Coach Deepak Deopure Reveals the POWER of Emotional Resilience

those who have had a profound loss, a significant loss, you know, loss of a loved one, a loss of a relationship, loss of any kind of loss that actually brings down your whole life.

Agree, stories have an innate healing power. So please use that superpower that you already have, share stories with others, and also be an audience to somebody who's going through the journey by If you are feeling emotionally not able to manage your emotions, a lot of stress, you feel that you are not giving your—

you are not able to give your best to your family, to your career, to your financial needs, to your status or so, and it is impacting different areas of your life, please don't do— try to do it on your own. And imagine is like a painkiller for the moment because you are not yet ready to, you know, experience that pain. Your body or your physiology makes you feel the feeling of numbness, and then you can't experience any pain at that point of time.

Hi everyone, welcome to another episode of Confident Storytelling Podcast. And in this episode, I am going to interview India's leading grief coach, Deepak Deopure. Deepak is an internationally certified grief and emotional resilience coach. He specializes in helping individuals navigate the difficult process of grieving after a significant loss. As someone who has the firsthand experience in navigating, Deepak understands how overwhelming and confusing it can feel, and that's why he is passionate about providing a safe and supportive space for his clients to work through their emotions, develop coping strategies, and find a path forward. In this episode, we touched upon various topics including Deepak and my own journey of griefs, how unhandled grief can manifest in various forms, how men and women handle grief differently, what are the stages in grief, and also what is the core significance of storytelling when it comes to resolving grief and loss. I hope you are going to enjoy this interview as I enjoyed interviewing Deepak, and let's get started. Welcome everyone to another episode of Confident Storytelling Podcast and welcome Deepak. How are you doing?

Hey Haritosh Srivastav, thank you for having me. I'm doing great actually, mid of the month now and looking forward to complete some of the things that I intend to do in the rest of the month. And yeah, yeah. And how have you been doing?

Yeah, not too bad. And yeah, the best part is, yeah, I'm finally recording some episode for my Confidence Storytelling Podcast, getting to converse with people like you from diverse background, listening to their stories and getting lessons out of it. My favorite part. So let's, let's get right into it. So Deepak, I know a little bit about your story, but I want the listeners of this podcast or viewers of this video on YouTube as well to know more about your story, what happened and how it went through, and then we'll dig deeper into the different aspects and your journey so far.

All right, Haritosh Srivastav. So So the story goes like that. I am also coming from a corporate background, okay, being in the IT industry like you also, uh, for 16 years, somewhere around similar, right? We have been and in the same company apparently that we have worked for quite long. So we have— we share a very unique connection. Uh, my last company is— you're still, uh, you have been associated with that, so That's my corporate life, and, um, was quite happy as such going on with my corporate life. Was in for quite long, for about 6 to 7 years, 7 to 8 years around. I was in the European geography working in Netherlands, in Amsterdam. Things were going quite fine along with my daughter and my wife. Uh, we were living there, and, uh, you know, suddenly life had to take a, you know, a U-turn. Something that was tragic was not expected as such, you know. Uh, in 2018, all of a sudden, my wife was detected with blood cancer, and, uh, suddenly I was thrown into this pit of, you know, kind of a bottomless pit, trying to understand what, what I should be doing, how I should be coping with all these things. But, uh, But apparently, I focused more on, you know, getting her treatment and starting her treatment, going through the chemotherapy rounds. And I was quite in a different phase of my career at that point of time, you know, almost like going to join another company that had resigned, right, PCS at that time. And, you know, looking forward to maybe kind of settle down a little bit there. But then the focus has to be shifted. And, uh, to the, to the treatment. So I stayed in TCS at that time, okay, and continued starting her treatment, which went on for next 6 months, okay, with my, with the help of my parents and my in-laws. They just, uh, you know, shuffled a little bit for a couple of months to support me during this. And, uh, my daughter was also around like 2 and a half years old at that point of time, so quite difficult phase for me. Um, and things, things went on initially good. She was— treatment was going well or so, but eventually at the, at the end, there was a process called a stem cell transplant that she had to go through. And, uh, unfortunately during that period, during that phase, uh, she got infected with a, with a virus. Um, and people with cancer treatment, they have their immune systems in those processes are are put down, brought down to zero, I would say. So at that, at that time, if at all any minor infection can be life-threatening. And, and unfortunately that happened. She got infected and then she was moved to ICU because of her kidney started to fail. And slowly over the period, over the next 20 days, one by one her organs started to fail, other organs. And eventually I lost her in 2019, you know. And that was, you know, I suddenly found myself, you know, not knowing what to do, how to do, you know, how to manage these emotions, how to— I was still in disbelief for a long period of time, correct? In a foreign country, still, I did not move immediately to India. I continued to stay there for about a year with the support of my parents also. Because I was in a good place working, had very great colleagues who supported me all the way along. So I did not want to take any drastic step in my career at that time of time because I knew that I'm not in the right state to take any big decision. So I continued to give myself 6 months, uh, that okay, during this 6 months I'll just hang around doing whatever is there, just not taking any any drastic steps. So that's what I did for the next one year, actually stayed there in Netherlands. But then I eventually decided to move back to India. And that's when, when I came back to India, I realized that what am I, what I'm doing is no longer fulfilling me, is no longer giving me that happiness that I was looking for, and that I used to get when I was doing my job, right? And I lost that meaning of, you know, why I should be doing, you know, to make, you know, make money and maybe to have a, you know, a great life also. So all that thing that became quite superficial for me, um, and I felt this is not what I want. And during this process, I mean, I— spirituality was a great savior for me, you know. Certain philosophical schools of Indian philosophy, which I really got connected with me because that helped in my own healing journey. And I felt that this is what I want to continue spending my time into. If I have to stay happy, I need to spend time in certifications, learning, and all those things. That is a part and parcel of upskilling, right?

Correct.

But then I found that, okay, I have a clash of timing. If I have to give time to what I'm doing on the spiritual front, I do not have time to do anything on the— to grow in my career, the IT. So, so I realized that now, if when I know that this is what I like, I want to align my career in a way that whatever time I'm spending on into that area should be helpful in my career in some way, if not completely. Okay, um, and then I was with this idea of thinking for next 6 months or so. I would say 2020, during the COVID period, I was contemplating on this, and even in 2021 till the half, uh, year. So I would say 2020, end of 2020, I get into that thought that, okay, this is not what I want to do. And, uh, for 6 months I was contemplating on that. I did not knew what to do, how to do, but somewhere, you know, I got remembered one of my friend had told me that you can be a coach. I did not knew who is a coach actually, because of some conversations that I was having with that person. And then, you know, she told me like that. And then I thought, okay, let's have a look what is a coach. Okay. And I googled on internet and found out, okay, there is a profession like coaching. Like that, and where people can actually help, um, you know, in different niches and different areas. So I went into some coach training program, I found it nice. That's where my journey started into coaching space, and I realized that this is what I like it, I will enjoy it, helping people, helping people into those areas. And, and that's when I— at that time I had that thought that, okay, I want to help people in the area of grief and resilience, because that's where my own personal experience had been. But I had no, I did not have much clarity about how I should be doing that. So I started with career coaching, okay. And went on, I'm still doing career coaching as part of my coaching niches. But for last 1 year or so, then I went back again into those, you know, you need to work on the grief and resilience coaching, right? I got myself, found a mentor, a great mentor who, who can actually, you know, help me into materializing all these coaching aspects for this particular niche. And that's when the journey started. So now I am mainly focused into grief and resilience, where I work with people into, you know, those who have had a profound loss, a significant loss, you know, a loss of a loved one, a loss of a relationship, loss of any kind of loss that actually brings down your whole life, right? So this is the area that I work with people to bring that resilience back, to bounce back from this kind of a situation which they face, so that they can actually, you, you know, come back and face the life as they would like to, rather than just be a victim and, you know, accept as what has happened. Because this is— these kind of things are not something that we choose for ourselves, right? They happen, right? So that's what I am, you know, doing. And this is the area that I'm working.

I know because we both are from the same mentor whose ecosystem we are part of. And that's how we connected. And, and then we figure out that we are, we are at so many different levels, we are having a correlation to say. So we worked in the similar company, and at the time of recording, I am going through my own resignation period. I have no qualms in saying that. So yes, I, I have decided to move on and make it my full career as such. And then There's another level that I connected with you which probably I haven't told you before, or maybe I have, I don't remember, which is about this grief part. Because I remember in 2021, even though I had many instances where I had like, no, a lot of setbacks in life— I got my visa rejected in US, that was a big blow to my no confidence and ego. And then for the almost 10 months or 11 months, I was all alone in a house contemplating of, okay, this is great corporate life, what is it that I want to do? But in 2021, I came back to India after a year, and with the events happening suddenly my mother passed away. And it was— we went and she was pretty young, she had just turned 61, so she wasn't very old. Or she had certain medical issues, but we were not expected— expecting that to happen so soon. We knew something like, like that will happen eventually next 5-10 years, but that suddenly happened and that was a big blow which I wasn't prepared. So it took me some time to grasp and I I remember that we had our flight in like 5 days to go back to London, and it was early morning, and suddenly said that, no, I don't think I'm gonna survive. And we thought, okay, maybe she's having a pain, and she's kind of— no, people say when they are in so much of pain and all. But within next 15 minutes, she actually passed away, and I was shocked from the core. What just happened. And it took me some time to grasp that, to make peace with it, to go on. And I feel like, no, we are so— as sons, we are so connected to our mothers. A part of us is always with her in some form, or in spirituality or something. And I still feel that I'm making her proud at different levels. So that was a level I don't think I have shared with you earlier. But when I heard about your story, somewhere that part of my story also came out. Like, yes, I connect to Deepak on that. So first of all, thank you for sharing, and your journey has been, yeah, I would say, yeah, very, very unfortunate to start off with. Nothing like that should happen to anyone.

Sorry for your loss as well, because this is the first time I'm hearing about— you haven't shared that, although we have spoken a lot many times before. Yes, yes, yes. There are always some things about ourselves that, you know, we don't know and we keep it to ourselves. And when only the right time comes, then you share. So I think thanks for sharing.

Yeah, suddenly, I mean, I wasn't also preparing, but when I prepared to say that, but few minutes before this podcast, I don't know from where it came. And I'm like, yeah, I can probably talk about. So sometimes you have these universal, you know, signals that happen to you and thoughts come. So I thought, okay, maybe this is a good place to talk about that. And, uh, yeah, so something of that sort happening to your life, where your life suddenly goes from where you are trying to settle down to completely shattered. But I love how you have taken that towards spirituality, uh, towards taking it or making it as a mission, uh, to heal others. And, uh, I want to ask you the question is, uh You took a big decision to came back to India because you were there almost. You had, if I'm not wrong, you had the opportunity to continue as well. What do you think were the factors behind coming back to India? And you had a young daughter as well. So I talked to a lot of parents and a lot of parents actually crave for them to go out of the country and get them educated and so many other factors as well. What were your factors to actually come back to India?

Yeah, I mean, I was, although I was living there in Netherlands, always I had this feeling that, you know, I want to go back to India. And, you know, there were times when I used to hear the song of Sode Se Jo De Se Tera, I used to connect with that so long that okay. So, but The things were, you know, I mean, I was in a good place, you know, with good colleagues, great work. My wife was also happy, you know, my daughter was born. So we thought, okay, let's, for some time, let's continue here and live there, right? But when she passed away all of a sudden, and then I had no clue how to live in a foreign country, all alone, care of my daughter, while, while doing my job. Okay, although yes, I had some great friends who, who were like, you know, don't worry about everything, we are there to support you. Anytime you want any help, we are there to support you. There were some great friends that I had. They are still my great friends. Okay, but yeah, I mean, I had, you know, we— I felt that, okay, I cannot depend on, you know, yes, family is someone that you would first like to depend on, right? Because everyone has their life, everyone has their priorities in their life, although they would have all definitely helped me, and they are still in connection with me even after 5 years. So especially the teacher, her daycare teacher, you know, she's a Dutch lady. She was so good. And she, I mean, helped me a lot in all those. So times when I was going through this trouble. I'm still connected with her. Okay, wow. So, so I had good— but the thoughts that I, I took mainly is that, you know, my daughter, her school was going to get started. So I thought, okay, this is— if her school starts, then again it will go into the flow, and then I will have to— secondly, I needed support. I definitely needed support, and I was not in that state, can I can manage it on my own. Even after 1 year when I took this decision, I realized that no, I cannot manage on my own, especially my mental state, you know. And if I'm not in the right mental state, it will affect my physical state, and both of them together will impact my ability to parent my daughter, to be as a father. Because now for me, I had to not only be her father but also her mother. Responsibilities for me. And I realized that this is not something that I can do on my own. And that was one of the major decisions. I would say that was the major decision. And then I always had that thought that, okay, eventually I have to go back, right? So this is the right time. No, as I told you, for 6 months, I did not want to take any decision.

Yes.

And until the year, when I thought that, okay, this thought is now continuously there for my— in my mind for a year, that, okay, I have to go back. So now I knew that, okay, this is not an impulsive kind of a thought that I am getting because I'm in that state of mind, but it is more of a prolonged thought, a more stable thought. So it is the right time to take the decision. And, uh, and I think that was one of the factors. And again, being with my parents Being there with this supportive family was one of the reasons that I took back— took the decision to come back to India. Although it was very, very difficult, I would say it was very difficult, even though it was my own choice. There were things that quite— there are things which were quite good there, you know. I mean, life is quite easy there as compared to India. You know that, Haritosh Srivastav. Right? Things are very sorted. You have, you know, daycares to take care of your children. The office timings are, you know, properly under balance. And, you know, so things are there, but you need emotional support as well, right? When this period, uh, during this period. And, uh, it— so it was a tough decision. Schooling was also one of the factors that I was considering because I really liked the schooling in Netherlands. The way they help children to, you know, understand their strengths. And so that's a unique— but I thought, you know, that cannot be just the reason I can stay there, because— so that was a real factor that I was— was a difficult— and I would say that was another grief, that when I came back to India— see, grief is not just about the loss of a loved one, any loss. Can trigger a grief. So when I came back to India, that was also a small kind of a different kind of a grief that I experienced. All those people who were a part of my life for those 7 years, my colleagues, my work, I left those behind. My house, I left those behind. So I felt that grief for again when I came back to India. So that is the factor. So things are difficult, but slowly it you get used to it. Slowly, uh, things get normal, and, and now I'm completely fine.

I so much resonate with what you said. Grief is not only for humans or your family and loved ones, but also for places, also for opportunities you got or you missed it. Because like I said, in 2019, suddenly out of the blue, uh, I had to come back from US to India, not on my own choice. And I literally had— I can, I can now sense that I had a grief for pretty much like 6 months to 1 year where I felt like, why me? Like, why I have been going through that? And, and for those who don't know, US visa process is one of the most difficult process. It's like it went on for a year and then you prepare so much and you create and produce so much documentation, and then suddenly you get an email from USCIS that, no, okay, your visa is— visa application is rejected, get out of this country. I felt literally like a slap on my face that after doing so much, uh, and I was doing very good like you, I was doing very good professionally as well. I was expecting a promotion, I was extending my portfolio, so I was very much into corporate job. But that was like big, like a big tight slap on me. And, and I feel like there's still a little bit of grief over there. And, uh, it was very hard for me also for next 6 months while everybody was happy because my family wanted— it was like, wow, you're coming back! And, uh, relatives and all. I felt like, no, I felt like a failure. Like, why I have to go through it while I'm doing all the processes? Like, why suddenly my life's decision is dependent on someone else. I think the seed was put on that day itself when I had to leave everything. I had literally 10 days to— and I, I say speech— to BHK, to 2 suitcases. So literally I had a proper house and car and other thing in US, and I had to throw and donate and sell to come back to 2 2 suitcases. That's what I became in 10 days. Uh, while 10 days before I was thinking, oh, I'll be probably getting a promotion, we're doing this and that. Uh, I, it, I felt like a big failure at that time. And I can now associate when you say grief is not only about people, that was a big grief, uh, in terms of career. And I could say that from there, my disassociation— now that I'm going out, I can say my disassociation started with work in terms of, okay, yeah, work is not the only thing and everything. I have other things to also focus on, and that's where the journey started. So very much associate with you on that.

That's right. I mean, you rightly said, actually, that is also grief. Any process in life wherein you are not able to manage your emotions or you are doubting your emotions, they are in a roller coaster And you know, you are not feeling controlled. You do not have the control on your emotions. That is an experience of grief, right? Any kind of a loss, any kind of dependency that you had on something, someone that is taken away can trigger a grief, a feeling of grief. Absolutely.

Thank you. So next question for you is Because as I— as we discovered in that, I had 2 times grief, which I would say undiscovered grief. How common is it for people to experience these kind of grief? Like, what are some of the symptoms or some of the things that people can observe about themselves and then feel like, okay, maybe I'm going through this grief or journey?

Yeah, one of the biggest indicator of grief is overwhelming stress and anxiety. Because stress goes along with grief. Because when you are in grief, right, there will be many situations in your life that will be a trigger point for you, for giving you stress. Maybe there is your career, there is a financial situation, maybe children, childcare, and so many things all around the situation is not in your favor, I would say, kind of in a turbulent weather wherein you may imagine a ship which is in a turbulent storm, kind of a feeling. If you feel like that, you know, you are in a storm and all the way you are just being like, you know, uh, pushed all over, have no control, you feel no control about your emotions. One day you feel okay, the next moment you don't feel okay, you know. Feelings and emotions like sadness, anger, depression, guilt, blame. Okay, these are some of the emotions that go along with grief, right? Guilt is also one of the big emotions, right? So, so many emotions, and they keep on like, you know, switching over, you know, one point sadness, then you have guilt, then you have your, you know, depression, and so many different things.. And you find it difficult to contemplate, you know, what is it? One more emotion that is very common in grief is called numbness. You know, you just don't feel anything.

You don't feel anything.

It is very, very— and you, and you feel, you doubt this feeling. How can I feel like that? I mean, I had a huge loss like this. And I'm just not feeling anything. I just feel numb to anything kind of thing. And it is more commonly associated with the loss of a loved one or relationship loss wherein, you know, you had love involved, you know, more of a person there. So you get that numbness kind of a feeling. This is— it's a, it's a very strange feeling to be in, you know. You— how, how can I feel like that? Okay, but you know, that is a very normal feeling. It is, it is normal. It is your body's way to protect you because you are not ready to take on that whole pain at this moment. Imagine it like that, you know, when you're going to a dentist for a root canal, you know, uh, the doctor gives you that painkiller because the pain that is going to come with that root canal is not something that you will be able to bear it. Yeah, to give you that painkiller, right? So that numbness, you can imagine, is like a painkiller for the moment because you're not yet ready to to, to, you know, experience that pain, your body or your physiology makes you feel the feeling of numbness, and then you can't experience any pain at that point of time. So that is a very common association. It can also— you feel this in different kind of griefs and different losses as well. But if you feel like that numbness, you know, just feel, uh, you know No interest, nothing, nothing interests me. There is no source of happiness that is coming to you. You feel anxiety all the time, anxious, worried, stressed. These are some of the typical symptoms of that you are experiencing grief. And if a grief— it is actually researched like that— a grief, a strong grief, if it stays with you for more than 3 months, it has actually the capability to physically manifest illness in your body. It can physically manifest some kind of illness in your body. It has been researched, it has been scientifically proven, because then there is a lot of stress. And those fight and flight response that you— that, that actually protect you at initial stages, they become a chronic stress. That chronic stress ensures that all those stress hormones, cortisol and those, they are always there in your system. Because there— and of course that's an energy, right? If that energy is not dissipated in any way, it take a form. Energy can neither be destroyed nor be created, right? And it can only be changed, it forms, right? So it changes its form, it takes a physical form, form of a maybe back pain, or, you know, stomach pain, or a headache, or kind of— or you frequently fall ill, or your immune system goes down. So many things. And I experienced that myself, you know. I— it started— the lower back pain started for me after around a year or so. Suddenly, all of a sudden, that lower back pain was quite hard for me, and then I started yoga for that. So that has helped me for past 2 years. I'm continuously doing, and that has helped me. So yeah, that's the thing.

Basically, I'm having too many, uh, realization moments now. I mean, I figured it out, like similar to you, when I was going through that period, 10 days period, I couldn't sleep on a bed because I was having so much of back pain. Of course, there was so much of stress. My mother was undergoing a surgery. I could not travel because of visa thing, and then Then I got this big blow to my thing and I had 10 days. So those 10 days, last 10 days, I actually slept on the floor because I couldn't lie down on the bed at any second because it was such a chronic back pain. And I can very well say, when you say it is probably the manifestation of the stress and the grief, that no. And I figured out afterwards, I came back, I did some tests and all. They said it's, it's vitamin D deficiency and all of, all of those. But suddenly after a few months when I was able to make patch, it, it automatically disappeared. So I, I said that it may not be the directly the vitamin D and things like that, but it was definitely— and I have observed myself like we all, that whenever I'm having a few stress, I start, I redevelop those back pain. So that's indication for me that something is not right and I have to look at what is it that I'm stressing too much on?

Yeah, your body has a natural mechanism in it to indicate you there is something going wrong in it.

Yeah.

We are just being attentive towards it. And if you are attentive towards it, it will give us the indication that something is going wrong. Take care about me, right? And it comes with experience and, the new realization. Correct. So get that, it becomes easier for you to proactively prepare for such kind of situations that might be happening. Brilliant.

So I have this one question, like, uh, and does men and women, uh, react differently to grief, or is it individual to individual?

Yeah, that's a very good question actually, Haritosh Srivastav. It's often, you know, of course, when I, when I was going through my training program with my mentor we also covered this thing, how people grieve differently. You know, the answer is this, that actually everyone grieves differently. And not even everyone, every time you grieve differently. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's not that for this loss you are grieving like that, but every loss that you will face in your life, you will always grieve like that. It is not like that. Every loss can trigger a different— like every pregnancy is different. That's what in women is they say, right? Like that, the grief is— every grief is different. So definitely for everyone, for men or women also, it can be different, right? But there is something that is common, there is something that has been observed more of, like, you know, men have a tendency to not talk about it. Typically, the men have a tendency to— okay, because we are raised in a world where they cannot show their vulnerability to the world, right? We have been living into that world, you know, a highly optimistic manly world, right? Which is, which is, which has actually, you know, for men has not worked for it that well. And that's why in so many situations when, uh, when, uh, when we face some such kind of disruptions like that men tend to actually isolate or they do not talk about it. Yeah, okay, so that's what it— observation, but not always. Okay, so this is a typical— women have a tendency to more talk about it. They are more open to actually taking help. As I see, most of— I would say men— almost 100% of my clients are women. 100%. I would say. So even though there are men have reached out to me, and we have had some calls, but eventually they did not take and went ahead for the support. And that's what also indicates me that, okay, even they, how much ever they feel like it, they do not take that step, or they do not, you know, they sit on the edge and they do not take that plunge to take the help. While women are more open for taking help, you know, they are they feel and they are more expressive about their emotions. Okay, so that's typically— that is observed actually. That's what I can say. Very true, very true.

I think, yeah, this is how we have been conditioned, at least in our Indian context, that no, yeah, men are supposed to not talk openly about their emotion, what's going on. And yes, now that we have started celebrating these Happy Father's Day and things like that, I think, yeah, men are becoming a little bit vocal about that, but I think still they have a long way to go. So, so what is your advice for both women? Of course they are vocal about it, but especially for men who are going through, uh, this period of no, uh, rejection, that no, I can't go through that, or they understand that but still they are at the cliff that okay, maybe I maybe it will heal them by itself, I don't need to do anything. What's your advice for those people?

Right, so again, a good question, Haritosh, um, because, uh, you know, especially in our Indian culture, in our Indian context, you know, we have these rituals that are associated after, you know, a loss of a loved one, right? 13 days rituals and so many, wherein we are given a dedicated time to actually you know, grieve and mourn. You are allowed to cry and you are allowed to do everything, you know, to express your sadness and your depression during that period. But once that 13 days over, everyone will go back into their life. No one is going to talk about it. That is how we are conditioned. And, uh, and that is actually, you know, culturally we have devised this, although it has some some scientific theories about it, you know, with respect to karma and the soul, which is, you know, you want to actually, uh, help the soul to move into its next, into its next stage of its evolution. That's why it is, it is said that, you know, you know, to not to emotionally try to connect the soul, because somewhere at a, at a different dimension, we are still okay. So that has that context. But that does not mean that you are not supposed to talk about it. That does not mean that you are not supposed to grieve about it, or you are not supposed to, because grief doesn't follow a timeline. So some people can grieve for the whole life, they can grieve for 1 year, for 2 years. For some people, it does happen that second year is more tougher than first year. Also have seen in many cases, right? So there are certain needs that I, that, uh, that I believe that these are the needs of grief, and we have to address those needs in order for you to not go into a complicated grief, a complicated grief wherein you are just not able to manage it, right? So, and as I said, right, if you are allowing, if you are not moving ahead in your grief journey and you are stuck in your grief the grief has a tendency to manifest into a physical form. So that is one of— that is the reason that you have to address the grief. So other needs of grief that I would say is the grief has to be witnessed, right? So what does I mean with that is like, you know, grief is basically— again, now it's very interesting to what you do, Haritosh Srivastav, right? There is a story in us that we want to tell, correct? Right? What has happened? You know, what, how this happened, all that, that story, you want to tell someone. Right? And of course, that story, the version of the story keeps on changing over the time once you get a hold of the grief or so. Right. But have a need of telling that story to people. Right. And that is the first need of grief. Second need of grief is about expressing your emotion. Now, when you are telling the stories, right, you also express your emotions, right? You give a right expression to those emotions, whatever it is. It is a sadness or anger or so. If you are giving it a safe space, if you're working with someone as a professional or a coach, right, the coach can help you to express those emotions in a right in a, in a more, uh, safe way. Okay, anger can express— can be expressed in a very bad way by, you know, going and hitting someone and maybe breaking your TV or anything, or it can also be expressed in a much more safer way. Yes. So the coach can help you to actually get that expression out, you know, find out coping strategies, right? So that's the second need, you know. Expression. Because emotions not getting expressed will not— will not— they will not dry off. They will take a different form. Because again, as I said, they are energy. Energy. If the emotion wants to come out in the form of sadness, you have to give it the right platform. If it wants to come out in the form of anger, you have to give that platform. You cannot say that, okay, no, I am going to suffer. It's like a pressure cooker. At certain point of time, it will burst, will explode.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

So that's the second need of grief. The third need of grief is to, you know, uh, to, uh, uh, to the guilt. Basically, if there is a guilt associated in your grief, that is a very, very strong emotion. If, if you have a feeling that if at all I did that, if, if I, if I would have done that, then this wouldn't have happened. That if this is there, then it has to be worked upon. The guilt has to be worked upon. Okay, so that's the third, uh, need of grief. Okay, so the fourth need of grief is about, you know, um, uh, if there are old wounds. Often in our childhood, we experience sometimes, you know, some kind of a situations where it creates our personality. Maybe some people are experiencing bullying, and then they devise a way that isolation is a way for me to protect myself. Okay, so that might have helped them at that point of time, but that is not the right way of dealing with it in your grief. So old wounds have a tendency to come back in your grief journey. Okay, and you will not understand why I am behaving like that. It is actually coming from an old me. So the inner child healing is also needed at that point of time.

Wow.

Right. The fifth need of grief is, is, you know, finding a meaning and a purpose. At some point of time, it is not a meaning in the loss itself. There is no meaning in the loss. Okay. It is a meaning for you after the loss. So how you can carry the legacy of that person, yeah, that relationship, that thing that you lived, right? You know, like, again, the loss for you was the US visa rejection. How can you carry— you have carried that legacy by actually one of the— as you only said, right, one of the trigger of doing what you are doing is somewhere has that root. Right? Absolutely, 100%. That legacy to it, right? That there is something that is coming from that, right? So a meaning— now you have found out a meaning in that loss, right? So meaning and a purpose for you after that loss is something— again, it cannot be— it cannot happen very early in the grief, but the time when you are ready for it, then it has to be worked upon. But, uh, you know, that is what are the needs of grief. And, and this is what I would say, we are— and everyone has the same needs of grief. These are the same needs of grief. If you are feeling emotionally not able to manage your emotions, lot of stress, you feel that you are not giving your— you're not able to give your best to your family, to your career, to your financial needs, to your status or so, and it is impacting different areas of your life, please don't try to do it on your own. At least from a coach, someone as a life coach can also help, but a grief coach is a better person who knows exactly how to help you into this and bring that resilience in your life so that you can bounce back from this adversity or disruption. So that is what I would say.

Thank you so much for sharing that, and I think I could correlate on different level. Of course, stories, I think, is one of the first needs that you mentioned about telling your stories. And I think one of the healing that has happened with me because I've started telling the story, and for the very first year I told, because I'm part of Toastmasters in other places, wherever I got a chance, I vented out, uh, I don't know whether it's right or wrong, but I think somewhere when telling that story, that contributed to healing. Now I can feel that because that was somewhere my story and I wanted to convey a message. But like you said, it went through emotions and guilt wound, but ultimately I found a meaning and purpose that I don't want to let anybody else decide the fate of my life or journey or things. So So I decided, yes, I'm not going back to US for work, even though I had multiple opportunities. And then eventually it led me towards thinking about, uh, shift in the career, becoming an entrepreneur and coach and helping people. And it also gave me a meaning that how can I help people who are having great skills in terms of execution coding, but they're not able to express how I can empower that. That's also a meaning and purpose given to me. So thank you so much for sharing. And as you said, guys, if you are not sure what the needs of your grief are, I highly recommend that get a coach. Sometime the least investment that we do is on ourselves, but I believe the best return that you get is when you invest in ourself, be it, uh, learning a skill be it building network, but also getting a coach for whichever area of the life. It's not only related to one health or money or skills, but also relationship, but also grief and resilience. I think this is very, very important for us as humans to work on those and understand that sometimes we need expert help. And there are experts out there who specialize, who know what exact your next steps are going to be. And yeah, Deepak is one such course, uh, one such coach in India which I know who has worked on this, who has gone— is not, uh, somebody who has gone through the journey, is certified resilience and grief coach and has worked many people. So if you feel like you need to discuss something, uh, how can somebody reach out to you, Deepak?

Yeah, definitely. Uh, Haritosh Srivastav, I can be reached out through my website deepakdeopare.com. Okay, my name, my first name and my last name. Okay, uh, and of course directly via my email, through my email connect@deepakdeopare.com, or in my website there are also my number. My number is also there that you can check out and you can reach out to me. So multiple ways— LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram— I'm there at all the places, right? And anywhere. If you feel like, uh, you know, I could be of any help to you in your own, uh, journey of your grief and resilience or so, then I would be really happy to help you and anyone who is listening out here.

Thank you so much, Deepak. And I think this is the universe conspiring us to meet such amazing humans. I think had I met you earlier, I would have healed much faster. But thank you so much. So what is your one last message for the listeners and the viewers of this podcast? What is your one message for them?

My one message is the work that you are doing, Haritosh Srivastav, is stories have such a beautiful connection with our lives, right? And I always tell that in my coaching sessions also with my clients, you know, just say whatever you want to say, you know. And they often start, it happened on that day, right? And a story always starts with like that, on that day, right? So there is an inherent need in our human psychology to tell stories.

Absolutely, 100%.

And when we tell stories and when we hear stories, they contribute in our healing and Healing others. Beautiful. So if there is a story, if there is a story that you would like to say, and if there is a story that you would like to tell to this world, don't shy away from. Any story is not a bad story. Any story is a good story for you, uh, you know, to heal others and also yourself, right? And there are so many approach. I know that you have teach— you also teach in your programs how to find out different topics of creating stories also. But your life has— gives you so many opportunities to tell so many stories, right? And, uh, that is what the last message would be, right? If you are grieving, if you are in your process of grieving, you're finding it difficult to manage your emotions, stress, at least find a friend, at least, uh, some family member with whom you can talk about it. You know, at least be a listener to someone where you are not judging them. Just, you, if you are helping, if you want to help someone, this is the best thing that you can do is just, you know, just be there and listen. You do not have to say anything, okay? And if you want actually to be helped, find a friend or a family member or anyone with whom you can just talk, you know, 50% of time that helps. That is what you want. Okay, thank you so much. Away from talking about your emotions. Yes, that is what I would say.

Thank you so much. And as you said, I 100% agree. Stories have an innate healing power. So please use that superpower that you already have. Share stories with others and also be an audience to somebody who's going through the journey by without having any bias, without having any decision, just listen to people. I think that would really help make this world a better place. Thank you so much, Deepak. It was an honor and privilege to have you in the Confidence Storytelling Podcast. I'm looking forward to having more such episodes in future as well.

Absolutely. I was loving to have you, Haritosh Srivastav. I always inspire, get inspired with the work and dedication that you put with your work. So kudos to you and to your viewers and your listeners. Thank you so much for having me.

Thank you.