The same question asked in different tones gets different answers. "Why did you do that?" sounds curious, accusatory, or condescending depending on how you say it. When you rush, you often hit the wrong tone and get defensive justifications instead of facts.
How to ask questions, tip number 16: Be careful of your tone of voice. When we ask a question, the tone that we use can significantly change the meaning and interpretation of the question. Here's what I mean. If I ask the question, why did you do that? It— I might be asking because I'm genuinely interested in knowing why, so that I can understand it and use that to make a decision in the future. But if I change my tone and said, why did you do that? It becomes an accusation. If I said, why did you do that? That's a little bit condescending and a little bit rude. All I changed was the tone of the question. Now, usually we don't ask condescending or rude questions intentionally, but when we're in a hurry or if we don't consider the way we ask a question, the person answering it may not answer the actual question we ask. They may respond to the tone. If I say, why did you do that? The person may justify their choice rather than explaining the sensible reasoning behind it. They may get defensive, and that gives me a different answer than the one that I'm looking for, which would then help me make my own decisions. So when you are asking questions, just be careful of your tone of voice. That slight change in tone of voice can make a real difference in the meaning of the question or how the other person interprets it.
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