The Power of a Positive Holistic Approach with Laura Murray

You're listening to the PT Profit podcast, episode number 240. Today I'm sitting down with coach Laura Murray and we're discussing the power of a positive holistic approach. Are you ready? Let's get started.

Hi, I'm Beverly Simpson, former fitness manager turned online personal training business owner. And this podcast is where smart fitness professionals, including trainers and clinicians, discover how to increase client performance in movement, package and position their products and services, and get out of their own way so that they can increase their revenue to live a life that they love without sleazy sales. Welcome to the PT Profit Podcast.

Laura, thank you so much for joining me on the show today. How are you?

I'm great, thanks, Beverly. Thank you so much for having me on.

I'm super excited to dive into our conversation today. So for those of you who are tuning in, who have not heard the pleasure of your work, can you please share with us a little bit about who you are, who you serve and how you got there?

Absolutely. My name is Laura Marie. I am an online women's health coach, personal trainer, nutritionist, and I'm also a podcaster based in Dublin. And I help women to transform their mindset, to improve their health and well being and build their own self belief and confidence and ultimately to become the strongest, happiest, most confident, fittest version of themselves within their busy lifestyle. So I generally serve women from the age of mid-20s up to mid-60s. Okay, amazing.

How did that work?

God, I funny enough, I am 34 years old now. I only stepped foot in a gym for the very first time when I was 26. So that was a hugely transformative year for me. I had gotten really frustrated with my life. I was out of shape, I was unfit, I had no confidence. So it was through that journey that I decided I have to do this. I have to help other people to do what I've done. So within that year, I really transformed my own health and fitness by just starting to exercise, eat a little bit better, was working with a coach at the time, and as I started to see the improvements, I realized, okay, this is actually way more simple than we give it credit for. If we just allow the time and give ourselves the opportunity and put ourselves in the right space to learn and seek out somebody who can guide us. So I just kept with it. And through that, my friends and family and people around me and even strangers on social media were asking, okay, what are you doing? What's the secret? What? How did you go from here to here? How did you get fit? How did you lose weight? What's going on? What are you doing? And I just had to be honest and say, there's no secret. It's. I literally started doing the things that I should have been doing all along. And when I realized then that it was something that I wanted to help other people do long term or properly, I went back and studied and got my qualifications while I was working full time and pivoted to personal training in person. And then through Covid and lockdowns, I was forced online somewhere I thought I'd never go. And now I'm fully online because that has evolved and it turned into something that I never even knew it could be. So amazing kind of it in a nutshell.

Okay, so one of the things that I'm curious about in your own story as well is when you were 26, if you can take me back to all those years ago when you were 26, what were some of the things that you needed to hear? Because I think one of the things that a lot of coaches get into when they're working with gen pop is two things. Number one, or general population is number one, sometimes they've been fit their whole life and they cannot empathize and really understand the psychology of the person that they're working with because to them, it's just stop doing that and they can't really understand what it is the client is going through. And then number two, sometimes it's they feel like it's been so long since they've been there that it's hard for them to go back and relate. Okay, so I'm curious for you and I can empathize with that. For me, like sometimes when I'm in business building, I forget what it was like to earn my first 2k. Right. So it's not that it's bad. It's just more that I think it's important that we remember how far we've come. So for you, when you were 26, what were some of the things that you needed to hear or that you did hear from your coach that helped you stay the journey? And how have you translated that now into your work?

Yeah, very good question. And it's so true. I think we can get so lost in our own bubble that we forget that the client doesn't think the same way we might think now. And that's something that's been hugely important to me is to remember I felt back then at 26. And I don't think it's something that I'll ever really forget. I Have a photograph that I actually keep on my phone from that year, that summer that I just felt so, so awful in my own skin. I, I was, I actually put off stepping into the gym that was across the road from my home at the time because I was so nervous and I was so afraid of failure. So I think that's one of the key things that I try to communicate to anybody that reaches out to me looking for help who is in a similar space to how I felt back then, which was utterly lost and really afraid of failure. And because I was so afraid of starting something new that I had no idea how it worked, what I needed to do. And I was so afraid of trying and reaching outside my comfort zone and going into that fear, but then not being able and failing or being the most unfit person in the class or the person who didn't know what they were doing in the gym. So I really make it my mission now to reassure people from the get go that we all started there. Like none of us really know. And even in every level you get to, you don't really know what you're doing to get to the next phase. You just, you're just doing, you just have to take that step and trust. So finding somebody who could guide me and give me that little bit of reassurance was key. And that for me is what I try to be now to my own clients and anybody coming on board, it's just somebody that I can just reach out a hand and say, okay, I'll show you the way. I know it's terrifying and I know it's really daunting. It's so scary the thought of starting something new and actually maybe failing. But I think the first thing that I learned as I can't say this enough and even I have to tell, I have to remind myself this because we live in an instant gratification society where you can have anything at the click of a button, is that it's going to take time. Anything you want to do that is worth doing, that you want to last, if you want it to last forever. The results, they're going to take time to achieve. You didn't get to where you are now in six weeks. You're not going to transform your whole life, your body, your mindset within a six week stint. So understanding that as well is really key. And I think once I understood and accepted that back at age 26, 27, everything felt easier because I didn't feel like there was this time pressure to achieve X or to, to get from A to B, I could just relax into the process. And when I accepted that the process is the most important part because you can't fast track experience. And it's what you learn through the experience of the process is, is actually ultimately the goal. It's all of these things that we learn that we take forward with us. It's how we start to act and behave. It's different habits that we build through the process of just making small change by putting yourself in a different environment or asking for that guidance. So that was key. Just knowing that it's going to take time and that it really isn't about getting to that end goal, it's about doing the things on route to that goal. I don't even know if that answers.

Your question, but how long was the, how long was your journey?

My journey is still very much ongoing.

So I'll say this, I feel like. What was your first milestone at 26? Did you have a huge, was it like the last £10? I had £20. I wanted to just sleep through the night. What was, what was the first goal?

Okay, good question. God, I don't think I've even been asked this question before. And it wasn't. I was never hugely overweight. I was carrying excess body fat. I wasn't massively overweight. I didn't ever really have a specific weight loss goal. For me, it was really about a more holistic improvement in my overall, my health, my well being, my habits, my lifestyle. I want, I knew I wanted to drop a dress size or two and I did that. And I really felt like fantastic having done that because I just felt more confident. It was, it was really about how I felt rather than a number on the scales. And I don't even remember. I think it was maybe one, just one or two dress sizes max that I dropped. But for me, the most empowering thing and the biggest milestones were my seeing my performance improve in the gym and actually starting to track that and going from okay, I can pick up this 10kg dumbbell, which was really exciting at the start because I'd never done that before, to deadlifting, double my body weight. And like, things like that were insanely exciting to me. So when I saw how strong I could get and recognize the fact that as long as I kept working on this, my potential and my power for what my body can do is infinite, that really excited me. And that was something that really helped me to stay consistent by tracking my performance, tracking the, my, the way I could move, how many reps, how much time I could hold a weighted wall sit for things like that really were the bigger milestones for me. And it gave me so much confidence. I from there just really from exercising, from improving obviously how I looked and how I felt in my clothes and all of that really was important to me. But when I started to see what I could do and what I was capable of just by getting under a barbell and seeing that I was capable of doing things that I had never considered before, that I would look at other people and go, oh my God, that's amazing. Not me though. I could never do that. Once I saw that, actually I can do that, what else can I do? So I ended up completely turning my life around, deciding to go and quit my job, that I had great financial security in the opportunity to progress in that career. I decided to go back, train as a personal trainer. I wanted to help other people to do the same. It just gave me this self belief and the confidence in every other area of my life and even in social situations, speaking to people. It really improved everything. My mindset, my confidence, my self belief and my ability to then put myself in more uncomfortable situations that weren't in the gym, a grueling workout, but uncomfortable situations like going back to college, getting out of my comfort zone, joining new groups, talking to new people, all of that was just huge. They were the really big things for me, the game changers rather than a number on the scales, as exciting as that can be. And if you have a weight loss goal, I completely understand that these milestones are so important. But for me, that's what it was about.

Okay, great. Now one of the things that you said, there's two things that you said that I want to, that I'm curious about, your personal story and then how you translate this for your clients. Because I'm sure the clients go through the same thing.

Right.

Which is the sense of. You said that you started to chase or work towards different goals than you came in with. Yeah, I think that a lot of people and for me this is how I communicate the difference between your clients come for information and you're wanting to facilitate a transformation. And so how do you get yourself, you know, what happened for you that changed the goal where you could start chasing performance goals and how do you do that for your clients?

Very good question. It's a tough one. It really is. And I only really realized that's what I wanted to do through my own journey once I started personal training as well. So when I started working with clients, I was only working with Clients face to face. So on the gym floor and people were coming out intimidated by the gym. Maybe they had never been in a gym before and really they needed help to learn how to exercise safely. So they had that. So they had the confidence to come into the gym and to pick up a weight and they felt like they knew that they were what they were doing. And that is a hugely important part of the beginning of any journey. And for me, it was too, because that was something that really made me nervous and actually had me avoiding going into the gym that was across the road from my house at the time. When I was 26, I wanted to walk into it so many times. I put it off for months and months. I was terrified of just not knowing what to do and just being seen to be a complete and utter idiot. And nobody wants to feel like that. Nobody wants to be seen to be the beginner or the idiot that has no idea what they're doing the corner. So I think it's really important to let the client know that there. We're going to cover the basics. We're going to cover the basics of teaching you what you need to do, giving you the really simple action steps. You're going to have your workout here, you're going to have your plan, you're going to know what you know, no guessing. You're going to know exactly what you need to do. I'm going to guide you, I'm going to give you that feedback. But also then there's the whole mindset element of it in that if you want the results that you. You desire to last forever, it's not about the workout, it's not about eating certain foods or not eating certain foods. It's about making a sustainable lifestyle change by slowly and steadily building better habits and layering those. So I think exercising and learning how to exercise safely can be the catalyst for all of this, for really good positive change in every area of your life. And I think that when someone starts to see, and for me, this was very true as well. When you start to see that, okay, by building this one positive thing into my life that I do maybe three or four times a week, it encourages positive growth in other areas. You want to do better, you want to feel better, you're thinking, okay, if I can do this, how can I build on this even more? Maybe I could improve my nutrition a little bit. Maybe I could drink a little bit more water. I probably need to. If I went to bed a little bit earlier, maybe I could get up earlier and train first. Thing in the morning to leave my afternoons free for social connection and these kind of things. So as you start to layer on, I think it becomes more apparent that it is about the lifestyle. I'm sorry, I'm pretty sure I got sidetracked there and didn't answer your question fully. What was the second part of your question?

How do you do this for your clients? So now how do I do this all the time? And I need to, I'm. Chris is always telling me that I need to do not combine question one question at a time. I just can't help it. One of the things what I was asking was that I. How do you now bring what you have learned both in your education and in your clinical experience and your self experience? How do you bring this to your clients? How do you help them move through their sticking points? How do you help them transform and change their where they're thinking and how they're getting stuck and move them to, you know, this is where, you know, when we shift the goal or when we shift our mindset, how do you get them on board with that when you know, there can be so stuck in them in their own way?

It's hard. It is hard. And I think it's really important to recognize as well is that everybody is starting from a different place with different experiences. And one of the things that I do with my clients now is it really isn't just about the exercise. They will get their plan, they'll get, get their full support with their exercise plan, with their workouts, and it'll be tailored to them, to their level, whether it's home workout, gym workout, whatever. So they have that there and they know they need to chip away at that. But really it all starts and ends in the mind like any real lasting change starts and ends in the mind. So we have a weekly call and mindset call that we all have on Monday mornings on Zoom. Now they are recorded. So if somebody can't make them live, because I do understand people have very busy lives, they can listen back in their own time. But this just helps to give my clients a framework and little things that they can take into their week. Little questions, prompts for them to think about that they can apply to their own lives. Because again, it's not about telling people what to do. Oh, you should just eat your vegetables, go to bed and get your eight hours sleep. Exercise. We all know what we need to do, but we don't do what we know. And I think when you can shift your mindset a little bit like that you're more inclined to make better choices for yourself based off your own autonomy. Starting the week on a good note like that really helps. And setting yourself up with the mindset of okay, today is like a fresh opportunity for me to build on what I've been doing in the past. And I think if you take that approach each week, what you can do over the course of a year is insane. What you can do over the course of say six months even or three months is absolutely incredible. If you're going into each week just looking at, okay, what can I do? Okay, there's so much I can't do. The curveballs there'd be. Life throws curve balls our way pretty much every week. And if we were to focus on what's not going well or what we can't do, we won't get very much done. But if we head into the week with a focus on, okay, we have our plans laid out, we have a framework for our non negotiables that we will make sure get done every single day and every single week across our schedule. And again, this looks different for everybody. But I have a very simple framework that my clients can use to apply this to their own lives. And then from, from there just focusing on what you can do, doing your situational best day to day and recognizing that, okay, if we take this approach, we can layer and build and progress obviously will be. It's not going to be linear, but it will build over time if we're willing to take that approach rather than just looking at it as I have to get my three or four workouts in and eat my vegetables. So the mindset portion of it is really important now.

How do you have clients that resist the mindset work?

Yeah, I did in the past. Now I'm very intentional about who I work with. So we will have an in depth conversation to make sure we're the right fit to work together. Because for somebody to. Not that I won't give up on somebody if I think that there's potential there and I can help them in some way, but they really have to be open to wanting to learn and wanting to do different. If they're open to change, then we can work together. If they're really fixed and I just want a program and I don't want xyz, then I'm probably not the coach for them. And I'm willing to admit that as well. There's more than one ways to skin a cat and I might not be the best coach for somebody who just wants a cookie cutter program and doesn't want to work on personal development and that side of things. For me, that's. That is the foundation of, as I said, any sort of real lasting change. If we're not growing and developing personally, then, you know, any. You can have the best exercise plan or workout or the best nutrition plan or in the world, but if you're not growing and willing to be open to change, then it's not going to. I don't believe that you'll be able to transform the lifestyle factors that maybe led to you being overweight or unhappy or unfit in the first place. I think slow and steady is how I would maybe overcome any resistance to being open to changing mindset. But it's not something that's happened. Often there's been one or two people who maybe aren't open to talking about breath work or meditation or maybe gratitude and things like that. That now I'm so thankful we've scientific backing for a lot of this is research to prove in like the effect of gratitude or showing gratitude has on our neurochemistry and the effects that it has then biologically in our bodies. So I can back that up to any people who are running away from any woo woo claims of gratitudes and affirmations and things like that.

Yeah. So it's so powerful. And I just feel like people think that, oh, I'll get to that.

Yeah.

That's really actually the essence of transformation.

Yeah.

Honestly, that's one of the things I feel like was missing in the. In Atomic Habits.

Yes.

Everyone talks about how great that book is, but if you're not dealing with the identity level, then it's not gonna. Then.

Oh, I never thought of that. Yeah. Because I love Atomic Habits. It's like the holy grail, but everyone loves it.

And I'm like, but we're having this. Is this core component that's not.

That we're missing. I never considered that. I'm gonna have to go back and reread it now and just try to pick apart. Yeah, but it is. It's so true. I think like the deep. If you can get to know yourself on a deeper level and understand your true needs and values, then you can create a life that, you know is. It's not necessarily easier. Like, it's not easy to work out four or five times a week. It's not easy to do the things, you know, you need to do. Which is why we have coaches and why it's. It's. It. We need plans and we have to structure our life to include these things. But I think when you understand what's important to you, like what you truly value in your life, it's. It makes it less hard to do the things that you know you need to do because you can see how they benefit the things that you actually value. So you mightn't necessarily value working out, but you might value being a good parent and being able to being agile enough to be on the floor playing with your kids. So you know that working out your few times a week helps you to have that energy and vitality, to show up as a presence, pleasant, energetic parent and to be able to squat down on the floor with your kids or to play football with them. It's really getting clear on who you are and what it is, how you want your life to look. And that's one of the ways I really work with a lot of my clients in figuring out what it is they want and why. Because everybody can, anybody can turn up and say, I want to get a bit fitter and I want to lose a bit of weight. Okay, but what does that really mean for you and why do you want those things? And when you can get clear on that, it makes it so much easier to stay the course and to do the things. Even on the days when it's raining out and it's freezing cold, you don't want to get out of bed, you most certainly don't want to go and do your squats. But you can see the long term payoff that it's going to have if you can do that consistently and you recognize the importance of why you're doing what you're doing in terms of your life.

So Laura, one of the things I'm curious about in your process of how you bring your people on board in the online space, how did you transition from being in person to being online? And how did you get your clients excited and on board with that?

Yeah, so this was something that wasn't exactly planned by myself, but true divine intervention of COVID 19 pushed that way. And I suppose when the gyms all shut down in Ireland, I straight away it was funny, there was such a big divide. A lot of people, a lot of my peers as well sat back and went, can't work. I straight away went into okay, how can I work? Because I think I have a, probably a bit of a toxic relationship with work. I love it. Like I can work from morning to night and through my sleep if I let myself. Because I do love it. It's my purpose, it's My passion, which I have to be mindful of as well. But when we were pushed online or, sorry, when we were pushed out of the gyms and everything shut down, I obviously straight away figured, I reached out to all my clients, said, look, don't worry, I'm gonna get your home workout plans ready. I'm gonna be staying in touch with you. We're going to set up Zoom, we'll do your PT sessions by Zoom, and it'll all be fine. So I was doing PT sessions by Zoom and it wasn't really online coaching yet, but then with some of some home setups for some of my clients just weren't ideal for that for themselves. Just with the space and with families and housemates and things like that. So we thought, okay, maybe your own plan that you can do in your own time would work better than Zoom sessions. Let's do that. And I had to put systems in place to be able to deliver programs to my clients. And then realizing that the whole connection element was being lost and the community aspect of life and living, I started to put together the coaching calls. So like coming together as a group to just have the chats and to figure out what are people struggling with this week. Okay, we're all drinking too much wine, we're all eating too much chocolate to get us through. And it was fine for a week or two. But how can we rein this in? How can we. And then put little things in place, like little challenges or little things that we're working on this week or next week, like we have the two liters before 2pm water challenge to make sure we're getting enough water on board early in the day, little things like that. And that started to grow. And then I had to put systems in place where I was able to take on new clients and who were just coming board solely as online clients. So then when the gyms reopened, my, my old clients or my original clients that I had been serving face to face wanted to come back to personal training. The clients that I had taken on as online clients were happy to just continue as they were going. And I was trying to do both, which was an absolute. And other. It was chaotic and it was. I love doing both. But I had to choose because I was running myself into the ground. I was in the gym all day with clients back to back personal training sessions. I was coming home, trying to touch base with messaging and with keeping keeping up to date on the app with coaching clients, then trying to get check ins done, doing all the admin that goes on in the background and absolutely burning myself out. And I had seen firsthand how much more that I could give to clients through the online platform that I couldn't give in a face to face personal training session. There's, there's only so much conversation you can have in between sets and at the end of a session and wrap up with a client. Whereas with the online coaching I was able to really facilitate personal and personal development and growth. Talk about nutrition, talk about the different lifestyle factors, your sleep, your stress management, how is your scheduling, your time and energy management. So it became apparent to me that all of the things that we really need for long lasting sustainable change that I couldn't give to clients in a face to face training session, I was able to deliver through the online coaching model. So I decided to pivot that way and thankfully all of my clients came with me. So I was really lucky in that all of my face to face clients decided to pivot online with me. Now some of them did drop off after a few months, which is natural anyway, whether it's face to face or online. But there wasn't much convincing involved because I think that they had seen as well like they were at, they were at a good level of training, they were confident enough in the gym. I also, when I knew I was going to transition, I made sure that they were able to march into the gym themselves, set up their barbell or set up their session. They were confident enough in doing what they needed to do so that when flying solo they knew exactly what they had to do. But there was going to be more added value in terms of what they would get from me, even though I wasn't going to be there standing by their side in their training session. And I think once they realized that it was a no brainer for them as well in terms of what they were going to get from the service. And for me it made left me free to be able to put together different trainings and different things for them. And I think everybody, it's a win, win situation really. I can serve my clients in a much bigger way that's so powerful.

So now I'm curious for you and for the clients that you're working with, how do you navigate between their sticking points of understanding the difference between this is a plateau we're going to break through or that maybe we need to, this is a course correct, we need to program change, something's not working and how do you go? What's your process in deciding and correct in course correcting.

Do you mean, sorry, in terms of say, if somebody's experiencing a plateau with weight loss or with internal goals.

Yeah, whatever their goal is. Because for me, and the reason why I came to that question and how I got there is that for me it's very clear. Your thoughts and your mindset is one of the key components of your, what you do and what people don't realize is that these neural pathways in our brain is something that is layered there. And even though you're making a conscious choice to always turn right, the left turn is still there. And so for a lot of clients who are stuck in the mud and can even like one thing can, can unhinge them and cause them to go left, how do you navigate the nuances between. This is normal, this is part of the process. We need to break through this versus, oh wait, there's something here that we need to take a look at. And it's either your reporting or part of the process. So how do you navigate that in your business?

Yeah, okay, that's a really good question. I guess it's, I'm very much of the solutions, not problems mindset. So if there's a problem, there is a solution. And I think what can happen with a lot of people, and it has happened for me in the past, when is when? As soon as you hit a roadblock or there's a problem, it's okay, this is wrong. I'm not, not doing this right. There's a problem here. But problems aren't necessarily bad. They just mean their feedback that we need to tweak. We need to tweak something, we need to pivot and it's figuring out what that is so we'll stay really closely aligned. I like to touch base with my clients a couple of times a week. We have our check ins as well, our deeper check ins, but usually even before check in, we know where we're at. If there is a roadblock, if there's a plateau, if we're facing some sort of a bottleneck, we'll have a touch base and just figure out, okay, what's going on? What is the fact here? The fact is we've been doing this, it's been working and now we're a bit stuck. And it's just looking at what can we do, what can we influence our control. And there is always something when we sit back and look at it. And I think sometimes when you're in, like if you are the person who is stuck or has reached that plateau or hit that roadblock, it's so hard to see beyond that, that because you're immersed in that little bubble and in that space. But if you've a coach there on the sidelines, able to see from a different perspective to guide you around that or to help you to climb over it or whatever the case might, may be, there is always a way out or around or through. And I think recognizing that as well is really important. And that's probably one of the things that I wish that I had known sooner on my own journey, is that just because you get stuck, just because you hit a roadblock, just because things aren't going in the direction that you want them to go ultimately in the long term, doesn't mean that you've screwed up or that you're not going to achieve your goal or that you're doing something drastically wrong. It's just feedback that we need to tweak something. And I think when you have somebody there to guide you, like maybe ask you better questions or to guide you to ask better questions of yourself, that's key for overcoming these moments. But I think recognizing as well that you will always overcome them like you're. There's nothing that's going to stop you from achieving your goal, only giving up. So that's, I guess in a nutshell, how I would approach any sort of a roadblock or a plateau is just little sit down, little check in what's going on, what's going so well. Help me build on that. What's not going so well? How are we going to overcome that? And we will. We'll figure out a way.

So good, so good, so powerful. What are some of the other things that you wish you had known earlier in your journey that you share with your clients now?

Oh, very good question. One of the things that actually came up in the last week or so just in conversation with a couple of my clients is I wish I had known that it's not about having a training plan from a bodybuilder or a bikini athlete or having a meal plan or. I think I was very naive when I started. I was really naive. And I think social media plays a big part in this because for me, even now, no, like I have a background in this world. I know I have, I have education in this world. I know what's. What if I was somebody who didn't have an idea of the difference between a bodybuilder or a competitive bikini athlete or gen pop hop, or just, you know, a personal trainer or somebody who is coaching for health and wellness as opposed to somebody who's coaching for Bodybuilding or physique competitions, there's a huge difference here. And I wish I had known that back then because. And I actually, I'm glad that I didn't because I learned so much through the process of not knowing this. But I think one of the things I've seen with several clients who've come my way after reaching out for coaching from bodybuilding, client from bodybuilding coaches, because they've seen this person on social media who is in fantastic shape, which they are in fantastic shape, and they think, okay, that's the person I need to go to get a body like that, number one, they don't really want that body. They want, they want to feel better, they want to feel fitter, they want to lose weight. But they go to the person who's in the best shape physically or visibly, thinking, okay, they know what they're doing. They absolutely do know what they're doing. But if you want to be a bodybuilder, hire a bodybuilding coach. If you want to do a photo shoot, hire a coach who will prep you to do a photo shoot. But if you want to become your healthiest, fittest and most confident version in a way that you can sustain forever, hire somebody who will teach you those systems and tools and principles and how to improve your body, your mind and every avenue of your life, rather than how to train five times a week and eat chicken and broccoli and do things in a way that's not sustainable. And there's no right or wrong answer here. Maybe you do want to be a bodybuilder, maybe you do want to do a photo shoot, maybe. But, but these are. It's not teaching you the lifestyle factor, how to improve the lifestyle factors that you need to improve to be your healthiest, fittest version long term. So it's about figuring out what you want. And I wish I had known that sooner because I did go to bodybuilding coaches. I did. I developed really bad relationship with food. I developed what can only be described as a type of body. Like, I definitely suffered from body dysmorphia at one point, feeling like I couldn't get lean enough, I wasn't able to get jacked enough. And I was looking at all, I was looking at these people who I was being coached by or this world that I had immersed myself in thinking that this was the norm. If I just trained like this, I could achieve this body, but it wasn't healthy. So I kind of wish I knew that sooner. I wish I was able to tell the difference. And I Think social media portrays this as something that anybody can have. Living a normal life and you can get really fit, you can get healthy, you can improve your body. But if you want to look like a bodybuilder, you need to live like a bodybuilder. If you want to look like a bikini athlete, you need to live like a bikini athlete. And most people aren't willing to make those sacrifices, and I'm not willing to make those sacrifices. So I think knowing the difference, there is something that I wish I knew sooner.

So there's two really big important things that you're talking about that are. That's worth reiterating and. And I see this in myself all the time. And it's a nuanced conversation because there's a difference. And I always tell people this all the time. Business clients, as well as anyone who's entering a coaching relationship is that when you make a buying decision based on someone else's results, that's like doing keto, because Sally next door said it was great. That's one of the worst things that you can do. Someone else's results do not dictate or depict what is going to happen for you. But what we do need to. And the nuance comes from understanding the difference between understanding the process. Like you want to invest in a proven process, but that doesn't mean that someone else's results prove their process. So how do you not do that?

How do you know that?

And for me, you're just gonna have to go through your. Go for your gut, trust the coach. Because just like you said, there's a hundred ways to skin a cat. The truth of the matter is that it's probably true that all the processes are proven. You just have to know yourself. You have to get to know yourself and be discerning in. Will this work for me?

Yeah, absolutely, yes.

But I just think that people don't realize that I have so many experiences where I've invested in something, whether it business, whether it's health. And I thought, oh, this worked for you because of your genetics, you got to seven or this worked for you because you charged $20 million. When it's just people forget this, they really forget this. And I notice this in myself all the time. And so it's a nuanced conversation because we do want to demonstrate and prove a process, but someone else's results aren't. Doesn't necessarily mean that it's going to be for you. And I think that's hard.

It comes back to your needs, your wants, and your goals and getting clear on your values again. And that is what it comes down to. If you are clear on who you are, as you said, and what you want for yourself, then you'll know, okay, this coach or this way is the way to go about living my life. But I've had women who, women in their 40s and 50s with kids who just wanted to get a bit fitter, wanted to learn how to get fit and stay fit and live a sustainable lifestyle, and they're happy that they feel comfortable in their own skin, who went to bodybuilding coaches, who've been sold this plan that to follow for 12 weeks and get shredded and jacked. But it's. That's not what they really ultimately need or want in for the long term. But, and I think that's a lot of frustration lies there. Then they have a bad experience with a coach. It's not what they need. It's not the approach that they need. It's not helping them to improve the different factors in their life that are going to get them to where they want to be sustainably and in a way that works with their lifestyle. So that's a massive frustration. But I think if you are clear on who you are and what you want, then you're more likely to gravitate towards someone or a way, an avenue that allows you to live the type of life that you want while still improving the things that you need to improve.

It's so true. And the other thing too, that you said and talked about, which I think people miss, is that they is bodybuilding athletes. People think that. They forget that's an actual athletic component that's going to train in a very specific, live in a very specific way. And then people translate that to think that's a lifestyle when that is in fact not the case. And then they also compare their bodies to someone else's leanest. But that doesn't mean it's their healthiest. I mean, I don't know if you saw that viral video of Ariana's, but I feel like that is. We hear people talking about this when in this big of a circle, like a tiny. Like the 1% of the 1% talks about my leanest isn't the healthiest, but they forget that when you come out to the context of the masses, the majority of human beings on this planet don't realize that they miss it.

Yeah, yeah. And that's been a struggle of mine, like through my own journey, becoming a fitness professional and being immersed in that bubble and seeing all of this Online, it. I had this pressure on myself that if I was going to be taken seriously as a fitness professional, as a coach, then I had to be super lean and I got really unhealthy. But it was at that point when I was probably at my own healthiest, when I was praised the most for being healthy and fit because I looked muscular, I looked lean, I looked in good shape, but I was very unhealthy. I was under eating, I was under fueled, I was miserable, I had insane body dysmorphia, I had a really bad relationship with food. And coming back from all of that, coming through that and coming back from all of that has actually really helped me because it helps me to navigate, it helps me to see red flags, maybe with clients who might be struggling with their own relationship with food or their relationship with themselves. It also helps me to preempt any of this stuff and to stop anybody from hopefully struggling with any of these things as well. So I don't, I don't regret the fact that I went through all of that, but it's definitely something that I think needs to be spoken about a little bit more and may people need to be made aware of these things a bit more. It's important.

It's so true. It is important. And it's also a good reminder that. It's a good reminder that we think everybody's talking about this when the truth of the matter is that it's a drop in the bucket. It's just because it's part of our reticular activation system.

Right.

And it's just not it it to me, I just think that if it is in your heart, the desires of your heart are safe guidance. There's a reason you are called to do this and not be a kindergarten teacher and not be a professional hula hoop dancer.

Okay.

So for me, it's easy for us to get trapped in the who am.

I to do this?

Or I'm not lean enough, my body's.

Not a business card.

But all of this is experience for you to hone in your messaging and find the people who need you, because otherwise they're going to go to bodybuilding coaches and when they don't want to compete.

I know it sounds like we're really sliding bodybuilders here. There's absolutely nothing wrong with bodybuilding if you want to be a bodybuilder.

Yeah, but that's the key component. You said this. And it's that idea of, hey, we're not anti chocolate ice cream.

Yeah.

We're just Connecting with the people that want to eat vanilla.

Yeah.

And the problem is that and, but I have so incredible people who are love bodybuilding and they can do it and that's. But they, it's part of their business and it's part of their, what they love to do. The issue is when there are people that don't want to be a bodybuilder, but they think that's the only way.

Yeah, that's it. That is exactly it. That it's the only way is to train like this and eat this and do this. And if you go to a coach who is, who has gotten themselves in that physique doesn't necessarily make them a good coach either. So I think that's something to note as well. You can look at somebody like you said, the results that, that somebody else gets doesn't determine the results that you'll get from doing the same thing. Absolutely not. Because everybody's different and has different requirements. But also it doesn't give, it doesn't qualify anybody. So it's just because say John down the road is absolutely jacked. He's shredded. He lives like that. He has abs 24, 7 year round. It does not qualify him to coach somebody else in to do the same. And while he might have the qualifications on paper, he might be able to communicate or be able to guide somebody in that way. So I think recognizing that as well, find somebody that you know, that you can connect with that who gets you, who understands your needs and wants and who can guide you in a way that is realistic for you when you're in your life and for your wants and needs.

I think that's so powerful. And then also too, I want to also say that every coach starts somewhere. Sometimes high achieving coaches, if you're anything like me, you start to feel like, oh, I just need one more certification. Or you might listen to this and think, oh, I'm not ready yet, I can't help people. But everyone starts somewhere. And that. And there have been times in my life where I have absolutely screwed up up being a coach, where I tried to force him to do this one way or I did try and control an outcome. And I'm so grateful for that experience because I learned and I grew from that. As long as you continue to stay in an open mind of how can I grow, how can I live in the. And how can I continue to expand. That is part of what makes you exceptional. And everyone lives, everyone starts somewhere.

Yeah, absolutely. And everybody has something to give. Like we can all learn from Each other. I learn from my clients every single week, like I really do. And like you said, being open to. We're going to make mistakes. We all are. Of course we are. Everybody in any career will make a mistake from time to time. But as long as you can take on board and even, like, my clients make mistakes in their choices, in what they're doing and what they're not doing. But if we can just reflect on, okay, what went well here, how can I learn from this and how can I replicate this or build on that? But what didn't go well and what am I learning from that? What am I going to change going forward or what am I going do to tweak or not do? And that's huge. I think some of the best lessons that I've had through my career have been through making mistakes with clients, for sure. And you can only make those mistakes when you put yourself in that space and you just go and do the thing like. And nobody, nobody knew that I made the mistake. So I think back even to my days when I started coaching on the gym floor. Oh, my God. Some of the things I did, some of the things I said to clients, but they don't know. They probably didn't even notice this. But to me, I'm like, oh, man, I should. I would never do that. Now I look back and I think, but it's part of the process. Like anything, the process, you can't fast track experience. Like, you can sit and read as many books, you can hire as many coaches, you can do as many courses as you possibly can, but it's the experience in anything. And it's the same for with your health and fitness. You can again, you can read about eating better and you can. You can look up all the best workouts in the world, you can hire coaches and mentors, but if you're not actually going out and doing the things and then reflecting on yourself, your day, your journey, your actions, and learning from that and growing and moving forward and making the mistakes and overcoming them and getting better, that's the process. And you cannot fast track that. You can't cheat it. So the mistakes are good, essentially. They really are.

Yes. Where you can't learn how to swim by reading a book. You got to get in the water.

Yeah, you have to get in the water. Yep.

So true. So good. So, Laura, I really want to be mindful of your time and thank you so much for pouring into me, into us, into the community. And I'm curious, you know, if anyone wants to talk more or go deeper with you. What are some of the best places to send them?

I'll give you three places you can find. Actually four you can find me. My email address is powered by positivityptmail.com that's a mouthful. I'll send it on you pop it in the show notes if you like. My Instagram handle is at Marilola. That's M U R A Y L O L A. You can also find me at poweredbypositivity AE and the podcast is the Powered by Positivity podcast on anywhere you get your podcasts.

So love it. We'll be sure to link all that up. Thank you so much. And thank you so much. This has been amazing. Really appreciate it.

Thank you. I really enjoyed the chats. Thank you so much for having me on. It's been a pleasure.

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