CB LIVE! Courage to Leap and Lead with Lane Gardner, part 2, Episode 105

Hello everyone, this is CB Live. Hey, I don't know if you saw my first interview with Lane Gardner, but it was sad, inspiring, inspirational, and it had laughter. And we ended with her for first time on Courage or CB Live with a song. Lane, I, I'm struggling to speak, so you can imagine how powerful she is. That it takes a lot for me to struggle to speak, but the work she's doing in helping mentally challenged people through music and song is so inspiring. And I'm going to ask her to open with a song that children she works with wrote. So, and this is the short version, the TED Talk version. There's also the longer version, which I will record separately. So with that, I'm going to introduce Layne. And the name of her firm is Thread. With that, Lane, welcome again. I'm so excited to talk to you some more. You know, after the last one, I had to kind of fight back the tears. So, oh my gosh.

We really dug into it, didn't we?

We did. We did.

It got real, didn't it? That's what we got.

So real. Holy cow. And I want to thank you so much for just talking to us. Just talking.

You know, I think, you know, one thing we were talking about after we, we ended the last session was that, you know, sharing our stories is such a powerful thing, you know, because you never know who else needs to hear your story, right? We all have our own stories of, of challenge and of triumph and, and courage and strength and grit and, and everything that broke us apart and everything that we've done to build ourselves back up again. And I've always been such a firm believer in the fact that sharing your story is one of the greatest gifts you can offer because It can, you know, someone might be listening to that and be like, oh, I can, I can do that too. Right. And I think that it's, it's an, it's an offering of service to share your story. Because it can help others in ways that maybe you'll never know. And it's a powerful thing. And the other part of it is not only just to help others, but I think a lot of times we feel like we're the only ones who are going through what we're going through. Oh my God, I was waiting for you to finish before I See, our brains are starting to meld. We've been talking so much. But, you know, we need to know that we have a lot more in common than we think we do, you know, and our experiences are unique to us, but the themes, the threads of our experiences are often so similar. And so sharing your story, I think, brings, you know, connection and comfort to other people because it helps all of us not feel so alone. And, and we need that more than anything right now, right? We totally do.

You know, it's— God, I can't believe you just said that. I am a high introvert. I mean, I, I could go for a month of Sundays and not talk to anybody. But what I realized along the road of growing up is I always thought I was the only one that had to deal with certain adversities. When I started talking to people, they said, oh, that's happened to me. And I thought, wow, it's not my fault.

Yeah.

It's so powerful telling a story because what you get back is even more powerful. I totally agree with you.

Yeah.

So, I'm going to ask you to start, Lane, with the That the children wrote.

Yeah.

And I warn you, audience, it's a tearjerker.

Let me just give you a little bit, a tiny little introduction. So this song was written by some of the students of Parkland, Florida, and Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, the location where the horrific— one of, unfortunately, one of the many horrific mass school shootings. And so a few months after that horrific tragedy, we were asked to come down and work with the students to participate in a healing through the arts initiative that was being facilitated by a local nonprofit down there. And so when we arrived, the kids were just so unbelievably shell-shocked and sullen, and there was just this heaviness over everyone. And as we started the process of what is a therapeutic collaborative songwriting process, we worked alongside a licensed music therapist. You know, the kids were still very much feeling and in that world of trauma. We actually were working and recorded in an actual classroom in the high school. So you want to talk about powerful experience of reclaiming your space. And so, you know, the kids were struggling, they— any sound that they heard outside, they were sweating bullets, wanting to leap out of their seats. I mean, it was so incredible. And so tragic to see where they were. And so we started this process of, of, you know, creating safe space, of doing musical activities, of hand drumming, of lyric brainstorming. And what ended up happening was that the kids each sort of found their own way to contribute to the song, their own experience, whether that be creating a drumbeat on a little hand drum that ended up being the drum track for the song, or whether that be— writing a lyric, you know, or whether that be, you know, playing a shaker, you know, everyone contributed. And I just want to say a little caveat is that with the exception of one participant, none of them were musicians. One was a football player, one was a, you know, I think did technical theater, like backstage guy, you know. So it was very powerful because these weren't young people who were, you know, the artistic ones. So over the course of, of these 4 days, we helped them to write this song, and we recorded it in the classroom with our little mobile recording rig. And by the time we finished the song, the transformation was so astonishing. These kids were beaming. They were literally standing each other up and arms around each other. And they were so proud to share their song with people because they themselves were able to transform these very difficult, astonishingly painful experiences into this beautiful work of art, which you're about to hear. And they were able to also express something that they— that nobody wanted to hear from them, Right? And you're going to hear a little bit of this, that the adults in their world were saying, you're fine, you're fine, it's going to be okay. And they felt that no one was listening to them. And so this theme sort of organically emerged from these kids, and they really needed for the grownups in their world to hear this.

So tell us, tell us, for those that don't know about the incident. About the, the, the— Shooting.

Tragedy. So this happened on February 14th, in 2018, at a high school in Parkland, Florida. And there was one young man who went into the school with a, with a some kind of a semi-automatic rifle, I believe, and killed 17 young people and ended up being able to leave the premises without anybody knowing exactly who it was. I don't, you know, I don't want to speak as an authority by any means in terms of any more of the ins and outs, but it was a tragedy, like so many tragedies that we're experiencing here, especially in this country, where young people are murdered for no reason at all. And, you know, these kids were in need of incredible support and incredible help, and we were able to bring the arts as a way to help them in that moment. So the song that we that we recorded for them, with them, is something that they can use to this day to remember their strength and their courage and their— the process that they went through to heal just even a tiny bit of the horrors that they went through. So let me just play you— this is a part of the song. It's not the entire song. But let me pull it up here quickly.

Okay. I just want some relief, some peace and quiet once in a while is all I need. No one understands what I'm going through, but I just want the trust in honest truth.

Just give it to me straight, I swear that I can handle it. I'm stronger than I look. Just tell me that I'm not okay. Just give it to me straight. I swear that I can handle it. I'm stronger than I look. Just tell me that I'm not okay. Just tell me that I'm not okay. God alone, but I heard. But I'm willing. To take my time.

It's not gonna be today, but I promise just watch and stay.

I am hopeful. I am strong. I am genuine.

I am calm.

I am scared.

I am empowering.

I am love. Thank you for sharing. I don't even know where to take this. that, that these children have to grow up with such pain and such fear. What, what additional support were they offered?

I know that they, at least for a period of time, had social workers and therapists that were in, in the mix helping them. I do not know now what support they continue to have. I don't.

Let's talk about your work, Thread. First of all, how did you come up with the name?

So It was sort of one of those aha moments. Interestingly enough, the, the song that I just played you, that experience down in Parkland was a real turning point for us. My husband and I have been, you know, running programs in schools and for young people for over 20 years and we had been talking about wanting to bring this work to adults, to communities that were struggling to—

When you say this work, what work?

Oh, so the, the, the, the, our, our signature work is, is songwriting and recording. So we, we utilize the power of sharing your story, of giving voice to what you're going through and transforming that into music and lyrics and sound and rhythm and rhyme. And we also, you know, do a lot of sort of unconventional music programming in schools and youth centers, but this is sort of the essence of what we do. So we had been wanting to bring this work and expand our reach to adult communities, to communities who are struggling, And so after this experience of this Parkland project, we set out to form a nonprofit that was able to serve communities who are struggling from trauma and from difficult experiences. And the more we thought about it, we sort of had this moment where we're actually at our apartment in the city on the rooftop, And it just was like a lightning bolt struck, and it— and the word thread came to my mind. And I said to my husband, what do you think of thread? And all in, in that moment, everything made sense. Um, why thread? And, you know, in, in sharing your story, right, you're, you're pulling out these different threads of your experiences and you're and you're weaving them into something beautiful, right? So that's one element on the individual level. You're taking these parts of your experiences and you're, you're transforming them into a creation, a creative expression. On the other side, thread is also all of us, all of us as a community, all of the threads of our experiences and weaving those together into the fabric of our collective healing, right? That strengthens the fabric of our humanity when we see what we have in common and transform that on a community level. And so thread is really these pieces of our story that we weave together into something beautiful that not only benefits the creators who are participating in making that beautiful piece of art, but it also benefits those who are listening and those who are witnessing the process. And it's also really meant to generate and cultivate conversation, which is— we talk about the thread of the conversation, right?

Mm-hmm.

When you witness these beautiful works of art, listen to these songs, our hope is that you'll talk about it and you'll talk about your experiences. And through that, we can destigmatize conversations about mental health. We can destigmatize trauma and we can make it something that is much more readily not only addressed and supported, but also shared amongst us as what we also have in common. And there's healing in that as well.

And, you know, as you're talking, it made me reflect back to the quilting clubs where mostly women designed and created this huge quilt where each piece of the quilt represented a story.

Yes.

And the conversations that were exchanged among the women while doing this. You know, it's really too bad that we don't, you know, in quote-unquote the big cities, in urban America, we don't see these kinds of opportunities to meld together. Instead, we've got Facebook.

Yeah.

Instagram, like life is an instant. But, you know, these women bonded to such an incredible degree. So I love the idea of Thread. Yeah. And so tell us more about what Thread actually does. So assuming that I come to your relative has identified your company to help a child or a relative in their mental distress, what happens next? And what types of mental distress do you deal with?

I think that they— I think that the, the list is kind of endless, right? There's, there's sort of no degrees of mental distress or trauma or difficult experience that any of us have, right? It's— we all have our own experiences that are difficult.

But I think what I mean by that is there a level of medical stress that you would not deal with, like, for example, The stress related to psychosomatic illnesses, I understand. But suppose you were dealing with a psychopath or somebody who had ADHD or that sort of mental side of the picture.

Well, one of the cool things about Thread is that our workshops and our programs are co-facilitated by a licensed music therapist. So it's both a music producer and master teaching artist co-facilitating with a licensed therapist. And so we are able to take our work into much deeper levels of support, therapeutic support, because of that component.

Mm-hmm.

Really, there's a couple of different layers that we like to work on. The top layer is really being an advocate for using creative expression on a daily basis as a way to feel better, as a way to support your mental health, your cognitive health, your relationships, your— I mean, the list is endless. And we can talk about that for sure. But the notion is being able to use creative expression as a way to connect with yourself, as a way to reduce stress, as a way to— you know, to feel better, to establish more emotional resiliency, right? Because you can work through difficult things in a creative process. So that's the top level of what we like to do is to introduce and advocate for the notion of, you know, go pick up a paintbrush, go noodle around on that keyboard that's collecting dust in your corner. Go bake a beautiful cake. Go out and do that woodworking project that you've got in your garage, right? What are these elements that connect you to something that brings you joy, that you pour your imagination and your essence into, that only you can, right? And the benefits of that creative expression, that daily creative expression, are enormous. So that's top level. The deepest level that we go are more long-term projects. where we work with a group of participants who, you know, maybe it's a group of veterans, maybe it's a group of, you know, those who have suffered discrimination of some kind, maybe it's a group of parents of special needs children, right? There's so many different experiences that bring people together. And we take the participants through several workshop series where we help them to create this group song that allows them to transform those difficult experiences into this fully produced professional song that they have as a reminder of that process, you know, and can use that as another tool for mental health support moving forward. We're in the process now of developing some more online webinars. We are working on developing an app at the moment for sort of everyday creative support.

I love it.

So, you know, we're a new organization as a nonprofit, so we're kind of exploring all of the different ways in which we can bring the, the, the benefits of creative expression. But our main— our starting point has definitely been helping communities use this creative process of creating a song together to help to heal these difficult experiences.

And what about individuals? You know, first of all, I want to say, uh, in listening to you, I had a smile on my face because I come from a background in the arts. As an interior designer.

That is my hobby. That's my, that's my secret. I— that's my secret profession that I wish I could be. I love it.

You're doing much more important work. But I graduated from Parsons School of Design, and I remember as you were talking, my, my mind just flitted back to my days at Parsons, and they were some of the happiest times. Stress, no stress.

Yeah.

Even exams and just being with all different types of people and hearing their stories. It just, I think it set me up for life in a more appreciative way.

Yeah.

At the same time, I was kind of disappointed when I got into the business world to say, what is this cutthroat nonsense? We didn't have that at school, you know? And, um, and so it made me smile. And I, I just remember the parties that we had where who cared? You were laying on the floor, people were stepping over each other, you know, waking you up saying, let's talk about this.

Yeah.

You were young enough to be able to do it, right?

Yeah.

And so, and it also took me back to a time where I was going through a very stressful period. I don't even remember what the stress was about, but I decided to take up knitting, and I made the most extraordinary sweaters and pocketbooks. And it just— I remember just sitting there, and it just brought such peace to Yeah. So I think that even people who don't qualify as having a mental illness need in their lives an outlet that's related to creativeness to get through times of stress.

That is 100% true. One of the things that I am finding a lot as we start to work more in the adult communities is that I think that there's a resistance to using creativity as an adult, right?

Yes.

And that happens a lot, right? We're very encouraging of kids to explore their creativity and to be expressive. It's how they understand who they are. It's how they understand their world. But somewhere along the line, as we grow into adults, that encouragement goes away, right? And we start to think of creativity as—

A children's thing.

A children's thing. It's frivolous.

It's silly.

But one of the things that I think is so important is, you know, I talk about this notion of creativity and creative expression is your superpower. And what do I mean by that? Even if we are not artists by trade or by training, even if we don't work in a creative, necessarily, you know, a necessarily creative job, you can use creative expression as a way to help yourself feel better, as a way to calm yourself, as a way to, you know, even it sort of takes you down into, into deeper levels of awareness, right? When you're focusing on doing something, you're sort of in this flow. It allows you to access other parts of yourself that, that can offer up, you know, deeper inner wisdom. It can offer up innovative problem solving. It can, you know, puts you in touch with, with your imagination in ways that maybe we don't have time to do in our busy daily lives, right? And so this superpower of using creative expression is not for artists per se. It's not for people who, who are, you know, creative. It's actually for all the people who feel like, I don't, I don't know if I feel confident doing something creative because what if I do it wrong? Or what if it's not good? You know, and we have this inner critic that always shows up when we do something that we think we're not good at, or that we think that we're, you know, not trained to do perfectly. But creative expression is really about the benefits of the process, right? The process of being in that moment where you're, you're, you're putting your essence and your imagination outside of yourself and into something else, right? And that is another part that really helps with—

Yeah.

processing difficult experiences, right? Those difficult experiences get stuck inside of our bodies.

Mm-hmm.

And they cause all kinds of, of, of challenges. But when you can create something that moves that out of your body and into these elements of sound and music or, or paint, color, texture, movement, they transform those feelings into something outside of you that, that you can then see as beautiful and be proud of and have, you know, an increased confidence about your abilities.

But do you think that one of the reasons that we don't do this is we limit ourselves in terms of what we think creativeness is? Like courage, we limit ourselves in terms of what we think We think courage is this big thing of running into a building to save a child. Yes, it's courage, but that's only one type of courage, right?

Yep.

With being creative, we think about finger painting, we think about oil painting, we think about dancing, but we don't think of things like doing a jigsaw puzzle can be creative. It's something that takes your mind off off of what you're doing day in and day out and puts you into a new, a different realm.

Yeah.

And I think if a lot more people think of it as that way, playing chess, playing checkers. Um, I remember when I was dating my husband, I talked him into going to one of these paint and wine classes.

Yeah. Paint and sip or something.

Right. Yeah. And he thought, Okay, I'm dating her, I have to go along with this. Yeah, he had more fun than me. I was quite upset because I had the artist background, but the teacher complimented his work. And to this day, he won't let me live it down.

That's so funny.

So, but that was just something that was just so out of the norm. Yeah, in a safe And I see more of these types of places. The next thing I want to talk them into doing is going to a pottery class.

Yeah.

There's so many opportunities now, even to sit and create your own Zoom show or something. It doesn't have to be what we associate normally as with children, although it can be. There's adult Creativity opportunities?

I think that it's any activity that you pour your imagination and your essence into.

Yes, that's it.

It can be gardening, it can be, you know, like you said, creating something online, some kind of graphic online, whatever it is that's, that's taking your focus off of the sort of busy, busy mind that we're used to living in. and contributing your imagination and your essence to in a way that only you can. That is a creative process, and it's different for everybody. I mean, one of the things I always like to say is like, um, try something new, right?

Yes.

Use curiosity. I think it's hard for, for so many of us to try something new, especially if it, if it's, you know, has a bit of a creative flair to it. Because, you know, there's a little bit of intimidation in trying something new, or it requires a little bit of, you know, feeling a little vulnerable. Maybe you don't know exactly how you're going to do, and that's hard for us, right?

It's so hard. I went this year, I went apple picking, corn harvesting, and plum picking. And when I was telling people about it, they said, you? And I thought, uh, yes, me. I'm getting this weird thing. You have been signed out because your account is signed in from another device. Um, I don't know what that means. I think that we're still recording. It says recording, so let's go with it.

Okay.

But it's that judgment sound. You? Yes, me. And people are afraid of that judgment sound. Yeah. And, and so therefore they limit themselves.

Somewhere along the line, again, going back to the— we lose our touch with creativity. along the line of becoming an adult, we develop this incredible inner critic, which is really, really destructive to us in so many ways. So I think in order to combat that, we need to develop our inner cheerleader as well.

Oh, I love that.

You know, nothing— there's nothing wrong here. Just try something new. Yeah, to your point about trying apple picking, I started doing like, um, like YouTube African dance video workouts, you know.

Get out!

And I was just like, I want, I want to try something new. I love African music, I love African drumming, and I, you know, I was feeling, you know, the, the, the effects of getting older, and I was like, I'm gonna go shake my booty, I'm gonna go try something fun. So, you know, I, I, I, you know, sort of have set myself up to, to try something new every week that I never tried before. And there are times when I feel like, oh God, I'm not sure if I want to do it, but You know, use— get that inner cheerleader in the room and just be like, let's just try, you know. And I laugh at myself sometimes because I feel like I, you know, I— if somebody saw me doing this, they might just laugh their head off.

But, you know, I love you.

You have fun. And, you know, curiosity is a great thing. You know, we get so stuck in our ways as adults to our routines. This is what we do. This is how we do it. So I am always an advocate for like, go do something that you never thought you'd do before.