Dallas Bragg traces perfectionism and people-pleasing back to unpredictable love in childhood, showing how they drive the need to perform flawlessly and fear rejection. He argues these survival strategies fuel substance use as escape, and that real recovery from addiction means reclaiming self-worth as intrinsic, not earned.
One of the biggest coping mechanisms I see across all my clients is perfectionism. As kids, we were often given caregivers who were unpredictable with their love, and we became little performers. Look what I can do! That's desperately trying to be seen, right? I'm such a good boy. People pleasing to feel safe. I can't make mistakes, which is being terrified of rejection. We learned a painful lesson. Who we really are is not enough. We had to be better to deserve love. This constant shape-shifting is exhausting. No wonder getting high felt like the only break from the constant performance. We have to understand that those old beliefs are just outdated survival tools from when we were small and powerless. But the truth is, now you are powerful. Your worth isn't something you earn through perfect behavior. It's already inside you. It is your birthright. Recovery isn't just about staying abstinent from crystal. It's about finally seeing that the love you've been chasing through performance was yours to claim all along. You don't have to be perfect to be worthy of love. You just have to be you.
