178- Courage to Leap & Lead with Alex Pursglove

You've got courage to leap, courage to lead. Be brave and be bold.

Wow!

Let it roar. Welcome to the Courage to Leap and Lead podcast, where each of our guests share the stories of courage that helped them become powerful leaders. Before we start today's show, please remember to visit courage-consulting. Where you can find all the episodes and other excellent resources, all at courage-consulting.com. Now, here's your host, Leadership Courage Coach CB Bowman.

Hello everybody. It is Tuesday and it's CB. Hey, I have a very interesting interview for you today. I know because we started it and then we stopped because of technical issues. So here's an opportunity for us to— for you to hear it from the very beginning again. My guest today is Alex, and Alex is one of those women that you just have to admire because this woman stopped her business and restarted her business and multiplied it 10x. How in the world do you do that? So I'm introducing Alex to you. Alex, welcome.

Thank you, CB. I'm so happy to be here with you today.

Well, it's exciting to have you on Courage to Leap and Lead. So you and I were talking about the fact that you decided to just reinvent your business through a mindset coach. Tell us, why did you decide this? How did it happen? How did you get to multiply your business by 10x? We want to know the secrets because not all of us can afford a mindset coach. So let's go.

Well, I am happy to share. I'm an open book, so happy to share my experiences and story. So I'll say this, I've actually gone through a couple reinventions of myself and my business. So I was sharing the first really significant one with you, which was back in 2020. I had actually started my business in 2016, fell in love with personal development when it was first introduced to me, loved the idea of learning how I can actually take control of my decisions and life and future and create more success by shifting first who I'm being on the inside and then shifting what's happening on the outside. And that was a fascinating concept to me because I was definitely taught throughout my life that my circumstances are in the driver's seat, or that to create really significant success, you have to be really lucky or uber talented. And so I had a lot of limiting beliefs about what was possible for myself that I didn't recognize as well.

You know, I think that's, that's a really good point that we're starting with because, um, a lot of people, including myself, of my race, are raised with limitations on where you can go in your life. And it's not necessarily expressed by our parents, but it's there in the atmosphere and in the universe. So the fact that particularly a woman can take this risk of reinventing herself, to me, is just incredible. Hmm.

Well, it certainly was, was a powerful journey. Um, and I'm such a supporter of women that are willing to do it because Really, if you think about it, we, we all grow up with a worldview and belief systems that are instilled in us from our parents and our upbringing, our environment, our society. And so we have this worldview about ourselves and what's possible for us. And I know a lot of women that do struggle with limiting beliefs around, am I good enough to really create the bigger vision or to have the bigger desires? You know, there's imposter syndrome and doubt that I think creeps up for all of us. And so I believe it's really important when we, when we reach adulthood to explore what was actually instilled in us by, by the people around us versus what is actually our true belief. You know, we all go through that process, right, of individuating, or many of us do go through the process of individuating and exploring who am I really. And for me, I did that in my 20s, but then as I got to my 30s and decided to start this business, I had a much greater need to really explore my belief systems because I started to see how stuck I actually felt. Like, I knew that I had so much more inside of me that I wanted to give, that I wanted to serve, that I wanted to express, but I felt so stifled.

And how did you have the guts to— when I think about my careers, when I started, I was, I, I was waiting And now I can admit this, I was waiting to be terminated so I could do something else. I didn't have the guts to say, I'm out of here.

Well, I didn't either at first. It took me a little while, and really it took having someone that really believed in me and that told me there was more here and available for me. So I had multiple different mentors and then coaches that spoke into me and lifted me up. And I think We all go through those times of doubting or struggling to believe. And so having people around you that can believe in you and you can rely on their belief is a game changer. You know, and it was, it was for me. So, you know, it was really through, through finding personal development and working with these mentors and hearing other people's success stories that I started to think, wait, maybe there is more available for me here. Maybe it is possible for me to create more of my desires because if these people have done it, Why can't I? And it's not that they just grew up with everything handed to them, right? Or just happened to be, you know, related to Oprah or something like that. You know, they were people that grew up like I did, and they created success. So I thought, okay, well, maybe that's here and available for me. And I was introduced to my first significant mentor. Her name's Sloane, and she taught me the universal law of polarity, which states that Everything has an equal and opposite. Everything is created as a whole. So there's 2 parts to everything. There's 2 sides to every coin, which also means that when we have a desire, the ability to make it happen is here.

Say that again, because you broke up a little and I want us to hear that. What did she teach you?

Yeah, the universal law of polarity, which says that if you have a desire, then the ability for its fulfillment is here.

Wow.

Oh, life-changing concept. Yeah, yeah, really.

So does that mean if we don't get what we'd like, it's that we didn't truly have the desire?

Well, I think it's, it's twofold. It either could be that it wasn't actually aligned and not a true desire, or we didn't Here, we totally froze, and I wanted to hear that.

So let's try it again. So yeah, say it again.

So, um, it could be that it wasn't actually a true desire or something that we, we actually really wanted. It could be that it was a desire from a place of should. That someone else thought we should have it, or it's that we didn't decide to act on it, that we didn't decide to go for it.

Okay. And by deciding not to act on it, did that mean that we truly did not want it?

No, no, not necessarily. No. So it's— so this is where the power of personal choice comes in. Right. So the, the universal law of polarity states that just like for every problem, there is a solution. You can't have a problem that's one half of the whole. The other half is the solution. And just because a solution exists doesn't mean we're always willing to find it.

I'm smiling because Steve Harvey's book on— I think it's called Think Like a Man, Act Like a Woman. Which tells us that women will get married when they want to. It's their choice, not the man's choice. And I read that book cover to cover, and I decided to get married, and a year later I was married. So you're telling me now that the things I want in business, if I really want them, I can have them?

Yes, yes, you can have those. And It also requires doing what it takes to bring them to life. But that's where so much of us, of us stop ourselves, is this belief that it's not actually possible.

Absolutely. I'm with you.

Yeah, that's why I love the quote, um, doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.

Writing that down. Doubt kills More dreams than failure ever will. Than failure ever will. Okay, I'm putting that one on my fridge.

I can't remember honestly who actually said it first. It's not an original, Alex Pershing, but I adopted that quote into my life. Yeah, it's, it's great. And it's true because it's so often just our, our doubt, our belief systems that's actually blocking us from creating more of what we desire. And that's what I came to really see from working with my coach. And so I'll, I'll give you this example, um, with full transparency. I worked with her for 2 months, and then she presented this opportunity for me to continue working with her for the rest of the year. And it was $100,000 to work with her for the whole year. And I did not have that kind of money in my business at the time. I had just let go of my event planning company, which was my other business that was actually making more money than my coaching business, because I decided I was all in for my coaching. I wanted to figure out how to make this work, and I was tapping into my true desires, and I knew that guiding people as a coach is was my highest. That was the path that was going to expand my soul, that was going to set me on fire and— or set my soul on fire. And so I thought, okay, I'd been praying to God to give— show me the opportunity, show me how I can make this happen. Well, then this coach, right? She came into my life and presented this opportunity. And I thought, but how on earth am I going to do this? I don't have the money. My husband just got out of the Army, starting a brand new job. We just bought a house. How am I gonna do this? And we started looking at my blind spots and exploring that there was a lot of opportunity and possibility here and available to me. And if I had the desire, the ability for its fulfillment was there. So I took this huge leap of faith, one of the scariest decisions I've ever made, put everything on the line financially and said, all right, I'm in. Let's go for it. And I completely committed myself to this process and went all in. And over the next 18 months, ended up 10x-ing my business.

Get out of here.

Yeah, that was, that was the path.

Wow.

All I could say is wow. And kudos to you. Wow. Okay, tell us more. How did you do this? How in the world did you do this?

So I will say, I mean, there was obviously a lot that went into this work, and the 2 things that stand out to me are there was elevating my business strategy. And for me, one of the most significant shifts was learning how to master heart-centered selling. I was intimidated by sales. It was a place I didn't see myself thriving in. I thought, I'm not charming, I'm not charismatic, I'm not a salesperson. I also didn't understand what sales actually was because I saw sales as having to convince people of your value and to buy from you. And I know a lot of women that also can struggle with sales, right? Because our people pleasing shows up, or our fear of upsetting people or making them uncomfortable, or fear of asking for what we want, fear of owning our Do all the things. So I had all on. So I, one, learned, really embraced into a deep dive into studying sales. And when I came to see that sales isn't actually something you do to someone, it's something you do for someone. It's about guiding them to clarity about what they want. I realized, oh, I can actually serve people through selling. I can support people through selling. And that's how I bring people into my world. It's how I help people as a coach is the vehicle that I do that. to bring them into my world is through sales. So I fell in love with it, did this deep study of sales, which really helped elevate my revenue. And at the same time, I was shifting in who I was being on the inside. I, I started learning what it looks like to become more fully expressed, to align with my heart, my intuition, my desires, and to speak my truth instead of people pleasing, instead of doubting. It was all about cultivating this deeper trust In, in me and my talents and my gifts, and also not expecting perfection anymore, like making it okay to make mistakes.

You know, it takes a lot to make me speechless, and I'm speechless. Wow. Okay, because selling is my worst. It's like my enemy, right?

Yeah. Why, why is that?

I don't like rejection.

Hmm.

I, you know, I think I don't wanna blame it on this, but as a Black woman in corporate America, I was rejected so much. And I think my parents shielded me from racism and all that was going on in the world. And when I walked into corporate America absolutely blind, to all of this stuff and was totally rejected. Ended up having to sue 2 companies for race discrimination. I just feel like I can't go there again, you know? And so, audience, this is important. You know, I hate sales. And I've heard the stories about, well, you know, you're really helping people. You're not selling. And that, ironically, that's why I left marketing. Because I felt that I was selling people products that they did not want or need. And I learned that was a trick in marketing, right? And then I went to— no, first started out in sales and then went into marketing. And to me, this— and I hated salespeople. Oh my God. Because I was writing RFPs for like a million dollars and I'd get the pitches and everything. And I would sit there going, go away, leave me alone. So I think of most salespeople, that's my immediate reaction. Go away, leave me alone. Oh, I say that now.

I say that. Well, I will say that. So, so one of my core beliefs that I live my life by is that whatever is going on for us internally ends up being reflected back to us externally. So if, if you're hating sales on the inside, right, then that means on the outside you're going to be experiencing, um, a lot of roller coaster rides with sales or difficult experiences with salespeople, right? Because it's, it's what's going on for you on the inside. So it, it makes a lot of sense. And what you're saying, I think, is so relatable for so many women because Because we have had bad experiences with sales, and we've experienced really masculine sales. And there's so many people that teach that, like, don't get off the phone till you get the yes. And, you know, all the ways to convince— it's all based in convincing and influencing people, right, to buy from you and pitching and proving your value. And that doesn't feel good. Who wants to do that? When you're coming from your heart and you want to help people, you don't want to have to convince them to work with you. That's not aligned.

Can you coach me?

Well, I'd be more than happy to have a conversation with you about this.

I love— audience, be jealous. I just nailed a great coach. I, I love this conversation because I, I have been just sitting here fiddling with stuff instead of making the calls I need to make. just doing things that I love doing, like podcasts, deciding what I'm going to write on my next book, you know, running my association. And people in the association say, and they've told me for years, CB, it's impossible to say no to you. It's just impossible. We volunteer. We do all this work because no one wants to say no to CB. And I'm thinking, that just doesn't jive with what's in my head.

Oh, that's— yeah, that's fascinating, isn't it? That I think this is actually a beautiful example, right, of how we can, um, how we can resist owning our value so fully from the inside out because we're taught not to. Everything in society teaches us not to.

Yeah, right. Absolutely.

Yeah, we're taught to look for the approval, for the validation. We're taught to self-sacrifice. We're taught to people-please. We're taught to not rock the boat, you know, and we're taught to, um, to get the external result in order to feel good. And what, what I absolutely love supporting women in shifting, because it just changed my life, is recognizing that, oh, when I shift on the inside and I start feeling good first, Then when people are saying, we can't say no to you, then on the inside you're like, yeah, I feel that. And that feels amazing because, you know, I know I'm shining this bright light and I'm helping people. And, and then you feel good when you get the end result too, because how we experience the journey is how we experience the destination.

You know, I am enjoying this so much because I just realized when you're talking, my husband This big, strong Italian guy that you would not want to anger and be in a dark alley with, right? Whenever he has to return something, he gives it to me to return. And I said, why are you doing that? People have a— you're like, you look like one of the Sopranos. Come on now. He said, yeah, but you do such a great job. You're the return queen. And it's true, I have never been rejected for a return. In fact, companies wind up sending me gifts just to get rid of me.

Wow.

Yeah, you're bringing this all out in me. I'm like, oh my God, maybe, maybe I could do this. Hmm.

Oh, I have no doubt. I, I have absolutely no doubt. Even just— I mean, we, we've just been getting to know each other, but one, what you've already shared about your experiences— I, I have seen your show— your ability to relate and connect to people, it's all there. And if your desire is to keep spreading your work in the world, right, and reach more people, then the ability for that to be fulfilled is here.

Oh my God. Well, I'm sitting taller now. Okay, good.

I'm so glad. Me too.

Oh my God, ladies, you want a coach? This is it. But leave room for me, please. Please.

There's always an abundance of opportunity.

You know, I, I'm loving this conversation so much because here's the other thing. We could be very, very successful helping others. Like there is no other coach better than me, especially in strategy. In my association, it's like I coach other coaches, but it's about accepting your own abilities, right? And it's like when I first The book on courage, how it came about, was 2 challenges I had. I'm one, don't challenge baby, right? So the first challenge was somebody in my association wanted a keynote speaker and they asked me to do it. And I thought, there's no way. Okay. You're a member of the association. I am committed to coaching. to giving this speech. And so I said to her, well, so do you want me to speak about racism or coaching or what? She said, no, I want you to speak about courage. Well, there you have it. First step. I thought, I know nothing about coaching. But she said to me, CB, you're the most courageous person I know. Next step was Marshall Goldsmith challenging me. On what I wanted to do with my life. And I thought, everybody tells me I'm courageous. I'm moving forward with this book on courage. So I totally believe— and I think you froze. Oh, this is so frustrating. So let me see what I could do. Audience, you know, this is live, so these things happen. Let's— so let's see if Alex comes back. She's back on. Great. So, Alice, I started my internet, so hopefully we're okay now.

Not sure what's going on today.

Oh, I was talking about my fears about selling, so this is all good.

Yes, and I did hear some of it and, um, loved hearing your friend say you're the most courageous woman she knows.

Can you imagine somebody saying that to me? I was like— and then when I started writing my presentation, I realized, wait, you've been told this all your life and you keep denying it, so what's up with that? Let's get this book going and see what's going on.

Love that.

And, um, out of it came the book. So, okay, I'm ready to be coached. I'm ready. What's the first thing I need to do, Alex?

Well, okay, so let me ask you this question. Yes. What, what would be different for you If you loved the process of sales, wow!

I would be so. That's a good question. Hmm. I can look at it from two perspectives. One, one is I would be fine with picking up the call and say, hire me. And the other one is I would be excited about the number of calls I would be receiving saying, come and do some work for us. So those 2 things would happen.

Wow. So I'm hearing in that there'd be excitement about giving, like reaching out and receiving.

Yes.

So really, did I just say that? You did. Yeah.

You said, I would be comfortable reaching out. Maybe I did.

Yep. And giving. You said, I just pick up the phone and make the calls.

Right?

And then also you'd feel good about getting the calls, right? And receiving. And so you're actually— this is a beautiful opportunity to share with the audience that increasing abundance is all about the cycle of giving and receiving. So, so often we think of increasing abundance as getting more, right? I'm receiving more, I'm getting more. But to increase abundance, it also requires giving more because, because that's abundance as a cycle. You're part of the cycle of abundance. So you're giving more value, you're giving more output, more value to people, and then you receive more compensation and value in return. So you just said if you were loving the sales process, you would be increasing your cycle of abundance.

I did say that, audience, and it's here on tape.

Yeah, our highest self is so powerful, right? And so knowledgeable. And your highest self just took you to exactly—

I'm stunned. I am absolutely stunned. You know, I've always said, everybody, um, it was my— that woman that I spoke about giving the keynote, plus my mentee said to me CB, have you written a book? And I came out with this series of excuses. I've written chapters. I'm really busy. And he said, no, I'm going to introduce you to somebody and you're going to have your book written in 6 months. And I said, no, I just don't have the time and I don't have the money to hire this editor and that editor and the graphics designer. He said, 6 months. He introduced me to this guy. It was done in a year. The extra 6 months was because my husband had cancer and I wanted to take some time and be with him. But a year to the date, it was done. 3 months later, in Amazon, Number one bestseller in 4 categories.

Wow.

I get what you're saying.

I just got chills as you said that.

Audience, I'm going to end this interview because I want to talk some more to Alex. But I want to summarize this as saying, We need to get over it. We need to find ways. For me, it's been interviewing a lot of people, talking to a lot of people about my fears and my concerns. And then look what the universe put in my path— Alex. So even to the point that the first part of our podcast was off topic from where we needed to go. And so the system broke down, the computer broke down, and we had to start again. And this is where we needed to go. Watch that universe, everybody.

Yes, yes, it always is supporting us, right? It's always, always supporting us towards our highest expansion.

Alex doesn't realize this, but I'm going to move over. She said her husband Was in the Army. Do you see that cap up there? My father, Army. It's synchronicity, everyone. You let it, the universe will put the right people in your path. Have a good rest of the week. Thank you, Alex.

Thank you, CB.

Bye, everyone. See you next Tuesday.