk, you could meditate, you can have techniques. So those are, like, the things that I do. I think then on the opposite side is like, what are you hearing from people? Are you moving forward in your business? My business now has become way more successful because I am able to be in my expertise and share that expertise, and I know that I can get people results, but I get messages all the time. They're like, thank you for sharing the way that you do. I feel you're just genuineness through the screen. I love watching your stories. They seem so natural, all of these things. And I also think that this starts with being solid in your expertise and, like, actually having a skill. We will feel more comfortable. Like, you're going to feel more comfortable sharing things that you know a ton about than just being like, okay, I'm going to go to my stories and, like, talk about something. Like, talk about, like, plants, which, like, I know a little bit about, but, like, I don't know everything about. And in the things that I share, which are namely cooking, nutrition, food mindset, business stuff, those are things that, like, those are my skills. Those are the things that I know. So the more that you are rooted in your expertise and the things that you know, the more solid you'll feel sharing them. Because, like, you'll Actually know what you're talking about. An old mentor of mine who was, like, an executive coach.

Coach.

I told her before I did, like, my first food mindset presentation. I'm like, I'm so nervous. I'm talking in front of, like, 20 people. She's like, just talk about things that you know, that you know about. Like, that, you know, like the back of your hand, it's going to be so much easier. It's going to be so much more natural. And once you have both things, things that you can actually teach people where they can get immediate wins. Like, not something like I used to when I first started, I would be like, listen to your body and, you know, just, like, kind of feel your way through these things and improve your mindset. Those. That doesn't mean anything to people if they're not ready to hear that. So now I would say things like, here's how to chop an onion. And people then have the tangible win of like, oh, shit, I just saw that. I did this thing. Or eat 100 grams of protein every day, minimum. Oh, my gosh, now my cravings are better. Now I'm not as hungry. So they're having, like, tangible, you know, count. Not count your calories, but, like, manage your intake. If you want to lose weight, that then you'll get the results. So it's like, I know what I'm talking about in these things. I can get people immediate wins for them to eventually want to work with me later, and I can move them a little bit forward. And from there, I can see in me honoring of who I am in the way that I show up and blending my expertise into that, obviously, which is like, the entire point of this. We can hear from people, like, are they signing up for your stuff? Are you making money? Are they resonating? Do you have clients that, like, stay in your orbit and stay in your. You know, Like, I have a group of people who are like my OGs and that stay with me and that feel very connected to me. So, you know, I think it's like rooting into your expertise and rooting into who you are and then see, like, looking at the numbers, looking at the growth, like, is it working? If not, you have to shift something in your business. And I've also shifted sometimes, too, mostly around, like, creating more tangible steps for people.

So I have two questions, and I'll get. I'll start with one, which is something that. That I think it's important to recognize when we're talking about expertise is that a lot of coaches that are especially high. Achie achieving coaches recognize that there's always more to learn, that we never just arrive, that there is more to grow into, which is their biggest gift and also their Achilles heel, because they never feel like they're enough. So how does someone step into owning their expertise and knowing they can expand?

Yeah, I think it's like a constant. First of all, I think many people, this is so common, and I think I used to be this person. I can't start. I can't start doing my things. Like, I literally have a certification in everything. I have a certification in macros, in mindful eating, you know, in Reiki, like, all of these different things because it's. It's an excuse sometimes, and it's a. It's a way to procrastinate because you're like, well, I'm not going to feel ready until I do these things. But you. Right, if you are listening to this podcast right now, if it's in your ears, you have something that you can share. And honestly, when you are helping somebody, they don't need all that extra fluff, you know? They don't. Yes, it might help you be a better coach. And, like, I am obsessed. Like, even last week I was, like, researching, like, PhD programs to learn more about my craft, which I'm not going to do because it's like, I could just learn these things and I don't need to, you know, go to insane amounts of school for it. So I'm. I'm obsessed with learning. And I also know that I have enough right now to help somebody, you know, So I think. And even when you start helping someone, they don't need, they just need, like, three things to do or one thing to do. And it's simple, right? Like, in our expertise, we need to start with simple wins. And I think a lot of those things can be done with our free content and the things that we share. What is just one thing, one tip that you can share with somebody to help them today? Something educational that you can help them with. Again, in my particular business, it comes down to specific nutrition tactics or ways to cook things or ways to shop at the grocery store or, you know, frameworks of thinking around food, like actual, tangible, easy, doable steps. You're thinking if, you know, thinking about our own window of tolerance in sharing, every person has their own window of tolerance with, like, the amount of information that they can sustain and take action with. If they're too overwhelmed, they're not going to take action. So I used to think that like, oh, more information is better. No, people just need to know one or two or three things. And obviously I have a lot of fat loss clients, which is another process, just like online business, that people tend to want to be urgent and know all the information. A lot of these things are not an issue of information. It's an issue of the correct implementation of things. So that's what you need to know too, that you don't need more information. You just need to start implementing and doing stuff. So with your clients, they just want to know the next step. Start them where they are. So if I have somebody who like knows nothing about tracking and like is eating, you know what they consider like out of alignment or very poorly, I'm just having them change one thing. I'm not giving them five steps, I'm having them change one thing. Once we do that, once that's solid, then we'll move on to the next step as we open up their own window of tolerance and discomfort. Essentially, we help people change in business, in food, in the way that they show up for themselves. And they need steps that will feel tolerable and digestible. And I guarantee, if you're listening, that is something that you already know like the back of your hand. It's basic. It's more basic than we think. So you wanting more information is a gift and it's beautiful. And I am literally this morning I was reading about cognitive restraint and dietary intake studies on that, you know, so like, I am, I am, I. I think it's both. Like in your off time, in the morning or at night, or whenever it is, read and learn and do other things, but learn to differentiate. Like, is this a procrastination technique? Like, am I still taking action and doing those things? If you have 20 minutes, take action instead of reading something. Instead of learning more. Yeah.

And prioritizing. Right. Priorities.

Exactly.

And then learning you get to live. In the end, this was a lesson of mine as well. I needed to learn that and live by it. And one of the things that you said is readiness is a decision. I've come to recognize and realize that everything is the decision. And it's very empowerful. It's a very powerful place for me to operate from because it gives me back my own personal power where I know that every moment is an opportunity to make a decision and to continue to choose myself, my business, my clients, my health.

Exactly. So yes, everything is a decision. And again, in the process of growth, you will feel uncomfortable, you know, and as you, you never arrive. Like you Never get there. And the bigger the levels, the bigger the devils. You will continue to encounter other problems and bigger problems, but by then you'll have expanded enough in your discomfort capacity that you'll be able to tolerate those things and you will feel confident in your ability to tolerate them. At the beginning, you don't have evidence yet that you can tolerate discomfort. But in order to move, in order to keep going, you need to build that evidence. And where's that evidence going to come from if not action? You know, so like I, I think there's also something that happens where like I think a lot of. I love Steven Pressfield who like created the term capital R resistance. He talks a lot about, I love that book the War of Art. He has another book called Turning Pro that talks about the amateur and the professional. And I think in our journeys we all start out as amateur. I don't love that word because it has a negative connotation. Let's just say beginner, where you use external validation as an indication of whether you're going to take action or not. You are not patient. You use, you let your feelings dictate whether you are going to take action or not versus the professional. And also I think the beginners are more consumers than creators. So I think in our journeys we will shift from consuming a ton of other people's content to creating more of our own. But I urge everyone to move into that role at the Professional eventually, where you just show up and you do the thing no matter what and eventually. Right. And that, that readiness, keeping in mind that that readiness is a decision and that you have to make it multiple times a day because our brains will really try to pull us back into old ways of being or disbelief or whatever it is. The only reason they don't believe it because like you haven't done it yet.

So true. So good. So the second follow up question that I had for you as someone who is highly intuitive and very, very powerful in that way, grounded, soothing and empathetic, how do you manage other people's energy that is thrown at you and how, you know, sometimes I'm high energy, but I'm actually also very empathetic and I.

Can feel yes, 100%.

And so sometimes I really have. I personally will struggle with recognizing what is mine and what is someone else's.

Yes, I think we all, who would characterize as empaths, you know, I think that like, just like the definition of empath, you know, somebody, I think in my, in knowing that this is the way that I am and knowing that I want to do this for a long time, I think I changed the definition of empath that we hear out there, which is somebody who takes everything in, has no boundaries, lets everything affect them. And I think that that is the natural way of being. I think that if you are an empath, it's even more integral for you to implement things like boundaries and being more of like an empowered empath where you don't, yes, you feel other people's stuff, but you do not allow yourself to, you don't, don't allow yourself to be so wrapped up in it that it's going to affect your well being, you know, and, and really doing the things that are going to allow yourself to continue to thrive. So, for example, I only do client calls on Tuesday, Wednesday. So those are the only two days that I am in other people's energy. Obviously I'm answering boxers and those things. I think it's also what you allow. This isn't the nicest or the sexiest answer. And this is a lesson that I had to learn in constantly feeling like, oh my gosh, I feel so bad because like other people's problems are on me all the time. But I was also allowing that I was allowing myself to be taken over and not like being in that place of strength, like true connection. I think. Or if you are in this business of coaching people and serving people is where you, I don't want to say you put up a barrier because you need that barrier down, but you put up kind of like an energetic shield where you don't allow yourself to be disrupted and you don't allow yourself to be taken down. And I think that as you, I think it's a fine line because also at the end of those days, I'm very wiped. But it's more of like a physical tiredness versus my energy being sucked out by other people. Like, I'm just like tired and I've talked all day and it's a lot of energy output. But that is a different thing than allowing myself to be constantly impacted by other people's words. And that doesn't mean that I don't care at all. Like, I'm a really good listener and I do hold people's stuff. That is how I help. Like, my coaching is very much like relationship based coaching, but I also allow it to stay where it needs to stay. And I also think that as we grow as business owners, like I used in the beginning, I used to have like a ton of people in my DMs asking for free shit and wanting to cross my boundaries and like asking for me to calculate their macro numbers. And like, because I allowed that and like that was the energy that I was putting out. Now I never get those DMs. Like, I literally don't get annoying DMs anymore. Like in the past three years I would say or people asking things, even my own clients. Like at the beginning I would. I had definitely, you know, clients who I allowed to overstep my boundaries and I allowed to. Just because they were paying me. It's like, okay, well you can have all of me then, you know, and clients that would demand and that would be huge drains. But as I continued to grow and as I continued to become more solid in myself, I don't attract to those people anymore. Not to say those clients were bad. Like, I've never had a horrible client, but I'm even talking about like, like maybe one or two in like the whole. In like though I think we all have them, right? But as time has gone on, people know not to come to me with things that I won't allow. So like, you know, people constantly complaining or not being in action or anything like that. People know the standard to which I uphold myself and what I as a client. And again, this might sound harsh, but it's actually the best and most loving thing that you can do for people to help them move along. So again, I just don't really attract clients anymore who have that fix me energy or full responsibility for my healing energy, full responsibility for my results. Like, oh, I paid you this money. Therefore I'm going to. Everything is going to be fixed without me doing work. I don't attract those people anymore because I don't allow. My energy doesn't allow it again, it's been a process, but it doesn't allow those things to come into my orbit anymore. Through taking care of myself and through just doing what I need to do for my business.

That's so good. And what I'm really hearing you say, which is a process that I've gone through as well and continue to go through, is, is recognizing the personal responsibility that you owe yourself and your clients and what you get to put on them and how this is a gift for them. I used to this world. And it ultimately starts with you right in. In this sense of, you know, I'm going to do this for you because I'm going to help you get it faster. I'm going to help you do it faster there because I, you know, my worth is wrapped up in what I can do for people. And the truth is that that's. That's an illusion. That's me deciding that. And a lot of people go through this, especially at the beginning of their journey.

Yes. And I think that honestly, there's a lot of codependency there. Right. Like, this is an issue of codependency too, which, like, empathy and codependency go hand in hand. But I've really, in my journey, tried to really become like, again, what I would consider, like, more of an empowered empathy. I don't really love the word empowered, but like a more solid empath, let's say, where, like, I don't have to be affect. Like, where I myself and put the boundaries in place so that like, in the mindset in place where, like, I don't allow myself to be taken down or my peace. I don't allow my peace to be disrupted by other things. And thinking of codependency, which is like, I'm not okay unless you're okay or I have to manage your okayness and I'm responsible for your okayness. No, the truth is that everybody has power and personal responsibility and choice. And in becoming less codependent, which, like, I'm absolutely a former codependent and obsessed with managing people's experience and perception of me, which codependency is really about controlling others and trying to control their perception of you or their actions so then you can be okay. Whereas it's really about becoming what's called differentiated, where you are responsible for your stuff and everybody around you is also responsible for their stuff. You know, not to say that, like, you don't play a role in somebody's healing. Of course you do. But you also give full responsibility to that person. Because I want to work with people who, like, when they end working with me, they're good. Like, they know what to do. They've acquired the skills, they've transformed, they feel amazing, and they can be their own differentiated person that feels like they've got themselves. I used to be very much at the whim of, like, oh, my coach said this, so I should do that. And, you know, just very, like, able to be pulled. Able to be disrupted in my energy and in what I thought I should do versus now. I am very solid, and these are the things I know I need to do. I am responsible for myself. I have power and I'm responsible for my energy, and I give that to my clients. So that also has to do with, like, the thing that we were talking about before this. But I think, again, this work is going to bring up all your stuff and all of your patterns, and it is really a beautiful way to work through them, even if it is uncomfortable.

So I'm also curious, as we start to talk about this in terms of personal responsibility and knowing what's yours and what's the clients, and also stepping into personal power and not leaking it. And every time you go into those codependents, we leak our personal power. But when we do that, this is what loses that magnet, that magnet to you. So I'm curious, where does. Where do you, for yourself, draw the line between impact and intention and being responsible for, you know, knowing your intention and then. And then also being responsible for the impact of it? How do you define that for yourself?

I think it comes down to, for me, just being clear and direct and kind like humans. Humans have two fears, Being inadequate and being inadequate and being rejected. So either, like, I'm not good enough or somebody won't like me, you know, so all humans want to be seen. So in my coaching and with the things that I do, I think obviously people sign up to work with you because they already have an experience of you in some capacity. They followed you, they've listened to a podcast or whatever it is. But I, in the beginning, outline expectations, and I'm incredibly clear of what the process is going to look like, what our communication is, what the boundaries of communication are, response times, things like that. And I'm very, very kind and very, very direct and honest about the expectations of our process together. And I don't want to call it tough love, but in a coaching relationship, you're also called to help people rise and change, obviously. And I think by keeping your values as being a kind person and not in the business coaching space, we see a lot of manipulation and a lot of you're letting your mindset hold you back. If you don't want to pay this much money and go into debt and put it on a credit card or whatever it is, which is very common in the space. But I think by just honing into your own values, committing to operating from that place and being so clear and honest with your clients and in the things that they are saying in the way and letting them know. So, for example, I do have to have tough conversations with my clients sometimes in the sense of, hey, this is what I'm hearing. This is what I see is a pattern. This is going to interfere with results. So, like, hey, I'm just going to be really honest. This is what I'm seeing, like Obviously like within the scope of a coaching relationship and the things that like specific to the things that we are working on. But I think that it's important in that clarity to be able to be honest with people to the degree that is again, that isn't like out of bounds. And it's hard to pinpoint specifics here because I think so much of this is just like being a kind and nice human, which not every time. Not everyone is like, I was trying to dance around that. But you're, you just said it, you know, not everyone is. You can't really teach that, you know, but like I am and I think that that's why people stay with me for so long and why they feel such a connection to me. Because like I let them have a process and I create that container which is up to them to decide whether it's safe or not. We can't actually create safe spaces. That is for other people to decide and define. But I try to be as kind as possible and be clear and direct around. Okay, if this is happening, results are going to take longer. And I just want you to be clear about that expectation. If we think of like the process of weight loss, for example, because I talk so much about food mindset, people come to me and they're, you know, they think like, oh, if I just change my mindset, I'm going to lose weight. Sometimes that might happen. That's what we see like an intuitive eating space. But I let them know from the beginning, hey, if you have the expectation that you are going to lose fat just by changing your mindset, that might not happen. So we have to adjust our expectations and we have to adjust our willingness to do things. If you want to lose fat and have the most efficient and predictable process, you might have to track your food. That's going to be the fastest way. And if you don't want to, then you have to expect that the process is going to take longer. And if you are not willing to do the things that are required of the things, it's fine. But you also then have to change your goal. So I am very clear about those things. And like, okay, you want to use a habit based approach. And again, I always meet people where they are. I never force anything on them. But I'm also really honest about what will happen in the results. Even if we think of online business, I can't post every day, I can't show up every day. Okay, then we have to expect that the process is going to take longer, which is fine. If that's going to keep you consistent and stable. You know, so I'm really honest about expectations about willingness to do things and the time, how the time and the results might be impacted by the willingness of the things that we're willing to do or not.

And honestly, it goes all the way back to exactly what you said, which is getting honest with yourself about what is resistance and pushing and, and discipline and expanding that compass of that, that tolerance of uncomfortable, of discomfort and expanding that and getting clear on what it's going to ultimately take. I think that it all goes back to that and getting honest with yourself, which again comes into stepping into yourself.

Exactly.

And so I'll leave you with this last question. Honestly, we could talk about this for 10 years. I'm assuming that this is how created intuitive macros.

Yes.

You're combining this.

Yes, exactly. So I think that with the intuitive macros is my signature process, my signature nutrition framework. And it was created by the response in the market, let's say, and the results that my clients got. So for example, when I first started like year one, my first product was a group coaching product. Literally I put it out like a week after signing up for this mentorship that we were in. I made a thousand dollars. I think it was like $127. I got like eight or nine people and I was like ecstatic. I was like, I made a thousand dollars. This is literally the best day of my life in this moment. But it was called Food Freedom School and it was just around changing your mind because that's what I did. I changed my mind and the way that I approached food and I lost weight and I started teaching that and then I started realizing like, oh, for a lot of people, this isn't how it works. They need more structure, they need more discipline, they need more, more of like a clear path that they could take versus just like changing your mind and approaching life, which for some people feels very again, unsafe because you don't have like a clear trajectory. So through time I started seeing that like, okay, these people's the way that they approach food change, but they're not getting the results in their body as much. So then I created another product called Intuitive Eating School which had a little bit more habit based approaches like, okay, this is what your plate should look like, this is what you know, you should have protein sources at every meal. That was great too. But then I started realizing that people again needed more structure, needed more accountability. So basically in intuitive macros I have a of sense spectrum of where people can choose to Begin, let's say. So when I teach this in a group capacity, I show this to them and I'm like, be really honest with yourself about where you want to start. If you go all the way, like, what is most strict? So you know, we have pts. Listening to this podcast, you might know about, like, macros and nutrition. Intuitive macros is obviously like a macro based approach where in the beginning, like, we go all the way to the side of the spectrum. It's like, okay, you're tracking calories, proteins, fats, fiber and carbs. Um, yeah, we got all of them there. That's not sustainable for a lot of people. A lot of people don't want to do that. So then maybe I would have them track just the next, you know, step in that system. One degree, like, less of strictness would then be okay. Just track calories, protein, fiber. You will get amazing results there too. If that's too much, just track calories. Okay. If you can't do that, then let's move to the habit based template approach, which is like, this is what the plate should look like, you know, so like people can choose to. If I work with somebody one on one, we do this together. And maybe they start with just the habit based approach of like, okay, just add protein to your meals, just add more fiber, get comfortable there. You know, if they're just eating fries all day or ice cream all day, that's a huge step and a huge win. They're going to feel immediate results. But as you begin to move through the process, the results that you want might take a little bit more refinement and a little bit more structure. And as you open yourself up to that, you might be more willing to get a little bit more strict. While also, at the same time, the reason people come to me is because what they see out there is like, okay, I did intuitive eating. Nothing is happening. I gained 20 pounds. No structure. Especially, like, I am not a huge fan of like, I'm all for, like, body acceptance and body love and body autonomy in terms of like doing what it is that you are, what you need to do. But I'm not anti diet and I'm not diet culture. Both of those are two heavy extremes. So I think people go from diet culture all the way to anti diet. Seeing that, like, okay, at this point, I have no structure. I feel like I have regard for myself. I feel very out of control. So intuitive macros is in the middle where we honor your needs and your emotions and your feelings and we learn the skills of what physiological Feelings feel like in the body, am I full, am I hungry, what do I want? And then also the impact of foods on our brains and our systems and things like that, really choosing how do I want to feel, what are my values and how does food contribute to that so I can become my most authentic self paired with the structure of macro tracking on a spectrum. So again, my one on one clients, I will kind of place them where I think they should be and we might move up and down that scale depending on how willing they are. But always being honest, like, okay, if you're not willing track, it's going to take longer and that's okay because this is what you're willing to do right now. But if I always let them know that if you want to go a little faster again, never with restriction, like heavy restriction or deprivation, but restraint, yes, those are very different things. You know, I will place them where they need to be and we can move through. In my group program, I kind of expose them to everything and they can choose where they want to start and they get all of the information. But again, this process is started by one trying my things and trying what I thought needed to happen, which was being mentally free around food. But that is not tangible. People need a tangible result. And for me, talking about fat loss isn't my number one favorite thing. But I know I need to talk about it because that's where my clients are. They want to lose weight or they want to feel better. They don't want to hear, oh, just think better around food. They don't know that that's a result yet, you know, even though I know it's the most important one. So again, like feedback from clients, feedback from the market, and then finding a gap in the market. There's nobody out there doing what I do, doing both things. And I attract a very specific woman still that highly sensitive person, but someone who's like, you know, I'm sick of the diet culture shit. Anti diet didn't work for me. And I say right in the first call of intuitive macros, like I don't love that we're going to talk about calories. Like I would love to talk about other things, but this is how we get the result that you want to get. And there's no changing that.

I just.

So I think it's a bunch of things that, that really informs the framework that you, that you use. But I think that I'm filling a gap that is not. That hadn't been filled before mine. And that's what makes it unique 1000%.

And what I'm hearing from you is just true. I think this is true across your health, this is true across you becoming you, and also, you know, you building your business. Is that people tend to live in extreme, dogmatic ways without being awake to themselves.

Exactly.

Because people, you, you. If. If fat loss was intuitive, then you wouldn't have the problem of fat loss.

Exactly. Exactly.

You wouldn't need to. And so in. And just by definition, if you want to make a change, it's going to require doing something different and being uncomfortable for a period of time, otherwise you wouldn't be in a problem.

Exactly. And every. Every revolutionary change, every change that we make is revolutionary. And that's always going to be confronted with opposition of the mind. Always. And extremes are safer. Extremes feel safer because they're sexier. It's like, oh, here's a list of the things that you need to do with diets. Here's a meal plan. Just do this for five weeks. Cool. You will get the result. But then what's going to happen afterwards? Like, you won't have actually learned any skills. So, like, I really teach skills and I never tell people exactly what to do, which they don't love sometimes. But I am very honest in the beginning that this is why nothing has worked, because you don't have yourself in this process. And extremes are more cut and dry and they're sexier. I'm going to restrict carbs and lose 10 pounds in a week, but then you're going to gain it all back and more. And I don't love, obviously that that's a thing, but I want to really validate why we are drawn to extremes and being in that middle place, even in business where, no, we don't want to work 24 7. You want to be with your kids and your husband and of course work, but also define what that process is for you. So I think by honoring of who you are and what you want, an evaluation of your process and what you're willing to do, you can then find that middle gray area which is not as safe because it hasn't been built yet. We don't know what it looks like, looks like yet. So that is why it feels uncomfortable. But it's also the only sustainable way that we can get what we want. I know what works for me in business now. I know what works for me with food like the back of my hand. It's very easy now. But I had to go through years and years of horrible diets and eating disorders and all Those things in order to get to that place. I teach what I teach, so you don't have to do that.

It's why the done for you model is so dangerous, in my opinion, because people tend to throw money at this, at the problem. Like they, oh, I'm just gonna solve it by getting it done for me. You know, I don't have to think about food and I don't have to think about my ads and I also think about all those things. But that's dangerous because you're not acquiring the skills that are needed to wake up to yourself to know, like, this is what's gonna. I'm gonna do. This is how I'm going to live. This is how I'm going to be.

Exactly, exactly. Which again is I'm always thinking of sustainability. Like, I want your results to come for the rest of your life, not just for like the three months that we work together. I want you to be fundamentally changed. And, and the difference here is that you are informed with the correct information and with the correct skills. And what this really is about is self trust and knowing that I can trust myself. I have my own back. It's great to have coaches. I've spent tens of thousands of dollars on coaching and mentorship and all these things. I don't have a business or a nutrition coach right now. I do strength programming that's done for me because I have no interest in doing that on my own. But in those coaching relationships, I was able to learn the skills that I needed and have the accountability that was needed in order for me to expand my own window of tolerance. Now it's expanded, so I don't need that anymore. Like, it's like before. It's like, oh, I'm not going to post. And then my coach is going to see that I didn't post. It's like, no, now I'm not going to post and I'm going to have to sit with that own discomfort. Like, like, I know I haven't, I'm. I'm not gonna, you know, I know that I didn't post. I know that I didn't walk today or I didn't work out today. Like, and that means more than anything. So I really want to bring people back to themselves so they can be their own masters and their own gurus. We didn't even talk about like the online space and like celebrity factor and the guru factor and the things that happen. But like, I have a lot of feelings about that. But I want people to not pedestal people. I want People to know that they have so much power. And these processes that we're talking about will require you to be uncomfortable in your own uncovering and unraveling of these things for you and what that's going to mean for you long term in whatever area.

So you can be your own guru.

You can be your own guru. Exactly. And again, I know this because I was the opposite before. I'm like, everybody else has the answer. Everybody else has to tell me what to do. Oh, my God, they know more. Of course, people will know more than you if you're working with them, but they are better than me. And by doing that, I was what that really means. If we get a little bit more to the meat of the issue, it's like, no, I was absolving myself of the worst required to get to where I needed to go.

And also, this is a continuous choice because the neural pathway in your brain is laid down. And so I'm saying exactly to myself as well, is that every day I wake up and I am my own guru. I make this decision and I can notice and recognize go falling back into those old patterns. They never go away. The left turn is still there. You just have to choose to go right.

Exactly. Exactly. That's the thing. And again, it's uncomfortable, but we have the power. And again, once you believe that, you will show up in a different way in your business and in your life. Having an online business completely changed my life in the sense that what I wanted, what I could ask for, what I thought I deserved out of my life, or what I thought I was destined for expanded a lot after I started my business.

So good. Oh, my gosh. We could talk. I could probably talk forever. 700 hours. But I want to be.

And yes, yes.

Of your time. So please, yes, if someone wants to go deeper with you and work on this and work on themselves and just continue to go deeper with you. Where. What are the best places I can send that?

Instagram is the number one place that you can find all of my stuff. You can find me at Ashley K Pardo. So A S H L E Y K P A R D O the next round of Intuitive Macros, which is my group coaching program, starts September 6th. And I'm also doing a business mentorship for highly sensitive online business owners that's going to begin in October. But even if you just go to my Instagram and just follow my free content, I love hearing from you. I love, you know, sharing things. I share day, I share content, all the stuff. So I would love to just start by being connected there.

Love it. And we'll make sure we link all of that up in the show notes.

Thank you, Bev. Thank you so much. Thank you.

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