Short reflective monologue by Ryan Daniel Moran about realizing that external achievements (money, body, possessions, followers) do not determine self-worth. Moran recounts a journal entry framing 'I am enough' as freeing him from seeking external approval and redirects goals toward presence, community, and joy rather than status or growth for its own sake.
All of you trying to hook up, all of you taking drugs, all of you drinking are just in the pursuit of presence. All you're looking for is this sense of connection to yourself and happiness and contentment with what is. I know that I believed that I was not enough for a long time. I don't know how that shows up for me, but I feel like it's. It's really been a part of my experience for a long time. And so I pulled out my journal and I wrote this journal entry. If I am enough, then I have no need for outside approval from anyone. If I am enough, then my body is perfect exactly as it is. If I am enough, then I can give freely simply because it feels good to give. If I am enough, then I do not need to worry about what anyone else thinks. If I am enough, then I have enough money. If I am enough, then there is no need for me to stress, because stress is resistance to what is, and what is is enough. And what I was really processing when I wrote this was, if I'm good, if I'm just enough as I am, then all of the goals that I've been pursuing outside of myself, the amount of money I want to make, the relationships I want to have, the type of home I want to live in, all of those things are fine, but they don't change anything about who I am or my value. And I realized that I had been operating my entire life as though I wasn't enough, and I needed to go accomplish something in order to prove to myself that I was valuable. I had to go make the money, and I made the money. I had to go get the abs, and I got the abs. I had to go get the house and the car, and I still felt as though I wasn't enough. And the reason for that is because when you have outside stimuli trying to fill an internal void, all it does is make it louder, it makes it more expansive. And I thought that if I had a few million bucks, that would make me enough, that would make me good, then I'd be at peak. I'm pursuing the outside stimuli, believing that it will fix an internal angst, and I'm doing the things that make the angst worse. It is now clear to me how many of my goals have been made out of a fear of not being enough. Instead of trying to have a six pack make a goal to feel full of energy, maybe instead of pursuing money, I should pursue having customers that joyfully share my products and my work and to cultivate community that involves and inspires others. Those sound like good goals. What were they before? Have a certain amount of body fat? Make a certain amount of money? Have a certain number of followers, none of which had anything to do with happiness or presence. I realized I had spent my entire career trying to scale growth rather than scale happiness. That I was seeing growth and opportunity as the end, rather than focusing on what's the process that I want to be joyfully involved in. Because if I don't outline that, what's the fucking point? Regardless of what happens in terms of external stimuli, we are all enough as is. It doesn't mean we are perfect. It doesn't mean we are good. It just means we're enough.
