What Advice Would You Give Your 20yr Old Self? | EP. 83

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Hello everyone. Thank you for joining us today we're at Real Talk podcast number 99. Knowing what you know now, what would you tell or what would you advise your 20 year old self? Think on that a little bit. Thank you for joining us. I'm Tina Howard, CEO of Freedom Real Estate Group and the family of companies. We also have Mr. Ben Cat with us today. It's our first time recording with each other. Ben is part of the investor relationship relations team of Freedom Capital Investments. He helps people put their lazy assets to work in our many investment vehicles such as syndications and various in house funds. Investment funds. You may recognize them from as many feature appearances on our sister podcast Freedom through Passive Income. If you like Real Talk, Real estate investing and Passive Income, you may want to check that one out too. Hello Ben.

Hello. Hello everyone.

All right, 20 year old self. All right Ben, take us to visit the 20 year old Ben Cat. Introduce us to him. What were you up to and into 20 years old?

I was in college following the footsteps of my brothers, went to the same college. Actually my parents went to a generation before that, small college, faith based college. And so I was studying what was just easiest, what was nearest. I was kind of involved in a direct sales business with a family business. And so about that time I was starting that. But it was mostly this idea that Conrad Hilton wrote about his book Be My Guest. He said I was 29 years old before I got into the hotel business. Up to that time I thought I'd be a banker and so I thought I had lots of time. No, I'm joking. But I was still just trying to figure things out day by day. And so there was no, I was surrounded by people and grew up in a very positive, you know, be something, be your best. Yeah, you know, so I've read a lot of books, Robert Schuller and magic, thinking big, etc. But just really couldn't figure out what. I didn't have anything in my mind and I said okay, this is really what I would do. It's more like live the good life. I had that down. But the method of working and stuff, I just was still figuring out.

Yeah, yeah, it's hard to, I think at that age you hear the question what do you want to be when you grow up? Like all the time. I mean from when you're just a little taught to however old, especially after you graduate high school, then people really start peppering you with that and you feel kind of pressured. Oh, what is what sounds good? What do you think? What do I want to do and you really don't know. So anybody out there who's 20 and watching this and you don't know what you're doing, it's fine, just relax, you'll figure it out a little earlier.

Here's what I think about 20 year olds and I think when we talk about a question, we're talking about you and I when we were 20, but I think for other people as they're thinking through this, it's important to spend a couple of minutes and think about what's the context of a 20 year old, what are they thinking about? Yeah, and my experience is you have typically 20 year olds are starting to fully realize this process that started basically in their junior high years where they're starting to come of age and high school is new things, where their school is a little more flexible, they could choose their subjects. And now Here they are 20 years old for the next 5, 10 years the most important thing to 20 year olds tend to be cars, clothes and experiences. And experiences are hanging out with friends, travel in adventures, skiing or whatever. So you have this, it's like Christmas morning where you're just opening up these new adult packages where you're starting to drive, you're starting to date, you're old enough now at 20 to go into the military, you're old enough to be in higher education or go into the workforce. And so the mindset of 20 something year olds that starts in one year, 20 and below is what's the next package? It's not about the future. You know, it's like this has been 5 or 10 years in the making. I'm starting to realize, you know, this young adult experience, I feel great, you know, and it's people around me look great. And so when in that context you say to them, well, what would you like to do for the rest of your life? Or you know, your parents start to give you advice and your friends, etc. Their friends start to give you advice. Well, you know, they're still seeing the car and the clothes the next trip and bang, I'm going to get an apartment, going to share with my friends. So I think that's one of the challenges of 20 year olds dealing with adult questions about the rest of their adult life.

Yeah, context, experience, what have they, what's happened so far? Yeah, agree with that.

So my brother comes to me one day and he says, listen, you need to open up an IRA. In fact, at that time it was like $2,000 a year is all you could give to the IRA. Yeah. Okay. You know, I opened up a business a couple years later and was making some money. So I said, okay, I open this up. So I mentally had the concept, yes, you should save money. But emotionally it was about, where's the next ski trip? Yeah, when's the next, you know, what car am I going to buy next, etc.

You opened it when you were 20?

No, the publishing business, actually, a little bit later.

But when I was 20, the, the investment account or the IRA, I think.

It was in my later 20s.

Okay. I was like, I could only imagine if I had done that at 20.

Well, but the tragedy is I went back in later. At one point it was. I was in between businesses and I'm like, I sat down just thinking this through as a wise 20 something. I'm like, yeah, you know, I'll go, I like $13,000 in the account back then. I mean, this is, you know, a lot of market jump up since then. I went ahead and spent the money, I pulled it out, and now it'll probably be worth, you know, several hundred thousand dollars. So. But it was, it was the mindset that mentally I understood, but emotionally I was still someplace different.

Right? Yeah. The two have to kind of meet together for something to stick. That makes sense. At 20, I was in school. I had graduated high school and moved out right away. So I was out on my own at 17, living in an apartment, working my tail off, going to school, and all while trying to have as much fun as possible. Like you're saying all about the experiences. I'm young, I have no parental oversight, just, you know, living the life. And around 20, started to kind of catch up to me where I just, you know, after not getting enough sleep and, you know, when you're trying to do a million things, something suffers, Right. So my school grades dropped and, you know, I don't know, things were feeling a little unsettling. So definitely was looking to change my circumstances somehow, you know, And I think the biggest thing I did was change my environment. So I moved out. I moved in with a friend of mine who I had known in school or younger, so a childhood friend. And he was having some troubles with his current roommates as well. So we got a place together, and it was probably the best move, one of the best moves I made. And as far as changing my trajectory and path, so that's what I was up to. Trying to have fun, working all the time, going to school, not a lot of sleep. All right, so let's fast forward a little bit to today. Knowing, you know, your life experience and like you were saying, meeting yourself emotionally as well as, you know, with contextually. What would you tell your 20 year old self? What advice would you give that, that 20 year old then?

Well, you know, there's so many things that I would say. If you think about one, you just kind of mentioned it. Choose your, choose your friends and peers carefully, choose your mentors carefully. And I had good mentors, I had good adult mentors because my parents were in a direct sales business. And there's a lot of positive thinking books and a lot of positive speakers. I got to hear Zig Ziglar live, Robert Schuller live. And this is like early in these two careers. And so I kind of grew up from junior high on, I was surrounded with a lot of that. And I enjoyed reading it, I enjoyed doing it. And the business did well with our family. They weren't super wealthy, but they did well with it. And even today it still helps them out in the retirement years. But it so, so that kind of distracted me, I think, a little bit from other things that were, you know, going to be meaningful in my life. So when I say to my 20 year old self, I'd say, hey, just relax, just kind of lean into life and you know, do your best, but don't, don't worry about that. I think that it's because, you know, life has changed very quickly and there's been several things that I've involved in through the years that are very different from each other professionally. So trying to figure it out too early can sometimes be a little crazy when the entire arena in which you're operating is going to change. So I think that's the context of it. And I was actually back in Cincinnati this summer and you can see I'm wearing a hoodie today because we're talking about 20 year olds. But I went back to a street that I was on that I remember when I was 20 and I would stay at this place, I was doing some work down there. And so I had a house that I would stay at. And oftentimes at night being very dramatic in my mind as far as, you know, looking for the rocky moment when things are going to turn around and I was going to have this great story. I was out walking in the streets and I would oftentimes enjoy the summer nights and say, you know, I wonder what my older self is going to say to me.

Whoa.

And so this summer I went back and I remember I drove along that street and I thought, this is where I was walking and, wow, now I'm the older self and what would I say? And it's the things we're talking about here on the podcast.

That's so cool, man. Full circle. So would you say there were some pivotal moments? Like, what would you say, thinking back over the time period between 20 and now, were there a couple of pivotal moments that led to that advice or even led to where you are today?

Well, I think that for me, it was because my career wasn't set. Wasn't with a large company for 30 years, which everything's kind of pretty much laid out for you. It's. I began to realize that life is very unscripted. And when I went in, it was from, again, a TV movie mindset that everything's going to lead up to something, and then, boom, I'm going to look back and, you know, have this great Steve Jobs story and say, hey, yes, I took calligraphy in college and look how we got these beautiful fonts now on Apple computers. And everything would just come together. And that hasn't been the case. And as I listen to other people's stories, both in my parents generation and my older brothers myself, I see a lot of times people just go in different directions and life happens. So we make the best that we can. And the way that we stack the odds in our favor is first of all, to accept life as it is, but then be able to talk with others who have also gone this path and see if they can help us avoid unnecessary terms, unnecessary false turns.

Yeah. Ask questions or seek advice from people who have gone down the road that you're planning to go down, just to see if there's some knowledge that you can use or some advice or like you say, to avoid those false starts or mistakes. It's hard. Yeah. And to receive help. People love helping others. That is for sure. It's hard to say, too. Like, what it.

I don't.

You know, people have regret, regrets and make mistakes and things. But a lot of times, looking back, those mistakes are really what led up to certain events that cause something beneficial. So I always struggle with that. Whenever I get upset or make a mistake, quote, unquote, mistake, or feel like I should have done this rather than that, I always think, well, I think it all leads up to something. There's a purpose for it. That's what I try to remember, so I don't get too down about it or upset about things. Um, for pivotal moments, I'd mentioned moving out. So when I was 17, I got my first place and everything I. My parents had had been state for getting their next duty station. My stepdad was getting stationed in Hawaii and we're all set to move to Hawaii. And then surprise, I tell them, no, I'm not going. I'm going to live on my own. That was a com, you know, I waited to the last possible moment before I told them because I didn't want them to talk me out of it and know. And sometimes I think pil moment wise, sometimes I think what would. Where would I be if I had gone with them and I wasn't struggling so much with working in school and d d d. Right. But then I think about my husband and I met him in Virginia, which is where I had lived before and stayed. So then I think, okay, I should have. I'm glad I stayed. Right? So marrying him is a pivotal moment. Moving. But before that, moving out of my party house into a calmer environment with my childhood friend put me on a different trajectory. So with those kind of big moments in my life. And I would even, even add, I hadn't really thought about this until you had mentioned it, but I would even add like the personal development piece because I started listening to, you know, like Tony Robbins and Brian Tracy and like all of these different speakers and stuff. Jim Rohn, like I saw him live too, and I was like, whoa, my world is upside down right now. But Zig Ziggler's a good one too. I really love his, his, his delivery and his style. But I would even add that as a big piece too because I was always, you know, having that beneficial influence was helpful in making, I don't know, they were helpful bricks in my road to where I'm at now. So advice I would say be mindful of who you're surrounding, who you surround yourself with because they do influence you. No matter what you say, your, your peer group, your colleagues, whoever you spend a lot of time with does influence you. And then that also includes like your, your you know, life partner. That choice is pivotal too. So I was fortunate, you know, in both of those regards. I surrounded. I made conscious decisions to surround myself with people more in line with where I wanted to go. Not to say that my party house was bad. Those, those I'm still friends with some of those people today. Like they're salt of the earth, love, wonderful people, hearts of gold, all that stuff. Just there were some things that wasn't jiving with me. Like as far as I just needed quiet, I needed more quiet. They weren't bad people. I just needed a different Environment.

It sounds like a few of them watch this, this video series. So I was sure, okay, I don't.

Think I doubt it, but maybe you never know. None of them are in real estate or that I know of. But anyway, sweethearts. So the people you surrender with surround yourself with the influences you put in your life. And then I'd also say, and I mentioned this in the vlog, reading this book recently and you know, by read I mean by audible. Listening to this book into the Magic Shop. It was written by a neurosurgeon and it was kind of autobiography, biographical as well, but it was interesting to hear a story. But one of the things, one of the points he makes in the books or discusses in the book is about how when you're trying to make a decision or decide on a path to how important it is to open your heart first. And to me I take that to mean like listen to that intuitive side. Listen to, you know, instead of depending on logic, instead of depending on what other people say to do or you know, things like that. I feel like if you go inside and listen to your inner wisdom, it is, it's beneficial. So I would tell my 20 year old self, hey, you don't have to listen to the, the riff raff. Listen to yourself first. You can take counsel and listen to other people's opinions. That's fine, that's valid. I mean, I'm sure there's, you know, I was like I was saying, listening to all those speakers and, and things like that, there was very sound advice from them. But ultimately to listen to yourself and then surround yourself with positive influences, that's what I would tell Little Miss Thing.

There is something I think Flip and Danny have touched on in the 365 series that is a good reminder for him, you know, and that is when something happens, you never, you kind of touched on this a minute ago. You never quite know if it's good or bad.

Yeah.

So it happens at the moment you're like, yeah, this is great. And then you go, oh, you know, a couple months later something happens like, you know, I need to be over here. But also some bad things happen and you go, well, that turned out pretty good. You know, after the storm came, after the downturn, after, you know, this or that. So I think that together with life is not perfect. So don't expect it to be. It's not like you see on tv, you know, with, on TV they're not showing you everything, the backside of things. They just show you the most, you know, exciting cinema Graphically interesting points of it. So.

That'S true.

Do your best to enjoy the adventure.

That's all we can do really, you know, like take it, take it as it comes.

It's so hard to come up with one thing. The book, I tell you, one book that was very helpful to me was by the Heath brothers called Decisive and it talked about the decision making process. They're both academic researchers, two different institutions, brothers that work together and write interesting, good storytellers. But they give some very helpful. What's been very helpful for me, tips on decision making and way to approach decision making. And that's a lot of what we're talking about here. Right. You're a 20 year old, you're going to be making a lot of decisions. So become good at making decisions. Don't expect to be perfect. You won't know for a while whether it's a good decision or not. A lot of people do a thing called resulting, which means they see how the decision turns out and they say, oh, it's a good or bad decision. But that isn't necessarily true because sometimes you make a very bad decision but it turns out okay and other times you make a very good decision and yet you know it wasn't the result you want. So knowing more about decision making and how your emotions are and how the mental emotional thing you were talking about fits together will help you make decisions that are with higher probability of, you know, taking you in the direction you want.

Yeah, more proof positive to me is how many times have I thought, and maybe you too, ah, I should have listened to my gut on that or oh man, I wish I had done what I was going to do initially or you know, it happens to me all the time. So I still have some work to do on listening to the, listening to myself, my intuition and, and where it leads me. Okay, so then let's fast forward a little bit. We're in present day. Let's fast forward to our future selves. Imagine yourself in the future where you would like to see yourself. And has your future self heeded that same advice that you gave your 20 year old self?

We'll see.

Well, paint us the picture of where you see yourself in the future. Who introduce us to your future self.

Well, future self is someone, you know that as you go through seasons of life you can feel young and yet be in a different season of life. And so it is, I would like to be 20 years from now someone who recognizes what season of life I'm in, as active as I can be. And enjoying life on that level, you know, with the family around me, et cetera, you know, that. And I can, you know, appropriately work, you know, be with my family and react accordingly. So I think that's the biggest thing is being a person who embraced change.

Well, yeah. And you've probably accomplished a lot of what you've set out to accomplish. Like right now. Is there anything, anything else that's really. That's a, that you feel is a driver or a. That's calling you? I don't know where this question came from, but it's out of the air.

Well, there's, there's a. I think with passing of time, there's more and more desire to make an impact on others in big and small ways, to be encouraging and be helpful and leave a legacy in that way. So. But also it's to prepare for the future where you've got passive income like we talk a lot about in the other blogs, that we can live as we wish. You know, there's the. Passive income is the end game for everybody at some point when you choose not to stop working or you have to stop working.

Yeah.

The amount of passive income you have directly affects your lifestyle. So in the earlier years I was more about how much money can I make and the adventures now in front of me and now it's about money in the long term. So that as the years come ahead, we've got the choice, the freedom that our company's theme is so built around.

That's true. It's been on my mind a lot lately too because I'm getting older and I also, you know, my, my mom's getting older. I, I'm con. You know, I worry about her welfare and my in law, my mother in law. Just older people in my life that I really care about and want to make sure that they're well taken care of, you know. So it's just been on my mind lately. More so. But yeah, I like what you said about being prepared and being aware of the season of life that you're in. I just kind of had fun with this little exercise in my mind and I imagine I really just focused on a couple of things that I'd really like to see as my future self. One thing that I didn't mention in the advice giving was I should have learned Korean when I was younger. I really regret not learning it at a younger age. So I imagine my older self being able to speak it fluently. And plus it's a little bit of a language barrier between me and my mom as well. You know, my Korean's not great. Her English isn't perfect. So we struggle a little bit in miscommunications. But there's something I really want to do is to learn it fluently. I also want Patrick and I to be able to travel back and forth as snow. Snowbirds between Alaska and Georgia. We're in Georgia now, but we have property in Alaska, and we love Alaska, so want to go back and forth and still have dear friends there, too. I'd like to see them being financially secure so that we don't have to depend on anyone, that we have that passive income in place, you know, so that not only be not a burden, but I don't want to have to depend on someone financially or even, like, for my care. You know, as I'm older and it comes time for someone to have to take care of me, you know, I want it. I don't want to do everything in my power to be like you had mentioned, you know, keeping your brain active and your body active and things like that. So I imagine myself like the older self, still being active physically and mentally, cognitively sharp, and then also just live a relaxed, fun life as an example to. To the younger folks around me and my family and my friends. Because you can tell people blue until they're blue in the face of what you think they should do, but it's different for everybody. So the. I think the most impactful way is just to be an example, and that is it for future me.

That's a good future you. That's very good.

Yeah. Hopefully we'll record and in the future we can record a podcast in Korean. It'd be great. All right. Any last thoughts before we end this episode?

Well, I. I think that, you know, when I do sales training, it's like, okay, here's. Here's the sales training. So that's one piece of it, but the other piece is the fact that you're paying attention is just as valuable as the training itself. And I think questions like this, where, you know. And you see mentioned Jim Rohn. Well, years and years ago, I heard Jim Rooney say on the tape, he says, you know, he's telling a story. And he says, you know, I was 26 years old, this was going on, that he says, I just had a great awareness of where I was in life.

Yeah.

And I'm about 20 at that time, and I'm going, where am I? You know, I just. I couldn't figure out for the longest time where what life was. And it wasn't until, you know, several decades later, I'm like, okay, I see how the whole thing plays out now. And because I see how the whole thing plays out, it'd be much easier for me to go back and relive it. Not because I'm wiser or smarter, but just I see where the end game is. And I think that as we go through seasons and we see our parents go through seasons of life ahead of us, we kind of get a clear picture and we start to see, you know, our children or nephews and nieces coming behind us. And we're like, okay, I, I know I don't know exactly what's going to happen with you, but I can pretty much tell you're going to go through this passage and then this passage and this passage. So if you start to recognize this in all the stories and all the history and all the people that you know, you see these segments. So I think that's the, you know, as we just stay aware and think about the type of things that we have, that that's as valuable as the content of things we've been talking about what other people, in a similar manner that are listening would think about their lives.

That's a perfect, perfect way to end the episode. Thank you, Ben. Thanks, everyone for joining us at Real Talk podcast number 99 and spending your time with us talking about advice we would give our younger selves. And remember, everyone, invest smart and live happy. Bye for now. We'll see you next time.

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