The Money Problem Isn't Actually a Money Problem

It's time for you to grow up, girl. You think you have a money problem? You don't have a money problem. You have a priority problem. You have a discipline problem. And until you address those, no amount of money is going to fix your life. If you don't— can't manage a little bit of money you have, if you have more money, you will mismanage that too. It's time for you to grow up. Let's talk about money, but let's not necessarily talk about it in the way you think I might talk about it. There are so many resources out here in this world. We do not have an issue about having access to the information that can change our money story. Okay, we, we got Dave Ramsey out here in these streets. We got Her First $100K. We have radio shows and podcasts and so many resources. If you Google how to have a budget, you will not be short of ideas on how you can get a budget together, manage your finances, save my first $1,000, how to become a millionaire. Go on YouTube there. We do not have a shortage of resources. So when you talk about your money being a problem, for a lot of us, the issue is not money, it's about priorities. Okay, have you ever checked your bank account and said, I need to get my money together? Okay, but somehow while you're getting your money together, Target still got $200. Or maybe if you've been boycotting Target, maybe some online shopping, maybe it was Amazon with all the things that are going to arrive on your doorstep tomorrow because you bought them today. Or your DoorDash order again for a $30 meal was actually $67. Or Amazon, and you're, I deserve it, you know, I should have it. Oh, it'll be here, you know, at 5 AM. And so why not? Or your savings account, again, you tapped into that and you pulled money out, or worse, it has not moved because you're not putting any money into it. That is not a money issue, that is a decision issue, okay? Because money doesn't just disappear, it goes exactly hear me clearly, it goes exactly where you tell it to go. So we've created a narrative in our heads that if I just make more money, I would be better. No, no, you won't have the discipline at the new level that you don't have at the current level, because your discipline will follow you into the new territory, and you'll be making the same decisions that you're making now. If you mismanage money now, you'll mismanage, mismanage money later. So a lot of us are praying and we're asking God to give us more when he's saying, I can't give you more until you grow up. Luke 16:10 says, whoever is faithful in little will be faithful in much. That's not like just an idea. It's not a loosey-goosey thing. It is clearly a principle that operates in God's kingdom. Now, why are you spending the money that you say you want to build financial security or wealth? Let me tell you why. Number one, you're basing your spending off of your emotions. You are not always spending because you need something. You're spending because you feel something. I literally had this happen yesterday where we've been traveling all week. I just needed to get out of the house. I literally said out of my mouth, I'm just gonna go and walk the aisles at Costco and see what I need. No, nope, nope, nope, nope. I'm gonna see what's on rebate. No, nope, nope, nope, nope. The fact that I went to Costco without a list, you know, and even my daughter said as I was walking out the door, she was like, oh yeah, you're going there for that dopamine hit. I said, yeah, I guess so. And I'm not even a shopper, but the thing is, I don't like going to the mall, but I don't mind buying food. I don't mind buying, you know, oh, let's try that bread. Like, it's like a justified expenditure, you know what I'm saying? Or maybe it is not about buying groceries at the grocery store. Maybe it's about eating out. Oh, I'm tired. You know what, I can't be— I need to relax tonight. Let me, let me get that food delivered. We have reasons, rationale, that are often baked in emotion for what we will choose to do with our funds to justify getting rid of a feeling that we don't want to enjoy a feeling that we want. So we want to get rid of being stressed, and so we spend. Or we want to get rid of boredom, and so we spend. Or we want to get rid of sadness, so we spend. Or we want to celebrate, and so we spend. And so money has become a coping mechanism. We are messing up our future financially because we're using our money to do what it was never designed to do, and that's to make us feel better. So we are focused on spending for our comfort and not for our future. We're funding something. We're just not funding our future. We're funding convenience. We're funding, um, our ease. We're funding our image. We're funding our current happiness. But when you're funding something now, you're starving something later. So you're starving your savings, or you're starving your investment, or you're starving your emergency fund, or you're starving your long-term stability. You're starving your future wealth. So you want to stop funding comfort and start funding your future. Have you ever looked at your bank account and wondered where all your money went? Not because you were irresponsible, not because you were being careless, but because life is busy, expenses add up quickly, and sometimes it feels like you're making financial decisions on the fly instead of financial decisions with intention. Now, if that's you, I want you to know that there is a better way. That's why I created a course called Your Money 101: Spend Smarter, Live Freer. Over 13 weeks, I'll walk you through practical, manageable steps that will help you understand where your money's going, create a budget that actually works for your life, make more confident financial decisions, and begin building habits that support your long-term goals. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, and I'm not trying to make you wealthy overnight, but I do want you to be a wise steward of what God has entrusted to you and to create more margin, more confidence, and more peace in your financial life. Because when you have a plan for your money, You're able to spend less time worrying about money and more time focusing on what matters most. So if you're ready to take control of your finances, one intentional step at a time, go to thesistercircle.com/money and join me for Your Money 101. You have to have a vision for your future that will allow you to say no to what you want right now. And this is stuff I'm always telling my kids, like I'm sending them Instagrams where somebody was saying the other day, if you spend $30 a day. So basically, if you eat out every day, or, you know, have a paid coffee every day, if you're one of those people, if you spend $30 a day when you're 60 and you invested that at the average historical return of the S&P 500, at 60 years old you have $4 million. There's a book called The Millionaire Next Door, and the concept in The Millionaire Next Door is that there are people out here who are millionaires and you wouldn't know it because they don't wear it, they don't drive it, they don't carry it across their shoulder, but they are living in a way where they keep their money. Yes, you can become a millionaire if you have a great idea, or you start a business, or you have a side hustle. But most of us don't realize that millionaire status, wealth-building status, is available to those who would simply just be wise with the funds that they have. But we take the money that we have and we spend it for social cred. So number one, Why is this happening? You're spending emotionally. Number 2, because you are funding current comfort by neglecting your future finances. Okay, number 3, you have a misalignment between the values that you say you have and your behavior. So you'll say, I want financial freedom, or you'll say, I want to travel, or you'll say, I want to be debt-free, but your spending is saying, I want fast food, I want convenience, I want to feel good right now. You know, here's how we say it, and it's in minor statements, right? Minor statements. But this is an indicator still of where your mind is at. Well, you know what, I always need something sweet after dinner. I want to end the dinner on a sweet note. Okay, that may be true, but that means you also, if you're trying to lose weight, don't want to be the healthiest version of you. So you got to look at what you say and then compare that to what you're doing, because the Bible says in Matthew 6:21, where your treasure is there your heart will be also. So your bank statement— here's the thing, here's the thing, here's the thing— where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Your bank statement is a spiritual document because it reveals what you actually value. Imagine if you told a trainer, I want to get in shape, but every day you ate whatever you wanted and you never showed up to the gym. At some point, the trainer would say, you don't have a body problem, you have a discipline problem. It's the same thing with money. Okay, did you realize that nearly 60%, 60% of people are living paycheck to paycheck? And I don't mean barely making ends meet in an apartment driving a jalopy. I'm talking about people who have money and who are driving BMWs and have a mortgage payment that's $3,000 a month. I'm saying people who are living large and people who are living restrained and constrained in both categories are living paycheck to paycheck across income levels. So we're not saying if you're in poverty you're living paycheck to paycheck. There are people who are making buku money, doctors and lawyers, who are living paycheck to paycheck. High earners are not immune. Many are still struggling with savings and debt, which means it's not about income, it's about behavior. So let's talk about a foundation so that you can anchor your thought in something that's real. Proverbs 21:20 says, the wise store up choice food and olive oil, but fools gulp theirs down. So I literally told my son the other day, I was like, he was like, he's like, can you get me something to eat? I was like, no, we ate out this weekend. He was like, but this, this, that, and the other. I said, no, I'm not spending my money to put something in your hands that will go in your mouth and come out your butt. Like, I spent my throwaway money last weekend. My money this weekend is not for what's going to end up in the toilet, because you do realize that I got food in here. It's— the money's already spent, the decisions have already been made, the freezer's already full. That's not what I want to do with my money. That is literally a reframing of what is happening. I'm exchanging my money for fast food that you're going to enjoy, temporary pleasure that's not good for you, and it's going to come out your rear end. So your ideas— you got to connect. This is not just money that I spent on that. This is money that had a purpose, and I chose to subvert the better purpose for something that doesn't have a good purpose. Okay, foolish people consume everything they get. Wise people plan. So yes, um, you know, I'm a little bit of a crunchy person, and so yes, um, do I have pinto beans in a gamma seal lid container? Yes. Did I just buy some more wheat berries? Did we just mill some flour? Absolutely. Do I have— do we buy fresh juice every week? We do. Do I have frozen fruit food in my freezer? Yes. Do I gradually stock up to add things to my freezer when they're on sale? Yes. Do I buy it because we're going to eat this week? No. Am I getting the turkey tenderloins this week because they're on sale? Because in a week or two, or in a month, or in 2 months, I'm gonna make them later? Yes. So my freezer is full, my pantry is ready, but I am stocking up while things are on sale. Because if I'm going to spend the money, I don't want to spend the money at full price. I want to spend the money when I can spend less. I want to figure out how to use my resources so my money's not flying out the door. Foolish people consume what they get and they're not looking at the price of today compared to the financial security of tomorrow. Haggai 1:5-6 says, "You earn wages only to put them in a purse with holes in it." That's modern life. Money comes in and then it disappears. Why? Because there's no intentional structure. Ecclesiastes 11:2 says, "Invest in 7 ventures, yes, in 8. You do not know what disaster may come upon the land." That's diversification. That's planning. That's maturity. Now listen, in 2020, in January, and I just believe that God had put this in my heart, I had 89 members in the Inner Circle. And I sat with a friend. I said, I'm trying to figure out what I can do to grow the Inner Circle. And she said, what's your goal? I said, the goal is right now I have to leave my kids to go speak. And I don't want to have to do that. It would be great if the Inner Circle had 300 people, 'cause that would allow me to cut back on my speaking engagements. That was my goal, 300 people. And then I had been thinking about going live on YouTube. So I had been playing with all of my equipment and all that. So when we got shut in for COVID, I flipped a switch. I flipped a switch. I took my laptop and went live. Back then, I was thinking, I just want to exchange my travel time for some member time, not knowing that COVID would happen. Think about this, y'all. I'm a writer and a speaker. And in COVID, I could go nowhere. So the Lord blessed with another income stream. So at home I was able to nurture an audience, nurture a membership when my travel disappeared. No one's going to tell you this, but I will. Being called to be a speaker is one thing. Being prepared to be a speaker is another. Calling doesn't automatically give you confidence, and passion alone doesn't teach you how to organize your thoughts, hold attention, or deliver a message that truly converts. The Speaker Blueprint was created for people who know they're called but are tired of guessing. So join me for this live 3-day experience where I'll help you build a clear message, strengthen your delivery, and elevate your voice and impact. This experience is free, and if you need more connection, there's a VIP option if you so choose. I want you to register today. You want to be a person who is planning diversification. So yes, while you have this job, you continue learning and growing and developing, continuing updating your resume, learning new skills. Right now, one of my sons has a job where, um, he has a lot of time on his hands, and I said, you have the greatest gift. They don't care what you do with your time. So while you are here getting paid and you've got time, you take the class, you deepen the skill, you, you start working on another degree. Like, they are paying you to have time to learn and grow. So you uplevel your life. And the Bible is saying diversification is, is important. Don't drink all of your income from the same trough. That means diversifying may not mean you have 7 jobs, but it does mean you have 7 ways to make money. You are not a one-trick pony. Money is not the issue. Money always reveals your discipline, your priorities, your emotional regulation, your maturity, and your vision for your life. Your bank account is a mirror of your habits, of your development, of your— the vision for your future. So here's what we need to do. You want a budget, but it's not just a budget, it's a priority budget, because a budget is a truth-telling system. You want to ask the question, what do I say I want? If you— maybe you're saying, I want financial peace, or I want freedom, or I want stability, or I want options, or I want to travel, or I want to retire early. What do I say I want? And then you want to look at your spending the last 30 to 60 days. And what I mean is you literally go to the bank, you download your bank statement, okay? What I do is I put in an Excel, and then by each spend I put the category. So it might be groceries, or it might be eating out, or it might be clothes, or it might be entertainment. And I literally do that. And then I— because I'm a spreadsheet person— then I run a pivot table and I group all the things together, or I do a data sort, and I say, okay, now how much do all the groceries add up to? You know, if you're a pen and paper person, you can do that. You can get yourself a piece of paper and you can put down column 1, column 2, column 3, column 4, column 5. Go through your bank statement and for everything put it in the right column. Entertainment, or, um, bills that I have to live off of, or eating out, or clothing, or— and you can just tally those columns up, and then that will tell you actually where your priorities lie. Where did your money go? Not about making yourself feel bad or, you know, beating yourself over the head. It's just an assessment. What does my spending tell me about my priorities? So you want to ask the question, what do I say I want? You want to look at your actual spending, and then you want to compare the two. What do I say I want, and how does that compare to what I'm doing with my money? Do they match? If so, then great, there's not a problem. If they don't, and for most of us they don't, then this is where the work begins. You want to assign or reassign your money before you want to spend. This is the rule I give my kids: while you're living here and you have no bills, you live on 50% of your income. Because I'll be doggone if I'm paying the bills and you over there just blowing your money. So 50% of what you are putting aside— 10% goes to the Lord, 10% goes to your IRA, at least 10 your retirement, and then the rest of it goes into some kind of long-term savings vehicle. Buy some stock, put it in a mutual fund. If you have a goal coming up of buying a car, okay, then put it in a high-yield interest fund or something that's not going to have volatility. Um, we have learned to talk about investments because they all have investments and they are paying attention to their money. But while they're here, they're living on 50%. My hope is that they take that with them, that they're always thinking How am I cultivating my future with what I'm saving? And how can I live on as little as possible? Saving and investing comes first, giving comes first, and then lifestyle. Now a lot of us are in situations where our lifestyle has to come first because we're in debt and we're paying people, uh, for what we did yesterday. Okay, then the thing you want to do is just get that done with the fastest that you can, as fast as you can. When you have extra money, get rid of your mortgage, you know, pay down that principal. Don't let the, the interest be the be what you spend the next 10 years of your life giving away before you even start making a dent on the actual value of your house. Um, an easy way to do that for your future without really thinking about it is instead of paying a monthly mortgage, pay your mortgage biweekly. You'll make 26 payments a year instead of 24, and you will, you will cut your mortgage time in half simply by doing that. So think about long-term, what do I want, and backwards engineer that into your, into today. And every time you're about to spend money, you need to ask yourself, does this money fit the assignment for this dollar? You want to create some non-negotiables in your life. Even in your worst month, I save this, I invest this, I don't go into debt for this. So we tell our kids all the time, I know you want a car, I know you do. Save your money, get a cash car, because there's nothing worse than having a used car and having repairs. There's nothing worse than that. We know it's hard, we know all your friends have cars, but you get to drive my hoopty. Drive my hoopty. Save your money. So you've got to have some non-negotiables and some boundaries before you even get to budgeting. It's a mindset— reassigning your money and creating non-negotiables. You've got to grow up because you cannot pray for overflow, you cannot declare abundance, you cannot ask God for increase and then mismanage the resources that he's given you. That's not having faith. That's not, uh, this is not like, you know, be super spiritual. It's like Be responsible, don't be irresponsible. And then dress it up in spiritual language, talking about, I'm just praying for my breakthrough. No, God gave you a breakthrough when he gave you a job. And that's it. Now give your dollars a job so you know where your money is. God is not withholding from some of us. He is watching us mismanage the resources that he provided. And he's saying, girl, can you handle what you already have? So this week I want to encourage you, I want to encourage you to track the money that you're spending. If you feel like a whole month or two is too much, just do it for the week. Track every dollar that goes out for 3 to 5 business days. Write down what you say you want financially, compare it to your spending, and then ask yourself, am I living like the woman I say I want to be? Am I living like the woman who can hold abundance? Now, I'm not saying any of this if you struggle with debt or if you struggle with staying on top of your finances to make you feel bad or to put you to shame. I'm telling you this because this is the truth. If you want your life to change, if you want your finances to change, if you want your future story that you're expecting to live to change. You're not going to have change with the same habits. You're not going to have change with the same patterns. You don't need more money. You need to manage the money that you have and become the woman who knows what to do with what he's given you. It boils down to 3 Ps, y'all, when it comes to money: your priorities, your patterns, and your practices. You can say you want to get your money together, and then you check your bank account and it tells a different story. What are your priorities? Because your money is going exactly where your values are. Your money is telling the story of your soul. So stop saying you want one life and then funding another. Proverbs 21:20: The wise store up, fools consume all they have. Look at your patterns. And for many of us, this is what we'll do— we'll make a budget, but we never review it, and we never look at what our actual spending was compared to what our budget said it was going to be. Pay attention to your soul. What are your emotional triggers? What are you doing to self-soothe and find some other coping mechanisms? There are other things you can do than spend money. What else can you do instead of cracking open your laptop and buying things on Amazon? Go for a walk. Your maturity in your Christian life is going to be created from the discipline practices that you have, the structures, the decisions that you've made. Financial maturity looks like thinking about your future. So name your priorities, identify where the gaps are in what you say you want and what's actually happening, identify the non-negotiables, look at your patterns and change your practices. It's that simple. What are your priorities? What are your patterns? And what are your practices, right? Write down what you say you want, Track every dollar. If you can't do it for a month, do it for 3 to 5 days. And then say, where is there a difference in what I say I want and what is actually happening? Because why are people 60 and 70 and 80 years old lamenting the decisions that they could have made in their 20s and 30s and 40s? And I'll tell you why. Because life was going fast. They were thinking about only this week. They were thinking about just getting through this month. And they never actually compared future self with current self, but God is always thinking about your future. The ant is wise and stores up for the coming months. Joseph had to store all that wheat, not knowing that it would be for his own family. Uh, the Bible is clear about money and living with the future in mind. So you need to have a vision for your financial future and then decide to prioritize it over the fries, over the cute clothes, over the purse, over the house, over the newer car versus the one that you could have access to right now. Growing up says, I stop talking about who I wanna be and I start living like the person I want to be. And there is a difference, particularly when it comes to our money. Now, if you're in debt up to your ears, I want you to know that somebody has been in debt worse than you. And come out of it. If you don't have a job that gives you a lot of money to stretch— somebody has been in that situation— figure out, talk to your boss. How can I increase the amount of money that I'm making? How can I increase my skill set so that I can do more and do better to get paid more? How can I change my life? Seek and you will find. But you can't even begin to make those changes in your life if you're not even looking at your money. It's time for us to grow up. If we want to be women who are wealthy— and wealthy doesn't mean millionaire status, it means you have overflow, you have something to share, you have more than what you need— if you want to be that woman, you have to act like that woman. And I can tell you now, that woman isn't burning up her money in a drive-through. Look at what you're spending, look at what you're saying, and look at the habits that you have. And will those habits get you there? If you're not currently using a budgeting software, I've used Quicken since I was 19. Every dollar by Dave Ramsey. Monarch is another option. Tiller, if you are a spreadsheet person. If you are like Chrystal Hurst, I can't spend money, great. Go to Numbers or Microsoft Excel and get a template. Like, there is no excuse. Be old school and write it down. Um, do what my mother did, keep your cash in an envelope, which I know is getting harder because places are going cashless. But, but at the end of the day, I write down every day how much money you spend. Keep a running track. Pay attention to your life. And then notice I spent more money on this day because I actually was struggling on this day emotionally. Pay attention to your life. I was once told, um, if you don't look at your money, you don't know where you're going. You want to know where you're going? Look at where you're spending your money. I believe that God is in heaven with abundance, financial abundance, holding it because his kids won't show them that they can handle it. And he's not gonna waste his resources with my children. I know which of my children I can trust with money and which ones I cannot. And even if I had resources that I wanted to share, some of my children will never get it because I know that they will squander it, and I work too hard to give them money to blow. And that's what God is saying for some of us. Girl, I got stuff stored up for you, but I can't trust you. I can't trust that some of this you're going to save, and some of this you're going to bless someone else with, and some of this you're going to take and you're going to spend, but in a responsible way. I can't trust you. If I give you this windfall, you're going to blow every dime. I can't trust you. So until you grow up, I gotta hold this because I'm responsible for resources. A God that is abundant and full of overflow, who has resources, is looking for children who he can trust. And you show him that you can trust, you can be trusted when you operate within priorities and in healthy patterns. And how do you begin to do that? Pay attention to what you're spending now. Long story short, y'all, it's time for you to grow up because it's time for you to have the trustworthiness that a God who has overflow and who wants to give good gifts to his children, the trustworthiness to match the blessing that he has to give you. Okay? Financial maturity. You don't have a money problem, you have a priority problem. So let's fix that. All right. Y'all enjoy. If you've ever found yourself thinking, I know I want to grow, I just don't know how, how to stay consistent. I want you to know you're not alone. Most of us don't struggle because we lack desire. We struggle because growth is hard to sustain in isolation. So that's why I created the Inner Circle. It's a community of women who are committed to growing in faith, stewarding their lives, and becoming who God has called them to be together. Inside the Inner Circle, you'll find practical teaching, encouragement, challenges, resources, and a community of women who are moving forward one faithful step at a time. If you're ready for support, accountability, and a place to belong while you grow, I'd love to invite you to join us. Go to thesistercircle.com/innercircle to learn more. About the inner circle.