Survive or Thrive | In Conversation with Happiness Coach & Bestseller Author Aastha Tatia

Hello everyone, welcome to another episode. I don't know what I'm going to call this, but if you remember a few days back, we did that live challenge, 21 Days Live Challenge, where I invited a number of authors and coaches. And I really liked that feedback that I got, and people really wanted to hear from different authors. And so I thought, okay, let me try to do some more things like that, get more inspiring personality here, get more writers there, get more coaches out there. And I thought, why not start with somebody who's really, really special? If you have not already seen her profile, let me tell you, her name is Astha Tatia. She is a happiness coach, engineer, MBA, corporate executive turned anchor person, now a happiness coach. Astha helps corporate leaders become the most sought-after leaders by creating deep connections and meaningful relations in their organization. Astha also recently wrote a book called Survive or Thrive, which is about turning around your leadership journey from fear to joy. Is it not that beautiful? Uh, she's also Regional Director of BNI, Best Training Director 2019, trekker, passionate dancer, avid reader, and lifelong learner. Her motto is happiness is a choice. Thank you so much, Astha, for joining us. It's an honor and pleasure to have you here.

Likewise, Haritosh Srivastav. I am so excited and I am honored. Thank you for this opportunity. Thank you so much.

Awesome, Astha. So as I was talking to you before, now let's hear from Astha about Astha's journey. What has been your journey about and what all things have you gone through? A brief about you and then we'll go a little bit deeper into a few aspects.

Sure. So, you know, the way I like to introduce myself is I'm Aska Tatya, daughter of two rock-solid pillars, mother to a lovely daughter, wife of a humor king, an engineer MBA corporate executive turned anchor person turned author and a happiness coach. Helping corporate leaders build deep connections and meaningful relationships in their organizations. So this, you know, it's, it's my hero story, my hero introduction, and pretty much sums up what my life has been all about. So like I mentioned, from being a corporate executive to reaching this coaching journey, you know, this has been a journey of self-discovery. So, you know, I was somebody who was into corporate, and I just realized when I, you know, looked back and this journey of coaching started, I realized that there was lots that I was going through while it was a journey that was taking me forward. There was a lot of growth, a lot of experiences, but it was essentially largely governed by a lot of fears. There was a lot of pain. We all go through that, certainly, But for me, it was, you know, it was quite striking. I carried it forward wherever I went. And that's where I decided that, you know, workplace relationships is what I want to support corporate leaders with. Because I've seen most of the leaders while they're doing very, very well, at times exceptionally well for themselves in careers, they struggle when it comes to relationships. And unless your relationships are sorted, they are good, they are healthy, they are fulfilling, your workplace experience cannot be exciting. And people think that it takes too much of time, too much of effort. Let me just push this aside, focus on what my target is, what I'm here for, and they struggle.

So that's what I support people with, and that's pretty much Amazing, amazing workplace relationship. So you were doing pretty good. You were an engineer, MBA, corporate executive. So, uh, was it just a dream that, no, I need to now check and go back to doing coaching? What was the trigger point that, no, that made you realize, no, I need to do something, something different, something which is not my current profile? What, what was the trigger point?

The pain, I think the pain probably became unbearable, if I have to say. And when I say pain, it was the pain of, you know, that distance of my distance from myself, you know, if I have to put it a little tricky. But I was constantly trying to portray myself as somebody who I wasn't, you know, throughout my life. Throughout my life, my deepest belief was I'm not good enough. So all I've done all my life is trying to fit in, trying to prove myself, and that's what I was doing without really thinking or reflecting upon where my heart lies. So doing engineering, then MBA, then getting into corporate— while I was doing well because I was sincere, hardworking, which was also a part of portraying myself as somebody. But I think, you know, I was doing something where I didn't belong. And at one point it became so— I'd say it became unbearable that this is something I can't do any longer. I quit without a plan. I had no idea what I'm going to do after this, but I just quit. And that's where then anchoring happened. And I thought, wow, this is what I always wanted. That's my childhood passion. And then came in life coaching, and I had never heard of it before. I went through some programs for myself and realized what it is. And I think the kind of fulfillment that I derived there made me realize it was a journey. It wasn't a moment, if you're asking me. It was a whole lot of moments which made me realize that this is where I belong.

Amazing, amazing. Yeah, it's so great to know about anyone's journey. A lot of time we feel like it must be a dramatic one-day incident. Okay, now I'm done, I need to change my career, but it doesn't happen like that. It keeps on building and building and that it becomes unbearable for you to carry on. Now, uh, talk to us a little bit about your book. Uh, you have a very interesting name of the book and, uh, what was that journey about?

Yeah, so, uh, yes, this, this is the book. It's called Survive or Thrive. And this, uh, is pretty much, uh, I'd say the journey that I have gone through. And I think the journey that we're all going through you know. We are so busy, at least if I talk about myself, I was so busy surviving, you know, existing, that ye chalta hai, this, okay, let it be, this is how things are going to be, this is how everybody is, irrespective of what am I losing in the process. I kept losing myself, but I was busy surviving. And I think that's what we are doing. So many of us, we see around So this book is all about, uh, making a choice whether you just want to survive. Dunya mein aaye hai, chale bhi jaenge. A lot of people do that versus no, I choose to thrive. And what does thriving mean? Thriving means that, you know, you want to be a better and better version of yourself. You want to grow. You want to be able to do what you really want. You want to express yourself. You want to be yourself. You choose to be yourself. Right? And that's a choice. So turning around your leadership journey from fear to joy, despite all the accomplishments, all the accolades, the leaders, so many of them are still leading from fear. You know, there is this void, there is this hollow, that lack of clarity, the relationships are, you know, not as great. They're constantly trying to prove themselves. So struggling. So how about turning it around and instead of leading from fear, lead from joy, that each day is like, wow, how do you do that? That's what it is all about. And it's all about bringing in experiences from my life and people who have coached, some of my clients. So it's all full with examples where you can relate with what happens.

Awesome, awesome. So, uh, you talk about leading from fear versus leading of joy, and you are a happiness coach. How do you actually define happiness? What do you think is actual happiness?

That's interesting. Um, so we all have our own definitions, and, um, I would say, uh, my definition of happiness, uh, it comes from my experience, okay? And I've had a very profound experience with happiness in these last few years since the time I started working on myself. So from somebody who was entirely living a life of pretense, trying to pretend to be somebody else who I wasn't, and hence the fear, the pain, the challenges, to somebody who then started connecting with herself. So I think for me, happiness is when, when you are connected with yourself, when what you are thinking, what you are saying, and what you're doing are in harmony, which wasn't the case earlier at all. The biggest, biggest breakdown for me was I wasn't expressing myself. And expressing doesn't mean speaking up. I was an anchor, I was always there on stage talking to people, all of that.. And yet my expression wasn't 100%. What was here was here. What was coming out was something entirely different. I was governed by my beliefs. We all are. So I'd say happiness for me is when this, this, and what you're doing, what you think, what you say, and what you do are all in sync.

Just like what Mahatma Gandhi said, right? When you are able to think, say, and do things in unison, you are a happy person. You are in You are in the journey of soul searching. Okay, uh, thank you so much for that. Now, uh, what was it like writing a book? How was your journey? I'm— as an author, I'm really interested to know because everybody has their unique journey of writing book. I have had my own journey, and, and to every author that I talked to, they had their own journey of how they write, what was their schedule like, uh, how many iterations it goes. So what was it like for you to know, actually pen down your thoughts in form of a book and physically see that?

Um, I think surely very fulfilling. Uh, I'd say liberating also. Um, they say book writing is therapeutic. I've heard from so many people, and I used to wonder how, you know. But I think now I can say yes. So it's like you've got to experience it to really know it, to get it. So, uh, book writing was never on my agenda. I never had thought I'm gonna do it because I always thought people who write books, people who are authors are a different league of people, and probably I don't belong to that league, you know. And what I have realized through this journey is that I feel everybody must write a book, you know. Everybody must write a book because, you know, we all have a mess in our life that can be converted into message. That's what my— one of my mentors says, convert your mess into the message. So So whatever that mess is in your life, always believe, always remember there are people out there who want to hear just that, that how you've gone beyond that, you know. So you're doing a big, big service. It's a big contribution if you write that book. For me, while it was not on my agenda, but I think once that context was created that, you know, whatever I have gone through, and I see a lot of my colleagues, a lot of leaders going through the same. How about putting it down and so that I'm able to serve them? And to your point, Haritosh Srivastav, when I started writing, it wasn't easy. It took a lot on my part. At times, should I write this? What are people going to think about me? This is not going to reflect very nice. That inner voice always jumps in, you know. And so, yeah, and I'm so glad that this book writing, it helped me shed a lot of my barriers, you know. It made me more vulnerable and as it more authentic. As a result, you know, I feel more fulfilled now. So I think it's really been therapeutic. It's— it just transforms you. It takes you to the next level.

Amazing, amazing. Uh, you actually covered— and your journey is also quite similar because I am also an engineer, and engineers are not supposed to be writers, right? So whenever you say I'm an IT guy and then also an author, it's like contradiction. But you, when you go through the journey, you understand that it's not actually the contradiction. And like my book also is all about my journey, my experiences. And when you start penning down, it is an enlightening journey to say. And I'm like, I'm already like, no. And what I've experienced is after you write one book, every time you encounter an experience, you'll feel like 'Should I write this in my next book? Will it be a good candidate for my next book?' And you start putting things into that perspective, and you'll start probably making a note, which probably will not be the case if you are the first-time writer, first-time author, because you feel like, 'I'm not supposed to be a writer.' But everybody out there needs to do that. I mean, unless we— every knowledge is already there in the world if people want to, but it's always our perspective our own experiences that actually adds to that and it resonates with people. And that's what we do for writing if you're doing, uh, a true writing, a true journey. So I know we— you have limited time and we said only 15 minutes, but I'm gonna ask you one last question, uh, in here. And that's about, uh, any, uh, what are some of the 2-3 tips that you want to give, uh, to any young, uh, professional who's getting into that management position, who's getting into that, no, middle management or management, and what would be some of those things that would be really, really helpful for them? For a person who was there like a solo person who was like individual contributor, now he's gonna lead a team, now he's gonna be on a journey to be a leader, what would something that— what would be something that will be of valuable?

Okay, so, um, I think for me one of the big realizations has been from my experience that it all starts with self-leadership. Okay, so, um, the most important relationship that you have is your relationship with yourself. Okay, and anything that's happening outside is a reflection of what's going on inside. So if as a leader you want to have, you know, a great connect, camaraderie with your team, then it starts with your connect, your camaraderie with yourself. So I would say the first thing, very, very important, which is at the foundation, at the root of everything, is always, always prioritize your relationship with yourself. Okay, it's, um, it's like working on, um, how is— working on your own connect with yourself. And what does that mean? That means, you know, your— it's your thoughts which are basically kind of making everything. Whatever outside is a manifestation of what's going on here. So whatever my self-talk is, whatever my beliefs are about myself, whatever are the way I pull myself down, beat myself, throw crash myself, which we do so often, you know. And we try to deliver, we try to give to others, put ourselves, you know, maybe second, third, fourth, or last on the priority list. So I'd say first prioritize yourself, look at your needs. And sometimes people say, uh, isn't that selfish? So I'd say there is a fine line there, okay? Uh, there's a difference between me, me, me, and me first. I'm talking about me first. I'm not saying me, me, me. So if you want to go out there as a leader, as a leader, the biggest responsibility is you are growing, of course, and the people around you are empowered. You're creating more leaders. But that, that is possible when, you know, you have a very, very powerful relationship, connect with yourself. So that's number one, prioritizing whatever, you know, is going on with you and working on that. Number 2, I think this is very, very powerful— taking things as they are. You know, our brains are meaning-making machines. Something happens, somebody walked up to you, said something, and we are so quick to build up stories. That's only natural, you know, that's the design. So I'm saying getting aware and starting to look at things for what they are. 'So this person walked up to me, he said this,' means he walked up to me and he said this in such a such tone. That's it, right? That's very important because otherwise we keep jumping to conclusions. And I think, yeah, that, that's what it is pretty much. And yes, number 3, as a leader, very important, two things: one is acknowledging and the other is listening. Acknowledging and listening, both yourself as well as people outside. Acknowledge yourself also as an individual, listen to yourself, what's going on here, what are my needs, and at the same time then acknowledge people in your team, people around you, acknowledge them with your heart and soul, and also listen to them, like just listen to them. So these are a couple of things that come to my mind right now, Haritosh Srivastav.

Amazing, amazing. So any leader, any potential manager or leader, you got some things to work upon, some things that can really help you. And I love your quote. This is my favorite thing also, like, the best leadership is self-leadership. Unless you lead yourself to success, you can't lead others to success. So it has to start with self. And when you say take care of yourself, I feel like it's the analogy of when you go on a plane and they say, you put your mask first, then you can put somebody else mask, because Unless you are safe, you are able to thrive, you won't be able to help others anchor to that particular thriving. So thank you so much for sharing. It was great, wonderful talking to you. Guys, please go and check out Astha's book, Survive or Thrive, already Amazon's number one bestseller. And I wish you all the best, and it was great conversing with you.

Thank you so much, Haritosh. It's been a pleasure connecting with you and talking to you. Thank you so much, really a pleasure.

Thank you so much. So this was Aastha Tatia. We'll be bringing some more authors for this kind of conversation. I am having fun with that. So until next time, as I say, keep learning, keep growing, and keep going out of your comfort zone. This is Haritosh Srivastav. I'll be back with another author in conversation with. Thank you so much, have a great weekend.

Thank you, bye-bye.