CB LIVE!: Courage to Leap & Lead: Guest Teresa Stivers, Episode 85

Hello everybody, this is CB Bowman Live and we are coming to you about 30 minutes late and I apologize, but we had such troubles using StreamYard today. Oh my gosh, so I don't think it works in Firefox anymore. I think we have to install Chrome. At any rate, I'm so glad to be here. And if you missed any part of this, or if you have to leave early, remember, we are on your favorite platform. So by probably within a day or so, we'll be on Apple, Stitches, Amazon. You can hear the entire event. And don't forget to leave your comments. We love that. Of course, it'll be on LinkedIn. Please tune in and leave your comments. I want to hear from you today. What's my secret for today? You know I always have a secret. My secret for today is our guest for today, Theresa, was my lifeline when I had COVID.

Yeah.

We were introduced by a mutual friend, Of course, you probably know her, Maya Hung Chang. If you don't know her, you have to know about her books. So please go to LinkedIn. I think her latest book is called Saving Faith or Saving Face, which is—

Saving Face. Saving Face is a very, um, Asian euphemism.

Yeah. And it talks about how when we make a mistake, How we can admit to it, right? Go in and save the relationship. So it's a must-read. You know my dyslexia, I get confused with words sometimes. Faith and face.

Yes.

Saving Face by Maya Hong Chang. Anyway, when I had COVID, I was going crazy. I, I couldn't understand all the psychological things, the physical things that were going on. And she said, why don't you talk to my friend Theresa, who's been through it? And I said, absolutely. And Theresa was kind enough to share her adventures with COVID Yes. And you know what? I seem like a wimp compared to her because she— oh my God, she really saved me. So I want to introduce Theresa because Theresa is And we have really an exciting and serious thing to talk about, especially given right now the war.

Yes.

So without further ado, let me introduce Theresa. Theresa, please introduce yourself.

Thank you, CB. And even though we had to meet under very, very difficult circumstances, I'm so glad that Maya made that introduction because getting to know you has been such an important part of my journey. part of my life. And I think that COVID has taught us all some lessons, some very difficult lessons. But I think that even in every difficult time, there are lessons to be learned. And even as you mentioned, now we're still continuing to go through difficult times both here and across the globe. And it's up to us to find the lessons and how to get through these difficult times together, because you can't do it alone, as I learned. during COVID And that's why I was so happy to be able to reach out to you, because I had people that I could fall back on for support. And that's so, so important. So, but yes, I'd like to tell you a little bit about myself. The reason I knew so well the title of Maya's book, of course, besides being one of the first people to read it, is because I myself, like Maya, was born in Asia. I was born in Japan. Though I was raised primarily in San Diego, California, and have not looked back. I actually consider San Diego, California my home now, and I love it here. It's 80 degrees today. So as you can imagine, there's a lot to love about San Diego and California in particular. I attended UC San Diego, and I majored in communications and minored in sociology and political science. And immediately after graduating, I entered into public relations and advertising. And actually, that's where I met Maya a long time ago. I'm not going to tell you when, but it was a very, very long time ago because, as you know, Maya is a public relations and communications expert.

No, I did not know that.

Oh, she is actually. She has degrees from some of the best universities in the world and the country in that field. In fact, I believe her oldest son Tyler is also pursuing communications as well. So that's And that's how Maia and I got to know each other, from my time at UCSD and both of us being activists in the Asian Pacific Islander community. Yeah.

She kept that a secret from me. No wonder why her books hit the New York Times bestseller list.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Absolutely. So she was a few years older than me. And so I really learned a lot from her when I was a student at UCSD. And throughout life. And so we've actually, since an early age, we have been best friends since then. And, you know, were at each other's weddings and for the birth of each other's children and so forth. And then, as I mentioned, activists in the Asian Pacific Islander community. So that's why I really, really enjoyed her books. And so I started off in San Diego in the advertising and PR industry. Right after college, and it was a very exciting time. I got to work on some wonderful accounts like the rollout of the Got Milk campaign.

No way!

Yeah, yeah.

Favorites.

Yeah, absolutely.

Who were you working for then?

You know, I was working for different organizations at that time. It was a firm that I believe is still here called NST. I believe they're still here in San Diego. Actually, I worked for a couple of different organizations here in San Diego, agencies here in San Diego. And in fact, Maya and I started an agency of our own. Yeah, actually targeting the Asian Pacific Islander community. So we had some various accounts as well. So we were both in the industry for— I was in probably 5 or 6 years here in San Diego. Um, but I left. Um, there was just a lot— I loved what I did, but it was just, um, something that I didn't— couldn't see myself doing for the rest of my life because, you know, you don't always get to pick and choose your clients.

That's wrong.

You don't. And you have to sell the products or the images or the people regardless if you believe in them or not.

Yeah.

And that's really, really hard for me. I have a really hard time. I, I don't have a poker face. So it's—

I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna interrupt you and tell you a funny story. Yeah, I was younger and I was job searching. I received an offer from Philip Morris. Oh, and, uh, I was in marketing then, and I said, you know what, values-wise, I just can't work for a cigarette company.

Yeah, I hear you.

You know, I turned down the offer. And then I received an offer from Kraft Foods, and I said, I can get behind this because I'm a foodie. And by the way, we have to go back to talking about food in Japan, which was my— I was there. Oh my God, the best was going downstairs in the stores, in the like clothing stores.

In the department stores, the basements are all full of food courts.

Oh, can we talk? Can we talk?

Exactly. So you get to shop and eat at the same time. You could spend the entire day because it's multiple levels for everything you would ever need to buy. And then you either start or end or sometimes both in the basement and eat.

Oh my, the food. And you know, I know I'm sounding very basic, but the udon soup.

Oh, udon.

Uh-huh.

Yes.

I can't find anything like it in the United States, and I've tried going to the stores and buying my own and trying to do it. There's just— oh, I could just go back and dream in my head.

And I think the best udon I've ever had is actually at a train station, believe it or not. You know, it's those little places, the hole in the wall that you don't think about, you know, and Um, the little place, the little place on the side of the road that only doesn't have any place to sit, just an open window and you eat at the counter.

Yes, yes. Oh my God, you're wanting me to— I'm feeling that. Yeah, I need to get back on the plane and get over there just to eat.

And I have to tell you the funny thing about Maya and I, and we used to travel a lot prior to having kids, but then also when we were kids, but all of our meals were planned around food. I mean, literally, we picked places where we could go where we could eat. And that's still true to this day with my family, um, is planning our meals around where we, where we, where we can get good food. I'm very food-centric in my— my entire family is very, very food-centric. And that's just, just something about our culture. I think that's even the way, um, we say our love you to our family members is, have you eaten? That's just a very standard— I don't think I've ever heard my parents, to be honest with you, for very few times have my parents actually said the words to me, um, I love you, but when you walk in the door, have you eaten? And then they pack you up like so much food. So, so much food. Yeah.

I love that analogy because, you know, I'm married to an Italian chef. Oh my God, I have put on so much weight since being married to him.

Worth every, every minute and every pound, right?

Well, so this is a sidebar, audience. I have to tell you, so I'm so fortunate I get breakfast in bed every day, right? And so what he does is he gives me the food and then he hands me the silverware and then he'll stand there and he'll watch me take my first bite.

Yeah.

To see the expression. Yeah. I thought about that for a long time before I realized what he was doing. And if my expression is good, he gets this smile on his face. So I think it might be the same in Italian culture.

Probably. Probably. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.

Yeah, it's—

I think that's true also. Yeah.

Yeah. So help me. Thank you for helping me understand that.

Yeah. Yeah. That's— food is love in our culture. Food is love. My husband also, he's a fabulous cook. He makes— I make the Japanese food. He makes the Indonesian and the Chinese food. And You know, everything is planned around cooking. And even though our kids don't live in the home anymore, it's like, oh, okay, we're gonna cook, but either we can drop it off to them or they're gonna come pick it up. And if we can't see them anytime in the near future, we might as well not cook because if you can't share it with, you know, your family, what's the purpose of cooking? So food is definitely love.

I have a solution. I'm in Colorado. It's not that far from San Diego. I'll be dropping by there one day.

Yes, absolutely. Please, please do. And then please do. Absolutely. This is why we settled in, um, California, because we have so much— we have much more access to our cultural foods, um, in California. And so when my husband and I have traveled, and we traveled a lot to look, you know, at other places where we could retire, and every time we look, the first thing we look at is where can we get our food. And if we can't, we're like, oh yeah, I think we're gonna stick in California.

Yeah, you know, Colorado is not the food capital, but it is for health and hiking.

Yes, it's beautiful.

Fish, surprisingly fishing and golf and everything else. But the food here, not so much. But anyway, back to my story. So, um, I was offered this position at Philip Morris. I said no because of the cigarettes. And so I received an offer from Kraft Foods. Lo and behold, years later, who purchases Kraft Foods? Marlboro cigarettes. Yeah. Oh my God. I was in so much trouble because you would go to a meeting and people were sitting there smoking away because at that time they allowed it. And I just thought, okay, I need to look for a new job now.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I think that really, really matters. So that's That's why I left the industry. Just because, as I said, you don't get to pick and choose your clients. And yeah, and I don't have a poker face. And I think people know when I like or don't like something. Unfortunately, I just have no ability to hide it. So yeah, and you know, that's not good in a PR person at all.

At all.

So it was not a good fit for me. So believe it or not, I transitioned into politics and people are like, wait, what?

What?

Politics? But I really, I I really found it to be much more welcoming and affirming, particularly in San Diego. I think politics, you know, everyone says politics is local, and it really is. And, you know, I, I worked in representing the Asian Pacific Islander community, and my colleagues, you know, I had colleagues that represented the LGBT community, the Black community, the Latino community. And, you know, we worked really hard to make sure that There was people who represented women and children. I got to fit into that role towards the end. We worked really hard to make sure those community voices were heard and uplifted and that their concerns were being met and that when there were contracts given out by the city or any businesses or conventions or events that came to the city, for instance, the Super Bowl, when we were able to bring the Super Bowl to the city of San Diego. We had workshops for minority business enterprise and women-owned enterprises saying, We pulled in the folks from the Super Bowl and said, this is how we do business here in San Diego. We want to make sure that they have access to contracts as well. I really felt that at least at the level that I worked for and the person that I worked for really wanted to make a difference in our community. It had more of an impact. I think that's in part because I worked for a woman who was a single mom and she had faced a lot of adversity in her career. So she was much more supportive at understanding other people who had faced a lot of adversity. And it was really important to me, the work that we did. I wasn't able to stay in it beyond her term because when I had my own young children, those hours in politics, it's crazy hours, right?

Wait, Theresa, let's go back a little bit.

Yeah.

God, you have such a wealthy background. Oh my God. All right. First, tell me, how did you go from PR to politics? I can understand politics really needing PR.

Yeah.

How did you make the transition? What was the— what was the key?

Volunteerism. As I mentioned, I had been a community activist in the Asian Pacific Islander community since my early days at UCSD. I was involved in the Asian Pacific Islander Student Alliance. I was an officer. We did a lot of outreach campaigns. All across San Diego. And then I started volunteering on political campaigns for causes that were really important to me. So when the time came and they were looking for somebody to represent the Asian Pacific Islander community, someone put my name forward and then they called me for an interview. And of course, I jumped at the chance because, as I mentioned, I was not happy in the advertising and PR world at all. representing some of the clients. And also not just the clients, but advertising and PR, as you know, probably it was very, very cutthroat.

Oh, yes.

Very cutthroat, very competitive. And I just didn't like that feeling. It was not very conducive to feeling supported and so forth. And really at that time, it was really not conducive and supportive to young women. at all. A lot of misogyny in the field, a lot of misogyny. Um, and, um, you know, and this was before Me Too, and people didn't feel comfortable saying anything about that.

Yeah, yeah, at all. Um, the women that were in the field were cutthroat in themselves.

Absolutely.

Oh my God, you absolutely stabbed in the back as quick as somebody could smile at you.

Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. And not just misogyny, but I, I frankly saw a lot of, um, prejudice in the field.

Um, yes, of course.

Yeah, a lot of prejudice.

Um, it was a big money-making field, so—

Right, of course. Yeah. And, and, you know, and, and the words, the hateful words that I heard on a, you know, anti-LGBT, um, remarks about, you know, racial minorities, they're mostly directed at competitors and so forth, not within your own organization. But still, it's really hard to, to hear those kinds of things every day, and it just didn't really fit with my personality at all.

And it's surprising because I came from the arts, right? Oh, um, I was an interior designer in my first career, and that you had such unity of race and, um, LGBTQ+ community. And so when I went into corporate America, I saw, wow, what a difference, right? But I thought at least in the— because I was in marketing, the advertising space, because we were hiring the marketing, that it would be reminiscent of my experience in the arts. And it was not. Yeah, it was quite frankly a hellhole.

Right. Yeah, yeah, very cutthroat, very cutthroat, very competitive, and just not something in which I could thrive. And I, and I knew that. So it was really easy for me to make the jump. And of course, financially, you take the hit.

Of course.

To go work in politics. But at least I felt better about what I was doing every day. I felt like I was making a difference when citizens would call me and they would have problems and to be able to resolve those problems just made me feel really good. And then in particular, I started working at the end on issues that related to women and children because I was becoming a mom myself. And then so that became really important to me. So I felt much better about the difference that we were making in the world. And I felt better. You know, it's not that politics isn't competitive. It is, obviously, particularly when you're running campaigns.

Right.

But when you're not running a campaign on the day-to-day, at least at that time— so this was in the '90s. I'm sure it's very different now. I mean, I've been watching politics, and I can't tell you how glad that I left the industry when I did. I can't tell you.

Yes.

But I didn't leave because of that. Yeah, that's not why I left. I left feeling really good about where I left it. You know, I'm still really great friends with the person who was my boss at that time. And I still have a lot of great friends from my days there. And so I didn't leave at that time. I left because I had 2 young kids and I just couldn't keep up with that demanding schedule, particularly because my youngest son has some really serious health issues. And so that was— that had to be my priority.

Sure.

Yeah, so I left, but really, really happy about where I was. And then I started volunteering again because I love to volunteer. I mean, that's something that I've been doing since I was in middle school. And, um, so I think overall my calling was probably meant to be in the nonprofit world, and I just didn't know it because you think, oh, I gotta go to college, I have to pick this career that's going to make me a lot of money, and I'm going to raise— I'm going to rise to the top, and I'm going to have this prestige, you know, prestigiousness and so forth. And that was kind of, you know, ingrained in me. But I was just so unhappy that it wasn't worth the amount of money and the stress and so forth, especially if you can't sleep at night, or especially if you can't look at yourself in the mirror and be proud about what you're doing.

Yes.

So my best friend at that time, who is still my best friend to this day, was volunteering at our local children's emergency center. And that is where— it's a 24-hour, 7-day-a-week center. When children are removed from their home for abuse or neglect, they're brought to this emergency shelter. And she was volunteering there and talking to me about it and about volunteering there. And she was holding a toy drive. for the, for the kiddos for Christmas. And I said, oh yeah, I want to help with that. You know, that's something that I can do. And my kids were at school at that time, so I had more free time on my hands. And I think the big aha moment for me was I took my kids to their favorite store, which was at the time the Disney Store. Oh yeah, the Disney Store.

What's not to love?

Right, exactly. And they were obsessed.

It's like the kids' version of Costco, right?

Absolutely, absolutely. We could literally go spend all day at the Disney Store at the mall. That was like a day for us. And I took them and I told them, I said, hey, there are little boys living at this place, same age as you, and they don't have any parents. And they're going to be living in this place by themselves at Christmas, and they have no toys to play with. So I want you to pick out something for them. And I thought, oh, my very privileged boys are going to pick out something for them, but they're going to pick out something even better for themselves, right? Because what, you know, little kids don't go into Disney Store and say, I want this and this and this. And, you know, they ran up and I'm going to cry because it still brings tears to my eyes. And they picked out the best Woody and Buzz Lightyear that they could find because those were their favorites. And then they brought these up, and then they both said— and my oldest said to me, Mama, can I buy him 2 toys? Never even thought about asking for toys for themselves. I said, sure, absolutely. So I let them pick a bunch of toys, you know, and we brought them home and we wrapped them. And they were— they wanted to hear more about these kids. Why don't they have parents? Why don't they live at home? And that was my aha moment that Here I had an opportunity to teach my kids, my very, very privileged kids who have a beautiful home, a beautiful life, everything you could ever want, that there are people out there just like them who don't have it. And it has nothing to do with my kids being smarter or better or anything. It's basically the circumstances of their birth.

Yeah, absolutely.

So when the opportunity came to work in this field, I jumped at the chance. I absolutely—

Theresa, hold on.

Yes.

How old were your children when this happened?

They were— my oldest one was in kindergarten and my youngest one was in his last year in preschool. So I would say like 4 and 5, 4 and 5 years old. Yeah. So for them to walk into a place And to understand the concept, because we're just such a tight-knit family. They grew up— my parents lived literally, I think, 10 houses down from me. So their concept of family is like your family's always around. You're always either at your grandparents' home or your grandparents are at your home and meals are shared together. And for them to figure out at such an early age that there are children who don't have that, I think—

Yeah, it's so beautiful because I now know you're the 3rd parents that have raised their children to give at Christmas.

Yeah.

Versus getting at Christmas. And to me, that's so important. I never had my own children, so I made it a plan every Christmas for the past 30 years I do Toys for Tots.

Oh, very good.

And that's the greatest time of the year for me. It literally brings me back to childhood. Yeah, because I remember our last Christmas as a family, as still believing in Santa Claus, which we know he exists. I woke up and the family room, you couldn't move. It was so filled with gifts. And I remember that feeling, and I always want a child to have that feeling.

Yes.

And when I met my husband, on the 3rd date, I believe it was, he asked me out and I said, I'm sorry, but I have to go shopping for toys. And I know he thought I was crazy, right? And he said, for toys? What kind of toys are you talking about? I said, for children. And he said, but I thought you don't have any children. I said, I don't. I said, but at Christmas time, I'm Mrs. Claus.

Oh yeah.

And he went— we went to Sam's, and he became so involved in helping me select toys, I thought, this is a man I'm gonna marry.

That's a good man. Absolutely.

He passed that test with flying colors.

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. I mean, it's, it's so important. Yeah, absolutely. Philanthropy, giving back to the community, um, helping those who are, by, through no fault of their own, are born in difficult circumstances.

Yes.

I mean, I think that is something that everyone should be doing. And now that I, I get to do that, I've been able to do that for 20 years for a living. It's, it's just amazing. It absolutely is amazing. And it, and it's become a mantra in our family. And it was not just at Christmas. My boys did the same thing for their birthday. They always, they kept one gift for their birthday and they gave all of their other gifts to the kids, um, in the shelter.

Wow.

Yeah, and they volunteered for every toy drive, every Halloween costume drive, every backpack drive. They still to this day are philanthropic and volunteer at other opportunities, as many as possible. They also do other things with me. You know, we march in Pride. You know, they marched with me at Black Lives Matter. We've realized early on that, you know, we can affect change in this world. One person Yes. Can make a difference in the life of a child. And so that's, that's been something that we've, we've been doing for a— since my kids were little. And I know it's something that they're going to do for the rest of their lives.

Kudos to you. Kudos.

Yeah. Well, no, kudos to the organization working in a field that allowed me to, to, to role model this for my children, but also to be able to feel really good about what I do, to be able to sleep peacefully at night And to know that we're making a difference. And so, you know, and to, to anybody I say out there, you know, if you're not in the career that you want to be, don't worry about it. I was much older when I got into the career that I'm in now. I, I found my calling much older in life.

Me too.

Yeah, right. And it had nothing to do with my degree or anything, but, you know, it was So if you have a passion or if you have a hobby and you think that's something you want to pursue, go out and volunteer or just try. You know, you're never too old. Just try it. You know, and—

I love what you're saying. I was just interviewed by Isabella Lunding, and my platform is courage. It's not about— because I looked at it and I came into this accidentally last year. When I was asked to speak at an event on courage, and I said, what, are you kidding me? I don't know anything about it. Ask me about DEI, ask me about coaching. What do I know about courage? And I was told, you are the most courageous woman that we know.

Yes.

And so I sat down at my computer and I started to write my keynote, and all of a sudden my fingers like— and I realized that was my calling. And it's not about talking about courage in an esoteric manner, it's actually teaching people how to implement courage.

Right.

That the things that your children have learned from you, this caring about others That's courage, because I am sure in this day and age they could be ridiculed.

What do you—

what are you giving away stuff for, you know?

Yeah.

And so courage is not this big mammoth thing. It's the little things that we do, right, that equal change. Yeah, it's making a difference in somebody's life. And so I want to know how you decided to open Walden and tell us what it's about. And I am like so honored.

Oh, well, thank you. Well, I have to say, I didn't open Walden. I've been here for 20 years and Walden is 45 years old. But we are a foster care adoption prevention and housing nonprofit organization that operates all throughout Southern California. We serve children from newborn all the way up to 24. As I mentioned, their children, through no fault of their own, have ended up in the system somehow. And what we want to do is to make sure that they have all the tools that they need so that they can become successful adults and break the cycle of child abuse, neglect, poverty, etc., so that if and when they choose to be parents, they know that they have the skills that they need to raise them in a much better way than they were raised. much better situation than they found themselves in that they were as children.

So up to age 20?

24.

24.

Right.

Tell me what you do. You might hear London adding to the conversation, my 4-legged, uh, little child who bosses us around. But, um, getting back to this, tell me, what is it that you can offer the 20 years 20-year-olds, do they not feel like they know it all? That— I mean, how do you help them?

Well, I have to say, at first, many 20-year-olds— and I'm speaking from experience as the mom of 2 early 20-year-old boys— feel like that they do know it all. Can I just— yes, right.

They—

at first, many of them do. But I have found that the ones who are open-minded and come to us and really put themselves forward into our programs and graduate, they come back to us and thank us for all of the things that we've been able to teach them. Because really, all the research shows that young people, particularly young men, and I know I have 2 of them, I have a 22-year-old and 24-year-old, you know, that their brains aren't fully developed until they're 26. So, you know, my kids still call me and ask me for assistance and questions and, you know, life lessons. Um, but these kids don't have a lot of people that they can call. So what we do is we provide them with housing, the ability to enroll in some type of education, whether it be vocational, college, etc. We provide them with employment opportunity and assistance— how to build a resume, how to prepare for interviews, how to dress appropriately— link them to job opportunities and teach them basic life skills such as how to manage your finances, how to cook, how to clean your home, all of the things that unfortunately that they weren't taught because they weren't able to live in a 2-family home, you know, to live with parents at all. Like my kids were fortunate to live in a 2-family home. So, so those skills are really, really important because many of the children, the older youth that we serve come to us either from Some of them come to us from homelessness. Some of them, yes, some of them come to us from incarceration. Some of them have been sex trafficked. Some of them have aged out of foster youth at the age of 18, and they've just been couch surfing. Many of them don't have their GED, etc. But by the time that they graduate from our program, they're able to save up some funding, which we're able to match. They're able to get their GED and many times to further advance their education. They're able to get job experience and they're able to learn how to live on their own out in the community. They set goals for themselves when they enter our program and we work with them daily so that when they graduate from the program 3 years later, that they meet their own goals that they set for themselves.

So tell me about the program. Well, first of all, if you're homeless, how do you find out about Walden?

A lot of them will look for help, you know, either they'll reach out to a homeless shelter, they might have a contact with a former social worker, it could be a probation officer, there are a number of ways, but they go through the county in which they grew up. So, you know, if they grew up in LA County, They contact LA County or one of the resource organizations will put them to one. They can call 211, just 211 from any place that they're at in Southern California and be connected to the county in which they're located. And the county will put them through, not just in touch with Walden, but a variety of different opportunities that are out there for youth of all ages.

What gives them the impetus to make the call to you or to their county? What gives them— because, you know, I don't know much about this. You're living on the streets.

Yeah.

What makes you— what triggers you to say, I've had it, I want to make a change?

I think desperation, honestly, really desperation. It's, it's really not— Walden has participated. We volunteered in the homeless count in various parts of Southern California in the past. And it's a really, really eye-opening experience to see so many youth who are out on the streets, the majority of which are actually LGBT youth. And they're out on the streets because they've been kicked out of their homes. But some are former foster youth who aged out and had no place else to go because they weren't provided with opportunities at the age of 18. So I think desperation. Honestly, these kids don't want to be out on the street. It's really hard out there. You have to keep— you can't sleep with 2 eyes closed, you know, it's dangerous. So, but a lot of them also come to us from referrals, as I mentioned, through their probation officers, through their county social workers, et cetera. And they call us. Unfortunately, we have a waiting list. In all of the counties that we're in, in Southern California. It's very, very difficult, particularly now during COVID The, it's very hard for us to be able, we, we open the apartments for them. We lease the apartments, we furnish them, we supply all the food and all the sundry items, but the rents for apartments right now have skyrocketed. You know, whereas we used to be able to get decently priced studios or one bedrooms in safe areas, of Southern California, it's, it's almost impossible now. So we have pretty long waitlists and it's heartbreaking when these youth are calling us and saying, hey, I really need a place to stay and we can't open those apartments because we don't have the funding. So I'm very fortunate to have a very supportive board of directors and a lot of donors and supporters who work really hard To make sure that we can have the funding and get as many youth off the waitlist as possible, because nobody who wants to be off the street should be on the street. You know, they all deserve an opportunity. As I said, they didn't choose the life. They did nothing wrong. They just happened to be born in different circumstances than my children. And, um, you know, life hasn't been fair to them. So it's up to us. To make sure that they have the opportunities, opportunities that they need to reach their goals and be successful in life.

So I'm surprised because I would have thought that California is experiencing the great exit like New York and that places would be less expensive to—

Oh my gosh, no. Our rents have skyrocketed, absolutely skyrocketed in the last 2 years. So we're in Southern California. I can't speak to Northern California. But traditionally Northern California has always been more expensive. So in the last 2 years, we've— and, and the other thing that we're seeing is that, you know, a lot of what we would call naturally affordable apartments, those are, um, really old apartments with no amenities in, you know, not in the best areas of town. Um, those used to be places that, um, we would be able to, um, rent. But now developers are coming in and they're kicking us out. They refuse to renew our leases because they're completely redoing those apartments there. And now they're turning into luxury apartments. So the problem is that a lot of the apartments that we've been looking at leasing are now turning into luxury apartments. And we're the 2nd largest provider of this program in Southern California. So we have leases all throughout Southern California, and we're seeing this in every region, even in parts of more affordable parts of Southern California, what we call Inland Empire, which is Riverside, San Bernardino, Temecula. Even those rents are skyrocketing.

And there's no— I know in New York, uh, many years ago they passed a bill, uh, if you're putting up a high-rise luxury, you have to have a certain number of apartments that were available to lower-income people. You don't have that in California?

We do, we do have that specifically too in San Diego. You don't have to put the units necessarily in the, um, that building. They can get tax credits and those funds can be used by other organizations here in San Diego to build more affordable housing, but they're not building enough affordable housing for all the people who need it. So it's not just the former foster youth, but there are also, you know, working families, double-income working families who are looking for affordable housing. It's a really hard time. I have to tell you, I mean, I was shocked myself when my oldest, he graduated recently and went to go look for an apartment. And, you know, even with his master's degree and a very good job, finding affordable housing, he is now looking to, you know, to get multiple roommates when his lease comes up because finding affordable housing is an issue. If it's an issue for somebody with a master's degree, 2 parents who can help them, can you imagine what it's like for a former foster youth? It's, it's really, really a difficult predicament that we're in.

Yeah, I mean, I literally feel bad for the state of California.

It's a very, very difficult time. On the one hand, You know, you read about this huge budget surplus that we have, and they have more money than they've ever had before. But on the other hand, people can't afford rent, they can't afford food, they can't afford transportation. So there's a huge dichotomy between the people who can take care of themselves, you know, who, who are very privileged, like I said, to have, you know, a higher education, the support of family members. And then you have my clients who have no surrounding family members to support themselves and who are struggling to stay here, but they have to stay here. They have to be in California to get the resources if that's where they grew up in foster care. It's very hard to transition out and get support. It's not impossible, but it is really hard. And a lot of foster youth don't know how to do that too.

Yeah, uh, tell me about your program. So a child comes in who's, let's just say, 20 years old, um, day one, what happens?

Well, we, we try to get to them earlier than 20 because in California there are 2 programs for former foster youth. So there's a program, uh, for 18 to 21-year-olds, and then there's another program for 21 to 24-year-olds. So we believe that they need the full 3 years in our program in order to graduate successfully. So we will get to them hopefully at the age of 18, if at all possible. And then we will work with them right away if they don't have a GED to get them a GED. And then right away to get them some type of educational experience, whether it's vocational school. A lot of our youth go to become a certified nursing assistant. assistant, a dental assistant, cosmetology school, truck driving, you know, those are the kinds of things. And some of them will go to a community college. Our community college offers wonderful resources here in California for former foster youth. And then some of them will go on to a 4-year university, though unfortunately, that's a very low percentage in the United States. Less than 3% of former foster youth graduate with a bachelor's degree within 12 years of exiting the system, but it's not impossible. We have many youth who've done it and they've actually even gone to get their master's degree. So we make sure that they have the skills that they need so that they can be gainfully employed in the field in which they want to by the end of 3 years. And that's a very short timeframe because I can tell you at 21, my kids weren't self-sustaining at all.

So, but give me an example of the program. They come in, let's say at age 18, and then what happens next?

We find them an apartment. We fully, you know, as I said, stock the apartment. We enroll them in school and we start teaching them skills. We have skills either one-on-one. We have a skills trainer that will work with them either one-on-one or in group sessions, such as, as I mentioned, how to work on your— how to open a bank account. That's one of the first things that we do. How to get your paycheck direct deposited, how to balance your checkbook, how to set up and pay your utilities, how to budget every month, those kinds of things. But then, and then we also teach them how to work on your resume, how to dress appropriately, how to interview, how to get along with other people. It's not just everyone that you grew up with in foster care. how to be a good neighbor in the apartment complex that you're living in. Yes, you're free and you're on your own at the age of 18, you've got your own apartment. That doesn't mean you can blast the music at all hours long or, you know, drop soda cans on the floor, etc. You know, teaching them those basic life skills. And I always say that it's a little bit harder for these kids because I don't know if— I live really close to a university and I see what a lot of the kids at the university do, including my own kids. I wouldn't walk into my own kids' places when they were at the university. Um, I didn't— I felt like I needed a hazmat. I literally moved them in, and then when they moved out, they were on their own. But, but, but our, our youth in our program, you— we walk in, do spot checks unannounced, and see how clean it is, how organized it is. Do you have healthy food in your refrigerator? What's in your pantry? Um, so they are held to higher standards. than my own kids are held to. And I remind my kids all the time about how lucky they have it in life, you know. Yeah, but what about clothes?

How do they, how do they get clothes?

Well, we have resources in the community that we link them to to help them with interview clothes and, and all of those kinds of things. So we're very, very fortunate that we utilize, we collaborate with different organizations, um, to provide them with different resources that they might need in the community so they can get Work clothes. And then at the holidays, as I mentioned to you, we have a lot of donors who help give out holiday gifts and during the school year backpacks and school supplies, all of the things that, you know, are the extra things that really make the difference when our kids are going to school and to work so they don't feel different from their peers. And because they shouldn't feel different, they did nothing wrong.

So let me just— because I— what I'm trying to get to is how people who are listening can help, right?

Yeah.

So other than to send money, which we know is always welcome, but I think about it and I say to myself, I have literally an entire basement full of clothes that are business clothes that I no longer need because most of all my work now is by Zoom.

Right.

I can have on pajamas below and just a nice top that I picked up at TJ Maxx.

Right.

But the cost of shipping.

The cost of shipping, and also Walden doesn't have the capabilities to store them, to be honest with you. And that's why we link them with resources, other resources in the community that have those capabilities. You know, because of COVID and our inability to hold fundraisers, one of the only things that we can do is to save funding is on our office space. So we have actually reduced our office size in some places and we'll probably continue to do so, especially as more of us are working remotely these days. So we don't have any storage room. So we work— there are different organizations that will have a day that say, we're going to be in your neighborhood. And we're gonna have work clothes come here on this day. So we send our youth to those, or, you know, at the holidays they will drop off gifts for our youth, et cetera. So really we're not the organization to donate those items to. We work with other resources, but there are some items that are always in demand, like our apartments. We're moving youth into our apartments on a regular basis. So we have a wishlist on our website at waldenfamily.org. of the things that we can use on a regular basis. And then the things that we can't, there are other organizations that we can refer people to. But there, like I said, we have some great partners who we work with.

So how does one find out about those partners? And let's just go back to the clothing example. If people wanted to send, for example, St. John's suits, But they know they're incredibly expensive to ship because you're talking about good weight material. Do these organizations work with them? And suppose they're across the country in getting the clothes to them. You know, there's just so much waste that I see in the United States.

Yeah, yeah. No, I would actually suggest you find a local organization and give local because there's environmental impacts as well too. I mean, that's something that we always want to consider. So I would say give local if you can. But, you know, so like one of the organizations we work with here, I think their name is My Girlfriend's Closet, and they, they get everything from our, our young youth all the way up to our 24-year-old youth. And they open kind of a retail boutique several times a year for our young women, you know, and there are other organizations who've given clothing for our young men. But definitely give local because we definitely have environmental impacts to How does that affect the environment? The extra shipping and so forth? Yeah, yeah, the fossil fuel particularly. I drive an EV, so I try to, try to be environmentally conscious as much as possible.

Now let's go to the education part, because, you know, there's so many coaches that I know, yes, throughout the United States that coach CEOs and the like. I'm sure they would love to know how to support doing a Zoom presentation, a webinar, or something like that to support these youth.

Yeah.

How does that happen? How does that take place?

Zoom. We do them on Zoom now. We have presentations of all different kinds. Again, a lot of As I mentioned, all of our youth are all over Southern California. So we utilize Zoom for all kinds of presentation, whether it's financial management, how to pay your utilities, bank accounts, how to apply for jobs, all of those kinds of things. So again, if anyone is interested in getting involved, go to waldenfamily.org and we'd be happy to talk to them. And it wouldn't just be necessarily for our youth, but You know, I think helping with our staff as well. I think our staff— that might be something that our staff is interested in. You met the amazing Dr. Darjanay Graham Perez. Oh my God, isn't she awesome?

She's a kick-ass woman. I love it.

Yes, I know she is. Well, she is our Director of People and Culture, and she is always looking for opportunities to educate our staff as well. She is in charge of health and wellness, diversity, equity, and inclusion. So if anybody has any interest in that, they can go on our website. But as you can imagine, this is a very, very hard field to work in. You hear a lot of very dark, sad stories about abuse and neglect.

Yeah.

So it's just important for our team members to take care of themselves as it is for us to take care of our youth. And if you don't take care of yourself first, you know that old saying about put your own oxygen mask on first. Um, so I know, yeah.

I would love if you or Darjanay would send me a list of topics that you would like coaches to speak about and who they should contact. I'll raise my hand to talk about courage. Um, yeah, my favorite subject. Yeah. Yeah, and I can even send you some interviews that I've already done on courage.

Yeah.

The other thing that I would encourage is— this idea just struck me— like the interview I'm doing with you, I have interviewed over 90 professionals that have incredible experiences and advice, and they're all available for free of charge. And so I wouldn't, you know, Yes, yes. After the Boyazos, they can listen to them in chunks. The only thing I would ask, leave comments.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

That would be an amazing experience. It's almost like a master class, right?

Right.

And a lot of people are talking about the books they've written or, you know, uh, presentations that they've done, and there's so much learning in these videocasts that I've done, I would be more than happy for the children to look at them and to learn.

Right. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. Particularly people, I think the stories that resonate for them are those who've overcome huge obstacles like our youth have. That to them, they need to hear that authenticity about people who've been in very similar situations to them and how they overcame it. Because sometimes the future can look really bleak unless you hear about other people who've overcome. And that's why we hire a lot of people whenever possible with lived experience. So a lot of our peer mentors, um, and our skills trainers, etc., have lived experience, and they can talk to them and say, hey, I was where you were at, you know, and this is what I did. And I know it's really hard, and I don't— I know sometimes it doesn't seem like it's going to be worth the But let me tell you, in the long run, it is going to be worth the effort. So any of those types of stories would be really appreciated, you know. And we have a lot of people who've overcome, you know, domestic violence and etc. So people who have that kind of experience who can talk to our youth would be highly appreciated.

Well, okay, so then let's put together a letter that I will be glad to send out to the members. Yeah, because I don't know their personal stories. I just know their successes now. Yeah, but I mean, I do know one person who, um, got through a lot because he actually caused the death of his fiancée in a car accident. So, you know, that's— how do you get beyond that?

Right.

Other than that, I don't know a lot of life stories, but I Sure, if we put together something that says, here's the person you can contact to talk about your life story and see if it'd be of value. We have several members that are coaching the Honor Foundation members, which are the Navy SEALs.

Oh, wow. Yeah.

As they reenter. And so they have heard some hair-raising stories. I think I think there's an opportunity to get some good presentations and something that's out of the box.

Yeah, right.

I want to hear about— right, let's do that. Let's make it.

Definitely, we'll work with Dr. Darjanay to make that happen.

I would love it. Just ask her to reach out to me and definitely make that happen. I love the idea. Yeah, inspiration. Now what about the young children? What do you need for What can we do to help there?

There are never enough foster and adoptive parents for our young children. Never enough. And, you know, and it's not just for Walden. It's the case nationwide. It's really sad to see all of these children who are waiting for a family, you know, and some of them wait their whole lives. And that's why they come to us at 18, because they never found a family. And can you imagine growing up feeling like you're not wanted, that no one loves you? So first and foremost, yeah, and it may not be you, but talk about it at your church or your temple, or talk about it at your book club or any social or professional organization you belong to. And it may not just be at Walden. Nationwide, we need more foster and adoptive parents. We are at a crisis. of children who are, are the future of our country, but they're growing up not feeling loved, wanted, and supported. So I don't think that people think about that on a daily basis, and, um, that first and foremost is, is our biggest need.

I have a final question for you. Why do you feel that so many Americans, when they go to adopt, They leave the country to adopt, and that leaves us empty-handed for adoption opportunity for children to be adopted here in the United States. Why is that happening? And it's not new, it's been happening for years and years.

Yeah, it breaks my heart. I think maybe they're afraid that, um, the child having family in the United States may be an obstacle for them, that you know the that the having a family in the United States, the biological family, you know the biological family of the child in the United States may be an obstacle for them, and that they might try and take the child back. I mean, I don't know. There are just so many children here in this country, or and also too. But you know what? There are children in other countries as well. So everyone deserves to. to have a loving family. So I think that people just need to follow their heart and their calling. Um, but there are so many children here too. That's, that's what I want to remind people. I mean, in Los Angeles alone, there are over 70,000 children in foster care. It's more than any amount in across the— there, that's more than any amount that some states have. Some states don't even have that many. So If you can, again, like I said earlier, think local if you can, you know, look to your local organizations if you can. But, but most of all, you have to follow your heart and your calling. I mean, this is a lifelong decision and it's not easily made. And I would— you have to look internally and find that decision. But there's always children who need love.

What do you feel— I mean, I've heard things like it's too complicated to adopt in the United States, it takes too long. But yet I have friends that have adopted from Asia, from, uh, all over the world, and it seems to me that it takes just as long. It usually does.

It usually takes about the same amount of, um, time and effort. It really does. And again, I, I don't want to knock anybody who has adopted abroad because—

No, no, no, I'm not saying that. I'm just trying to—

But it definitely takes about the same amount of time, um, and probably less resources. I, I think though that, um, there are definitely some more rules when you adopt in the United States. You know, they look at things like your house And do you have your child safety items set in place before you bring your child home? You know, do you have your car seats and your safe cribs and those kinds of things? And maybe people are afraid about those rules. But we work very closely with the family to make sure that their house is ready when we do their home study, to help them get it ready. And if they can't afford the items, that they need to get their home ready, we have some very generous donors who will come in and help somebody. So we've had— because we want to keep sibling sets together, and it's really hard, especially in Southern California, not many people can afford to take, you know, 3 or 4 children all at once. We have some wonderful donors who've set up an endowment for us, and we use that funding so we can buy We can buy bunk beds, we can buy cribs, we could buy car seats for families who want to keep sibling sets together and really think that it's unaffordable to do that here locally. So, so I think maybe that might be part of the concern about, A, the biological family coming into the picture if they live in the United States, and B, maybe the costs and the— the processing difficulties. But as I said, we will work with every family to make sure that they have everything that they need to accept children into their homes if they would like to.

This is really good to know, and I am really certain— I see that we have a lot of people from other countries dialing in today, and we have Catherine Stevens, who I think is with your company.

She's the amazing fundraiser that makes it possible for our children and families to have all the resources that we need. So we wouldn't be able to do anything that we do without her.

Thank you, Catherine, for your work. It's much appreciated. Do you have any final words to say about what's going on in the war zone with regard to children?

Well, again, that's— that is going to really deeply impact children, and I'm I'm deeply worried about the trauma that they're going through and how it's going to impact them for the rest of their lives. We work with children who've, who've been raised in trauma, and we see how that impacts them going down, um, for the rest of their lives. And if they don't have the opportunities to heal like they do here, um, what negative impacts it's going to make, um, as adults. So I'm really praying and I'm hoping there's a quick resolution to this. And there may be a need at some point because of all of the casualties again to go there and adopt the children in that country as well, the Ukrainian children, because they may not have a homeland in the future and they may lose all of their family members. And I think that's just devastating for them. And I hope that we can resolve that together as a nation because children don't deserve it, again, through no fault of their own.

If— I don't know if I'm supposed to do this, but you know, I'm going to do it anyway. If somebody wanted to make a donation to Walden Family, they should of course vet you first, vet your organization first.

Of course.

And if that works, where would they send money, things, what they can to? Where would they send it to?

All of my contact information is waldenfamily.org. They can contact me directly if they have any questions. They can donate online. They can see our wish list. If they have, you know, a donor advised fund, there's a link to donate through that. If they want to send a check, it tells them exactly how to send a check, or if they want to order things for us off of our Amazon wish list.

Yeah.

Yeah, so there are, there's lots of information. If they even want to become, if they're even, even thinking about becoming a foster or adoptive parent, there's a form that they can fill out on there, and there's no commitment whatsoever. They can just fill it out and somebody will call them and talk them through the process, and then they can make the decision if they want to move forward at that point. There's no commitment at all. And we understand that a lot of these decisions are deeply personal and that people need the time and the information to think about that. And we're always here to answer any questions that people might have about any of those items.

And are you on Amazon Smile?

Yes, we are. Absolutely. Walden Environment Inc. on Amazon Smile.

And so that's W-A-L-D-E-N Environment Inc.

And environment. And, and that was because we were named after David Thoreau's The Ideal Environment, Walden Pond, in which to raise a child. So our, um, our 501 name is Walden Environment Inc.

Okay, and that's on your website too?

Yes.

So for those of you who don't know about Amazon Smile, if you're ordering anything at any time on Amazon and you want Amazon to donate money towards the amount that you purchase— I hope I'm explaining this right.

Yes.

Then Amazon will donate a specific amount of money to that 501 based upon how much money people spend on Amazon. And it's a wonderful way to— for not-for-profits to be able to collect dollars while you're purchasing what you would like.

Yes.

So it's AmazonSmile, and a lot of people don't know that it exists. And it, it really does. You know, you don't think about how your, uh, small purchase on Amazon makes a difference, but as my husband likes to say, oh my God, you are just purchasing everything on Amazon. Every day he looks for the truck. So, um, yeah, think about it and, uh, definitely, uh, explore that opportunity. Theresa, it's been a wonderful opportunity to get to know you and about the amazing, amazing work that your organization is doing.

Thank you, CV. Thank you.

To know that there are people out there, organizations out there that care makes such a difference. We were just talking about how devastated San Francisco has become with people on the streets, and to know that you're doing something with children to help prevent that—

Yeah.

It just warms my heart.

Thank you.

And I hope that the people that I know can contribute to solving these crises with relationship to children. Thank you, everybody. This has been a more serious presentation than what we normally do. All of the presentations that we do, you have an opportunity to learn along with me as I learn, and I love sharing learning. So please be sure to Look for us on Tuesday. And if you see an announcement come out on Tuesday that we are on at 12 o'clock and you don't see us, please tune back in. It means we're having technical problems. And if you miss it, please go to your podcast, podcast, as well as YouTube and watch it. We're also on Facebook. Leave a comment. Let us hear from you. So everyone, goodbye. Theresa, thank you so much.

Thank you, CB.

And we'll see you next Tuesday for another spectacular guest. Bye now.

Bye.