EP 3:3 Content Creation Post- Chemsex with Mason Cross

It's when you're on meth, you just— everything's bare minimum. Life's bare minimum. What you do, what you eat, what you— you don't eat for 5 days, and then when you do eat, it's fucking 10 McDonald's in a week or something because it's just quick and easy, you know.

Yes, yes.

The Uber drivers got to know me quite well. The, the Uber drivers got to know me quite well because they, I think they were delivering McDonald's twice a day for a week in between sessions.

Chemsex, sexualized drug use among men who have sex with men, typically involving methamphetamine, mephedrone, and GHB, among others. Chemsex misuse is a worldwide epidemic that needs attention, dialogue, and hope for those lost in it, which is the purpose of the Aftermeth Podcast. Please note the views expressed by the host and guests on this podcast are not to be taken as medical advice, and the content around sex and drug use Hey there, I just wanted to drop in and give an extra trigger warning on this episode. I interview Mason Cross, who is a content creator, former meth user who has found sober sex so enjoyable that he's made a living out of it. This will be our second interview of this kind. In this interview, there are some discussions around needles. that kind of get a bit graphic and the effects that IV using can have on the body. So I just wanted to drop in to say, if talk of needles, injection, IV use is something that is triggering to you, that makes you uncomfortable, then I really don't want you to listen to this episode. Okay. All right. For everybody else, enjoy. Welcome back to The Aftermath. Welcome to season 3. Hope you're enjoying it so far. I know I am. Today we're talking to another big name in the content creation industry, I guess is what we can say, adult content industry as well. A lot of things you could say. You could say porn industry too, I guess, right? Mason Cross.

Yes.

Mason and I met on Instagram. And very, very intrigued by his story. And, you know, again, you've heard it a billion times. The big inhibitor for men coming out of chemsex use is oftentimes, how will I ever enjoy sex again? They believe that they'll never have sex like they had on Tina. They get traumatized by sex, you know, on and on and on. Some of us are Our parts don't even work right after, after TNR. We have to watch porn to get hard. It's a lot of complicated issues here. So I want this podcast to serve, number one, as educational for you, but number two, to see in real time that it can be done. So much so that this is our second interview with someone who came out of chemsex use and went into having sex as their job. Having sex for their— to make a living full-time. Yeah, that's pretty good. They like sober sex so much that they wanted to make it their job. I think that's amazing. So don't forget, there is a study guide that comes out with every episode. The link to that study guide will be in the show notes. If you want to get the study guide in your email, just go to drdallasbragg.com, click on blog and subscribe. You will also get on Mondays a study guide newsletter that covers a different topic, but you get a lot of free resources when you subscribe to my website. And the podcast is one of them. So without further ado, Mason, can you tell us about you?

Hi everybody. Yeah, I'm Mason Cross and, um, I'm a content creator and I came into the industry in September of last year. Um, and I came into the industry sober, but things weren't always sober. Things were quite dark and quite bad. Beforehand. Um, so I mean, a little bit about me beforehand. I, I'm 38 now. Um, so in gay years, I'm probably 62. Um, always add— always do your age and then take off about 15 years, and then it works. But yeah, so I had a lovely childhood. I grew up in Devon, um, in the UK. I'm based in the UK and, uh, grew up on a farm. Lovely rural, um, kind of, kind of life, wholesome life. Um, and then at the age of 23, I moved up to Birmingham, um, which is the second biggest city in the UK. Um, and there's more going on. And I've always had good jobs. I was a housing manager. Um, I was a, uh, social worker for, for a while. Um, so yeah, I was a good— I had good jobs. And my last job before getting into content creation, I was a director of my own cleaning company.

Um, yeah.

And then I got rid of, sold the business, got rid of the business and decided it was time for a new start. So, um, you can't get anything different than content creation to cleaning. So that was quite a big, quite a big difference really.

So. Yeah. A wholesome life. So you're, you're not, you can't remember any kind of big childhood traumas or struggles or coming out issues like we all— most of us have?

Yes, um, there was. I mean, yeah, I mean, it was funny really because when I, when I came out, it was, um, I, I didn't come out for a while because I'm, I'm kind of— I'm bi really, so I prefer men, but I go with women. I like going with women sometimes. Um, okay, but I did struggle on, on coming out because I was worried that my mum and dad, there's only me and my sister. My sister's lesbian, um, and I always remember a comment that my parents had made years ago and said, we can't wait to be grandchildren, we can't wait to have grandchildren. And I thought, fuck. My sister came out first, and then I was like, how the fuck can I come out? Because I'm not gonna have grandkids. But anyway, it turns out I've got 2 lovely— I've got a niece and nephew, they're adorable. They're 12 now, they're twins, and I'm basically like a dad to them anyway, do you know what I mean? So, uh, but yeah, and it's always the people you come out to, you expect to take it the worst, which are the best. But my mum and dad and my family, you know, coming from a farm and coming— they were so great with it. Even their grandparents, 80-odd-year-old. Um, but we never grew up— when we were growing up, we never— we were We always had a lovely childhood and the family were always open. So growing up, we never had that homophobia. We never had that racism. We never heard anything about that. So with, you know, 'cause people think, oh, the older generation, but even my grandparents, they were absolutely fine with it. So it was lovely. It was, it was great. Okay.

Was it, so tell us then, so you grew up with great parents and a great family. You moved to the city. You get these great jobs, you start your own business. So where does, where did Tina or crystal meth come into play?

Well, first of all, when I first moved up, I, I dabbled with drugs for a while, um, when I, in the mid to late 20s, and then I stopped for 4 or 5 years. But that was your usual coke and bit this, that, and the other. Uh, but I got over that and that was 4 years clean. And then I, about 4 years ago, I, started getting into the Tina side of things. I discovered Tina and, okay, it started off fine. It started off absolutely fine. Well, you know, there was no issues really. I could still function, although I did function all the way throughout really. But, um, it started off smoking it and then after about 12 months I became, um, before I knew it, I was injecting. I was slamming meth, and this went on for two and a half, three years. So yeah, it wasn't. It was a bad time. It was a very bad time. But like I said to you before, we had this conversation before. Tina's like. I mean, I call her Tina because Tina's a bitch, and you know she. And that's why I want to do these podcasts and and go through and. speak openly about it because Tina's, you know, it's almost like a toxic relationship. When you start taking Tina meth, um, it's all lovely, it's exciting, you do get the good buzz and it's great. But after a time, once she's got you hooked, it's then very dark and you can't come out, you know. Um, so yeah, um, it's very toxic. It can be very toxic. Yeah.

Yeah, I use that metaphor too in terms of explaining chemsex recovery in that you have to go through a breakup just like you would with a toxic ex because this is where, you know, when you're going through a toxic, you have this relationship where the sex is really good, but the guy is fucking crazy, right?

Yes.

And that's kind of, and then you find yourself in euphoric recall with a relationship like that too, because your brain only remembers the good parts of that person. And it doesn't take long. And if you, you know, you're at, maybe you get a little alcohol in you, or maybe you're feeling a little lonely and you find yourself texting that ex, right? And it doesn't take long till you remember why the hell you left in the first place. It's the same kind of dynamic when you're with your relationship with Tina or meth.

So funny enough, you mentioned, you mentioned the, um, the drink. I, when I came off Tina, because I've been sober since August, it's now Feb, I didn't drink for 3 months after because as soon as I'd had 2 drinks, something would switch in my head and then I'd end up getting on the phone to the dealer. And before I know it, I'd had, you know, I'd had to grab a fucking Tina around and we'd be on the go again.

So.

I now can drink and I'm fine with that. I can drink. And I went out yesterday and we had 3 pints. And if anything, now it just sends me to sleep. The, the drink just sends me to sleep. I've got an issue with drink. Um, but yeah, so you have to— but funny enough, what people used to say to me when I came off, people said to me, stay away from the people, stay away from the things that trigger you. And I couldn't agree more.

Yeah.

However, I would say to them, when you are trying to come off, you can be anywhere doing anything. And for me, a wave would come over me and I just wanna use. I remember I was sat on the, without being, I was sat on the toilet once and I had no, nothing in my head. And then within 30 seconds I'd have a wave and I was on the phone and I, I would, Mm-hmm. The dinner was over on his way to bring over the dinner. It's just a massive wave and I can't, it's just a, uh, and it can come anywhere.

Anywhere.

And little triggers can, yeah. I mean, you know, let's be open and honest about it. My, my main thing was, um, trigger what would get me kind of thinking, oh, I wanna use again. I'd imagine myself using the needle, you know, injecting and seeing that blood come out from the syringe, you know, hit the vein.

Yeah.

And then I knew that, bang, we're going to get straight, I'm going to get that hit. And that would trigger me off quite a while after. But that's a lot better now. I don't get that as much now, which is good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. So a couple of things I want to underscore there that you're saying, and that is, you that are listening, And a lot of men will say, the craving comes out of nowhere. And then all of a sudden, I'm on the way to the party, right? And they frame it as there's something wrong with me. What's wrong with me that I can't control myself? There's nothing wrong with you. If you're listening to Mason, hopefully you feel seen and you feel related to that chemsex cravings are a full body experience. It's a visceral experience that I call possession. It almost possesses you as like a demon possession, you know, in that you're now a puppet, right? And you're on a string and your subconscious kicks in and you're just, like you said, you're on the phone, the dealer's at your door and you don't even hardly remember asking him to come over.

Yeah.

That is the nature of this recovery and this substance. And you have to remember that's different than alcohol or heroin or coke or anything else really. And because it's different and nuanced is the reason we have this podcast and the reason I do what I do is it has to be treated differently. And there's nothing wrong with you. That's just the nature of it.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I could tell people now, you know, straight from the heart, you know, I never thought I'd have, if you'd asked me probably 9 months ago, if I'd ever have if I would ever have had, uh, um, sober sex again, I would've said no. And I would've probably have said, if I do, it won't be enjoyed. What I'm trying to get across to everyone is you can do it. You can. Um, and I'm living proof you can. See, I went into content creation. I was, I, I, I didn't want to go into creating content using, because I wanted to put this thing, because I always put sex and drugs in the same category. But now I don't, you know, I never had sober sex for 4 years. So I, I just didn't, I couldn't contemplate the thought of having sober sex. It just didn't come into my head.

Mm-hmm.

Um, and it's, you know, also it's very, like you said, you know, when I first, I used to say, I used to do the first injection of the Tina and I used to say, if there's someone there, even I'd say to myself, Here we go. Here's the devil juice. I used to call it the devil juice because it was almost like you were possessed.

Yeah.

By the devil. You know, you, you know, let's get— let's, let's be honest, you know, um, we've all got to live with the guilt that the stuff we said and we did on Tina. Okay, let's get that out there. But it's not you. It's not you. It's the Tina. It's, it's the taking over the brain. And, you know, you just got to learn to park that aside and move on. And because you know yourself, that isn't you. Um, but anyone on the scene, anybody doing the Tina knows, um, the, the dark side of it, you know? Um, yeah. Yeah. But there is light at the end of the tunnel, definitely.

Yes, for sure. And, and one thing that I'm glad you're bringing that up because it's a message that, that the listeners, most of the listeners want to hear and need to hear is that We all did the same things while we're on it. Look, we all looked at the same stuff. We all talked about the same stuff. We did the things. We did all the stuff. You know, again, you are not, I hate to say this, but you're not that special.

You know what I mean?

Because we've all done it. We've all done it. But you do have to remember, like, it's a chemical hijacking. It's a dopamine Pursue— you're pursuing more and more dopamine, more and more taboo. What else can I do? Right? Like having a fist in my ass isn't good enough. Now I need 2. Now I need somebody to watch me get a fist in my ass. Right? Now I need to be in public getting my fist in. You know, it's like, right. Yeah. Right. Right. And now your leg. Right. Right. And so it, it's part of it.

Yeah.

So there's this fine line between Taking accountability for it, but also understanding it was a chemical hijacking.

Yeah.

You know, and understanding that, okay, this happened, this happened, and it isn't who I am.

No, no. And you've gotta park that aside and you've gotta move on or you, else it will wreck your brain. You, you'll never, you have to park that aside and, and do like you say, you've gotta move on with that. And it is, it's a hijack. It hijacks your brain and you do do some stuff and stupid stuff and And that's just part of it, but it's, it's coming to terms with that. And then just, as I say, leaving that aside and, and moving on really.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So you, you were using, you were, you were injecting, you were slamming as they say, um, for about 3 years or so. Um, what, what was it that, what was the catalyst for you to stop? to get out of that? And how did you?

Um, how did I? So I hit rock bottom, probably. I, I caught one of my rock bottoms, and even this never stopped me. I caught sepsis. So I'd been on a 3-day, um, a 3-day session, and I literally had no veins left in my arms. Obviously, with that, I couldn't find a vein, and I was going mad, and I'd run out of the small pins. And I only had some long, big vein, 1 mil, um, that long left. And I thought, right, where can I go? So I started jabbing at my feet. And I was doing this for about 6 hours. And then after 6 hours, I could not— my leg had blew up. I mean, you'd seen pictures, like, so you'd know. My leg had blown up. I couldn't walk. I was crawling around the floor. The agony. But at the same time, what had happened, because I'd been, um, as we all know, any meth users out there will know, when you're on meth, you don't eat and you don't drink and you sweat, so you dehydrate.

Yeah.

So the electrolytes, the electrolytes in your body disappear. So what was happening with me was I was in agony cuz of the start of sepsis and the jabbing of my feet. I was dehydrated and cuz I ran out of salts and, and, and, and fluids, I was spasming at the same time. So I was, I was getting cramps all over the body. So you go that way, then you— oh, it was awful. So I had to call the ambulance, and the ambulance came in, and I had to crawl to the floor to let them in. Um, and they took me away, and I was in hospital for just about 5 days, I think. Um, hmm. And then I came out of hospital, and when— probably within a week and a half, 2 weeks, I was back on it again. So even that wasn't hit the rock bottom.

Wow.

I think what made me stop in the end was, um, I'd made some life choices. I'd sold the business. I, I really wanted it. I really wanted it. And you know what? I was exhausted. I was tired of feeling like shit. Um, I was tired of just, you know, relationships not badly had broken down, but friendships had broken down. Family, you know, you know, I was in the— I was— the light was on, but no one was home, you know. I wasn't answering messages, I wasn't meeting people, I wasn't attending parties and social events and family events. Um, and I just thought, no, something needs to change. And that's where the content creation came in. And another, another thing I, you know, because all your reels I watch and I kind of relate to all, all of them. And another one of your reels with the, with the dopamine hit. So I thought, well, you'd mentioned the fact that you, I started getting up in the middle of the night scrolling through Instagram or X or whatever. Um, and I started eating lots during the night to, to get that fix. So, mm-hmm, I went into content creation. So that was my new drug. Um, I've said to you before, I was a brilliant addict and now I'm, I'm a brilliant content creator because I put all that energy and time and effort into doing that. Um, and that's my new drug, so to speak, really. I run it— what I do, I run like a business. I, you know, I'm very professional. I'm, I'm— I organize all my own collaborations, I organize my own diary, all the editing, etc. So this is my new drug. So what I would say to people is, if, you know, I'm not telling everybody to start going out and start content— doing content creation and going into porn. I'm not saying that at all.

Yeah.

What I'm saying is, if you can find something to fill your void, fill that time where you would be using, have something in place, maybe an evening course, maybe learn a language, maybe, um, another thing that really helps me is going to the gym. The gym helps me no end, and it always has with my mental health. Um, that's really good because it releases the endorphins and it's great for the body. It's great for the mind. So, mm-hmm. Yeah, the dop— my dopamine hit now is my job and, and doing my content creation and all that. But as I say, I'm not telling everyone to go out and start doing that. But what I would say to people is try and find something to focus on. Find something that they can use in their spare time to keep themselves busy. 'Cause if you're not busy and you know you have that wave come over you, you're gonna, if you're not doing anything or you've got nothing to focus on, you're gonna think, oh, sod it, I'll just use, I'll go and use. Mm-hmm.

Um, that's right.

So yeah, I would say, and also diet's really important as well. I do, you know, food and trying to eat healthy, cuz when you eat, when you, you just lose everything, don't you? You just lose this when you're on meth. You just, everything's bare minimum. Life's bare minimum. What you do, what you eat, what you, you don't eat for 5 days. And then when you do eat, it's fucking 10 McDonald's in a week or something because it's just quick and easy. You know, so yes, the Uber drivers got to know me quite well. The Uber drivers got to know me quite well because they were delivering McDonald's twice a day for a week in between sessions.

Right. Yeah. I had my own McDonald's order that I used to get too. I want to say, I want to stop here for a minute and really think, I want the listeners to really listen, to think about this in terms of He, Mason had sepsis. His leg was swollen. He was, went into the hospital for 5 days.

Yeah.

That wasn't enough to make him stop. You, your rock, you will continue to hit what you think are rock bottoms. Like for me, you would think losing my car, my kids going back to their mother and not being able to see me. You would think losing my home would've been enough.

No.

But it wasn't. It wasn't, right? Um, I was still always looking for the next fix. I was still always looking for something else to steal, right? And to raise money. And, and so, because your why is what really matters here, you cannot— if you have a why that says, I'm stopping because it's bad for me, I'm stopping for my health, I'm stopping for, for Um, for my parent, for my partner, I'm for my friends. I'm stopping for all these other reasons. Um, that's not enough to carry you through sustainably. And it's what happens is you have a why that is from the heart that says, this is not my identity anymore. And this is what sounds like happened with you. You dropped down into your heart, you sold your business, and you said, this is not me anymore. How can I create a new identity? And here we— and now we have Mason Cross. Yeah. Yeah. Mason Cross. This new identity with— right. And that's what's— I mean, look, look, it's not easy for somebody who's slamming to just stop like that. That is a— that is— you're going against all odds, and statistically speaking, it shouldn't happen. But you really grounded into, this is not me anymore. It sounds like to me. Yeah. Does that hit home for you?

Oh yeah, definitely. It just, I got to a point and I think with me, I'm all or nothing. So I had to, like I say, going back to, I had to focus on something and I had to do, um, I had a very addictive personality, so I had to kind of have something in place to know I could do something and focus on something else. But But yeah, it just got— mine was just, you know, there wasn't, there wasn't a massive, um, like I say, even the sepsis wasn't the turning point. My turning point was just, right, I've had enough. I've had enough. And yeah, it wasn't enjoyable. It wasn't enjoyable anymore like it was at the beginning. Um, you know, and the sessions that you got on were getting longer and longer and longer. I mean, my longest session was 5 days. And that's with no sleep. I think one bag of crisps and probably two liters of water, just sitting there like fucking sweating and and and literally just everything pouring out of you. That is that that wasn't um that wasn't enough to to to stop me. But um yeah um I can't remember what I was going to say now. I've just lost my memory now. But yeah, so um. Tina. Um, yeah, it's, it's, as I say, that wasn't the time to stop. That wasn't the— sepsis wasn't even the start. It was just pure exhaustion. It was just pure, um, I'd had enough, basically. Um, and oh, that's what I was gonna say. Sorry. Yeah, so the sessions were getting longer and longer, and it wasn't enjoyable. And as soon as I got back on it after I've gotten back into a session again. As soon as you did your first one, after a couple of times you knew it wasn't right, so you have to keep topping yourself up to maintain that level. But what was happening was, like, because I'd been slouching for 5 days, my heart and my head were doing 2 things. So I couldn't hit that high, so my head wasn't high, but my heart was nearly beating out of his chest, nearly near to having a heart attack. So I thought, well, If I slam anymore, I'm gonna have a heart attack, but I need to slam to get, get that level of high because nothing touched me. It was beginning to a point nothing was touching me, so I was slamming the smallest amount of Tina just to think— my head was saying, oh, I've done some, you know.

It's very odd.

Mm-hmm.

Very strange.

Yeah. Um, but yeah, the sessions get longer and you'll— people will probably relate to this, people that are watching that can probably relate. You know, it starts off 1 day, 2 days, and before you know it, you're talking 3 days, 4 days, 5 days, and before you know it, 6, 5 or 6 days on session.

Yeah.

It's just mad. And you dunno what's been going on. You can't, you, when you come back into reality and you've, you, you've had the comedown, you're back on planet Earth again, you're like, what the? And you can't remember. And then you have flashbacks. You think, shit, I went there, or I did this, or I did that. And you can't remember. Um, you can't remember the people you've seen. You can't remember what you've done, what you've said. It's like, and that's bad, you know, not being able to have that control. It's not good. Not good.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. So you said that you had a belief coming out of this that you wouldn't enjoy sober sex. You hadn't had sober sex in 4 years. Um, but so what was the transition like for you? What did you do to like sex? So much to that you wanted to make a career out of it?

I knew I wanted to, I knew I had to fix my brain. Knew it had. So going into content creation for me, as I say, this is gonna be different for everybody else, but for me it's been, it's been therapy, it's been counseling, it's been CBT. Going into content creation has retrained my brain because before going into this, as I say, I'd had so, I had the chemsex all the time for 4 years, no sober sex at all. And it just literally, it, it changed my, um, changed my mindset. So when I went— when I first started going into content creation, I was worried. I was worried that people, some of the creators I'd worked with, maybe were on the session. And I could honestly say any of the content creators— I mean, I've done about 80 collaborations— none of them have been on drugs. Um, of course you're gonna get some content creators and porn stars that are on that, and that's absolutely fine. I'm not here to judge. Um, but I know the people I work with and the groups I'm in, I know that that doesn't take place. But, um, I won't be able to— I can't work with people like that now because, um, well, maybe I could. I wouldn't want to, but at the beginning I couldn't have done that because it would have been too much. If they had said, oh, do you want some? I'd be like, yes, I do. So it's just— yeah, yeah. So sober sex has just been— is The journey's been amazing. I've just—it's re—as I say, it's just retrained my brain to make me realize yes, you can, you can. And I'm saying to everybody out there, you can. It's just finding the right people. You know, we all use—you know—anybody on the meth, they use the apps, they use the grinders and the scruffs and the—you know—I mean, I've got rid of all them. I've got rid of all them. I mean, I was banned from all of them anyway because I was—you know—and then you'd be trying to—you know—talking about H and H, high and horny, and then drugs, and before you know it, you were banned. Right. I don't use them now anyway. I don't wanna, I don't have any, I don't really, you know, I'm doing sex for my job, so I don't need to go on to fucking Grindr and find a shag really.

Mm-hmm.

Um, what I would say is, you know, if you still wanna do that, because it's hard now, isn't it? I mean, or maybe go out, maybe try and go out and, and find people in bars like we all used to. When I first started going out, there wasn't these apps, you know, meeting people that aren't on drugs and, and just building yourself up gently. There are, you know, that's not badmouth Grindr. I mean, Grindr is some, you know, there are decent people on Grindr and these apps, you know, not everybody's high and horny, by the way. There are lots of people that are sober on them. You know, try when you, when you come off and you want to try and go back into sex again on a sober basis, go back onto the apps, but look at the people, stay away from the people on this, on the Tina and on the drugs and meet the people that are sober. You know, and most people are. If you explain to them, say, "Look, I'm on my sobriety journey. I'm not into H and H." There are people out there that are. Not everybody's on Tina. Try and build it up gradually. Meet people that aren't on drugs, and it's quite daunting at first. So because you think, "Shit, I've never done that," it's quite nervous. You almost feel like a virgin again because when you're on Tina, make it. Chemsex is amazing, you know. I'm not going to sit here and downplay it. It's amazing. You have the best sex, you become a god, you become the, the best shag in the world, and you think you're untouchable and amazing. And then once you don't have that Tina inside you and you have sex, you become this vulnerable little mouse again, and you're thinking shit. And it's quite nerve-wracking because you forget how— you forget how— you forget how to do it, but you forget how to have that intimacy with someone without having the drugs inside you.

Right. Right. So what then, what did your process look like in the beginning? Like, how did you start this journey? What, what would you, advice would you give somebody who is in the same, you know, just right out of recovery? Like, did you have friends that you started with, friends with benefits, or did you, what did you do here?

Um, no, I didn't actually. I mean, I just went straight into doing content creation because I never was— I've never been—

Oh, okay.

Yeah, I've never been one of these people, even, you know, I've never been one of these people that would go on the apps to find random shags anyway. It was always done if I was pissed or on drugs anyway, so I didn't even want to go on there because—

Okay.

Um, but I just, I just took some time away, took, took time off sex completely. And forget that, kind of forget. What I would say to people is when you're coming off drugs, because a lot of people that are on T will kind of relate the two. I did, and I, I did. I don't now, but they'll relate sex and drugs and they'll relate them two together. So when you come off drugs, kind of stay away from the whole sex thing for a while. There's no rush. There's no rush. Just stay away from that because what you're going to be tempted to do—

Yeah.

is if you're gonna be meeting somebody, um, you might just end up thinking— you might, you might arrange to meet someone with all the intentions of being sober, and it might get to the meet and you might think, oh my God, I can't do this, I'm nervous, I'm just going to use some drugs, I'm going to use drugs. What I would say is forget sex at the beginning.

Mm-hmm.

Just take a rest, take a break, take a rest from it. And then when you feel a bit more comfortable, and when you, you know, give yourself a few weeks off— that's what I did. before I went into content creation. And that's how I, how I started. But again, I say it's going to be different for everyone.

Okay.

But, you know, I wouldn't suggest— if, if you've done what I did for 4 years, having just chemsex, chemsex, chemsex, and no sober sex, you know, and when you've decided to come off, I wouldn't— I, I wouldn't advise someone to think, oh, I'm going to start having sober sex next week. Just give yourself time just to come off and get all the drugs out your system and just Start eating well, get into some habit, find something to do with your time to feel, you know, find something to focus on, and then it'll build you as a stronger person. Your mind will start changing, your body will start changing, you'll feel better, and then you can think, right, I've conquered it, I've done a month, maybe let's start about— maybe start having sex again sober.

Hmm.

Mm-hmm. That's how I would, that's how I, that's what I would do it.

Yeah. What was, what was your first couple of times like? Was it a little awkward or was, did you just go, is it like riding a bike for you? You just jumped right on.

Um, it was, it was nervous. It was nerve-wracking. It was quite nerve because like I said, when you're on drugs, when, when you do it, when you're involved in chemsex, it's, you do, you know, this, wave of confidence comes over you. You're a different person. Um, and you are— you're a good— you, you're a good— you're a good intimate partner with somebody because, you know, you've got all your inhibitions go and limits are out the window and, and you're up for anything. And, and it's— it is— it's almost like you're young again and you're starting having sex for the first time. It's never— but then after a time, now it's just still getting— you still get a bit of— because obviously you're on— if you're doing content creation and, and filming and porn, you're in front of the camera anyway, so you're gonna get nervous. It's like an actor, isn't it? If they always say if you, if you go on stage and if you're performing, um, and you lose your, you lose your, your nerve, it's time to stop because it means it— you haven't got that passion and, and, you know, anymore. So, um, I still get— you still get a little bit nervous now, but nervous just in as a general, um, about going on camera and is it going to be all right. But at the beginning, it was more nerve-wracking. It Can I still do it? Can I? And I was worried for myself. Um, worried that, oh shit, are they gonna, are they gonna offer meth or drugs when I get there? Which never has happened. It's never happened.

Um, mm-hmm.

So yeah, so yeah, that's what I would say on that one really. Um, chemsex is a, it's, it's, it's, it's gonna work. It's, it's very, it's gonna work differently for different people. Overcoming it is gonna be very different for different people. Um, but what I, you know, can't stress enough, you can do it and you will do. You've gotta say to yourself, you can and you will. And when you've done your first—

Yeah.

Also, when you've had that, those first sobers, I mean, at the beginning you might think, oh God, it's not as great as it, you know, but after a few times you'll be like, wow, I was, you know, I can, I can do it. I could do it sober again. You know, I could, I can do it. I don't need to be high to have sex.

Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I mean, you're talking about feeling like a virgin again. Um, often, often refer to it as a second puberty when you're coming out into—

Yeah. I've never heard of that.

Yeah. Yeah. Because you feel like, you know, you're, you're learning again what, what arouses me. What did meth cause me to arouse by, but what's a natural arousal for me?

Yeah.

And what, what will I bring forward that I discovered in chemsex that I still want to explore in a sober realm?

Yeah.

Um, it's a, it's a, it's a clean slate. You know, if you look at it as an adventure, as an opportunity, then it's much less of a task. You know, this is an opportunity for you to rediscover pleasure for yourself and rediscover what it is you like sexually, informed by a chemsex experience instead of ruined by. Yeah. Yeah, so have you found that there's, I mean, obviously I'm looking at your, your Instagram page, so if you want to find Mason, the link will be in the show notes. It's Mason Cross X. is the Instagram page. He is Two Sides One Mason, Everyday Jock Crush and the Daddy You Secretly Crave. I like that.

Don't tell them about the X account. You'll see a lot more of me if you go onto the X account.

I, I looked at the X account myself, um, and it looks like you're having a great time.

Just a normal day at the office.

Just a normal day at the office. Yeah, right. Must be cheap wardrobe, right? Yeah. Yeah. But it looks, it looks like you're not having problems finding other content creators who are also not using.

Is that right? Not yet. Totally agree. Yeah. I'm not having any any issues. In fact, um, a lot of the content creators out there that I've worked with are actually on their own sobriety. It's not, it's not, it's not a, um, a rare thing. A lot of, um, content creators I've worked with are actually on sobriety journeys themselves, so they get it. Um, and I'm part of a few WhatsApp groups, and I must say, um, I mean, to my knowledge, not any— anybody I'm on, um, nobody's using drugs there. But some of them might have used drugs in the past, but a lot of them, um, as I say, have been on their own journey to sobriety. But it's lovely because they also— if they understand it as well, everyone's supportive of each other. And there is a— you hear some stories, but you know, I'm not badmouthing, but you're gonna get that. You are gonna get that in any— in anything. You're going to get bad and good. Um, but the majority of the people, I say, I could, out of my heart, say this, um, yeah, the people I've worked with have all been clean and sober, and it's nice. And also, you can't— people think it's easy. So I mean, when you, when you're on drugs, everything's bare minimum, and you just, you do everything but at a very low standard and stuff. You think, oh well, you can still get high and go and start doing filming and stuff, but you can't because if you're a top, you, you know, you struggle to get hard anyway on chems. We all know, like, you know, sitting there and it's, it's not— you just, you wouldn't be able to do, you know, you've got to run your own calendar, you've got to book time, there's a lot of traveling involved, there's a lot of, um, everything involved, planning, editing. You can't do that when you're high and you're coming down because you just do everything at bare minimum. You don't want to be doing anything else. You just want to be, yeah, you're getting high and just zonking out and just doing nothing. So, um, it's not at all— it's not as easy as people think, but it's nice to be able to work with people, um, that are all sober and also meet those odd— the odd content creator that are— they get it, you know, they've been on the same journey as I have, and it's nice. You know what I do feel sorry for is some of the content creators that have discovered maybe Tina especially in becoming a content creator. So then maybe they've gone into content creation sober and then they've discovered Tina or drugs once they're on, um, they've, they've started filming and things. That's bad because then they kind of— they won't be able to relate the two. And that was key for me. I was— I, I wouldn't have gone into doing content creation until I knew I was sober and I was strong enough to do it, really. Uh, I didn't want having, I didn't want having any links, anything that would relate the two together. Like I used to relate sex and drugs. Now I relate my work, content creation with sobriety. I don't even, it doesn't even come into my mind using drugs now. Um, hmm. And it feels amazing. You feel amazing. You wake up every morning, you feel amazing. Um, and also another thing as well, actually, um, I wanna mention, some people might relate to this. What I was finding is I'd be on the sessions and then I'd come off the sessions for about a few days and feel like death. And then after 3 days or 4 days, the comedown, you begin to feel back to normal. But what I was doing, another trigger for me was, I dunno if other people get this. I'd get— when I'd— after the comedown had worn off, I'd become really happy. And I'd think, oh, I can do it again. I'm happy now. I think I've got this.

I've got this now.

I think I've got this under control. I've— I know what I'm doing now. I think I can go and use and I can stop after a few hours. It doesn't work like that. It won't work like that.

Mm-hmm.

Um, Yeah, it did. No, it doesn't. You just, um, I mean, like I was saying, you know, don't get me wrong, there's a lot of influence out there, a lot of influence, sobriety influence, influence out, influencers out there, um, that say life's amazing and it's, it's after drugs. It is, it is. But you're still going to get— let's get it real— you're still gonna have life's ups and downs. You're still going to get the odd days that are shit, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

Um, but on the whole, you, you, everything, you, your zest for life comes back. You feel healthier. You, you know, to get into a routine with your gym and your diet and just living healthier.

Um, hmm.

It's amazing. Try and get a good as well. When I first came off, um, the drugs, um, try and find a good, like a, um, maybe some milk thistle or like a liver detox if you can, or maybe go on to a juice cleanse or something.

Hmm.

For a few, few days to try and just clear your body out and just give it a reboot, you know, to give yourself some, um, clean— just cleanse yourself really. Because if you've been doing that for some time, you just need to. It's, it's horrible. And, uh, also I'll tell you another story actually. My— I've got my, my turkey teeth and, uh, meth, the, the teeth fall out, don't they? I mean, you've seen we've all seen it, people that have over the years. Um, my two— my teeth started falling out. I know they were only— they were, um, caps anyway. They were not caps, they were, um, yeah, the other ones, you know, where they grind your— file your teeth down and then they—

because of the veneers.

Veneers. I don't understand why my two— these— my teeth were coming out because I've got 10 up, 10 bottom, and I couldn't understand. And then I realized, I thought, Fucking hell, it's the meth, because it weakens the gums and stuff. And I had to go and keep going over to Turkey, getting them glued in. Since I've come off the meth and I've had them redone and glued, it's fine. But it just shows it breaks everything down. Your hair, you know.

Yeah.

You know, uh, I caught also another thing I did. I caught impetigo when I was— oh, my mouth was— I caught impetigo when I was on drugs as well. That wasn't great. And that spread all that. Oh yeah. Horrible. Horrible.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not going to attach to this. Yeah. I think I, I, no, I think it's important too. I'll mention this again. I've mentioned it on the podcast too, I think before, but I have a lot of guys telling me they, they inject to avoid losing their teeth because they believe smoking is what ruins your teeth. And that is not true. It's the dehydration of your body and your gums recede and dehydrate, and then that makes your teeth fall out. It's actually worse when you inject. You actually will lose your teeth faster. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's not that— it's not the— smoking doesn't help, but it's not the be-all end-all. It's the— yeah, right, everything. 'Cause I think it weakens everything, doesn't it? I think it weakens everything and it weakens your immune system and you just, your self-care. So you're not going to, you know, you're not looking after yourself. So it's gonna weaken everything. It's gonna weaken the gum. Yeah. So that's, that's a myth. Yeah. It's, um, like you say, I think injecting's probably the worst.

The meth myth. Um, so yeah. So do you have cravings? Now? And if you, if so, how do you process those?

Do I have cravings now? Um, the odd time, the first 2, 3 months are the worst. Um, do I get, the last craving I had was probably about 3 weeks ago. And the more you overcome the craving, so at the beginning you're like, oh, and you, you know, that's when you can give in and that's when you're going to slip up. But now they are fewer and far between, and when they do raise their ugly head, they're short-lived. They're not as long. So at the beginning, they're more frequent, and when they do come, they've— you think about it for a lot longer. It comes into my head now, but what I do, um, to overcome that, I just think back on how I felt. I think about what I've achieved.

Mm-hmm.

Do I wanna fuck all that up? Do I wanna lose everything I've done, lose my reputation now, you know, because I don't want to become— I don't want to become— I knew that if I get back on it again, I'll become unreliable. I'm not going to— people aren't going to want to work with me. I don't want to get down that road again, and I don't want to have that feeling. I also have some pictures as well of my arms that they were really bad. I have pictures of me when I was in hospital. I revert back to them and I look at the So think about anybody that's coming off, you know, everyone will have dark times. They remember everyone will have low points. Stop and just take a moment when you have that craving. Stop and think, oh, okay. Uh, because it's normally when you, with me, I normally get the cravings, or I did get the cravings when I was actually my happiest.

Yeah.

When I was, when I was coming, when I was on a comedown. when I finally stopped, maybe after a 5-day session, I would— during that comedown, I wouldn't want to use so much. But when I was happier, I would want to use again. So when you have— when you're happy, try and stop and think, well, if I— I'm happy now. If I use, I'm going to be on a 3, 4-day bender, and after that I'm gonna feel horrendous. I don't want to feel like that again. I want to maintain and keep feeling the way I feel now, as happy as I feel now. So just revert your mind back to how you did feel. If you've got some pictures or some bad— you could go try and go back to those really dark places you were at and, and, and think, I don't want to be doing that again. So that's how I, that's how I do it. Or maybe what I'll do if I get a really bad craving, I'll go and focus rather than dwell on it. I'll go and do something else. So I'll go, I'll take myself to the gym, um, or I'll do some editing, or I'll do some work, you know, organizing Calendar, my diary, do some social media. That's what I'll do. I mean, there are some stuff. There is some stuff on on X. There was a few things at the beginning because X is quite a very open platform, isn't it? You get there was some stuff there about slamming and stuff, and at the beginning I was like, yes, I was like. So I blocked all that because that was a bit of a trigger. So anything that's going to be a trigger as well, try and get rid of that. Just don't look at stuff like that. That's what I got rid of because that isn't good. You don't need anything that's going to trigger you.

That's right. Right. Okay. All right. Well, what have I missed? Did I miss anything? Is there something that I didn't cover that you think would be important?

No. Oh yes. What I would say to everybody as well is, I mean, I suffer with depression, so I've had depression. I've been on antidepressants now for a few years.

Mm-hmm.

What I would say to everyone, and this works for me, what you will find is anybody with depression that uses Tina, what I, I'm pretty certain which you will find is once you've come off Tina and you've been off it for some weeks and you've started rebuilding your life and you become sober and you become some routine and you're feeling happier, I've halved— this is another hope— I've halved my, um, sertraline that I use. I was on 100 milligrams. I'm now down to 50 milligrams of sertraline with the hope that I'll probably come off sertraline within the next 3 to 4 or 5 months. I'm not going to rush it. So what I would say to people is if you're suffering with your mental health as well, that will be a massive, um, That you'll see a massive— what we've discussed, you'll see a massive difference in your mental health, and you may even feel strong enough to maybe halve or even come off your antidepressants. Again, that's not going to be for everyone. You know, I'm not going to say that if you suffer with depression and you come off drugs, your depression's going to go, because it's not. I still get down days, but that's life. That's part of my depression. But what I would say, a lot of it was brought on through using Tina and then having the, the comedowns. So, you know, anybody on antidepressants, if, you know, if they're on it now and they're coming off, Tina, you know, maybe it's like at the end of the tunnel that you'll feel strong enough that you don't really need to take that anymore. And that's my hope anyway. And that's worked for me. So, but honestly, guys, I can't tell you enough. I'm, you know, I'm, I'm speaking to you now and I really mean this. Stay strong. Stay focused. And say to yourself, I can, and you will. And you've got to, you've got to, I call it ligamo, L-I-G-A-M-O, let it go and move on. You've got to let it go and move on, ligamo. You've got to let, you've got to look, you've got to ligamo, and you've got to put it in the fuck it bucket. So you fucked up, you do it, let it go, move on, put it in the fuck it bucket and move on. We've all fucked up, we've all done stuff, we've all said stuff, we've all, we've had dark times, horrible, horrible life. when you're on Tina. It's bad, it's horrible, it's like being taken over by the devil. Do you know, learn to— once you've realized that, you've realized, you know, as I say, legarmo, put it in the fucking bucket and focus. And you can, and you will succeed, and you will, you will get through it. Um, stay positive. Think of, you know, think of the things you can do. Think of stuff you could do to fill your time. And yeah, you, you, everyone, you'll get there. As I say, there are other, um, depends where you are in the world, but in the, uh, if you're based in the UK, contact your local LGBTQI+, um, centers, um, because a lot of them will have, um, one-to-one counseling. A lot of them would have group sessions.

Mm-hmm.

Um, I didn't attend the, uh, group sessions because I always said, well, I'll probably know half of them, and then if I end up, we'll end up going counseling and ended up going home shagging half of them and getting on it again. So I thought, well, I ain't doing that. That didn't work for me. But, or reach out, speak. There's also some— there are, um, there are lots of, um, just Google, um, wherever you are in the world, Google, um, different things that you can, you can do, um, people you can see. And but also stay in touch and speak to, um, to Dallas. Keep reading his reels and listening to his reels because I can honestly say out of all the different things I've seen, unless you've been there and you've done it, because there's a lot of people on on different apps and they haven't even experienced half the stuff you have. You're living proof again that you can sign up to Dallas's one-to-one coaching, his group coaching because he gets it, he understands, and he's amazing. And that's it's another I came off I. I'm gonna say now, I, I had a one-to-one with Dallas in the first meeting we had, and, ah, I felt— I, I left you a voicemail afterwards. I just felt relief. I— it was the first time I could speak to somebody openly about my meth use and, and everything regarding meth, and you totally got it. And to have that conversation, that open, clear, clean conversation with somebody, um—

Yeah.

I got off the phone to you and actually I, I, I broke down. I was actually in tears because the relief and speaking to somebody who knows what they're talking about and has lived it is amazing. So I can't thank you enough. So credit to you as well. And you didn't ask me to plug your thing. I'm just doing it for that.

No, I didn't.

No, he didn't. Give me that 100 quid later. No, he didn't.

Yeah. Yeah. But no, it does.

You know, it's, uh, it's, it's good. So keep looking at, you know, keep going on where you need support. Keep, you know, do your one-to-ones with Dallas if you can, or your group sessions, and just speak to people. Just, just talk. Try and speak. Try and have someone in your life you can confide in and speak to. Also delete, you know, another thing very quickly as well, um, try and, um, change your number if you can. Go through all your blocked lists because it's all right, well, blocking people But I've blocked everybody before and then I've gone back onto WhatsApp into my block list and I've unblocked them. Um, and a lot of dealers will use these chip burner phones. They'll change their number every 2 months. So you've blocked them, they haven't blocked you. Still, the messages will still come through. Try and change your number if you can, change your phone, have a clean break, move away.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. But that's it. Tina's a bitch. And, um, yeah, we've got to bring it. We've got to try and bring her down.

Right. Yes. Yes. And this podcast is part, your episode today is part of that. And I appreciate you having the courage to talk about this in public and openly. Um, it's going to really help a lot of men feel seen. Um, and maybe even made them inspired to do some content creation as well.

Yeah, there'll be an influx now. There'll be a massive influx of content creators now. You know where I am. Come and message me for a collab.

Right. Yeah. Check out Mason's Instagram, Mason Cross X, and then his link to his X is on there too. It's probably Mason Cross X as well, right? Um, your X page, um, and see him in action. See how much he loves sober sex. And then, and then, uh, subscribe. And I can honestly say, guys, all my content creation—

sorry, mate— all my content creation is all sober. It's all sober. Yeah, just want to get that out there. It's all— I can't, you know, living proof it can happen. Sorry, mate, carry on.

No, it's okay. Yeah, we can tell by the hard dick.

Yeah, exactly.

All right. Uh, all right guys, I hope you enjoyed this episode as much as I did. And if you want to reach out to Mason, just send him a message. I'm sure he wouldn't mind talking with you as well. So, all right, we will see you next week. Thanks, Mason.

Thank you guys. Take care. God bless you everyone. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.