Networking escape routes, and how to not be weird

So, Alison, I had a really interesting question in the community today. One of our community members said that they listened to the networking podcast that we put out a few weeks ago and they were fascinated by it, thought it was great advice. And they asked, how in the world, though, do you extricate yourself from a conversation you don't want to be in if you end up in one of those conversations? And that is such a good question. First of all, because we've all been there, we have all ended up in a conversation where we're like, huh, huh, when can this end? How can I get away? And you don't want to offend them. You want to be able to make graceful exit. But I thought maybe we could go into some tactics for how we could actually help people to figure out how to gracefully exit the conversation.

I'm Karina Klingman, scientist turned CEO of a talent strategy consulting firm. I've helped over 85 biotechs hire and develop thousands of amazing employees. So I know what works and what doesn't work when it comes to landing a job and then excelling in it. I created the Biotech Career Coach podcast to give you simple, actionable, step by step strategies to help you land your dream biotech job, then move up the career ladder. If you are exploring career paths, looking to learn about biotech, or simply striving to be the type of person who makes an impact and gets promoted, you're.

In the right place. That is such a good question. I feel like that is one of the major pain points of networking that people do not talk about.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You are our networking person. Like, I, I'm the introvert, you're the extrovert. I always, I'm so terrified of ending up in those conversations and they do happen. But I know that you go to a lot more events, so let's paint the picture here. So you have entered into a conversation with somebody and quickly realized maybe that they are going on too long or something, they're not in the right industry, you just don't want to talk to them anymore, and that is fine. What, what are some ways that we can start to extricate ourselves?

Okay, well, the first one is really easy. And all you have to say is, oh, if you can excuse me, I just have to run to the ladies room. No one's going to question that. And then you just make like you're going in that direction and no one's.

Going to follow you.

So. And if they do, then you have other problems. You should probably, you know, Address, they need to go. You have a stage five clinger, so. So that's the easiest one. You can do the same thing if you're having a drink, you know, oh, I'm out of water and my throat's so dry. I'm just going to get some water and, like, we'll catch up again. I always just kind of le. But I was like, oh, I'll bump into you in a minute. We'll catch up.

Yeah.

The other one that I have had people do to me, and I reflected on it and was like, it's so weird. I didn't find that rude, but. Because you wouldn't do it in a normal social situation. But what I have had people do is be like, oh, hey, it's been so great chatting to you, but I've got to run because I really need to grab that person over there. And you're at a networking event. People get it. It's like, oh, yeah, why wouldn't you? Like, most people are trying to meet up with a specific person in that mind in, like, that room. So I'm always just, like, kind of on the lookout. And even if it's not someone you were really trying to meet up with, where you're like, oh, I see someone across the room. I've got to grab them before this is over. It's fine. Like, you're not going to hurt someone's feelings. It's okay. Yeah. So those are my three go to say you're going to the restroom, say you're getting a drink, or say, like, I really got to see that person over there. So great chatting to you. I'm sure I'll bump into you again before the event's over.

Yeah, I think if you want to soften the blow, too, you can make sure that you've collected their business card and you can always go to LinkedIn, link in with them afterward. You know, make it. Make it clear that it wasn't a personal thing. You did want to keep the conversation going, even if you didn't.

It's about respecting people's time. Right. So they also might be like, I want to end this conversation. I don't know how to get out of it. Everyone's there to network and meet a lot of people. And I think that when people just kind of call it out, like, hey, it was so great meeting you. I've got to go talk to a couple more people. But, like, grab, give me your card, and we'll connect on LinkedIn and we'll keep the conversation going. Like, that's literally the point of going to networking events, is to meet a lot of people in one spot. So like, most people don't really expect to be cornered or want to be cornered, but they may in their head be thinking the same thing about you. Like, oh, I'm stuck here.

You never know. Okay, so barring that, let's say that somebody really is not letting you get a word in edgewise. That's happened to me too. Maybe it is somebody you in theory want to network with, but you're having trouble getting your, getting any, any headway in the conversation. It's a one sided conversation on their end. What might we do to mitigate that problem? Is there a way that we can kind of head that off?

If it's someone you like, really want to be in their good graces and you really need to network with them, then just deal with it. Like honestly, just roll with it and be like, fine, whatever, I'll just listen to you tell me, whatever. Otherwise I think it's kind of time to deploy one of those tactics. And I think you might have to be like, oh, hey, I'm so sorry to interrupt, but like I've got to X, Y, Z. It really depends on the situation too. Like what the room is structured, like who's around you. If they're talking to a big group of people, sometimes it's almost okay just to kind of be like, oh, I got caught in a side conversation and sidle off. If you're truly one on one captive audience, then you gotta weigh the risk reward of staying in that conversation or just making an exit. If the event is ending in like 15 minutes, you can be like, hey, I'm so sorry, I've gotta go get my car, pick up my kid, do whatever, I'm heading out and then just leave. Be like, oh, I didn't realize the time gotta go. Like, that's fine. I think it's actually a lot harder to be rude at a networking event. Unless I'm just rude, but I don't think so.

I think it's just that people, the.

Expectation is not like you're sitting at a dinner table with these people. Like the idea is you're circulating around. So I don't put too much stock into it because I've definitely had people kind of walk away from me and I've definitely kind of walked away from other people. And I'm not, I don't even remember it half the time.

Yeah, that's really good point. I think we overanalyze things in the moment or even afterward, you know, you like psychoanalyze the whole entire event and you think, oh my gosh, all the things I did wrong, probably nobody remembers anything about it except you, because it happened to you.

Do you know why that is so true? Because everyone we talk to on the Building Biotech podcast, when we talk about networking events, it's like, oh, I'm always so uncomfortable and I'm so nervous and everyone's in their own heads. So everyone is in their car, driving home, being like, oh, I was such a weirdo. Like, oh, I walked away when I shouldn't have. Oh, they don't remember anything about you except where you probably seemed really nice and that they screwed up the interaction that you in your car, like, oh, they seemed really nice and I screwed up the interaction. Because in the end we're all like, basically little kids who don't know how to interact with each other.

It's so true. We do a lot of mindset work in the office hours and a lot of it is about. And I, I feel like I say the same things over and over but for so many different situations. But it's. Don't assume that you know what someone else is thinking because it's what you're thinking. And I think so many people fall into this trap, right? Where it's. You're so nervous. You are assuming that you're not the right candidate, you're not a strong candidate, you're assuming they don't want to talk to you, whatever. You're assuming you kind of project onto other people. And the only one who knows what's going on inside someone's head is themselves. That is, that is the end of story. So it's so funny the things I hear and I say, well, how did we come to that conclusion? And it's like, well, that's what I just think, or I assume that's what they're thinking. And there is a age old adage about assuming. So let's not assume because it really is a trap.

Look, I'm gonna be honest though. Prior to us talking to so many people on the podcast and forcing myself to get out there and network, I was brutal to myself. Like, it was just one of those things where, like, networking was something I had to do, but I would, I would analyze the interactions. I was like, oh, I said this one thing wrong. I did this wrong. Hearing a lot of other people who are people I look up to in the industry also say, like, yeah, networking's really hard. And I worry about the interactions and like, of course there's some social anxiety. It really level sets the playing field that, like, everyone's in the same boat. They're awkward events. Right. You just have to make them fun and embrace the awkwardness. And honestly, just give yourself credit for going because a lot of people didn't go and you went.

That's true.

Okay.

Hey, I just want to cut in to say that if you are enjoying this podcast, you may enjoy the Building Biotechs podcast from our sister company, Recruitomics Consulting, which is a talent acquisition strategy firm that specializes in helping small biotechs hire exceptional talent. In that podcast, we interview amazing people who are building biotechs. They are industry leaders in all different verticals, and it will allow you to explore career paths in biotech and to get to know companies that maybe you've never heard about. So if you are a biotech fan, you are exploring careers in biotech. I highly recommend the Building Biotechs podcast. We'll link that in the show notes or you can search for it on Apple Podcasts or anywhere else you get your podcasts. All right, back to our show.

So we were talking about networking in person, but there's another side of networking that's really hard to get out of, which is when someone is emailing you or sending you LinkedIn messages, like, over and over and the conversation's not ending. And that is actually something I also believe came up in the collaboratory Slack channel about how long do we keep going back and forth? It's kind of like when someone's like, thank you. And you're like, thank you. And then it's like, do you thank them again? It's like gets really awkward. So when you are in a LinkedIn networking connection intro situation, when do you get out of it?

Here's the thing. People, for whatever reason online are very different than they are in person. And we've heard so much about this. Even with, like, bullying. Like, when you and I were in high school, we didn't have social media to the same extent, right? There was like MySpace for bands to put their music on. Like, there really wasn't the same level of social media interaction. And what we've seen is that people don't act the same in person as online. And being online for some reason makes people a little bit more bold. And this can come across, you know, in high school as bullying. It can come across in networking as being too forward and maybe putting the cart before the horse in networking situations. Because I think of it a lot like dating. If you were in a bar and you like introduced yourself to somebody, you wouldn't be like, hey, wanna marry me after one introduction, right?

Might depend. Who's in the bar? I don't know.

Pick your celebrity. But we see this on LinkedIn. We see candidates who are like, hi, I'm so and so, I see you have a job posted, here's my resume, hire me. And it's like, whoa, that's, that's too forward, that's too much. That's not how you would interact with somebody. You wouldn't walk up to somebody at a networking event and say that. You would try and get to know them a little bit. You would have a little back and forth, a little conversation. And before you ask for something, typically I would like to see a bit of a relationship develop very naturally, which would be a few exchanges back and forth and then maybe let it sit. So maybe it is that. So the way I, I teach introductions on LinkedIn very simply is you can connect with somebody, send them a nice little note complimenting them. If you've taken our LinkedIn seminar, you'll know I talk and I give you a framework for how to do these introductions. But you wanna compliment them, you wanna ask an open ended question. But it really should be pretty superficial. It should be something like, how do you like working at Biogen? Something very general, right? And then they can come back with oh, it's great. And then maybe one more interaction and really that should be it. Or maybe you even leave it at that, like, oh, that sounds great. And you just sort of leave the ball in. Maybe then a week later you come back if there's a job open that's interesting and you ask a very general question like, hey, I saw there's a job posted in X department. What do you think about that department? Or what's the environment like over there? If it's at a different site than them, like, oh, what's the San Diego site like? Have you ever been there? Something very general, something that would be natural to ask somebody in conversation. And then you don't ask them to put your name forward, you let that develop naturally. And I think that's where the forward, the too forward comes in. People just go right in for the kill. They go right in for the ask without providing any sort of back and forth banter.

And I think what's interesting is sometimes you will connect with someone and they're super friendly and they're like, oh, I'd love to chat and like learn more about you. Here is my trick for That I do not want to do 12 rounds of like, well, on Monday at noon, I'm doing xyz. Get a free calendly or a free scheduling tool of your choice. So you have a calendar link that you keep up to date and let and then just send it to them. But you have to make that as easy as possible.

Yeah. Okay. So now you are in a conversation with somebody on LinkedIn and you're wondering, am I being annoying? Are they being annoying? Am I annoyed by them? Like, how do you get out of this conversation back into your own head? My. So I don't have a blanket answer because I'm not in the conversation. I'm just gonna go off of some things that I've heard. So if you're in that situation that you brought up earlier where it's like, oh, thank you, and then you say, no problem, thank you, and it's going back and forth and it's weird, it's okay to just stop. It's. It's just an online messaging platform. It's not weird. So people think, oh, they're going to think I'm rude if I didn't send the last message and whatever. It's not. It's an online messaging platform. If you saw mine, you would be horrified because I get hundreds of messages on here and there's no way I'm keeping up with them. I try. I try to skim them. I even have someone who helps me with them Monday through Friday. But guess what? They still come on the weekends. And I'm not. I'm. I'm never going to get to them all. And it's not because I don't like you. It's not because I'm trying to be rude. So I think it's appropriate to let things kind of drop. It's a messaging platform. It is not in person. So if you are kind of done with the conversation, just don't answer for a couple of days. It's not a big deal.

Here's the thing, if someone really wants to continue it, they're going to send you another message.

But Karina is absolutely right.

These are also messaging platforms that people use for work. So it's not even like a chat program necessarily. There's functionality built into it, but it's actually not really the primary purpose of the platform. So I would say if after a few rounds, it hasn't moved to like a zoom call or email or something.

Don'T worry about it. Yeah, but, you know, you play your cards right and you can quickly take it off of the platform. So a couple of folks in our accelerator have recently, within the last couple of weeks, been able to network their way right into informational calls and then someone hand delivering their resume to the right person in the company, all through the right types of messaging on the platform. It is powerful. It's one of those things where you have to think, what would I do in person? How, how would I take this interaction normally naturally forward without coming across as too pushy? And so it's, it's very stressful. People get very worried about it. One thing we do a lot in the accelerator program is actually workshop what those messages are. People will come and bring their messages and say, oh, you know, somebody from this company I'm excited about, they accepted my invitation, what should I do? And so we'll sort of workshop. Okay, well, here's the next message you could send to them that doesn't sound weird. So people are worried about sounding weird. Cringy is another word that I've heard thrown around. So I get it. It's a real fear.

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