Relationship Green Flags

What is going on, men? Welcome back to the Mantalk show. I am Connor Beaton and today we're going to talk about the green flags that you can look for in a woman that I think are absolutely imperative. And I put this list together because, I mean, many of you have asked for it. I've got a lot of direct messages through Instagram asking me to put together what should I look for in a woman in dating today, what's important for me to look out for. And so these are some very simple, tactical things that you can look for and you can ask about. You can find out very quickly within a relationship whether a woman possesses these things and whether she is indeed a high value woman that you're going to want to be with. The thing that I want to just sort of caveat is, I remember for a long time in my life I didn't have really any standards. You know, I didn't really know what to look for in a woman. It was more about can I get this woman's attention and can I get laid? You know, like that was, those were like the two filters. And so I would find myself in relationships with women that weren't good for me, were not high value women, you know, weren't really interested in me or my life that I wasn't really interested in, that I didn't respect. And that largely was for a number of reasons. One, I wasn't in a place where I really respected myself. I hadn't developed myself into a self led man. I hadn't really built myself into a man that I respected. And so there was that. But also, number two, I didn't really have any standards. You know, I didn't really know what to look for in a woman that would ensure that I was dating somebody that was high value, high caliber. So over the years as I dated and I started to tune into this and I started to attract more high value, more high caliber women to. When I met my wife, who is an extremely, in my opinion, extremely high caliber, high value woman, it took me quite a long time to get clear on what some of the traits are, what some of the things are that, that make this up. So let's just dive straight in. The first thing that I would say is arguably one of the most important things, one of the foundational pieces is that the woman respects and appreciates men and masculinity. She respects and appreciates men and masculinity. Huge green flag, okay? Because one of the most challenging things you're going to deal with in the modern world is that there are a lot of women who dislike men. There are a lot of women who don't like men. They don't like masculinity, they disrespect masculinity. It might be very challenging to be in a relationship with a woman who dislikes and disrespects the core nature of who you are. So, big green flag, maybe this should be obvious, but I just have to say it. Look for women that appreciate and respect men, and you can even ask that, like, what do you like about men? You know, what do you respect about masculinity? And those are just some basic questions that you can inquire. You know, maybe not on the first date, but I think that those are conversations that you can start to have with a woman where it'll give you a sense of how she views men and what she. How she views masculinity. So this brings me to point number two, which is that she has a great relationship with her dad. Chances are, if she has had a wonderful relationship with her father, she respects men. She. She respects masculinity. She sees the value in it. She understands that you as a man have qualities and traits and values that maybe she doesn't have, that you're going to take care of or provide or bring to the table certain value that she is desiring and craving. And I remember when my wife and I first started dating, you know, she was here in New York and we went out to see her family in New Jersey, and I got to meet her dad, and I really took to him immediately. He is sort of like this old school Lebanese man. And I got to see their dynamic, I got to see their relationship. And what was really interesting was seeing them banter and seeing them kind of, you know, poke fun and have fun with one another. And I got to see immediately that she had a lot of respect and admiration for her father, that she really appreciated who he was and who he is. And, you know, they had their own conflict sometimes, and the dynamic was challenging sometimes, but for the most part, she really had a certain kind of reverence for him. And I could see that he really appreciated her. He really loved her. So that was a huge green flag. So as you start to date, ask, what's your dad like? What's your relationship with him like? And it's a big green flag if she has a good relationship with her father. The third thing is that she has solid values. And there's two caveats to this. Okay? She has solid values. She lives them. And those Values are similar ish to your own values. So a lot of women, as you start to talk to them, you start to date, you know, you'll hear things like, oh, I really value free time, or I really value abundance, or I really value punctuality and being on time. I really value honesty and integrity. But you need to look for whether or not that woman is living those values. A high value, high caliber woman, she's not just going to say that those are her values. You're going to know that she's living those values. And the last part of that is that those values coincide with your own. Honesty, integrity, family values, close connection to family, punctuality, whatever your values are. I'm just throwing a couple out there that those values are things that are important to you. So those things are similar ish to yours and that her values are going to contribute to your life. I think that that's the last thing that I'll say there. The next thing, that's a massive green flag and I can't stress this one enough. It might seem subtle almost, but the big green flag is that she has her own hobbies and her own interests already. So a lot of guys get into relationship with women or start to date women and they start to invite the women that they're dating into their hobbies and into their interests. And because the women that they're dating have a void, right? There's no hobbies, there's no, there's no interest that they have of their own outside of their work, outside of their friends. And this is problematic because for me there's nothing like the sign of a. I'm going to use it the stage five clinger, right? The woman that's just like you start to date and as things progress, she starts to become more and more needy. She has to spend time with you all the time. She has to know where you are all the time. She doesn't really have much of a life outside of maybe work and her friends. And so you and the relationship become her hobby, become her interest. And that can feel suffocating for you as a man. So really, again, a high caliber, high quality woman is going to have her own hobbies, her own interests. She's going to be out hiking, she's going to have a book club with other women, a mastermind group for women in business. Like whatever it is, she's going to have other hobbies and interests outside of work, outside of her friend circle that she engages in. So start to ask, you know, what do you do for fun. What are your hobbies? What are you interested in that isn't your work? And she'll start to tell you and that'll give you a good insight as to whether or not she has a robust life that is going to exist outside of your relationship. And it's so important. Next is, again, I mean, I feel like I'm saying this about all of this, but these ones are really important because I never looked for this one I'm about to give you. I never looked for this one in the relationships in my early 20s and my late 20s too. But she has really high quality, high caliber friends and she respects them, she admires them, she speaks well about them. So big green flag when you start to meet her friends and you get along with her friends and you like her friends and you're like, oh, these are also high quality women. That is a big green flag. Because a red flag is a woman that has friends who are, you know, constantly trying to pull them into shenanigans, right? They're constantly clubbing on the weekend. They're still doing drugs and trying to get her to go to strip clubs and girls trips to Miami or Vegas and stuff like that. And sometimes a little bit of a red flag is where you hear a woman saying like, oh, my friends are, you know, they're just party animals. And I'm not like that and I don't like to do that. But that's a smokescreen. That's a cover, right? So really start to, as you date, start to get to know her friends. Are they high caliber as well? Are they quality women as well? Does she respect them? Does she admire them? Does she talk well about them or is she constantly complaining about them? So that brings me to my next point, which is a big green flag is that she talks respectfully about the people in her life, colleagues, friends, family. She's not constantly criticizing, she's not constantly complaining. She's not talking behind their back. Because the truth is, is that if she's doing that for them, you can almost guarantee that she's going to do that about you. She's going to do that about the relations. That behavior is not going to be exclusive to the rest of her life and exclude you. It's going to include you. And so a really big green flag is that even when she has problems with her friends or a family member or a colleague, she's still going to talk about it respectfully, right? She's not going to say, she's not going to attack that person's character. And make it sound like that person is completely bad or, you know, there's something fundamentally wrong with them. She's going to say, I have a problem with them right now. You know, and here's the issue and here's the problem. So a high value woman, she's going to talk respectfully about the people in her life. Yes, there might be one or two people that she really has consistent issues with or problems with, but for the most part, she's going to talk respectfully about the people she respects. Finally, there's two last things that I want to talk about, and these are also very important. She takes responsibility for her actions. Big green flag, right? She's not a victim. She's not constantly complaining and blaming things on other people, colleagues, friends, family. She takes responsibility for her choices, for her decisions, for her actions. When she makes mistakes, she's able to say, you know what? That one's on me. I own that one. That was my fault, that was my responsibility. I messed up. And for the most part, she's able to say, that one's on me. The last one, I think is a huge green flag. And there's sort of two parts to this is the first part is that she treats you with respect and communicates that she sees your value. She sees your worth. Not that your worth is dependent on her validation, on her pointing it out, but that she's able to see that you have value as a man, that you bring value into the dynamic and into the relationship. Because a lot of modern women have bought into this notion that they don't need a man. And so they get into a relationship with men and they can't see a man's value. Or even if they see it, they're very apprehensive to communicate it. So a huge green flag within a relationship is a woman who's willing to say, I see your value, I respect what you do. I admire these parts of you. I can see these strengths, and I really love these things about you. And the second thing is that she encourages your betterment. It's not a requirement. She's not complaining to try and fix you or change you. She sees the man that you want to be and become and she encourages you in that direction. That is a huge green flag. Huge green flag. So she's not trying to alter you or change you to be who she wants. She is encouraging you to be who you as a man have said you want to become as a leader, as a father, as a partner, as a boyfriend, as a son, as a friend. As a man in the world. She encourages that part of you. Huge, huge, huge green flag. Because a lot of women get into a relationship and subtly, subconsciously try and change a man into who she thinks he should be, which is a very different vision than usually what a man has for himself. So if she really understands this is the type of man that you have said you want to be, and I'm going to support you in that, I'm going to encourage you in that. I'm going to hold you, I'm going to challenge you to be that. Sometimes that is a massive, massive, massive green flag. That usually starts to come a little bit longer in the dating game. You know, usually you'll start to see that as she gets to know you better, as she gets to know your dreams, your purpose, your mission in life, the things that you value, that usually starts to come sort of in like the three to six month mark, we really get a sense of, does she support who I want to become as a man? Now, this obviously requires that you know who you want to become as a man, or is she trying to change me and who into who she thinks that I should be? So those are some very important green flags. DM me on Instagram mantalks. Let me know what you enjoyed. And until next week, is Connor Beaton signing off?