Finding Peace of Mind | Ep. 4

I hate looking at that. There we go.

Well, Chip, it's good to have you back. I'm glad to hear everything's okay, but I figured continue on with our musings from the man cave. I had a couple things we thought would be cool to chat about. One of the things that's been on my mind a lot lately is having peace of mind. I know that it's easy to get caught up in the minutia, the constant nagging of things you need to do, things you're worried about. And then also that kind of leads to like mood swings all day long. And I've wondered, because I've noticed that the people that I find the most admirable are usually ones that can maintain a very stable mindset that's open. Like they think about a lot of things, but it's not like those things they think about change their personality. Throughout the day, if that makes sense.

It does.

Um, so I was wondering if you had any thoughts on how one would keep a good peace of mind, or what that actually means. That might be—

well, no, I was, I was going to present that just as you said that. First, you have to know what peace of mind is. All right. Um, Every man knows what a woman giving them a piece of their mind is, and that's a little bit different from what you're asking about. Um, let's start it this way. What peace of mind is, is crucial to actually having it. All right, it's not an accidental event. It is a natural event that occurs in all infants and, and all that kind of stuff. I mean, they can sit there twiddling their thumbs for 20 minutes and be totally at rest in their mind and heart, okay? But once you get a little older, it's not an accidental event, and you can't have it if you don't know what it is, because a lot of people have a misnomer of what peace is. And what they chase then always eludes them. At best, it's a butterfly that comes and lands on the top of their hand for a few seconds and then goes off again. Most of the time, it's a shadow that you're trying to catch, and then the further you move, the further it gets. So let's start with what is peace. Anybody that's grown up, grown up poor, i.e., not real sure if you're going to be able to make the rent, not real sure if you're going to be able to put food on the table this next week, and that's whether it's for yourself or you and a spouse or you and a spouse and little treasures. And the more people that are relying on you, the more that weighs on you. Now keep that in mind— weighs on you. All right, that's one of the things to look for. So the lack of peace is not restlessness. All right, the lack of peace is not restlessness. There are a lot of people that are completely at peace with themselves. And with the world, but they're restless to learn, they're restless to, to explore, they're restless to invent, but they're at peace. Does that make sense?

I think so. I think it's hard to kind of visualize what that would look like, but peace or restlessness? Well, the—

or the lack of restlessness?

I've seen that. I've experienced that. But like, I think the healthy harmony of that endeavor and desire to keep looking for new things, but also being peaceful. So maybe you should just keep talking. It'll come out.

All right, so let's say, and you know a little bit about this, uh, from the last month or so, You've got to get to work. That's how you pay your bills. All right. And then all of a sudden, that which you've relied on and you depend on develops a problem and you don't make it to work one day and then you fix it and you spend a lot of money and it works for 2 weeks and then it lets you down another way. And then you go another month and a half and you spend another $300, $400. And then 2 weeks later, it lets you down another way. What do you have now about that vehicle which you can't replace because you don't have the money to? You put everything into it that you have. You've done everything that you know. In other words, you haven't sat idly by and just been a bum. You've done everything you know to do to do it right, and you still don't know if it's going to crank in the morning when you go to work. What do you have in your mind and heart? What do you have? What emotion?

Uh, frustration.

Frustration.

And, um, probably just anxiety. Boom.

Yeah, boom. That is the biggest robber, the biggest thief of peace in the world is anxiety. Okay, so you get a new job, or your, your boss, or your partner, or whatever says, we're doing so good, I went out and bought us brand new F-250 Super Duties with a 6.7. You get to have the limited edition because you are such a grand employee. Can it go bad? Yeah, it can. But, you know, for our story, most chances a brand new truck's not going to go bad. My point is, do you have any worries when you go to bed at night or when you get up in the morning or when you crawl into it? And, and, you know, hit the button or, or turn the key if they still— I don't even know if they still got keys, fobs, something. I drive old stuff, you know that. Um, do you have anxiety about being able to get to work in that brand new truck?

No.

So as far as the truck goes, as far as your mode of transportation, you have peace. Peace. Hold on to that. So you meet this gorgeous little redhead, okay? Me and redheads, I know. You can be a blonde, brunette, doesn't make any difference. But you meet this person and they excite you, okay? You don't have any peace. You're not supposed to in those early stages, all right? That's, that's part of it. That's part of the joy. And she's very affectionate, very attentive, and this works both ways. So if there's any young ladies saying, hey, I dated some guys like this, you sure have, and they should have been shot and dropped in a ditch. They're very attentive and very affectionate and all of this kind of stuff, but you notice that other men, they don't just notice that she's pretty. That's an obvious, but they are emboldened by her not telling them with her eyes, her body language, and everything else, I'm with this hunk. You guys need to back the hell up. And you start to have what emotion besides jealousy? What do you have about the relationship? You've already said it once.

I guess anxiety.

Anxiety.

Yeah.

You're doing your best. You're working hard. You, you took a bath. You put on some Brut. You know, or High Karate. And you young guys are going, I have no idea what he's talking about. Back in the '70s, buddy, if you were poor and had a date, you still had to put on some Brut or something. If you were really uptown, you had Jovan Musk for Men. And that crap stunk. Damn. Anyway, took a dude to the mall one time in my Mustang. And he had to buy him some Jovan because he, he got rich. He got a paycheck and he had a hot date with Esther Scott. He was taking it out to show it to me. I don't know how he did it, but he dropped it and broke it on the console, and that crap was all over my carpet. Ah, I replaced the carpet. That's how bad it was. Anyway, we're still talking about peace. I had no peace when that happened, by the way. That, that gave me not anxiety, made me sick. So what peace is, is the absence of anxiety. It is not the absence of trouble. It is not the absence of daily life. Because even in a brand new truck, all right, you can have people cut you off. You can have something run through your tire. You can get in a traffic jam because they're down to one lane on Highway 79. Don't ask me how I know. That's the one around here. It needs to be repaired, but still, it's a pain in the butt. You still have daily life happen. You still have delays. You still have things go on, but you have no anxiety about your ability in this vehicle to get where you need to get. If somebody doesn't pull out in front of you and wreck you or whatever. So your mind doesn't churn over that. And when you have a relationship, uh, with a friend, with a brother, with a young lady that turns out to be your spouse or whatever, and you— especially the, the young lady part of it— you go through the excitement, you go through all of that. That's cool. That nervousness is a great thing. But there comes a point in time where you mesh together. Remember I talked about last time about those two being partners, the farmer couple? Okay, she's cute as a bug, he's going bald, he's going to get fat in 5 or 6 years. He's a farmer and it's just, it goes with the territory. He doesn't worry about her and she doesn't worry about him because they keep the focus on each other. They have peace about their relationship. Because they work at that relationship every day, and that relationship works for them every day. See, that's another thing— the relationship works for them in the success of their family, their farm, their friendships, everything. All right, so where does peace come from? And it's two-stage. I'm going to give it to you as man sees it, and then I'm going to give it to you as it really is and where it's really rich and really solid. Now, I don't want to go back over it, you know, in detail, blah blah blah, here in this, but what I was telling you before we started recording, all right, Monday night I went into anaphylactic shock over something I had never dealt with before. And I was literally about 10 minutes away from being dead, period. I was at peace, Tom. I mean, I wanted to stay on this side, and by God's grace, here I am. But I was at peace if nothing worked out. Why? Can you tell me why? You know a little bit about me. Why?

I think you knew that God had your back.

Well, what if he let me die? Does that mean he let me down?

No.

You sure?

Pretty sure.

I'm positive. See, that's the difference. Peace comes when that which you have that you're dealing with, you know, is as sure a foundation as can be, as strong as a building as it can be, and as good of an investment as it can be. All right, a man that's got— and it's different for each man, okay? I'm down to the nub because I'm in between projects and it's been about 6 months since the next one's come up. So I'm getting down to the nub financially. All right. But for my blue-collar self with things I love and they've been paid for for a long time, you know, $100,000 in the bank, I ain't worried about a downturn. I'm not worried about the stock market crashing. Other men, if they lose $100 million and they still got $200 million in the bank, they're still devastated because their foundation is crumbling. My foundation didn't crumble at all. How do you maintain peace of mind? You fill your mind, you fill your heart, you fill your life with things that last. Things of real value. Okay, now this is going to come into play if, if you want to get to the one about, you know, how do you be yourself. All right, um, because without peace of mind you can't be yourself, and if without— if you don't know who you are and you're not at— and you're not being yourself, you will not have peace. It's impossible. It It is literally utterly impossible. Okay, now you can do all the research that you want online and, you know, how do you obtain peace and own— literally own all it— what? That's just 20 minutes of boredom for me, and yoga hurts. So no, and none of it lasts. What it does— what all of these things that man talks about to get peace, and you'll find lists from 7 to 26. I found them, you know, 7 things to do all the way up to 26 things to do. By the time you get through the 26th, you're dead. But all they can do is, for the moment, take your mind away from what was giving you angst. The second you come back into who you are and where you are in life, guess what? That which was giving you angst is still sitting right there saying Now what are you going to do? A broke truck, a broke relationship, no work. So with these things happening, how do people that have this going on have any peace, Tom?

They have their eyes set on something bigger.

Boom, boom. So let me swap it over. In John chapter 14, our King said this: Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives peace, I give you my peace. Therefore, don't let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. Do you know when he said that, Tom?

Uh, I'm kind of spacing on that, actually.

That's okay. Yeah, I love your honesty. You want some help there?

Sure, thank you.

He had less than 36 hours left to live and he knew it. It was at the Last Supper. He was about to wash Judas's feet, or maybe it just had, and Peter's stupid feet and all the rest of them's dumb feet. You got 36 hours left to live, less. You know this, you know everything that's coming. And yet you turn to these guys that you tell them in just a few minutes you are about to all go your own way, because when they come for me, human nature is going to kick in and you're going to say, no more, I'm done. Boom. And you're gonna just scoot. And Peter, you're even going to tell 3 times, I don't know him. I have— hell no, I don't know him. I don't know that son of a— because the last time says he used oaths. And then the rooster crowed, and then he went, oh, dadgum. You got that little time with that much fixing to happen. They're going to strip you naked. They're going to lie about you. They're going to spit in your face. They're going to pull your beard out. They're going to slap you. They're going to hit you with their fists. They're going to march you up and down to shame you, from Herod to Pilate and back to the Sanhedrin, or Herod to the Sanhedrin and then to Pilate. No, to Pilate, to Herod, back to Pilate, the Sanhedrin. And then they're going to sell you out. And the very crowds that were shouting, Hosanna, Hosanna in the highest, 36 hours before are going to be some of the very same voices saying, 'Crucify him!' And yet you say with all your heart and with all truth, 'Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you.' Not as the world gives peace. No, I give you my peace. Therefore, don't let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. How in the world do we do that, Jesus? Do you know, Tom?

I'm still trying to figure it out.

Do you want to know, Tom?

Yeah.

When he said, come learn of me, for I am meek and lowly in heart, and you will find rest unto your souls. He was God Almighty. He was God the Son. But he still gave way and gave honor and followed the commands of God his Father. All right, that's the perfect father-son relationship. I did not have that with mine, by the way. I fought tooth and toenail. But the truth is, just like in John 4, when they came up to him at the well in Samaria and they said, Master, here's some food, have something to eat. And he goes, I got food to eat you don't know anything about. Remember the woman at the well? And she's on her way into town to tell the people, come see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Messiah? And they said— his disciples said, well, here's some food. And he goes, I got food to eat you don't know anything about. And they said, what? Who gave him something to eat? Where'd he get the food? Because they're out in the middle of nowhere. This is outside of town in Samaria where Jews aren't liked. And then he lets them in on it. He goes, my food. Do you remember this one, Tom?

I do.

My food. That's okay. My food is to do the will of my Father. And that sounds weird, and that's churchy stuff. No, it's not. That's basic relationship 101. A mother or a father that— you all right?

Yep, I just thought I heard something, but we're good.

I know, that's why I said, are you all right? I do pay attention to you while I'm talking. A mother or father that's, that's just enamored with their, their little child. Hey Bob, the hamburgers are done. It's okay, and I'm gonna play catch with my son here a little bit longer. Any dad that works in the refineries and is gone for months at a time will tell you that's how they are when they're able to be back around their kids and that kind of stuff. Old Joe and Kurt and the rest of their buddies and stuff, you can wait. I'm going to spend time with my treasure. Okay? My food is to spend time with my son and listen to his laugh and, and watch him do what he does as he grows. Young people in love I don't know how young people in love ever get fat. I know they go out to dinner a lot and all that kind of stuff, but if you're really in love, you're so busy mooning in each other's eyes— oh, I'm so in love with you— you don't have time for anything else. That's your food. You can't think about anything else. You can't wait to get off work. You can't wait to get out of class. You can't wait to get off the phone with whoever and get back to them, because that's, that's food and drink to your soul. I remember those young days. And for our King, being obedient to the will of his Father from the very beginning, through every step till the last breath when he said, 'Into thy hands I commit my spirit,' that was his food and drink. And that was his peace, because that which he relied on, that which he held most dear, that which occupied the most of his mind and his heart, was bigger than, stronger than, richer than, purer than, and utterly more victorious than anything arrayed against him. Now, I love the fact that God's word is so honest with us. It says he was a man in the Old Testament Acquainted with sorrows and grief. Good, then you know how I felt a lot of times. All right, and, uh, how many times do you read— just go in the Book of John— how many times do you read that he does something and the people love it, and that night while they go to bed in town, he goes off by himself out in the sticks, out in the hills, and spends all night in prayer. Why does God need to spend all night in prayer to God? Because he was just like us, Tom. He got tired. He did have, uh, not anxieties, but he did have frustrations. And what do I do with these people? They're so They're so dense. I, I feed them miraculously, and all they see is the, is the miracle of the food. They don't see you. The reason I did it was so that they could see that you take care of us even when we can't see anything to be, you know, to take care of us with. That's nothing to you. But they didn't get it, God, and I'm frustrated. But he was always at peace because what he had to rely on was far better than anything, any storm that might be gathering around him or headed towards him. So how do you do peace? How does somebody that doesn't want to believe in God do peace? I don't know. Keep doing your chakra and your ohms and your yoga and your, your whatever. And I'm not making fun of you, I'm just simply saying I spent a lot of years after being in Christ, after going to seminary and, and Bible college and all that kind of stuff. I don't want peace your way, God, I want it my way, because I want some of this and I want some of her and I want— I'm just being honest. And I want this, this, and this, but I want you to take care of me. He took care of me, but he let me deal with the results of my actions, and I had no peace, Tom. None. Maybe that's why he says, come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden. I'll give you rest. Come learn of me, for I am meek and lowly. And you will find rest unto your souls. What do you mean you're meek and lowly? I'm the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords. I'm the judge of the entire universe throughout all history. But you know what? I don't have anything to do today except look at my Father and say, what do you need me to do right now, Lord? That's it. And that makes my life pretty simple. And if you learn from me in that, he says, your life will be pretty simple. So the basic premise of peace is knowing what it is, all right? And it's, it's not the short-term lack of stress, because you still got stress. That's what I was talking about. Even with a brand new truck and all that kind of stuff, even with a great gal and, and a great relationship and a great family and, and all of that, You still have people cutting you off. You still have, you know, all that kind of stuff. So if it's not the absence of stress, what is it? It is the presence of that which will outlast any stressful situation. Pure and simple.

That's a good definition.

All right. For me and what I've learned in my life, trying everything other than and including, which means excluding— you can't include God with ungodly things. I tried for too many years. I, you know, I love you, God, and, and I like being a Christian and everything, but I want to be able to do this and be with that person. And he's like, well, you can do whatever you want. I give you that power, but I can't, I can't be a part of that. So anyway, for me, what I finally learned and where my real peace came in also came into me knowing myself. All right, being myself. I was myself until my mom died in front of me in 1967, August 17th, 8:06 PM. She dropped dead of an aneurysm right in front of me. I was 7 years old. And I was myself. I'm smiling because I was so much myself there were no willow switches, you know, lower than my arm anymore, because she kept sending me out to get them to whip me with, because I definitely gonna be who I was going to be, and she was going to make sure I didn't turn out to be who I was intending to be, and that was a little turd. That all changed that night. It changed in that something that I needed, something that was a crucial part of my peace, if you will— and she was, because she was a known entity, sick or not, mad or not, whatever— my mama was there and she loved me. Okay, that was instantly gone, and there was a vacuum. And I didn't know that I was being drawn into anything other than, you know, it just happens in life. And then the woman that he married next sucked and tried to suck all the life out of me, all the value and worth out of me. Because of her own self-worthlessness. That was her problem, all right? And while I rebelled, finally— that's why I walked out at 13— it made a mark on me. And I spent a lot of years trying to be whoever I needed to be, uh, to be accepted, to be loved, to not go through that crap again, which brought more of that crap in different ways. All right, in that state of no peace, not knowing who I am while declaring who I was, you know, I was a child of the, of the '70s, and we were even more sure of who we were than the children of the '60s. All right, so, man, I know who I am. You know, I'm bitching, I'm bad. Those are the words we used back in those days. All right, not groovy and cool and all that kind of stuff. You know, we were bitching, we were bad, we were, we were— no, radical didn't come out yet. But anyway, you get the point. But, you know, the long hair and it was the clothes that I wore and it was the car that I drove and it was the guitar that I played and it was the music that I played. And, and that was my value system. And that was, that was how you knew who Chip was. And Chip didn't even know who Chip was. And so I'm in this conflagration of other people in the same boat for the most part. At these so-called Christian colleges. There's no such thing as a Christian college, okay? They don't exist. Anything is only as Christian as you make it. And anything you can find at a state university, you can find at a Christian university, only it's more delicious because it's against the rules. As weird as that may sound, it's just the truth of it, okay? Um, and so I played all that game. No peace. Didn't know who I was. Getting more and more frustrated because I wanted to be a good man. I wanted to be, you know, like the men that I admired from my dad's generation, that kind of stuff. I just had no idea. So how did I come to where I am now? Because the man that God has made me can walk amongst any man that's ever lived in any generation, Tom. And that's not arrogance, that's a fact. How is that possible? And have you ever known anybody that had more peace than me? You know a little bit of my story.

Uh, I haven't met many. Maybe not at all.

How is that possible?

Um, I, I think I have a hint of an answer, but I'm not sure.

Well, trot it out. I'd say, let's see if that dog will run.

I think it's, uh, I think there's a— I think God meets us on the road wherever we're at.

Okay.

And that his presence is what keeps us going, and that's what allows us to see who he is. And then, yeah, I think it's the slow understanding of who God really is when he's with us.

And you think that's how I turned out the way I am?

That's just part of it.

I think it's a good part of it. I'm not alone in this, that what happens in a world of naked emperors— do you understand what I'm saying? The Emperor's New Clothes, you know. We try to convince ourselves and each other that we are fully clothed with all the greatest and grandest of garments and ornaments. Garnets, garments and ornaments, jewelry, that kind of stuff. Yeah, man, I'm bad as hell, you know, I'm all this, I'm all that, blah blah. And we know we're naked. And the people we run into know that they are naked, and they're pretty sure we're naked. But the stories that we tell, all right, the myths that we, we buy into, the lies that we tell to clothe ourselves with, with something until we know who we are, or because we're scared of who we are. Inevitably human nature is we begin to try to strip even the cobwebs of the lies and the myths off of us, off of each other. Okay. And I spent a lot of years of people trying to strip me down, you know, because I told them I'm somebody, and they said, you ain't shit. I said, I'm somebody, you ain't shit. I'm somebody, you ain't shit. And we went back and forth over and over and over. All right, now some of them didn't say you ain't shit, they said, well, you're not a real godly young man. Same thing. That's just like when a Southern chick says, well, bless your heart, she's saying fuck you, bitch. Yeah, okay, not good for TV maybe, but that's the truth of it. You can have a million different ways to say the same damn thing. All of it is destructive. All of it is hurtful. All of it is useless for any good. And until you get off that treadmill, until you get off that merry-go-round, there is no escape and there is no peace, and you will never know who you are. How did I do it? In my return actions towards some very good people who weren't on the merry-go-round, by the way, I caused a lot of harm. And it finally brought me almost like Peter when he denied Christ 3 times after all that, that he'd seen and helping him, you know, get back up on top of the water instead of drowning in it after he said, you know, if it's you, have me come out to you. And he walked on water, and then he didn't walk on water, and then he stood on water because of Jesus. After all of that, and he denies him 3 times because he's afraid he's going to wind up exactly like he said he was willing to do— I will die for you— well, he wasn't willing to die for him that night because he didn't have a complete picture of who Jesus was or who he was in Jesus. Either one. And I had that come-to-Jesus moment, and I was stripped naked before my own eyes. I couldn't hide from myself anymore. And that was the richest moment of my life, the most despicable moment of my life, but it really was the richest moment of my life because I couldn't build a cobweb fast enough to replace the ugliness that I saw. And the naked ugly truth was I was a fake. I was a liar. And I utilized what God had put in me— what be my looks, my music, my voice, uh, the Bible verses that I knew, and the conviction I did have for wicked purposes. Well, what do you do from there? Well, that brings me to the next part: how to be yourself. And I had to write this down because I had some pretty good thoughts and I didn't want to miss any of them. So here we go. There's a few parts. How to be yourself. Number one, you have to know yourself. Well, I know who I am. Do you really?

I know I don't.

Well, hardly any men do, okay? Hardly any men do. You don't know yourself until you're at a point where you are forced to be who you actually are. It happens all the time in combat. There are men that are far more courageous than anybody gave them credit to be, including themselves. And there are men with big old burly chests and barbed wire for hair and everything else that go crying off like a little bitch girl. But you have to know yourself. Well, how do you do that? You have to know yourself apart from the megaphone of public, family, and friend opinion. Well, you're a Johnson, and Johnsons do this. No, my name is Bert, and I don't think that way. And I got to be honest with you, I don't. Well, you're being untrue to the family. You understand what I'm saying? Mhm. But you got to be honest with yourself. To know yourself, you got to be honest. Apart from that megaphone that I talked about, You know, uh, young ladies that are, that are still young with all of the, uh, positive things that go with that. And I've been as crude and rude as any man can ever be, so I'm not saying butter won't melt in my mouth. I just, I've gotten to an age I don't need those words and, and that kind of stuff, but everybody knows what I'm talking about. Well, the megaphone is, you hot, baby, you something else, you're special, you know. No, she's a person. Now, is she precious? Yes. Is she priceless? Yes. And that means she ought to be treated like a precious, priceless treasure and not the next conquest.

Period.

End of story. Well, that— this one's not that pretty. Screw you, bitch. Just dead on a screw you. Every single young lady is somebody's daughter and is just as precious, just as prized. And when treated the right way, is just as gorgeous. Because parts wear out, waistlines change, and at the age of 35 or 40 or 50, if all you got left is a good figure, then you never had much otherwise. But if you treat a woman like she is a treasure and she accepts it like she is a treasure, not a— not a— what's the term— one of those pain-in-the-ass, you know, spoiled brats, male or female, but as a treasure. And she says, thank you for treating me that way, with her actions, with her plans, with her words. Then what you wind up with No matter if she winds up with cancer and all her hair falls out, or they have to take a couple of parts, or whatever, you wind up with a gorgeous treasure because it's all on the inside anyway. Am I making sense?

So much sense. Yeah.

So get away from the megaphone. Number 2, you have to know yourself apart from the myths that you tell yourself for strength. Well, you know, actually, I saved that company. I'm the reason that she didn't die. I'm— These are myths that we tell ourselves when we don't know ourselves and we're scared of finding out who we actually are. We aggrandize the things that we do. Okay, so you pushed a cart back into the store. And open the door for an old lady. Uh, yes, I actually won the Medal of Honor last week. What? Come on, dude, get over yourself. Am I making sense?

Yeah.

Stop telling the myths. Stop buying into them. You don't need them. You don't. And you have to know yourself apart from the lies that you internalize about your worth, good and bad. When young ladies are told from an early age, you're so beautiful, you're so gorgeous, blah blah blah, they get to thinking with an external view of themselves, and they don't have time or make time to develop the true treasure of the heart and the mind. Same with young men. Oh, he's going to be a fine football player. He's going to be blah blah blah. He gets to be this and never develops in here or in here. And the scale goes all the way down to, you worthless piece of shit. If it wasn't for your dad, I'd kill you. Blah blah blah. If it wasn't for me, you'd be blah blah blah. It's what I grew up with after my mom died, and I internalized those lies even though I knew they were lies, even though I, I didn't buy into them. I internalized them. Do you understand that? You understand how that's possible?

I do it all the time.

I do not accept what you said, but I'm going to carry the weight of it in my mind for the rest of my life. No, you got to stop. You got to stop. And that leaves you with what? Well, what it leaves you with is, like for me, that come-to-Jesus moment. And it's, it's ugly sometimes. I am a liar. I am a fake. I am this. I have been basically a whore. I have, you know, blah blah blah, whatever, a thief. They're all the same. You're all stealing from yourself, and you're stealing from the one that made you a treasure and made you to be a treasure to those around you. But at that point, you can say, okay, this is what I'm starting with. Now where do I go from there? All right, this is what I'm starting with, and I started with a liar, uh, a phony. How the hell do you build something good out of that? Because the core came back. God said, I created you for different things. Now are you ready for me to remake you? You know, I finally said, yeah, because I've done a crappy job at it. And guess what? I had to go right back through the lies. I had to go right back through the megaphones. Well, who do you think you are? You're a liar. Was for a lot of years. I don't believe you now. That's all right, you don't have to do business with me. You were a phony your whole life. Yep, I sure was. I, I don't believe you changed. Okay, that's up to you, because now I'm doing what I'm doing because it's what I am. It's what he made me, and it's what I'm determined to be and be better at every day. Whether you believe it or not, whether you accept it or not, whether we do business or not, whether we get married or remarried again or not, I am changing because I am getting to know me. I didn't like what I was. I am loving what he's making me, and I'm not going back. Guess what grows when that happens, Tom?

Um, what, what's that?

Peace.

I was gonna say that.

Yeah, you were not. You were not.

It's gonna be the second thing I was gonna say. I said your true self and peace.

No, I'll give you— I'll give you credit because you're— you're a heck of a young man. You got a lot going on now. And this is probably the last thing because my voice is— is playing out.

Sounds good.

As far as knowing yourself, being yourself, one, you have to know yourself, your real self, okay? Not your public self, not your family self. Not your life self, not your myth self, your real self. Then the second thing you have to do, and this was critical for me and it is for so many people, you have to accept your lack of tights and capes. One of the myths that I told myself and was successful at mimicking from time to time was that I'm a Superman, because she told me I was a piece of shit. I was worthless, okay? I was illegitimate. I was this, I was that, talking about my stepmom. And so one of the myths that I told myself was, heck no, I'm special. I'm a Superman. I can do anything. And I've done some things that the common man really can't do. And I've turned down some things because of what I'd already done. I told you about a couple of those that hardly anybody ever gets a shot at. Guess what? I still wasn't Superman. All right, I still wasn't Superman, not by a long shot. No one is Superman except the King of Kings. That's just flat-out truth. You sure are preachy. Nope, I sure am honest. I wish more people had been this honest with me about the truth of their faith instead of, well, I don't want to lose this friendship. Well, I don't want to offend him. Well, I don't want to— you gutless bastard, why didn't you tell me the truth? It might not have been so many years before I discovered it for myself. And that's why I tell you and anybody else on God's green earth, you choose what you want to do. Go with him, don't go with him. But I will not live a day without telling the truth of why I am however good I am and who is the reason for all the good that I've been able to do up until this moment. Never. By the way, I've gotten exponentially more accolades since I've given all the credit to him than I ever did when I went out looking for him and tried to grab him for myself. Doesn't that make you scratch your head? All right, everyone has a ton of imperfections. Oh, not Marilyn Monroe. Think about that a minute. All right, her tent was gorgeous, there's no doubt about that. Her tent was gorgeous, but she had fears, she had, um trepidations. She had all kinds of foibles and faults. She didn't even have to protect herself from them because everybody wanted a part of this tent, either financially by getting her on film or personally by getting her in bed. They didn't care about any of the faults. She was one of the most difficult people to work with in Hollywood. But people still wanted to work with her. Why?

She was a pretty face.

Well, she was pretty all over, but she had imperfections. That's my point. All right, everyone has a ton of imperfections. That's part of our uniqueness. All right. If we were all built exactly alike and all acted and thought exactly alike, we'd be the Borg. And I'm sorry, but those are some of the most boring shows of Star Trek's Next Generation that exist.

You can say that again.

Yeah, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, I saw those too as a kid.

Um, we're unique. And the imperfections are part of it. And a lot of what we call imperfections aren't imperfections, they are unique marks. All right, some women are able to capitalize on that. They got a mole right here or whatever, you know. If a guy had a mole right there, dude, is that grease? No, you got a mole. That's weird. But a woman, oh, that's a beauty mark. Hey, funny. Yeah, make it work. Yeah, you're short. Well, that's an imperfection. No, no, that's a unique spot. And we had some of the most fierce, ferocious, courageous, and powerfully necessary and profitable warriors were the tunnel rats, and they were 5'5" and under. But they went down into those tunnels that I wouldn't go in even if they, you know, gave me a shrink ray and made me 5'5". Hell no, I'm not going in that tunnel. But they go in that tunnel just like a dadgum badger dog. Um, look up Jag Terrier. J-A-G. Look up a Jag Terrier sometime. Okay, out of Germany. You know what I'm talking about?

No, but I'll look it up.

They're about this big, you know, and they look like a little, I don't know, wire-haired terrier or something like that. Oh heck no, no, no, no, no. There is video, video of them digging in Germany, digging the hole out. They can hear them. It's not the dog. They finally dig the, the opening out and the badger— the dog is on the badger, has been in there for like 45 minutes. It's on video. The badger, when they pull the dog off the badger, the badger crawls up into the hunter's lap to get away from the dog.

Holy cow.

They let that badger live.

Um, That's crazy.

You're skinny, you're fat, you're whatever. That's an imperfection? No, that's a unique stamp, and God can use it to do anything. Remember the story about the man born blind? Well, there's an imperfection for you. Well, who sinned, him or his parents, that he was born blind? The disciples said. And Jesus said, you're missing the point. Nobody sinned. This happened so that the glory of God could be shown right now at this moment. And you say, well, how sad that guy spent all those years blind just so God could get credit at that moment. Do you realize how many people do all kinds of stupid stuff and risk their lives like crazy just so they can get 10 minutes of glory on Instagram or something like that? It's 2,000 years later and we're still talking about that guy. Ah, talk about an Instagram champ.

That's funny.

All right, so everyone goes through a period of perfection chasing in, in body shape, in, in hair, in cars, in guitars, in clothing, in education, in— well, not so much education. I crammed the 4-year degree into 5 years, but you understand what I'm saying. We chase the perfection that we think will do what, Tom? Why do we chase it? Once we get it, who's it for?

Usually ourselves.

Uh-uh, that's the lie. That's the lie that's told us. It's for the audience we hold most dear. If I just wear these clothes, this person or these people will accept me. If I just drive this car, this group or this person will think I'm cool. If I just— and you go down the list.

It's so true.

It's for acceptance. And that's never for ourselves. Oh, now we're the ones that feed off of it. Yes. But when you actually take a look at it, you're busting your butt, spending your money, sweating yourself off so that somebody else that obviously doesn't seem to care enough at the moment might care enough at some moment for all of this sacrifice to be worth it. See how stupid that sounds when you just say it out loud? Mhm. And guess what you're not being when you're doing that, Tom?

You're not being your true self.

Boom, boom. Everyone goes through that. Everyone goes through perfection envy, believing that other folks, uh, the lies about their perfect life, their health, their marriage, their business, their family, etc., etc., etc. And finally, everybody goes through perfection fatigue. I'm sick of this shit. None of it's worked. The clothes, the cars, the houses, the job, the trophy wife, the whatever you've done. And then what? Now what?

That's the question.

Do you have— do you have peace when you're that way, Tom?

No.

Have you— are you being your true self when you are that way, Tom?

No.

So in wrapping up, let me put it to you this way. What I have found, and the reason that even in the midst of unsurety because I, I don't know when the next project's going to come. I don't know how thin to the wire I'm going to get financially. I've done things that have won international awards, but my next job won't come because of my excellence and my superiority. It'll become— it'll come because of the same God that brought me every single project I've ever had and gave me the skill the energy and the desire that God has to do my best will provide another one. That's why that'll come. Are you sure it'll come? It'll either come or I'll go home. I win either way. See, that's the thing. That which I have that lasts forever is so much greater than anything I might lose, including my life. Or the breath in this tent. I won't lose my life. My life is me, and it goes on. Well, aren't you just faking yourself out? Not at all. Not at all. Because I have clawed and scratched and begged and cried and clung to every fake god and every phony perfection and every, uh, tower of fake peace and attainment that is possible. I don't want them anymore. I got, I got everything because I finally became my real self and I began gathering to myself real people as friends and enemies. And enemies, at least they were real about it. And I've had more peace in the last Be honest with yourself. I've had more peace in the last 23 years than I even imagined that I would have if I'd succeeded at everything I ever thought I had to do to have peace in all the years before that. It's because I know who I am. And that's because I know whose I am, and that gives me peace. Now, do I bug the piss out of a lot of people? I do. I do. I don't care. That's not meanness. That's not me saying that. That's just— well, this is me being me. This is who I actually am. And I'm saving you the time and the trouble of all the phony butt sniffing like two dogs circling each other trying to figure out if they like each other or not. You find out real quick, I don't like that guy. Okay, see how little time you got to waste? And I didn't waste any time trying to reach for something that I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have wanted anyway.

Yeah.

But in the final analysis, here's where it comes down. How can you be your, your true self? By being your best self every day. And God laid that out too. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul, and all your strength. And love your neighbor as yourself. All the law and the prophets are bound up in those two things. Well, what's that got to do with peace and knowing yourself? The more that I love God, the more that I find out he loves me. He reveals that in his word. And when I find out that the creator of the universe loves me, I don't care if Betty Jo didn't like me. I don't care if it went to Argo, you know, wound up with somebody else. Uh, that was probably the best thing that happened to my early life too. And love your neighbor as yourself. I know how I want to be treated. I know the things that I have been through, the things that have been said to me, the things that have been withheld from me. People could have said a nice thing and didn't. People could have done something, it didn't cost them anything at all, and they didn't. And when I say those things, or don't say those things as necessary, And when I do those things— I don't even have to sacrifice, Tom. That calls for that sometimes, but I don't have sacrifice— being kind, tender, true, just, honest, and good to people. I have more peace than I ever did before, and I'm more myself, the way that God intended me to be all along, without any phoniness, without any Oh, I hope I can remember what I said then and there because I'm telling the truth. What do you think?

I think I'm gonna have to reflect on that a lot. I had a lot of good things that hit home for me today. So thank you.

You know, I'm not trying to preach at all. I'm just telling you the real true treasures that I found in the field of my life.

Oh yeah, I don't think you're preaching at all.

Good, because I cuss too much for most preachers.

That makes it real.

Well, it's, it's who I am, for better or worse. But here's the next thing: you bring a hunger and an honesty in that hunger that will make of you a great man, as long as you never forget You ain't Superman, but you already are, and you are on the way to be a very great man. If you never leave your state, if you never do anything but marry a good woman and raise good kids and build a lot of good quality houses, you'll be a better man than most kings that have ever lived. And nearly every movie star that's ever been on films. That's pretty cool.

Thanks, Chip.

Just the truth. Anything else?

I think that's— I think that's a wrap. I think that was really good conversation.

It is always my honor and pleasure to be with you, my friend.

Yeah, thank you, Chip. I'm always grateful as well.

All right, have a good one. We'll see you again soon.